Why do so many men here seem to not enjoy doing things for their partner?

wtknight · 2020-12-03T21:26:09+00:00

Removed. No men asking men or women asking women questions.

kor8der · 2020-12-03T17:43:03+00:00

Cooking and cleaning isn't something you do for your partner, it's something you do because you're an adult.

Single men don't do the dishes because they love scalding hot water and soap.

Turning_blades · 2020-12-03T17:58:36+00:00

I suspect most men don't mind these things at face value. Cleaning up after yourself, cooking, etc. is not the problem. What I most hear is dissatisfaction with the double standard of having your sexual relationship based on how much you do for her, if you know that she allowed other men to have a sexual relationship with no such obligations placed on them.

The guys who have to do all these things to have a sexual relationship will of course resent the fact that there are other men who can have a sexual relationship with her whether or not they do these things. So in the end, he will feel as though he has to put in more effort for the same outcome, or even less since she doesn't desire him as much as the no strings attached guy.

Aaod · 2020-12-03T19:00:46+00:00

All the women I dated the more tamed and domesticated I was the faster they lost interest. Doing the dishes and changing the sheets doesn't make them more interested it only makes them less interested. I do this stuff because it is a basic function of an adult, but don't blame guys for being lazier about it when women treat them worse for it.

GiveSouce · 2020-12-03T18:00:19+00:00

Men on PPD want sex with no strings attached and with no effort required except taking off their pants and mayyybe doing a little foreplay.

It’s like if Alexander Hamilton didn’t work his way out of poverty and instead said ”Well there’s people who don’t have to work and still get money. I’m not gonna work like a sad cuck. I’m not gonna let the government tell me what to do.”

You can’t change the system. All you can do is play it.

XtoDoubt · 2020-12-03T17:22:51+00:00

Women don't want equal partners. They want to date up. We discovered through trial and error that cooking and cleaning don't make you above her, so we focus on what does.

JohnDoe9564 · 2020-12-03T17:27:43+00:00

Most don't have a partner to go to in the first place.

This sub has been invaded by bitter incels. Most men love pleasing and doing stuff for their woman

801735 · 2020-12-03T17:26:01+00:00

enjoy the rights (sex, cuddles, hugs),

Rights or benefits?

I don't think it's such a problem as you're presenting it. Could be just me, not sure.

Generally, if it's demanded, bitched about, it's a problem. If it needs doing and I see it as such (which I do), then I do it. It's just chores and if done on the fly doesn't amount to more than an hour or so every now and then.

responsibilities (chores, being a good team member, showing responsibility etc).

"Showing responsibility" sounds like a bullshit cover term, possibly used for own laziness. Just saying how it sounds.

"good team member", especially in professional setting, also kinda stinks of manipulation. Almost as disgusting as "we're a big family" office description. Barf. I prefer to have a workplace at work and a family at home.

2020-12-03T17:26:02+00:00

and just get the benefits of one (sex),

You don't need to be married or in a relationship to get sex these days thanks liberation

Yokowi · 2020-12-03T17:21:35+00:00

Its simple: cooking, cleaning and washing dishes are boring activities.

Are they necessary? Not doubt, but this doesn't change the fact that few people like to spend time with them.

FirsToStrike · 2020-12-03T18:40:20+00:00

I think a good amount of men here are on the defensive against any sort of female exploitation, so they tend to read any expectation women have of them as unreasonable or detrimental to them. Funny, because they likely have no problem exploiting women, it's just what women are for (or perhaps, deserve).

NinjaOfTheSouth · 2020-12-03T17:21:47+00:00

I’m pretty young so I haven’t got to this stage yet, but I’m guessing it’s because in order to receive sexual attention you have to put in work to get it. Ex, washing dishes or taking out the trash. I’m guessing so.

throw-away-1709 · 2020-12-03T18:02:45+00:00

I love cooking and i have a diskwasher even on the yacht.

So?

Am i Mr.Beta cook wash guy now?

I like cleaning my tools too.

But i have garden robots, cleaning robots and snow blower as i am lazy a.f.

But i like preparing food.

samarsharqi · 2020-12-03T18:47:11+00:00

I think those dudes are ones who have never lived alone (or alone-adjacent), so actually no they don’t realise that they’d be doing those things if they lived alone bc they’ve sponged off mama/sister / girlfriends

TLorrai · 2020-12-03T17:42:20+00:00

Well there are guys getting those "benefits" without doing those things. Women are having sex with dudes who don't even take them on dates. You think all the guys on deadbedrooms are not doing any household work or "nice" things for their wives? What happens is she'll enjoy your hard work, appreciate you in the moment, then go sleep with the guy she's been texting who actually gets her wet.

So yeah guys have learned to focus on the things that make them the second guy. Comfort and love are important for a relationship, but so is sex. Guys should strive to be both, but until the comfort traits are rewarded guys will continue to improve their "alpha" side.

2020-12-03T18:05:34+00:00

I just hate doing chores in general even when I'm single, and that's not going to change when I'm in a relationship.

Has nothing to do with my partner really, I'm just a lazy fuck

akihonj · 2020-12-03T18:30:58+00:00

It's not that men don't enjoy doing it. It's that we don't enjoy that we become expected to do it while at the same time expected to put up with a woman who herself won't do it.

It's not that men like cleaning, that's just a normal part of life, cooking etc. We just most often chose to focus on things that are of use to us, so for some men their focus is dating, well they are then going to focus on things that reward behaviour, for most that means turning into an asshole, because for some strange reason most women hate assholes but just can't admit that an asshole is like catnip for a woman.

For others their focus is on career advancement so those guys are going to focus their attention on achieving that goal.

joeclark5 · 2020-12-03T18:58:33+00:00

I like to cook because I'm good at it.

LondonLobby · 2020-12-03T19:33:41+00:00

I can’t cook for shit. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Ramen and hot dogs gang 😤

In all serious i don’t really enjoy cleaning the house but i do it because it has to be done, not necessarily for my partner. I’m not upset about it or anything.

but yeah idk why a lot of other men seem so bitter about it, but i only see this bitterness from men on reddit. I don’t really hear it complained about from people IRL or my friends.

daproest1 · 2020-12-03T19:57:18+00:00

So you’re saying basically all that women have to offer is sex, and men should offer everything else just to get sex. That’s basically how the post reads. I’m pretty sure women enjoy sex too. And if the guy is doing it right, they enjoy it more than we do since we tend to do all the work. Very few men say a woman is a bad lay. We don’t expect much. Is the reverse true? No.

I was in an LTR. She did the dishes. I don’t do dishes. Even when single I don’t do dishes. But I cooked. I made sure she was ok. Fixed her cars. I spoiled her. Tucked her in at night. Guided her. Encouraged her. Was patient with her emotional outbursts. Got her gifts. Was her rock. Threatened to leave a few times out of frustration but I never did. Never cheated. Never disappeared or strayed. She did a lot for me too, except what I asked for. I invested a lot of time, energy, money, everything. I thought she was my forever person. She still left. Once she was on her feet, and had her own affairs in order, she left. I was an afterthought.

Why should men invest? To us, we expect an ROI. Which for the most part is just peace, tranquility, and the girl herself. Not much to ask for.

To most women, these investments mean nothing. Nothing done in the past matters in the present to women. Only how they feel. That’s their main focus in life. Their own feelings. Which of course, as with all emotions, are chaotic, erratic, and fleeting. They focus Only on what was NOT done. They only focus on the bad qualities of their men. I see it on Reddit all the time. A married woman of 15 years coming and venting about her husband contemplating divorce when the guy didn’t really do anything wrong. It’s her own mind thats blowing things out of proportion. You’ll see this when u hear men talk about their exes. We tend to think back more fondly of them. Whereas most women speak ill of their exes and even act repulsed to the very thought of them. Even if it was a man she spent 20 years with.

How would you feel if u know the whole time you’re with someone, they’re judging you, watching you, talking about you to their “friends” behind your back, just waiting for u to mess up enough so she can be like “aha! U suck! I knew it! Next!”

Tell me again why men should try so hard when none of it is recognized, appreciated, or taken into account when the girl wakes up one day and decides she’s uNhApPy?

It’s irrational. Would you throw money into a savings account only to wake up to $0.00 every day when u check your balance?

It makes no sense. Look at everything u mentioned. Chores. Responsibilities. Being a team member. Being a chef. And it’s for.... sex? Anybody who’s had enough sex can tell u it’s not that special.

Men’s natural drive is to provide and protect. It’s innate. It’s something we just do. We don’t care about cleaning or cooking. We want to work. We want to solve problems. Doing the other stuff takes away from this. But since women are now practically men, it presents a weird paradox. A dynamic which DOESNT WORK. Which is why most relationships are doomed to fail nowadays.

781234567 · 2020-12-03T17:25:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2020-12-03T17:59:08+00:00

I do dishes, sweep the floor, clean out the gutters, etc before my wife wakes up on weekends.

Then, she gets mad because I don't stay up late with her.

RRBeachFG2 · 2020-12-03T18:18:07+00:00

Of course I like doing things with my significant other however when I become her only means of entertainment and she doesn't know what to do without me there is annoying.

existentialhack1 · 2020-12-03T19:55:08+00:00

The same reason women hate doing manual labour, essential jobs, risking their safety and paying the same taxes as men-- because it isn't their gender role and being asked to do it makes them resentful of the opposite gender.

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jdobrila · 2020-12-03T18:13:39+00:00

In most threads, things like "cooking dinner"; "doing dishes", "cleaning" etc. are said in a negative tone, like men here don't really want to be part of a relationship and just get the benefits of one (sex), without doing their own part in it.

Well that escalated quickly.

Cooking, dishes and cleaning are said in a negative tone because these are chores typically done by women, not by men. That doesn't mean men don't do any chores at all, and it definitely doesn't mean men think they shouldn't do any chores at all.

Dan240z · 2020-12-03T19:50:25+00:00

Wow too much complaining about household chores that's why I'm reluctant to put the red pill flair up on this sub reddit I live a minimalist lifestyle and I have a background logistics management instead of complaining about household chores find ways to be efficient and productive within the space you live in and set a timer on how long it takes you to clean your living space ect. Efficiency is the name of the game. If you want women or want women to stick around if you like her company being resourceful and efficient will definitely help.

Workaholiconew · 2020-12-03T19:56:44+00:00

In most threads, things like "cooking dinner"; "doing dishes", "cleaning" etc. are said in a negative tone, like men here don't really want to be part of a relationship and just get the benefits of one (sex), without doing their own part in it.

Because they are negative as in a wastes of resources, which are rewarded by insignificant to negative payoffs. We are not controlled by our emotions and know what we must do in order to get what we want without wasting precious resources. To us, It is a negative experience. Not emotionally, but rationally.

It is true that we feel a bit happier by engaging in a meaningless activity for somebody you like (or any kind of flow worthy task, video games work because of that). But we know those are wasted resources which could be used elsewhere. Thus, we try to control it. And only use it with people worth the hastle

Why is this? Cooking, for instance, is much more fun if you can do it for someone you like or love. I hate cooking by myself, even if I consider it a hobby, but I love doing it for my friends or girlfriends.

Most men who like cooking, absolutely, and utterly hate someone with them in the kitchen. I am a licensed chef. You don't seen to like cooking, you like being with people while you cook. Men usually are way more interested in tasks, ideas, and objects than people. Thus, if you are there, you are at best a distraction/entertainment and at worst a nuisance.

Listen. The same way women do not value sex very much, Men do not value social interaction very much. That is just how it is.

Cleaning and doing dishes is something you do anyway as single, so why is it suddenly a job you don't want to do just because you are in a relationship?

Many reasons but I would imagine it has to do with the end of the honeymoon phase and the nature of trade. We may cook and clean to get sex, sure, but we get satiated, and also we get bored after a while, and as I said, they are net negatives. So why would we do it?

Not to speak in the difference in standards, men's standards tend to be practical, that is why our desktops are clean but our tables are not, women's standards are societal, thus, insatiable and unequivocally ginormous. I mean.... yeah we need to clean the house weekly, and cook daily, but do we need to do it to the degree of society? Not in most men's eyes.

I get the feeling that many here just want to enjoy the rights (sex, cuddles, hugs), but do everything to skip out on the responsibilities (chores, being a good team member, showing responsibility etc).

Your feelings do not matter, throw them away if you wanna be taken seriously, in here or elsewhere.

Most here are interested in a fair trade if there is enough returns on investment, we may do it.

But most modern women value are low after being sexually satisfied that when the honeymoon phase ends, it is mostly negative, so, why would we want you? You think sex is enough to deal with most modern women's bickering and talking all day? I am sad to inform it is not common to happen.

4everrekt · 2020-12-03T20:08:27+00:00

Is it that men don’t enjoy doing things for their partner, or that the examples often presented are things women enjoy doing for men?

Women typically enjoy cooking for their SOs, we know this.

What do men enjoy doing for their SOs? Asking about their day, showing/teaching them things they don’t know, solving problems when their SOs bring them up.

Men and women are different, and value different things. They bring different things to the relationship, and play different roles. Otherwise one would make the other redundant

2020-12-03T20:14:52+00:00

That's the gist if it. It's not that they necessarily dislike doing those things, it's that they don't want their sex life tied to those things. They want to be able to enjoy sex entirely non-transactionally. But only a handful of men get to regularly do so.

cromulent_weasel · 2020-12-03T20:30:41+00:00

In our family we have a saying. Chores are called chores for a reason. Nobody wants to do chores. You need to handle your responsibilities before you can devote yourself to leisure.

That said, I don't find cooking to be a chore. I quite enjoy it.

atelitus · 2020-12-03T20:46:46+00:00

Doing dishes, cooking food, and cleaning are not pleasurable activities for most people. Even in a committed relationship, these are not fun to do; they are a responsibility that only really crops up during co-habitations.

I am not overjoyed to scrub pots and pans; I do it because it needs to be done. The idea that I should "enjoy" basic activities like this is as absurd as asking me to enjoy wiping my ass or brushing my teeth.

2020-12-03T21:22:17+00:00

In my experience men don’t do the things you mentioned because they were raised in a household were only women did house chores. They’re just used to that and in their world view that’s something women (stay-at-home moms, domestic workers) do not men.

Title	Why do so many men here seem to not enjoy doing things for their partner?
Author	WhoAmIEven2
Upvotes	28
Comments	197
Date	December 3, 2020 5:18 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/k61iox/why_do_so_many_men_here_seem_to_not_enjoy_doing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-so-many-men-here-seem-to-not-enjoy-doing.1193523 https://theredarchive.com/post/1193523

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