Q4ALL: Why do you only attack one sex?

old_new_age · 2022-11-24T16:16:44+00:00

I try not to be the person you're describing but people will probably focus on and call out "patterns" with whoever it is they're attracted to. As a straight male I'm probably more likely to point out behaviors in women than other men, because I want to date women. But it is true that a lot of behaviors people attribute to one sex can often apply almost as much if not just as much to the other, maybe in a different way/context.

MDFornia · 2022-11-24T16:39:53+00:00

It's just in-group bias. You see it in probably every other context: politics, sports, nationalism, etc. If you head over to the dating subreddit, you'll notice that women there tend to advise posters to be empathetic and forgiving when a woman is the problematic person in a relationship, but cut pretty quickly to "dump his ass" when a man is the problematic one. The men there do the same, as well.

I try to moderate it in myself, but I know it comes through sometimes. If I'm honest, I'd say pettiness is also a factor. I think the you-go-girlism I often see on the internet is insufferably corny, and try to introduce you-should-work-on-yourselfism sometimes.

2022-11-24T19:20:11+00:00

This is such a good question and point that I’ve acknowledged in r/relationship_advice time and time again.

It got to the point that if I asked a relationship question I would ask my question from the perspective of a woman because the women on the sub would give more logical advice and be more understanding.

I wish I knew why people are like this. I’d ask most people if they’d be more likely to tell a male acquaintance or a female acquaintance of infidelity.

E.g. if you’re a female and another female tells you she cheated on her boyfriend, vs if it was some man telling you he cheated on his girlfriend.

Before you all answer, yes I know a bunch of you would tell the boyfriend or girlfriend irrespective of gender.

LaloTwins · 2022-11-24T20:36:31+00:00

I don’t I regularly call incels idiots as well as FDSers

TrailWraith · 2022-11-25T00:28:19+00:00

The media has the criticism of men covered.

SilentFroggy · 2022-11-24T17:42:41+00:00

I notice that men will sometimes attack other men for hypocrisy and such, but I rarely see women attacking other women.

Jupitersjunky · 2022-11-24T18:02:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-11-24T17:12:35+00:00

Because rather than try to improve yourself or accept your actions or behaviour makes you creepy or unattractive, it’s easier to blame the others who didn’t include you or rejected you.

Then to to further sticking your head in the sand, you’ll start making up concepts like ‘hoe phases’ and ‘the wall’ in an effort to make yourself feel better “there was nothing I could have done, all the females around me are currently in their hoe phases, they’ll be no chance until they maybe hit the wall one day”

Nothing but an excuse to not better yourself and a fantasy that if you keep pretending you believe this you’ll get a gf one day or you can enjoy rejecting them back.

All the while avoiding the truth that men and woman are all individuals,

Cult_of_Chad · 2022-11-24T17:15:57+00:00

I'm a recovering MRA, so I would say I'm still more sympathetic to men than the average person. But guys on this board, and men in general, just aren't very likeable or easy to defend.

Some of the shit they come up with...

insertcredit2 · 2022-11-24T20:23:39+00:00

As someone who used to do this it's because I didn't read enough stuff from women's points of views.

NthKnife · 2022-11-25T05:47:25+00:00

As a queer person who's been involved with both sexes, anyone can be toxic, and anyone can be great. People just have confirmation bias and have incentive to vilify demographics that personally cause them grief.

roastpork99 · 2022-11-26T02:00:55+00:00

Had to come back here and type this because LoL at answers ITT.

The OP asked a simple question; "why do you only attack one sex" and you've got people bending themselves backwards talking about how the one sex is "toxic" or has "all of the power".

Bruv, newsflash, both sexes are toxic (yes a shocker I know). The question is why you mostly feel compelled to call it out when one sex does it but not the other.

That shouldn't have anything to do with your "justifications" and "reasonings" regarding why you attack the sex you mostly attack. Because you should be attacking the other sex almost equally as much (or at least a good percentage) and well it seems like you don't (otherwise you wouldn't be here).

The questions is why this happens, the answer is simple;

bias.

Otjeho · 2022-11-24T15:59:34+00:00

Inexperience. A fascinating fact about the men that usually only shit on women online are, half the time they’re either kids or older but virgins.

Kappador66 · 2022-11-24T16:27:15+00:00

I try to call out male bs, e.g. "men age like wine" and other copes

Ok-Device1258 · 2022-11-24T21:40:02+00:00

you can freely critisize men on almost any subreddit. if you critisize women on the dating subreddit they ban you. so of course they are here

revente · 2022-11-24T16:04:39+00:00

Because blue pill is just simping in disguise.

waffleznstuff30 · 2022-11-24T18:26:55+00:00

I usually go after men because it's the toxic mindset men get themselves into and their behaviors in a relationship that actually ruin relationships. Instead of being good partners and focus on the "partner" part. They want to be managers with a submissive woman. They expect all the care and benefits of a relationship without putting that effort in to maintaining it. Claiming pseudoscientific claims that men don't do this or men can't emotionally bond like this it's not men's nature.... If it isn't it should be. Sex being a transaction instead of something you do together, sex is something for their ego.

Men especially the ones that subscribe to red pill ideology usually are my targets for criticism. But generally any man that uses misogynist beliefs about women. Like talking down about body count and the ever present all women are like this argument. You can't be with someone if you don't see them as an equal if you hold yourself above them you aren't fully going to connect. And I feel like a lot of this stuff really holds men back and makes them hateful and bitter.

Women I can criticize a few things. The height thing is stupid. Really stupid. I dated a 5'5 guy I am 5'8 and he was a gem of a human I didn't ignite or feel manly. We broke up due to a mismatch of values but he was a great person. My current partner is 5'9/5'10 and I am 5'8 and it's not a big deal. 6 foot is not some golden standard they can be tall and do all the stupid crap a 5' something guy can do. Also the whole dating for money thing is stupid and "free meal" thing if you want a nice meal take yourself out dont waste some dudes time. Using someone is nasty and says more about you than the person.

SimpAndProud_ · 2022-11-24T17:22:06+00:00

Women have all the power in the dating market, so it's their choices that are causing it to be a shitty experience for nearly everyone.

nothatyoucare · 2022-11-25T00:57:06+00:00

Or, they will pretend promiscuity can only mentally and emotionally damage women, not men.

There's been several studies I see get quoted that either outright state this or heavily imply it.

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-11-24T16:46:54+00:00

I call out the menz often enough. I'm a critic of evolutionary psychology, which never goes well here. I think "the wall" is nonsense (except in very rare cases for incredibly shallow people). I think men's sexuality is confusing even for them, never mind for women trying to deal with it. I critique men for not being independent enough. I acknowledge that desperate men are sometimes (often?) dishonest schemers.

But there are some major differences in the dating and mating experiences of men and women in the modern world. And it's lead to such a difference in experience that some critiques are going to be leveled just at one gender and not the other. So for example I think women have a concept of men that borders on caricature, that women are much less well socialized than this sub claims, and that, while men and women are both unduly swayed by status, women are perhaps more swayed by popularity and superficial qualities like "confidence" which are possibly actual negative attributes and at the least amoral. But women deny all of that vehemently. Men at least seem dimly aware of their short comings (tho both are prone to whataboutisms as rebuttal).

AidsVictim · 2022-11-24T22:22:17+00:00

Modern men deserve a lot of criticism and I do mention that when appropriate.

However women have much more power in dating/sex/romance so more of my criticism is reserved for them. It's mostly women that have problems with average mens looks, getting bored by "stable" relationships, saying how relationships aren't worth because men suck so much, and generally determining how the dating market plays out in masse.

Those with both the most power and the most complaints about a system get the most criticism.

Jupitersjunky · 2022-11-24T16:05:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

DissidentNeolib · 2022-11-24T16:29:01+00:00

Traits aren’t exclusive to either sex, but sexual dimorphism is real. Male/female is the fundamental distinction among human beings, and there’s been selective pressure for millions of years for males and females to embody different traits in accordance with what’s most conducive to their reproductive interests. This is largely due to differences sex-hormonal profiles, though differences in neurology also exist. (Side note: This is why transgender identity is valid. The male and female brain are noticeably different under scan.)

Of course, one’s masculinity or femininity is not determined by the embodiment of certain traits. Gender identity is a complex subject and the only person who can really answer that question is the individual. One can very much be a female who is assertive and persistent, just as one can very much be a male who is compassionate and harmonising.

Nevertheless, the rates at which these traits are embodied differ. If one were to plot distributions of the intensity of certain traits for males and females respectively, there would be significant overlap but a clear difference in means despite comparable variances.

The predominant personality model used in research psychology today is the Big Five: openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. These traits have no demonstrable correlation between them. When males and females are tested for how strongly they embody the Big Five traits, males tend to score higher on openness and conscientiousness, while females tend to score higher on extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism.

We can theorise all day as to why this is. I’d imagine males were selected for openness and conscientiousness as it was contingent upon them to be daring but calculating when hunting for food to bring home to their tribe, which would naturally mean increased mating opportunities. Females were likely selected for extraversion and agreeableness due to the need to successfully rear their offspring to reproductive age (“it takes a village”), as well as neuroticism to ensure they worried about their child’s safety enough to protect them from danger.

Regardless, the fact of the matter stands: These differences exist, and it’s fair to make generalisations for the sake of simplifying discourse. It should be implied that these general statements are not universal.

renfsu · 2022-11-24T20:44:13+00:00

Honestly it's because I understand men are full of shit. But I live in a society where women are seen as perfect. They can do no wrong, they can never be shallow, they only care about what's inside. When you say anything remotely bad about women you get harshly attacked. Anything bad about men is praised.

Men and women are shitty as a whole but I'm tired of being forced to assume only men are bad. Women don't care about looks, they care about character. Shit like that. I've seen the bad side of women and I'm tired of society only attacking men. I know I am a shitty person sometimes. But stop saying it's because I have a dick.

I told a woman that humans were shitty and she called me sexist because women were included in that statement. Even though men were too. That's the kind of stuff I'm talking about.

Superannuatedpunk · 2022-11-24T19:03:21+00:00

Because it's mostly dudes on here espousing the dumbest shit imaginable.

abaxeron · 2022-11-24T21:54:03+00:00

Because I was born into the world where everything bad about my own sex has already been said, reiterated, printed, broadcasted, written into textbooks and laws, portrayed in theaters and novels, and accepted as axiomatic dogma; and everything bad said about the opposite sex got essentially censored out of cultural code and equated to a sin.

They make it seem like only women are interested in upgrading romantically.

Before our very own eyes, a man got dozens of billions of dollars ripped out of his wealth, and millions of women said that it's deserved because he dared to "upgrade romantically".

Or, they will pretend promiscuity can only mentally and emotionally damage women, not men.

10% of men and 90% of women have what it takes to practice promiscuity. Social acceptability of promiscuity does damage women more than men.

Jupitersjunky · 2022-11-24T18:13:28+00:00

It's easier.

(I am not sure if i have done that, but this is why)

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-11-24T19:20:11+00:00

I mean the sub is called Purple Pill debate, in a debate why would you attack your own side? Lol

But in all seriousness, generally speaking women are going to come at things from their own perspective, men are going to come at things from our perspective, both sides feel that they're pretty Justified overall it is what it is no different than politics or any other thing like that

ElectricBugs · 2022-11-25T03:10:41+00:00

I call out anything I view as toxic behaviour regardless of gender.

As a woman I want to help men see it from our angle. That means there is more benefit in me calling out men than women, although I do both.

walterAizen · 2022-11-24T16:51:05+00:00

"Can only mentally and physically damage women, not men" We really have to stop living under this delusion that Female and Male promiscuity is the same, when a men cheats it's only for sex but when a woman cheats she's literally starting another relationship

obviousredflag · 2022-11-24T22:00:24+00:00

A good example of this is when they discussing the concept of "dating up". They make it seem like only women are interested in upgrading romantically. Or, they will pretend promiscuity can only mentally and emotionally damage women, not men.

Because there is science to back it up. Yes, not all women, not all men, that is not what people are saying. We are talking about differences in averages. Women date up socio-economically, men don't on average. Women, on average, are not happy with a promiscuous lifestyle, men are.

Finding some men and some women who do the opposite and are happy with it does not disprove the tendency.

novelgrowth22 · 2022-11-24T17:11:18+00:00

hypergamy is a female thing though especially when it comes to money and social status. same goes for promiscuity.

Lanky-Sale-5449 · 2022-11-24T22:57:05+00:00

not everyone does, although the problem is definitely women and women are here basically just to troll, provoke and bully men under the mods protection. I go after weakness and simping just as much when I see it, or white knighting or the occasional retarded male leftist, so Im definitely not biased towards my group for the sake of it being my group

lulll · 2022-11-24T17:10:13+00:00

because blaming women for everything is funny

MarBitt · 2022-11-24T17:16:50+00:00

Not all behaviors are equally prevalent between the sexes. So yes, there are women who rape men, but it's more common for a man to rape a woman. So when we talk about rape, the focus is mainly on rapes by men.

Regarding dating up, men are more willing to date women with less education than themselves and women with less income. They are just as willing to date weaker women, shorter women... than themselves.

AutoModerator · 2022-11-24T15:56:49+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-11-24T18:48:15+00:00

I don't. Lol

mrcs84usn · 2022-11-24T19:57:24+00:00

I think TRP subreddit and the greater manosphere does a decent job of pointing out the faults of men. Saying things like “you’re a broke, boring, awkward, skinny-fat loser that masturbates too much.” So it helps men to put into perspective why their sex lives suck.

I think the that the nature of PPD calls specific things into question regarding one sex or the other, so that sex becomes the target. “Why do MEN do this?” Or “what do you think about WOMEN in this situation?”

roastpork99 · 2022-11-24T20:09:36+00:00

Bias, human nature, bad experiences with opposite sex wrt to dating.

I think so many people claim to be empathetic or claim to be able to see things from others' point of view, but I seldom find people who are truly, truly able to do this; to be able to eliminate bias completely and just empathise with someone on the opposite side of you.

This isn't criticism btw, I'm not good at it and it can be very difficult because you have lived life from your own point of view...for your entire life. You can also more easily identify with problems of your own gender or with those going through the same struggle as you.

Just as an example, let's even examine the way you've posed your question, as throughout it's only talked about the way behaviour or the "attacks" negatively affect women.

MiaRX22 · 2022-11-24T21:35:37+00:00

I don't attack anybody in the first place

If I'm making a statement on men and men's behaviour, it's because I'm usually dating men, and that's what the purpose of PPD is for. Discussion of women's issues, of which there are many, will take place on different subreddits.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-11-24T22:54:14+00:00

[permanently deleted]

kvakerok · 2022-11-24T23:44:59+00:00

I don't think it's one sex. It's specific people in both and technology. The decisions that used to work out fine before do not work out fine anymore, the dating landscape has changed.

Philip8000 · 2022-11-25T00:29:02+00:00

I don't. Both genders are capable of shitty behavior. Neither gender has an easy life, and each face their own difficulties when it comes to dating. It's often that men don't face the same issues that women do and vice-versa, so sometimes, they're not sympathetic.

I generally roll my eyes at the whole "Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks" I often hear, alongside: "After she rides the cock carousel, until she settles down with a beta simp, while still fucking Chad on the side." Some of the comments are even worse.

Personally, I don't think promiscuity leads to long-term happiness. If you're someone who already has healthy self-esteem, go for it. However, if you're not, and most of the promiscuous people I've encountered are not, it's not going to fill whatever you're missing. And this goes for men and women both.

5eggsEveryday · 2022-11-25T00:37:32+00:00

Why criticism is called an attack these days? Why words are worse than physical violence? Why so many people are so mentally weak and immature who can't contemplate an idea without being offended by it?

These are the questions.

AloneOnTheStrange · 2022-11-25T01:53:32+00:00

Every now and again we get a thread along the lines of "Q4All: What do you dislike about your own gender?". And in those cases, we do get fairly balanced and nuanced criticisms of our own genders.

This sub is generally pretty polarised. It's extremes of both sides making sweeping, unnuanced claims about the other side. If the threads were a little more nuanced, we'd probably get more open and agreeable discussion about our own genders and their general flaws.

Poopybuttsticks · 2022-11-25T06:55:43+00:00

Because that’s how it works.

If this were a subreddit about Pokémon some people would talk shit on Bulbasaur and others on Pikachu, because either Bulbasaur or Pikachu is who they are interested in catching but their damn pokeballs aren’t holding up. Then others will chime in and say well there’s Charizards. And some others even Mewtoo. But Charichad’s got enough fans and Mewtoo movement lost its steam so whats one gonna do?

melody_of_ · 2022-11-25T21:01:49+00:00

Because women call the shots and have nearly all the power in hetero dynamics so their actions ultimately determine what men will do in the dating market inb4 ah but did you know men are adults individual choices blah blah

Irrelevant humans respond to incentives and those with less agency/power in a dynamic will behave responsivley to those who do. Men are the ones who get vetted and sorted for relationships its seldom the other way around.

That being said i will call out men for coping behaviors to this. Beliefs that try and convince themselves into believing that this power dynamic evens or flips with age. Like the wall. (Which only appears to exist because some men continusly invest in improving their dating chances over time whereass women have few incentives too.

Or pointing to the fact that people eventually get married at some arbitrary age as an indication that men and women have similar purchasing power . Have you ever talked to women about their dating life? Youll notice a consistent theme their main problem is sorting. Hetero couples usually get together because the woman chose the man and the man was *chosen * by someone

igotthechinesevirus · 2022-11-26T05:31:46+00:00

I attack obese people in general.

SoleMatesC4S · 2022-11-28T22:59:14+00:00

I don't attack my own sex because the other sex does a pretty damn good job of doing it for me, thanks.

Title	Q4ALL: Why do you only attack one sex?
Author	Jupitersjunky
Upvotes	36
Comments	288
Date	November 24, 2022 3:56 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/z3nhco/q4all_why_do_you_only_attack_one_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-why-do-you-only-attack-one-sex.1142016 https://theredarchive.com/post/1142016

Comments