“Women don’t like nice guys” because they’re is a difference between being nice & being kind

wtknight · 2023-08-25T18:24:49+00:00

Removed. Only one post allowed per user every 12 hours.

abaxeron · 2023-08-25T12:18:29+00:00

Considering the state of reality and the bigger world, women are not in the position to claim any expertise in distinguishing "fake niceness" from "inner that overcomes the otter"[/s].

"We linked data from nationwide total population registers in Sweden to test if criminality is associated with reproductive success. Further, we used several different measures related to monogamy to determine the relation between criminal behavior and alternative mating tactics. Convicted criminal offenders had more children than individuals never convicted of a criminal offense. Criminal offenders also had more reproductive partners, were less often married, more likely to get remarried if ever married, and had more often contracted a sexually transmitted disease than non-offenders. Importantly, the increased reproductive success of criminals was explained by a fertility increase from having children with several different partners."

"...in a review of the literature Ellis and Walsh found that 50 out of 51 studies investigating associations between mating behavior and criminality reported a positive relationship between criminal behavior and number of sex partners (Ellis & Walsh, 1997). Beaver, Wright, and Walsh (2008) used a gene-based approach and showed an association between number of sex partners and violent criminal behavior through a common genetic pathway engaging the dopamine transporter gene (DAT1) (Beaver et al., 2008). Another study, comprising 674 men, found that carriers of two copies of the same DAT1 polymorphism have significantly more sex partners, as well as significantly higher delinquency scores, than men who had one or no copies (Guo, Tong, & Cai, 2008). This particular gene variant is typically found among "people who need high levels of excitement and stimulation to activate their reward system in the same capacity as those with normally functioning reward systems" (DeLisi, 2009). Further, a British cohort study found that the 10% most antisocial men father 27% of the children (Jaffee, Moffitt, Caspi, & Taylor, 2003)."

"Criminal offending as part of an alternative reproductive strategy: investigating evolutionary hypotheses using Swedish total population data", Yao et al., Evolution and Human Behavior Volume 35, Issue 6, November 2014, Pages 481-488.

If women want to be in the position to claim this expertise, then helping themselves and each other to stop drooling after bad boys and popping their kids would be a very, very good first step.

There are not enough bad men pretending to be good to explain away the struggles men experience with finding love and connection with the opposite sex.

It can be said that there are enough bad men to leave too many women traumatized and hyper-wary of men, but this is a different argument entirely than "women are so perfect and angelic that they have a built-in morality radar". Was it less than a week since we had a Q4W thread where women told stories about how they were deceived? Yeah. It had a lot of curious responses.

wtknight · 2023-08-25T12:36:44+00:00

Women do like nice guys. It’s just that the guy needs something else besides niceness to attract her. Niceness just isn’t enough. Her existing friends and likely her family are already “nice” to her.

Hour-Diet-4247 · 2023-08-25T14:10:18+00:00

You’re right, being nice doesn’t automatically mean you’re a good man. I can never trust a nice man like that with my life. They can’t say “no” and are just self-serving. A kind, Good man can be themselves and won’t be afraid to call me out when I’m doing something that would negatively impact myself. That’s being Kind. Nice guys would say anything to make me feel good and thus becomes a detriment to self.

psm-142017 · 2023-08-25T11:27:13+00:00

Women genuinely like good looking guys and tbh they dont find 80% guys attractive.

George69143 · 2023-08-25T11:07:53+00:00

I can tell you that even if you are a genuinely good person, you still won’t have any women like you unless you are a chad. Yes there’s a difference between being nice and being kind, but it doesn’t matter and women rarely take this into account. In fact, being kind often times hurts men because women assume we just want to get something from them.

FrodoCraggins · 2023-08-25T12:35:13+00:00

Women don't like nice guys because they've been hearing all their lives how "all guys are misogynistic sex-obsessed assholes", so that's what they expect and that's what they seek out.

When they see a genuinely nice guy they just assume he's a misogynistic sex-obsessed asshole that's only pretending to be nice, so they trash him and go for the misogynistic sex-obsessed assholes that are overt about it. It's why all the women-oriented media is "I tamed the bad boy", not "I found a nice guy".

Independent-Mail-227 · 2023-08-25T12:06:01+00:00

Ok so how are woman making the difference between niceness and kindness?

foxylilthing19 · 2023-08-25T13:43:33+00:00

if women really hated kind men I wouldn’t exist and neither of my siblings would exist

supremethrone · 2023-08-25T11:23:20+00:00

The only difference is looks. Nice and ugly = Nice Guy. Nice and handsome = kind and fuck on the first date

Leather-Cantaloupe10 · 2023-08-25T11:14:18+00:00

“They’re”

Sillysheila · 2023-08-25T14:59:49+00:00

Yeah I’m of the view that people tell men “just be nice and you’ll get a date” and think they’re doing them a favour but you’re just doing them a disservice. The thing is that women are socialised to be nice and are often just nice to anyone so when a man is nice to a woman, they don’t automatically think “he’s flirting/I’ll date him” they just think “what a nice potential friend”.

You should be nice to women of course, but women are the more selective gender so you have to make yourself stand out somehow. What it is that makes you stand out is up to you. I also tend to think it’s not a good idea to be super passive hoping that a girl will want to date you because you were nice to her a couple of times. You should build a rapport then ask them out.

Ludens0 · 2023-08-25T15:13:00+00:00

Honestly there are tons of papers that debunk you.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886918306159?via%3Dihub

Low agreeableness correlate with more sexual partners for men. That's it. End of the story.

The cognitive dissonance women has with this is just beyond anything.

Critical_Lettuce2899 · 2023-08-25T11:22:17+00:00

difference between being nice & being kind is down to SMV.

Nice guys are always low SMV, kind guys are always high SMV

Clementinequeen95 · 2023-08-25T14:00:25+00:00

Every time I’ve met a self proclaimed “nice guy” they have turned out to be a huge misogynistic asshole. I find they often lack self awareness and feed into the “everyone owes me” self pity. Just because you’re nice to women doesn’t mean they owe you sex or a relationship. Everyone should strive to be kind to everyone regardless of whether romantic interests are the goal or not.

Weary_Regular1256 · 2023-08-25T11:16:30+00:00

I agree with you. There are a lot of angry young men who think women only like 'Chads' failing to see how many couples of normal looking people there are. They refuse to take a look at themselves and blame 50% of the population instead.

I think there should be a distinguishment between a 'forever alone' guy and an 'incel'.

There is a significant amount of men that are indeed suited to be in relationships, are good people, work on themselves, but get rejected and remain alone. They should not be shamed.

On the other hand, there are people who are single and bitter and hold a lot of contempt for women as a whole. Their misogyny is noticeable from a far and sadly there's no cure. They pretend to be nice. You cannot date and marry a bad person. Most of time these incels are also really ugly, racist, homophobic, and overly pessimistic, so there's no reason for a woman to talk to them. At least Chad is hot.

You cannot force a woman to like you. You have to keep trying and work on yourself. No one owes you a thing.

The good thing is that most of the people still enter relationships and late bloomers do exit. In fact, the forever alone guys I know in real life entered very healthy relationships.

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Eater0fChildren · 2023-08-25T13:06:43+00:00

They don't like kind guys either.

Cool_Ranch_2511 · 2023-08-25T13:06:54+00:00

you're just making a bad semantics based argument

Nice implies kind.

When I say a person is nice, I don't mean they're just a good person externally but not actually a good person.

No_Length_6997 · 2023-08-25T13:52:44+00:00

I would say that nice guys don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. Being nice is easy, being charismatic and charming and “cool” is something completely different. And plenty of “cool” people are absolute monsters.

NataliaCaptions · 2023-08-25T14:24:33+00:00

Meanwhile drug dealers and criminals are getting the most sex relative to their demographic.

Isn't there a current tiktok drama about a girl who got pregnant from a drug dealer with 5 baby mamas already?

pop442 · 2023-08-25T14:29:41+00:00

Theoretically, this makes sense.

But the problem is that "fake niceness" is hard to determine and women will often switch up its definition with regard to which people fit the category.

Take gossip for example. Gossip is often the textbook definition of "fake nice." It's usually when people act cool and friendly around each other in person yet talk all sorts of shit about each other behind the person's back to others.

Is that not "fake nice?" Oddly, it's not considered "fake nice" because tons of women engage in gossip so it gets more of a pass and treated as a universal thing.

And that's the thing. Blue Pillers often make it seem like so many people out here are 100% kind and selfless to all types of people all the time. In reality, many people are only kind and selfless to people they trust the most, are most comfortable with, and who they know well. Indeed, there are non-profit workers, firefighters, and teachers out there who do love to genuinely help everyone. But a lot of people have biases that make our kindness or niceness "fake" to some extent.

So, do "fake nice guys" who behave like White knights and simps and feel entitled to relationships cause of that deserve scrutiny? Sure. But don't act like their behavior is so "out of this world" when it isn't.

The main thing that hurts "fake nice" guys is their looks and social skills period. If they were hot and charismatic, women would care far less about holding them to a high moral standard which focuses on the authenticity of their niceness.

People just have to be more transparent. Ugly men/women or socially awkward men/women can't get away with being two-faced or mean like their better looking or more socially skilled counterparts. So, we expect them to be especially nice to compensate for their looks and social skills. If people would just say that instead of trying to sound moral, the nice guy debate will be settled for good.

But, because of the moral angle, some men are now scratching their heads wondering why many of the guys they've seen getting laid or dating weren't held to the moral standard that women on Reddit claims will make them attract women.

Looks, money, and social skills attract women. Genuine niceness is just the icing on the cake. An ugly guy working as an EMT or at a soup kitchen isn't magically going to appeal to women just cause of that except for a small niche.

Lovemelikeareptile1 · 2023-08-25T14:52:56+00:00

That's not what a nice guy is at all. It has nothing to do with kindness or opening doors for others.

Maffioze · 2023-08-25T16:00:16+00:00

I mean you're right that there is a difference between being kind and nice, and women generally don't like men who are pushovers.

The issue is though, that men are accused of being a niceguyTM way to quickly. I think most men can relate to the feeling of frustration in high school where they saw this one guy, that was usually a huge asshole who cheated on his gfs constantly and often bullied others, get a significant portion of the women attention despite him obviously being an asshole. The problem is that when a man expresses such frustration, its immediately seen as if he was only being kind/nice to get pussy, and not as him just being kind but still being frustrated. People really like making the worst assumptions about a man's behaviour when often this assumption is inaccurate.

gntlbastard · 2023-08-25T16:06:50+00:00

earn the difference between being a good person on the front and actually being a good person.

Shouldn't this apply to people regardless of the plumbing between their legs? Women have no qualms about insulting guys and calling them all kinds of names under the sun. Where exactly is the reciprocity from the fairer sex on this?

Hoopy223 · 2023-08-25T16:31:58+00:00

I don’t blame her for making this thread because she’s probably a kid.

First off most people are nice but even nice people get mad when taken advantage of. If you have a friend who’s really sweet and easy-going and they let you borrow things that doesn’t mean you can keep that stuff forever. If you have a friend who always buys the drinks at the bar that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t pitch in $$ every now and then and say thank you.

Even the kindest person in the world can become incredibly angry if pushed hard enough or disrespected. That doesn’t mean they are a bad person.

There’s also a tendency among women to believe that they are psychic. They can sense a man’s energy. Which is a bunch of BS but they will say it over and over. Someone will probably reply to this post arguing with me about this lol.

There’s also the scientifically proven phenomenon that men who are violent, cruel, manipulative, antisocial will have lots more sex than every other guy. So obviously they have something that women want. Now they’ll say confidence but personally I think it’s the emotional highs and lows of being with an unpredictable crazy guy.

Finally women get mad too but we as a society give it a pass. That’s what all of those are we dating the same guy websites are about. Revenge.

FutureBannedAccount2 · 2023-08-25T16:32:41+00:00

Not a single women sees a guy she likes and is thinking “hmm is he kind or is he nice”

Safinated · 2023-08-25T16:38:52+00:00

Nice and kind are similar

They’re just not sexxxxxxxxxxxy

DecisionPlastic9740 · 2023-08-25T17:00:40+00:00

Women just aren't attracted to nice period.

Dstar538888 · 2023-08-25T17:41:36+00:00

“Nice guys” tend to be very overbearing and desperate

mqudxhykz · 2023-08-25T18:06:42+00:00

then women don't like kind guys tf is ur point? women don't like nice guys or kind guys is that better because that is the truth

Title	“Women don’t like nice guys” because they’re is a difference between being nice & being kind
Author	vampcutierose
Upvotes	8
Comments	134
Date	August 25, 2023 11:04 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/160w1sh/women_dont_like_nice_guys_because_theyre_is_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-dont-like-nice-guys-because-theyre-is-a.1229722 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229722

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