Are you loyal or do you just lack better options?

Perfect_Promise_943 · 2022-11-26T14:27:33+00:00

Yes. I think you are right to an extend. Not being loyal is not just about cheating in my opinion. If you found someone better and you leave the person you are with for them, you are not being loyal. Most people I don’t think take relationship seriously enough to actually be loyal. I’m not saying I am. I am selfish. I would like to think that if I get married, no matter what I won’t divorce because that is what loyalty is. But I don’t knkw

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-11-26T15:11:13+00:00

Have you ever been in an LTR?

Love? History? Hopes? Dreams?

When you're in love with someone you share many years of history with them and your hopes and dreams feature, hell star your beloved.

It doesn't sound like you're cynical it sounds like you're inexperienced.

*Edited for clarity

hungrychick404 · 2022-11-26T16:26:56+00:00

I tend to lose attraction for other people when I’m in a relationship so I don’t really get tempted. I actually preferred my former relationships more after the honeymoon phase. Why would I want to give up everything I’ve built with my partner for a random person?

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-11-26T17:39:01+00:00

You're only partly right. I am loyal to my husband but it's not because I don't have other options. It's because he's the best option. He's my best friend, my lover, and my family. I would not jeopardize our marriage for some strange.

Son_of_Tzu · 2022-11-26T14:31:06+00:00

Cant brake a promise if you dont make one.

Think_History_5682 · 2022-11-26T16:22:21+00:00

Lack better options...

It's America, 70 percent of women are overweight or obese the remaining the competition for the remaining 30 percent is enormous... So you go after the crazy skinny ones that nobody will touch

Jupitersjunky · 2022-11-26T14:41:47+00:00

Yes, I can at least be assured of myself that I will be loyal. Why if you ask me ? Because I won't get into a relationship in haste. I will clear all my doubts and would want to know the woman from inside and out, her past as well as her future goals to make sure that they align with mine. I will make sure that the girl is worthy enough to stand with me, become my wife as well as mother of my future kids before getting into a relationship with her. I don't settle.

Moreover, all these stupid people who cheat and commit mistakes, they are teaching me a lesson that "the grass is never greener on the other side". I will be stupid if I don't learn from them 😂.

KingWhoCared86 · 2022-11-26T15:08:37+00:00

For the few relationships I’ve had, I will honestly say I was loyal to that relationship and never considered being with someone else. But to be fair, the temptations that occurred in the relationship were her “friends” trying to flirt with me, so who knows if that was a test or not.

Jared35 · 2022-11-26T15:10:46+00:00

I’ve never been tempted.. yet I’d like to think I’m loyal. That’s the mindset I have.

iamprosciutto · 2022-11-26T17:09:19+00:00

Ooh an opportunity to talk about loyalty!

Loyalty is one of the foundation blocks for trust. Even in a polyamorous relationship, the concept of loyalty exists through disclosure and consistently being there for your partner. It's an unwillingness to break that trust that really defines loyalty.

Personally, I would never break my partner's trust. I know what we have, and I value and prioritize it. We have plans and goals for our life together. I'm not going to throw that away just because a girl is stroking my ego or wants to fuck me. I get that from my partner (plus whoever else we decide) already.while we are dipping our toes into ENM to have threesomes, she puts me in a surplus mentality already without extra partners. Why should I chase after something that I already have and have helped build?

januaryphilosopher · 2022-11-26T17:19:03+00:00

Being loyal is about finding the option you've picked to remain loyal to more attractive and continuing to choose them. I've been tempted by people who might be in some ways I value better than my partner. Did I seriously consider them? No, because they don't have the shared history with me my partner does, and in my mind continuous monogamy is pretty clearly the best option. I can't do any better than the relationship I already chose and built up, I'd just have to try to build the same thing all over again.

IcarusKiki · 2022-11-26T23:59:19+00:00

I have morals

Nincompoop6969 · 2022-11-27T00:14:41+00:00

Sadly I believe people just lack options and opportunity. Since I value loyalty I look into it deeply with thoughts like this that I don't think other people are when they are quick to drop the L word on someone they just met. Loyalty isn't just I like you I'll do right by you. It means commitment and don't fk me over. Don't leave me in the past when you get bored. Sadly those expectations seem to be too high now.

1Here4Bach · 2022-11-26T17:16:31+00:00

This is definitely a problem males have especially males on this sub. They think they won’t cheat and that they want monogamy but it’s just because they don’t have options. If you want to know how males will act if they have options look no further than athletes and movie stars. 95% of those males cheat. And it would be the same way for average and below average males if they had the chance.

lacuti3 · 2022-11-26T14:55:20+00:00

Girls mostly cheat cause their bf/husband reduced them repeatedly for months or years. I don’t know why guys deny this when I say it

Historical_Laugh_810 · 2022-11-27T09:23:43+00:00

Sounds like you’re projecting

Barely-moral · 2022-11-26T16:06:50+00:00

If you're "attached" to someone because you don't think you can do any better, that doesn't mean you're a loyal person. You're just dependent, not loyal.

I agree.

If you haven't been truly tempted yet, you don't truly know how loyal you are..

I disagree. You may know it. You are not tested though.

If someone more attractive than your partner (not just physically) comes along and wants to be in a committed relationship with you, you're probably gonna bite.

I was in that situation. I did not bite.

Even if you hesitate at first, you're probably gonna end up pursuing something with them

Not the case. What I want from life is one relationship that only ends in death without murder being involved. There are very few reasons why I would consider leaving the relationship I have with miss moral as an acceptable option. Meeting someone that is better than her is not one of them.

Leaving for that reason would be acting against my own desires and goals. If I leave the relationship for that reason I would be giving up on my own happiness.

CielFoehn · 2022-11-27T08:55:25+00:00

Loyalty ain’t cheap. You have to be a good enough person for someone to be loyal to and also not choose someone that lacks it. People aren’t loyal to their own pleasure all the time. A lot of people have discipline. If you never experienced loyalty, you’re probably still single. It’s not that rare of a trait.

gymbro718nyc2 · 2022-11-26T17:17:36+00:00

If my marriage ended tomorrow, I would be able to line up dates with 5 women in about a couple of weeks. And that's if I'm discerning. And if I'm not, I could go out and get 5 numbers today. As a matter of fact, any woman would prefer to be with a guy who can have any woman but chooses to be wjth her as opposed to being with a guy who couldn't get any other woman and is clinging on to her for dear life.

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GhostofCamus · 2022-11-26T18:08:03+00:00

humans have proven time and time again that they're more loyal to thier own pleasure when it's all said and done.

Some people can derive pleasure from the sense of moral superiority that comes with depriving yourself. The existence of Catholicism is proof positive of my claim.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-11-26T18:24:03+00:00

I always have options. Most people do. But in situations where I am at least sexually exclusive I tend to focus all my sexual energy on that person.

If we are not being sexually exclusive then I am potentially seeing multiple people every week or two. But I'm not constantly comparing them to the other person; they each might inspire different types of interest in me.

In the past when I have been in relationships, I chose to be with that person willingly, deliberately, and happily every day even though we had no formal arrangement beyond exclusivity and no plans to escalate it into a different sort of arrangement (I am not willing to marry and will not date someone who wants marriage in their future, for example).

I can always "do better", but if the match is good, why would I want to? Though humans have a lot of common threads there is something about us that makes us all a little unique. I have never been tempted to cheat even though I find a lot of people attractive and even though I have never encountered a person in my life with a libido as high as mine.

Most people don't cheat (though I don't know the stats on how many people WANT to but just don't). 80% of men never cheat and 87% of women never cheat, and that gender gap is becoming smaller and both sides of it are cheating less now than ever before in human history.

Willow-girl · 2022-11-26T18:25:47+00:00

I have the best option.

EulenWatcher · 2022-11-26T19:44:21+00:00

I don’t think there’s anyone better for me than my husband. Does it make me loyal or dependent? I get that there are objectively better looking men or better tempered men, as there are better women. But my husband and I have been together for more than 8 years now, we’ve got through a lot of things together and our bond is something I wouldn’t exchange on just someone richer/prettier/whatever. There’s no one else who knows me better than my husband or who has been there for me these years when I was sick or sad, who’s shared so much time with me and talked to me about everything or who I would leave everything for and cross half the world with. No one can bring this kind of value to my life besides my husband.

Temptation-wise…I think I’ve developed romantic attraction to another person only once since I’ve met my husband. She’s my best friend and at some point in the beginning of our friendship I fell for her. We discussed it, discussed the possibility of polyamory as all three of us felt some attraction to each other, but husband backed off and we dropped the idea. It took me some time and distance to get over my romantic attraction to her, it these days she’s my best friend and not someone I want to have sex with. I can’t say she was or is better than my husband. She is just…different. She’s a woman, she’s soft, she smells differently. We have another kind of bond than my husband and I do.

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2022-11-26T21:09:22+00:00

I value loyalty as a principal. More than that, I am instantly and viscerally repulsed by men who don't respect the boundaries of other people's relationships. Doesn't matter how physically attractive he is, if I say I'm in a relationship and he responds with some variation of "that sounds like a personal problem," I have zero desire to interact with him in any way ever again.

Apprehensive_Cut_146 · 2022-11-26T21:31:57+00:00

Both, same goes for him

pillchangedmylife · 2022-11-27T01:20:49+00:00

You have to find your looks match. And that goes both ways. Too hot either way and dissatisfaction and regret creeps in followed by inertia.

As a man I've noticed men often make the mistake of trying to get a 8 when they are a 6. Even if you are wealthy she will still feel that she's been hard done by (and prob have the itch to get some 8 dick)

Put your ego aside and get your looks match. If your a 4 date a 4. A 4 can be a 4 in the face but when she dresses up and carrys herself in a feminine way that can make her a 6 for the night. And then when your both back to your boring lives your both 4s again. No trouble

And hope for a genetic mutation to make your kid a 7.

2022-11-27T02:34:44+00:00

Disagree, at least for men, because a man's option needs a full end to end test to know if it's an option. My girlfriend is amazing because she's a perfect mix of nerdy / horny / and stylish, while also being cute and humble. I love how we can just be watching anime and she will suddenly be in the mood for some sexy time.

Plus she's from China so we can speak in English or Chinese together, I really like bilingual partners.

So if we want to talk about a better option, I guess you could say I don't have a better option, but determining a better option would require cheating to find that out. Hotness alone does not determine if she's better.

MistyMaisel · 2022-11-27T03:55:15+00:00

Seems like you have a very reductionist view of people and human bonds in general.

There's no one else like my partner. Certainly no one more attractive than him to me. That isn't to say there aren't people who aren't also attractive or differently attractive, but the bond is based on way more than that anyways.

I'm not with him because no other options exist or that those options aren't probably better in some ways. I'm with him because we share more and mean more than some character sheet of traits and compatibility. I love him almost as I love myself or my family. It almost doesn't even feel like a choice on most days. It's as natural to me a breathing is.

The idea that people are just loyal because of a resume strikes me as more telling of what your love is or the love you've received is than some accurate depiction of relationships and love.

SteveSan82 · 2022-11-27T04:08:22+00:00

Most men are loyal as long as their needs are met.

Lowkeymexican · 2022-11-27T05:12:48+00:00

Yes lol

Swordfromthecement · 2022-11-27T05:21:05+00:00

I’ll be completely honest with you it’s cause I lack better options. Part of the reason I don’t want to be in a relationship.

I don’t see the point in dating someone if you know the only reason you’re there is cause they’re the first yes in a long line of no’s. That’s just going to lead to resentment and cheating.

md8716 · 2022-11-27T06:14:36+00:00

I think in my 20s it was more about loyalty and being pleased with how my choices turned out.

Now in my 40s, I probably lack better options now because I'm happily married, and not really postured for dating. I haven't let myself totally go, but I'm not exactly hitting up nightlife and going hard as fuck in the gym 4+ days a week like I used to, either.

If someone hotter came along and wanted to jump on my dick I'd probably not go for it because I'm not interested in blowing up my entire life I've painstakingly constructed for over 15 years just for some random pussy.

JonathanArkansas · 2022-11-27T10:57:50+00:00

I'm not sure if I'm gonna be loyal. This is my first relationship but the value it brings to my life after what I've been through so far is kinda immense. I find that, for me, it's still to early to decide if I'll be loyal.

I will be honest that entertaining this idea makes me sick. Like I just can't believe I made these thoughts but perhaps it's for the best.

Do I have other options right now? No. If I had other options, would I stay loyal? It depends on how the relationship goes. Hence my assurance that I won't be loyal.

HimNeutron · 2022-11-27T14:25:31+00:00

This is a horrible post.

throwawaypasaspike · 2022-11-27T17:18:44+00:00

I'm loyal, have options but believe no better options exist.

I think you know a relationship/love is real when it is challenged. LDRs, sickness, difficult economic status, stress etc... All put a relationship to the test.

Having options does question your loyalty. But not in the way you're suggesting in my experience. I won't even go for friendly drinks with another man unless he is fully aware I have a boyfriend and isn't at all interested in me that way. If I'm uncertain? I cancel. Nothing is worth losing him

To an extent, men are easy to sleep with. But there are none worth losing my loving partner over. No matter how attractive they are.

I am attached to my partner for their worth, how they treat me. I appreciate how good and rare he is.

Various-Storm2143 · 2022-11-27T19:52:15+00:00

This is very accurate in all forms of life not just marriage

This is the same with jobs, friendships, etc

Title	Are you loyal or do you just lack better options?
Author	Jupitersjunky
Upvotes	25
Comments	85
Date	November 26, 2022 2:22 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/z58or3/are_you_loyal_or_do_you_just_lack_better_options/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-you-loyal-or-do-you-just-lack-better-options.1141799 https://theredarchive.com/post/1141799

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