Why do women hold it against guys who are late bloomers?

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-07-21T09:48:56+00:00

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ApprehensiveDot3115 · 2023-07-21T02:58:01+00:00

I think the perceived lack of general life experience is a red flag for them. They might ask themselves "Why'd he take longer than everyone else to catch up, is there something wrong with him?"

They're right to be concerned, a lack of life experience is a potential sign of incompetence and immaturity. No woman wants that.

I was a late bloomer, and I saw this effect first hand when I finally got good at dating. Women would see the lack of experience as a red flag and it'd spook them into backing out, even if all was going well.

Quickly, I started pretending I'd already been fully bloomed for years. Suddenly it wasn't an issue anymore.

I recommend all late bloomer dudes do the same. If you genuinely have fully bloomed by now, they're not going to notice the blunder years anyway.

Common_Sense_Dudd · 2023-07-21T04:11:18+00:00

So I'm just talking hetero dynamics here...

Women usually get a lot of men trying their luck, whereas men have to be the door-to-door salesmen shooting their shots.

If a woman is a late bloomer, it usually means that she was very assertive and self-controlled about who she let in.

If a man is a late bloomer, it usually means that he was a terrible door-to-door salesman, usually due to a lack of confidence or some other undesirable disadvantage.

I say this as someone who was a late bloomer myself. My advice to late bloomers is to put their heads down, work on themselves and not care about what judgemental people think. Getting laid is pretty overrated by society anyway and other things in life matter much much more. As long as you one day end up with a decent partner who satisfies your needs, you're okay.

Latter_Adagio8945 · 2023-07-21T03:24:44+00:00

If they do, it's because they're behind everyone else their age.

They look at every other guy with a career and past relationships and looks like the typical image of a man in his age group, and then there's the late-bloomer who is lagging 5 to 10 years behind, maybe still in college, still hasn't gotten the career up and going yet, probably never been married yet, not too many relationships to speak of, still looks and dresses younger than he "should," etc.

In other words, they don't fit the aesthetic that women in their age group might be accustomed to, so women might be hesitant to go with a guy who is still a wild card.

Hoopy223 · 2023-07-21T04:09:27+00:00

I am a late bloomer and have never really felt that way. There’s a lot of women who will be very interested in you because you don’t have the same baggage as other guys. This is especially true if your life is mostly together(house, job etc). You were kind of a blank slate to them.

Of course I did have a couple bad experiences starting out. I learned fairly quickly how to avoid women who have lots of baggage and bad attitudes. It’s not too hard to tell once you know what to look for.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-07-21T06:52:41+00:00

Because women do not like unexperienced men. They want men that other women want, easy as that. Usually men who are late bloomers are men who either worked out a lot on their body or developed status and wealth, and those things take a lot of time to do, which is why so many men in their 30s became more succesful in dating in their 30s and 40s even.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2023-07-21T06:20:29+00:00

Only idiots do

obviousredflag · 2023-07-21T07:33:50+00:00

If you didn't have a realtionship until you are 35 and you are just now starting to date, you are not a late bloomer. Where is the blooming? Late blooming implies, that you caught up to the development of the average population at a later date than usual.

yelo777 · 2023-07-21T08:17:35+00:00

Because men and women are out of sync. Women have their "hoe phase" in their 20's, the men that can do to, but many can't. The men that can't and eventually become more attractive want their hoe phase too, but it happens in their 30's leading to a mismatch. If they don't get to play the field like their girlfriends did in their 20's they'll feel like they missed out on the opportunity and feel resentful. My friends were players in their 20's, seem to have very stable relationships now in their 30's and have no regrets.

Bunkadonk · 2023-07-21T08:40:39+00:00

So as 41 year old without any relationship experience (only al couple of dates and some 'situationships; of a couple of weeks) I should just give up and crawl in a corner and die? It's just a catch 22 right? Doesn't matter right now I'm far more ready for a relationship, my past just says I'm automatically a man child that needs to be teached everything...FML

WilliamWyattD · 2023-07-21T04:07:43+00:00

Women do not hold being a late bloomer against a guy if he has actually and truly bloomed.

But most guys calling themselves late bloomers have not really bloomed at all. Women are judging them for still having the same unattractive qualities that led to the men being unsuccessful for most of their lives.

raldabos · 2023-07-21T06:17:54+00:00

Obligatory not all women because that's true, is not the same for all women, but a lot of women want a man who is desired by other women. This is also why they think men shouldn't care about a women past sex life, because women don't care about a men's past sex life, in fact the higher the number the better for them.

This is, however, another fact that women here will deny.

jaypb182 · 2023-07-21T08:09:24+00:00

It seems like a form of weird gatekeeping. Their attitude is basically "If you're not already getting dates/laid by women you don't deserve to even try".

A famous dating coach from back in the day said something along the lines of "Women's first priority is to not mate with a beta male, and her second priority is to mate with an alpha male". You don't have to subscribe to the idea of alpha vs beta males to grasp the sentiment of what is being said.

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Soloandthewookiee · 2023-07-21T05:01:04+00:00

It matters to some women, but it's rarely the death sentence that dudes here make it out to be because, first and foremost, you're not usually sharing your detailed romantic history right up front. And even if you do, women are usually more interested in the "why" more so than simply the fact that you're a late bloomer.

Financial_Chemist286 · 2023-07-21T09:47:06+00:00

Ever go to high school when you were a freshman. You might’ve had a Junior high girlfriend but once she is in high school, senior boys are much bigger and matured than freshman boys. All the freshman girls start to date the said upperclassman. While the freshman shrimps sit and watch. It’s not like senior upperclassman girls are dating said freshman shrimps.

Why do women base their sexual choices on, taller 6ft, smarter 6 figures, bigger 6in dick, richer houses, cars, boats country club, business interest.

Yet if a man says he likes bigger tits and ass and curvy, he’s an asshole?

Yet how many women are getting plastic surgery to conform to the desirable female body?

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-07-21T02:58:52+00:00

Nothing wrong with being a late bloomer. My daughter was one. I’m generally happy for ugly ducklings who reach their swanhood.

Acting like you are better than women your own age and they are beneath you might garner you some derision. Not that you have to date them, but you don’t need to act like they are shriveled up old hags either. Or thinking they deserve mistreatment because women your age didn’t date you in high school.

quantumpencil · 2023-07-21T03:02:23+00:00

They don't. Even younger women don't. Most of them find it cute as long as you are attractive NOW.

fleurs_du_mal__ · 2023-07-21T03:18:17+00:00

Nothing wrong with being a late bloomer, people take time to grow and develop

coldhazel · 2023-07-21T04:52:24+00:00

Anything that conveys there's something genetically wrong with you is a red flag for a woman. Late bloomer means you were ugly and now you're not. That's way riskier than a guy who was never ugly.

Lenovo_Driver · 2023-07-21T05:21:12+00:00

They don’t..

They like everyone else care about how you perform in the now.. how you did before or how you will in this ideal future is irrelevant

toasterchild · 2023-07-21T02:51:21+00:00

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a late bloomer, I married one.

What's wrong is feeling entitled to dating 18 year olds now because you missed out on the years women were hotter. What's wrong is to blame women for the fact that you took longer to catch up. Is wrong if you hold it against the women who are interested now that other women weren't interested before.

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-07-21T03:41:46+00:00

If "making up for" means creeping on teenagers when you're 35.... zero sympathy for you there. Socially incompetent slow starters shouldn't get a clear shot at ruining some other person's early adulthood just because they already ruined their own. You never making up for it is the desirable outcome.

dumbbitchcas · 2023-07-21T03:00:51+00:00

Men are way harsher on women who are late bloomers. I can’t say I feel bad.

Relative_Bee8356 · 2023-07-21T05:47:35+00:00

Gay people of all genders often avoid dating people who are very recently out of the closet. I know someone who requires a full decade out of the closet and actively dating queer people. You can't spin it as sexism when they're dating the same sex. Maybe it's just logical?

Very inexperienced women dating outside of conservative communities get it too. Guys are afraid they'll take too long, be lame in bed, and get super clingy after. Older virgin women often just lose it without disclosing for this very reason.

Late bloomers do come with a higher difficulty level. The reasons men don't tend to be quite as discriminatory about it are (1) fetishism (2) a desire to take advantage of a person who doesn't know how relationships work, or (3) sex-negativity.

AnyIntroduction3288 · 2023-07-21T05:56:45+00:00

As a female late bloomer, I realized that at least on Reddit, I am met with hostility from my male counterparts. I didn’t date until my late 20’s. No kisses until age 26 with a boyfriend of a few months. Mo serious boyfriend until age 28. Some things male late bloomers have told me are: why didn’t you go on tinder and swipe right on a nice guy when you were younger? Why didn’t you take dating more seriously when you were younger instead of being shy? There was probably ONE guy who liked you but you were too entitled and demanding and picky for him. You are still old and undesirable for us.

These guys demand a woman who is a virgin or even a KHV. They make no accommodations for mistakes, breakups, or bad times. One guy said that a woman who is like 30 who has given a blow job and made out ride the cock carousel for Chad.

They also constantly repeat how repulsive they find women their own age and how they loathe to be with a woman their own age because she didn’t give him her best years and presumably was with a “Chad”.

So why would I have any empathy for these guys? They are supposed to be on my side, and I was on their side. I am their female counterpart. I didn’t date until I was older. But they declared me their enemy so I have an incredibly hard time sympathizing with them.

microchipgirl · 2023-07-21T21:16:12+00:00

I'm seeing this after the body was deleted, does late bloomer only refer to sexual experience?

Title	Why do women hold it against guys who are late bloomers?
Author	harmonica2
Upvotes	37
Comments	104
Date	July 21, 2023 2:43 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/155b6qq/why_do_women_hold_it_against_guys_who_are_late/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-women-hold-it-against-guys-who-are-late.1225962 https://theredarchive.com/post/1225962

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