Did They Accuse You of Any of These?

SkeptiCynical · 2024-01-11T02:04:50+00:00

You can ignore all of this. None of these need to be addressed. None of these rises to a family offense and obviously wouldn't rise to "grounds" (if your state has grounds divorce)

Do not talk to her attorney. Your attorney talks to her attorney.

It doesn't even matter if any of it was true. It's not "actionable". Please read the sidebar. Family law attorneys do shit like this, knowing none of it holds any weight in family court or a divorce proceeding because it stokes the fires in combative divorces... and maximizes their billable hours. They think it will put you on the defensive and you'll be more willing to concede what their client wants. Don't fall for it.

Deaf-listener · 2024-10-11T00:38:25+00:00

What if she does have text messages she’s kept of someone calling her names and being emotional?

RedFridged · 2024-01-11T04:18:18+00:00

Discovery will be intensive. Get all your paperwork together…for at least the last 5 years….you’re probably going to spend a few hundred bucks on photocopies alone… Keep your head up. The emotional bullshit doesn’t matter. It’s all about your State laws, financial equity and joint incomes while together…increases in the values of properties and investments while together…and kids if you have em. Try your best to pay out instead of monthly checks to maintain your sanity. It’s just money my man. Get em gone and free yourself. You’ll be ok once it’s over. A beautiful life awaits you.

JuneCleaversMudFlaps · 2024-01-10T23:27:09+00:00

Judges hear this shit all the time, and they usually just ignore it. Keep in mind her attorney has access to all financials so they are going to take the drama route to make as much as they possibly can. Drag their feet, false accusations, etc…… mine were FAR worse.

abusive
threatened to kill her
my parents were child molesters
I was cheating
I was a drunk
I threatened my kids and they were scared of me

No proof of anything of these false allegations. Right before the temporary orders hearing we dropped into discovery a video of her holding me at knife point and threatening me. Crazy shit, the most psychotic eyes you’ve ever seen. She has bright blue eyes, and in the video they were black. Her attorney was going ballistic about it, but my attorney just calmly said, “this isn’t something we’re putting in to discuss today, so we can keep it out of this hearing.”

That changed everything though. Her attorney fired her a couple months later, and she had nothing to hire another one, and neither did I after she took everything from savings to hire that ass. I worked with my lawyer to draft final orders, paid fair child support, and no alimony, and she signed. Have standard custody now, and she’s actually a decent person these days towards me. Feel bad for her partner though. lol.

Ecstatic-Shopping313 · 2024-01-10T19:22:50+00:00

"Emotional Abuse" is the absolute dumbest thing I've ever heard of. She flat out told the judge she never once felt threatened by me in any way, but that I was "emotionally abusive" because I "didn't make her happy."

I'm about to blow a fuse today just thinking about it.

One_Cartographer_465 · 2024-01-10T16:01:26+00:00

My last marriage lasted a WHOLE 7 months, the divorce took 5 mo. I live in a small town (TX) so our two lawyers were good friends with each other. My X accused me of cheating (not a shred of evidence, I was always where I was supposed to be). Since my X is truly a B!*$h and the two lawyers and Paralegals were friends I got a lot of the gossip about my X's behavior's to her own lawyer. The conversation about the cheating accusations were," we met both parties and we believe the husband (me) not the STBX. BUT Even if he did cheat, we understand why." The two paralegals seemed to have each other on speed dial.

Any other accusations she attempted to make were shot down by her lawyer.

My X was so bad her lawyer got tired of her crap and told her she had to vacate my house or find other representation. I agreed to give STBX Three months rent to vacate and divorce because she had no job and no money (and I really wanted her out). Her lawyer held the check "hostage" and made her sign the divorce agreement before handing her my check.

I almost felt like I needed to give HER lawyer a retainer for her help.

2024-01-10T15:03:20+00:00

You were probably shocked by the accusations. I received a hefty amount myself and was equally stunned, hurt, angry. That's the plan though, all part of the game plan. To upset you to the point where you will angrily fight back and then she can sit back, pointing the finger "see, I told you so, I told you he's an abusive/rage-a-holic/insert-adjective-here"!

If I could relive and redo the entire thing, I would have remained cool and calm the entire time, not allowed myself to get emotional, and let my attorney fight for me. But I hadn't seen my kid in a while, felt abandoned (which really triggered my anxious-attachment), and was NOT thinking clearly. It's tough to remain clear headed and in control when your world feels like it's falling apart around you. But do your best, don't give her anything to help her fight against you. Remember she still needs PROOF and without it, it will either all fall apart around her, or she'll realize that approach does not work and eventually back down a bit (the latter seems to have happened here in my situation).

Objective-Fan-5464 · 2024-01-10T14:38:34+00:00

The best advice I heard for responding to false allegations is to respond with "You know that this isn't true" and above all, keep calm.

rsmiley77 · 2024-01-10T13:38:44+00:00

Sorry you are going through this.

As someone who went through a very contentious divorce myself (mainly because of what was made up in the mind of my now ex)... I give you this advice...

1) Your stbx can say whatever she likes. Unless there are some type of physical proof the court will not care. Honestly everything you list is fairly standard for most women going through divorce.

2) Always have your phone ready and be ready to record any type of altercation. My 'weekly' incidents went down to zero after I installed cameras in the house.

3) Make sure you are involved in the legal process. The legal process of divorce is guided by laws. Knowing the laws before your attorneys tell you their thoughts about it will allow you to ask better questions and have a plan beforehand. I saved around 2000 a year by simply knowing the law in my divorce process. My attorney advised me 'this is standard' when that wasn't the law.

It feels so good beating your ex in court because you are better prepared and more knowledgeable.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-01-10T11:56:13+00:00

I would literally copy and paste that list and my response to each one would be one word: “false”

If you simply deny it the burden of proof is on her to prove it which they usually can’t.

If you get sucked into long winded explanations they will find ways to poke holes in your response and use it against you. It’s a trap.

occoptionplaya · 2024-01-10T06:04:59+00:00

I was accused of 90% of the shit you listed. So sad, its likely in her attorney's playbook. Good luck man.

2024-01-10T05:06:26+00:00

This is why anytime my ex wife started shit with me I had my phone in my pocket and the voice recorder recording every threat she threw out saying she would get a TRO and that I don't do anything to get one but she could pull it off in the courtroom that they always listen to the female when it comes to anything violent . And that she would take my daughter and run to her sister's in a state that was all the way in the other side of the country .well I got her good to because I said really want to go there we do live ina fault state and I could get everything we own if you want to play that game . She said I wouldn't do that I said watch me and try . You are not getting any of the business that is finally starting! To make money and you put 0 % into it financially and physically so and try to take part of my retirement from my last job it's probably under $100 k but it's still mine . She did try to get. A TRO and did until I went in front of the judge and played that audio he flipped . Told her she has abused the system then she tried the abuse thing with me I had never even been to jail . He seen right through her face her nothing I ended up giving her what I wanted I got the house . She got 2 cars the boat and 2 wave runners ( she wanted those anyway when we got them ) and I gave her everything in the house except my bed and clothes and my tools took the jeep and my truck and my motorcycle .lol

JD-Anderson · 2024-01-10T03:43:26+00:00

Yep, pretty much checked all those boxes. Many years later she is still blaming me for her poor position in life when I’ve zero responsibility for that either. And I have gone to sleep crying every night all these years because I care……

They have to blame someone for their poor decisions or they are throwing a fit like the child they are. But that’s kinda their problem now I guess.

moveonplease45 · 2024-01-10T03:25:18+00:00

Yes I also “pushed them away, and this is all your fault.”

Classic blame shifting. Cutoff contact.

YukonB · 2024-01-10T03:11:33+00:00

So how do you get through all this without losing your mind?

aintTrollingYou · 2024-01-10T03:02:45+00:00

Only thing on my bingo card you’re missing is accusations of cyberstalking because she left her gmail open a browser window?

I_got_BAnaNaS · 2024-01-10T02:46:07+00:00

All but the first one.

PickelPeechPickel · 2024-01-10T02:42:46+00:00

Smells of my soon-to-be-ex-wife… which also smells like BPD. I haven’t had an attorney involved with my stuff, but my (ex)wife directly said/did similar things.

Lean_BigDaddy · 2024-01-10T02:15:16+00:00

Cookie cutter blueprint!

MidniteOG · 2024-01-10T01:57:09+00:00

That sounds alot like the lawyer taking….

Peoniesandpopsicles · 2024-01-10T01:56:49+00:00

This was my story too, it’s called the silver bullet divorce, she makes false allegations to gain the upper hand in the divorce. It’s an effective strategy and courts will not hold them accountable when none of the allegations stand up to scrutiny. The advice I would give is stay calm, don’t respond to her or try to change her mind, in communications be assertive and efficient in your text, although it is very difficult try not to let the lying and exaggerating get you down. It could cost you a fortune in legal fees but you will be successful, the path could be long and difficult. Remember the lawyer and judges are mostly focussed on their own financial gain from your situation. Lawyers will often escalate the conflict to increase their fees. Be cautious when hiring a lawyer, mine appeared ethical on the surface while she extorted $150K from me with emails and letters. In then end I fired the lawyer because it was going nowhere, mistakes were made, and she drained all my savings. Good luck.

wisstinks4 · 2024-01-10T01:41:19+00:00

This is a spectacular list 7 solid points. Proof that crazy bitches think like sociopaths, by making up shit to cause more and more chaos. These kind of people need a long walk off the short road.

It’s terrible men have to work through this bullshit, the broken fucked up legal system caters to these people. All Hail to the guy who can overcome the system and find a few blueberries, (victories), in life, and still come out, standing on his own 2 feet.

i_am_buzz_lightyear · 2024-01-10T01:38:44+00:00

Yup. The duress shit was just the beginning. Then financial abuse (records clean, advised by my lawyer), you left out calling the cops - a day after I sent proof of her cheating to her mom that is paying her attorney (I didn't live with her any more, just stupid), alcoholism (I blow 3 times a day I see my kids, all clean, I comply to establish her lying), substance abuse, (I had to pee in a cup, nothing, again show her lies), mental illness. I'm sure I missed some. I'm currently at the mental illness one. It's great. I'm glad I left before the DV claims

SuperConfused40 · 2024-01-10T01:28:10+00:00

Bro, we all went through this. You narrowed it down to everyone in this group. LOL

Canadian_builder1081 · 2024-01-10T01:27:44+00:00

Surprised to not see “gaslighting, emotional abuse and narcissistic behaviour” as a line item. That seems to be the base package these days.

lifelesswriter69 · 2024-01-10T01:15:22+00:00

accused of way worse - and i mean way worse...

so far i ended up with 50/50 custody and expect 50/50 split or close to it.... stbx is moved out of the marital home. only a couple more steps to be done

Title	Did They Accuse You of Any of These?
Author	moveonplease45
Upvotes	24
Comments	50
Date	January 10, 2024 12:41 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/192uv7p/did_they_accuse_you_of_any_of_these/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/did-they-accuse-you-of-any-of-these.1242633 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242633

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