Could you fall in love with someone you don’t find physically attractive?

demedermidimi · 2023-09-12T20:57:24+00:00

no

doesn’t meet your standard for physical looks, but otherwise a pretty good person (funny/confident/caring…)

unless i find him repulsive, if i like him he has a pretty good chance of actually becoming physically attractive to me

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-09-12T21:41:29+00:00

They don’t have to be objectively attractive, but in order to want a romantic relationship with someone, I have to personally find them sexually attractive. This is a little unclear since sometimes someone can not meet your standards on first glance but become attractive to you after getting to know them. But if the physical attraction is just not present, then no.

Purple_Cruncher_123 · 2023-09-12T21:10:43+00:00

So your title suggest I would find them unattractive, but your body suggest they didn't meet my standard for physical looks (so maybe they were just below the cutoff). So, the answer if it's possible: well sure. Assuming I find them at least neutrally pleasing. Familiarity and love goggles will do the rest, given time. Romantic love is more than just the feeling. It's the expression of it too. In that regard, I love romantically if I feel the desire to voluntarily make my partner feel desired.

I can offer you what the more jaded folks here would call platitudes, cope, blue pill nonsense, anecdotes, exceptions to the rule, etc. All I know is (as a guy), I've lived it. Certainly for anything longer than a few hangouts, the "pretty good person" part makes all the difference.

DreaminInChocolate · 2023-09-12T21:19:41+00:00

I could develop platonic love for them, but never fall in love with them.

WestCombSplit · 2023-09-12T21:02:55+00:00

Physically intimacy is a major part of romantic attraction. I gotta find her physically attractive to have any kind of physical intimacy and physical intimacy is absolutely necessary for me to be in love with her. I can't love her if I don't feel the urge to slap her bum or kiss her face

2023-09-12T21:46:18+00:00

hell nah

bottleblank · 2023-09-12T22:14:53+00:00

(Male)

If I found them physically repulsive? No, probably not. That's pretty exceptional though.

If I found them otherwise unremarkable, or a bit pudgy, or not conventionally attractive but I associated their physical appearance with great company and good times? Yeah, totally.

Just be cool. I'll probably come around to the idea of my own accord if we get on well. The price tag is for the whole package, not just the appearance or the sexual organs.

A long time ago there was a woman I'd known since we were mid-teens, she'd become quite overweight, but she was just so enjoyable to be around, I liked her company, we'd been around each other (even if sporadically) for years, and if I hadn't missed a blatant (in hindsight) opportunity then I might've been onto something.

Unfortunately I was still dealing with problematic life circumstances and I was still subject to significant anxiety, so I accidentally declined the invitation without realising it because I wasn't confident with travelling a distance I wasn't used to travelling to see her. Stupid in hindsight, but I can only say that now I've overcome those issues, that was me at the time and that's the way it was. She's married with kids now. C'est la vie.

But the point is that if I'd made it there that time I would've absolutely given it a shot, despite her weight, because that's not the thing that attracted me to her, her personality was. Being around her was the thing I wanted, her energy, her... person, which greatly outweighs physical attractiveness for me.

wouldbepandananny · 2023-09-12T23:16:17+00:00

This pertains to me- but I would hope it would apply to others.

When I meet someone I will, of course have an impression of how physically attractive I find them- and how attracted to them I am (related, but slightly different things). Then, assuming a relationship of any nature occurs (friends, regular acquaintances) the degree to which I am attracted to them- and the nature of that attraction- tends to evolve.

So- I would be attracted to the individual (and presumably find them attractive) if I fell for them- but it's possible my first impression would be to not find them attractive.

2023-09-13T21:07:00+00:00

I could “love” them but not be in love with them.

CalligrapherSimple39 · 2023-09-14T01:02:33+00:00

Well you're not going to like them romantically. Why not just have them as a friend? Sounds like they would be a great friend...

Welllarmedhippie · 2023-09-12T21:14:35+00:00

I have. I fell in love with their personality (funny, understanding, smart, secure) and their looks grew on me over time.

Another factor almost nobody in these subs talk about is smell. Good hygiene is very important but it's another thing if you can stand your partner's morning breath and BO when they come home from work. It shows compatibility on a physical level.

wtknight · 2023-09-12T21:41:50+00:00

No, but I'm not too picky in what I find physically attractive. I do have preferences, though.

NittyGrittyDiscutant · 2023-09-12T21:59:06+00:00

i tried this and lack of lust kinda ruined it big time in terms of man-woman relationship

YouHateTheMost · 2023-09-12T23:49:33+00:00

My soon-to-be-marriage is with a guy whom I'd skip IRL. However, we met on a gaming Discord and started as an LDR, and it's his personality/attitude/way he treats me that made me fall in love with him and choose him as a life partner. As we've met, I've learned to appreciate and find attractive all of the physical aspects of him. I attribute it to keeping an open mind and being willing to learn to love the real person, without fitting him/her into a narrow box of one's initial preferences.

Safinated · 2023-09-12T21:01:06+00:00

People can be traumatized and stockholm syndromed and brainwashed, so why not that also?

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sine120 · 2023-09-12T20:56:39+00:00

My opinion is no. Romantic/ sexual attraction is requires for a romantic relationship. However, attraction is more than just what you see on the first meeting. People can be attracted to personality traits that help grow their attraction, but there is a physical minimum barrier to entry. If they're repulsed by you, there can't be a sexual relationship.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-09-12T21:20:45+00:00

mackenzie013_02 · 2023-09-12T21:29:16+00:00

I have.

I didn’t find one of my classmates in college even remotely attractive, but fell in love with him once we started hanging out and interacting more.

Sadly I never told him how I felt.

stats135 · 2023-09-12T21:40:11+00:00

Well, love isn't binary. Its not like I either don't care if you live or die, or will take a bullet for you.

So is it possible? Sure. To what extent? Not much. Difficult to put a number on it, but my love for lust would take priority over the love for anyone I'm not physically attracted to, short of those I'm related to by blood.

Ok-Coat7665 · 2023-09-12T21:44:15+00:00

I can be emotionally attracted to someone I don’t find physically attractive. But I don’t think I can allow the relationship to progress enough to love him if he doesn’t meet my physical standards.

Icy_Ordinary2025 · 2023-09-12T22:11:18+00:00

saving_private_ryan_ · 2023-09-12T22:48:26+00:00

Could you fall in love with Hans Gruber if he took you hostage?

ace52387 · 2023-09-12T22:50:01+00:00

i definitely dont have to be immediately smitten with them. but at some point, that would have to happen.

MrBrittle · 2023-09-12T22:53:47+00:00

"Fall In Love" is about "passion" or about "love"?
My English not is good and translators are imprecise.

Khanluka · 2023-09-12T23:02:45+00:00

Yes but we need to be friends first. Before that would happen.

I ones fell in love with a woman. I dindt think was attractive why cause she was super funny.

Generally_Confused1 · 2023-09-12T23:18:02+00:00

Yeah lol

Operatesinreality · 2023-09-12T23:33:22+00:00

Jill_Sammy_Bean · 2023-09-13T01:25:07+00:00

I personally couldn’t

relish5k · 2023-09-13T03:38:28+00:00

No, but it’s possible for someone to become more attractive over time based on their personality. It’s

kalashhhhhhhh · 2023-09-13T05:06:27+00:00

No, I couldn't. I need physical/sexual attraction to feel romantic love.

But I could develop sexual/physical attraction for a guy if he passed the looks threshold (which is not that hard to pass) + he had the right kind of personality.

And that's what happened pretty much with every guy I've ever felt attraction to. We're just coexisting, I'm minding my own business, than poof! He says or does something that makes me see him in a different light, and suddenly all of his physical features are my favorite in the world and I fantasize about banging him.

MarBitt · 2023-09-13T05:28:40+00:00

I can be infatuated with a woman I have never met or seen, just through online communication. But it's relationship limited by that online space.

Being in love will increase her sex appeal in my eyes. But if I then met her in person and discovered that despite my crush, the woman is so unattractive that she physically repels me, the crush would not last and at best it turns into friendship, platonic love.

Let's say normally my standard is 6/10. Infatuation increases the person's physical attractiveness by +2, for example. So if she would normally be 4/10+ for me, I can probably work with that. But if she would normally be 3/10 and less for me, then meeting in person will ruin the crush.

c4993 · 2023-09-13T05:40:44+00:00

Yes and no

Idk about “fallen in love” but I’ve started with people I wasn’t really into but I was lonely and grew attraction later

MidoriEgg · 2023-09-13T07:21:59+00:00

Aggravating-Donut269 · 2023-09-13T08:25:19+00:00

SecondEldenLord · 2023-09-13T09:27:27+00:00

Fall in love,no. Settling, yes. Men can do that do, women cannot, they are way too shallow.

Uglypostwall · 2023-09-13T11:33:14+00:00

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-09-13T13:54:30+00:00

No. I have to be physically attracted to them first.

begayallday · 2023-09-13T14:15:42+00:00

Yes, I have before. Doesn’t even matter what women say though because we’ll just be accused of “virtue signaling.”

THUNDER_SLAYER_777 · 2023-09-13T16:40:52+00:00

kamalaophelia · 2023-09-17T09:21:10+00:00

I had a crush on guys like that, I think?

I met guys I found v attractive physically. Then they talked and suddenly their whole appearance becomes ick. Those photoshop nlie eyes? Kinda creepy. The athletic form? Ugh, self-obsessed. That everything? Ewww go away.

Thing is there are guys (and in my case also women) who I look at and go “Dang!” But I never looked at someone and found them unattractive, more like… neutral. So people start at 0 for me or maybe at ten points, not much. And from there they can go to negatives or positives. Sweet, funny, matching me? Interesting. Oh attraction is at 100% now and 🥰🥰🥰🥰 Now I am in love, attracted and all other people in the world have no chance to ever catch up and be even remotely as attractive as my partner

Title	Could you fall in love with someone you don’t find physically attractive?
Author	celtics2022
Upvotes	7
Comments	53
Date	September 12, 2023 8:48 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16h2mlt/could_you_fall_in_love_with_someone_you_dont_find/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/could-you-fall-in-love-with-someone-you-dont-find.1231631 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231631

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