Still pushing after rejection. Should I stop?

Mistermistery101 · 2022-04-20T13:39:00+00:00

Hey man. I'm 90% sure you're suffering from the "nice guy" syndrome. My best advice: Read the book "no more mr.nice guy".

We can give you superficial advice but I promise none of it is gonna stick if you dont follow through with it. And you won't go through with it unless you get over your hang ups.

SEJ1970 · 2022-04-20T15:30:30+00:00

Am I missing something here??? This girl already told you she wasn't interested in you romantically and you are still trying to push it... Take this from another guy, NO means No... Just move on... There's plenty of women out there who is looking for a guy like you... Stop butting your head against the wall...

Hr_Art · 2022-04-20T13:29:51+00:00

Nope next

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-04-20T14:16:20+00:00

Just save whatever dignity you have left and move on.

TH3BUDDHA · 2022-04-20T15:29:21+00:00

Do I just give up at this point?

No.

She said she wasnt open for it in the beginning

That is when you should have given up. Lesson learned for the future. Move on, bro.

PuroPincheGains · 2022-04-20T15:44:02+00:00

Yes you should stop ASAP. No means no. And there's lots of ways to convey a no. That's one thing the old school PUA nerds had trouble with, and it's only natural to make this mistake growing up in a society that romanticizes stalker like behavior in movies and pop songs. There's nothing wrong whatsoever with shooting your shot. Sometimes you can fuck up and still catch the rebound. But if you straight up miss, then the play is over and it's time to move on. Abundance mindset means there's plenty of attractive and awesome women in the world so rejection shouldn't be a big deal. Reflect on what you learned and move on. When in doubt, if it's not a, "Fuck yeah," then it's a, "no." Maybe means no. Next time means no. Not now means no. Sure but just as friends means no. Sure I'll text you^{but^{not^really}} means no. Please please take this advice because you're at risk for catching a reputation, losing your career, getting beat up, and giving this community a bad name. And stop trying to date work colleagues. That's the most unrealistic thing about The Office, in real life that shit will mess up your life.

gillmanblacklagooner · 2022-04-20T16:14:12+00:00

By the end of your second paragraph I got your problem: you don’t need to change anyone. It’s a waste of time. People do ‘operate’ with polarization sometimes, when you have to trigger and move fast, but she got an opinion and stand pretty earlier for her thoughts. Don’t be used. Move on. It’s not a give up. Remember: you both win and lose in a relationship. So if you are losing a pretty girl, she’s losing a hard working cool guy too. And do yourself a favor about not taking this “change her mind” issue very serious.

mjornir · 2022-04-20T16:00:22+00:00

I thought maybe I could change her mind if we met.

and that’s where you went wrong. you can’t and you never will, stop trying to

2022-04-20T14:09:23+00:00

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Hmmkey · 2022-04-20T15:12:19+00:00

There is a thin line in being persistent and harassment and a thin line between a shit test and a rejection. A lot of times we shoot ourselves in the foot, for example when she says I like you as a friend and you die on the inside and thereby just stop making moves and crawl back into your comfort platonic friend zone and you would have gotten her but you just failed the shit test. And other times she is serious and rejects you as a potential partner and you might be persistent and basically just harass her. It all comes down to reading between the lines and having or getting some social intelligence.

Ambitious-Ice2357 · 2022-04-20T15:47:06+00:00

Don’t chase. Don’t pursue. Ask a woman out, tell her you would like to get to know her, you’re interested, etc. If she doesn’t give you her number, leave her alone. If she does give you her number and you call or text and she doesn’t respond. Leave her alone. Don’t play their games and DO NOT harass a woman. Move on.

lazy784 · 2022-04-20T14:28:38+00:00

Elaborate on the date more. That will give us more insight on what could have gone wrong.

Did you escalate?
Did you talk about romantic/sexual topics or was it just friendly?
Did you make eye contact? (#1 easiest way to flirt with a girl without saying anything)
Was there any physical contact?

The more NOs you have, the more things you need to work on.

Dumy_Hmn · 2022-04-20T16:58:37+00:00

In my little experience I can see that you are taking some things way to personal and serious. Like when she told you that she's only into muscular guys, and then you start to overthink it instead of responding with something cool or funny like "Actually this is me, the rock on a fake account, this is your lucky day" or whatever idk. Just play it cool.

Same thing with the "you are such a nice guy". Instead of playing it cool you let that get to your head. But don't worry bro, it's normal to have those struggles at the start.

I'm not an expert, I still need to improve most things but those are my 2 cents.

Also. I think you should move on but you can actually just keep her as a friend, it will help improve your social skills and build a social circle arround you.

whiplash81 · 2022-04-20T17:27:00+00:00

Rule #1: Attraction is not a choice.

In other words, you will NEVER convince someone to "change their mind" about being attracted to you. Simultaneously, if she's attracted to you, then this rule works in your favor.

If you want to be successful with women, then you need to adopt this mindset.

hagakurejunkie · 2022-04-20T18:39:18+00:00

Drop her, if you keep trying for her it's going to utterly wreck your self-image and it will take you a while to get it back.

Essentially, in pick-up and dating, you are looking for the "Fuck yes!" girl.

The "Fuck yes!" girl makes everything seem almost effortless. She says "You should take my number"

She agrees to the date without hesitation. If she can't make it that night, she rainchecks. "I'm super busy on thursday but I'm free saturday night, can we meet up then?"

She wants you to kiss her and makes it almost obvious, she playfully touches you the whole night, she laughs at your jokes and she invites you inside when you bring her home.

The "Fuck yes!" girl isn't playing a game and you don't even feel like you had game to get her.

Once you have been with a "Fuck yes!" girl, you will NEVER waste your time chasing anything less.

heretolearnsth · 2022-04-20T13:25:14+00:00

FIND.MORE.GIRLS

zinvl · 2022-04-20T15:51:06+00:00

Just don't push if she makes her intentions that clear lad, see how much time you lost ? Stop wasting it, if it feels like you're trying more due to attachement than being pragmatic just move to the next one

Zealousideal6669 · 2022-04-20T16:13:06+00:00

She actually put you in a nice guy/friend zone category. Maybe she went maybe it might be solved somehow but you see where is the core problem. Nice guy and needy behavior. That's the main problem that needs to be cured if she doesn't change her mind who cares, still, a lot of girls waiting for you so I could suggest becoming a bit more bad guy/fuckboy category. We all know that's what girls want, I'm not gonna explain why it'd take so much time but I was the same as you not that long ago then I started to develop myself in that way and now girls have crushes on me from nothing so it works ridiculously well. what is that thing? I just changed my habits. Would take a bit long to describe the topic and how attraction works but if you hit me up I'm tryna tell you if I have more time to answer it

jsbach123 · 2022-04-20T18:44:58+00:00

NEVER CHASE A WOMAN. It's not about ego. It's statistically a bad idea.

If she's showing definite disinterest, she probably sees you as low value. If you persist, she'll see you as a door mat, creep, orbiter, pathetic, etc., and perceive you as even lower value.

But if you drop her, she might raise her perception of you. "Wow, he's not chasing. He must have other girls and not be so worthless".

Granted, the odds she'll come around is still low, but higher than if you keep chasing. You just gotta play the odds.

2022-04-20T16:20:08+00:00

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Sonnto · 2022-04-20T17:29:34+00:00

Should have moved on from chasing her at all since she mentioned she only saw you as a "career acquaintance". So yes - stop.

rjshore · 2022-04-20T19:40:03+00:00

Move on, you're at risk of debasing yourself and your dignity. Genuine self esteem is the best tool you have for finding good relationships, and I worry you aren't maintaining it. Your value isn't dependent on this woman's opinion; how you react to it though is a different story.

tommybruh · 2022-04-20T19:58:54+00:00

Move bro, don’t waste your time. You are not option A, then she shouldn’t be your priority.

Be happy!!

JB_NSA · 2022-04-20T20:44:32+00:00

Yeah, give up, dude. You're being a simp at this point.Find someone who appreciates your value. Sounds like this one keeps you around simply b/c she likes the attention and validation. If she asks why she doesn't hear from you anymore, just tell her you've been busy. Period.

psean1977 · 2022-04-20T15:25:11+00:00

Creating more options for yourself doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive with keeping your intentions on with this girl. If you like her that much, you need to really find a way that would work for both of you. Right now, the way you are, is not attractive to her sexually. And she has given you some input in what you are missing…So work on that, but also create more options for you…and as you talk to more girls, you will become more attractive to her, as you will become less needy for her!

nikgos · 2022-04-20T16:32:14+00:00

She told you she is not interested from the get-go. You're not in a bad situation tho. You could potentially get a really good friendship out of this. I hate to list the benefits of having an attractive female friend as I think that this is looking at a person as just a means to an end and that way you'll be missing on a lot more but here are some of those.

Firstly, awkward inexperienced guys could greatly benefit from having female friends as you're not used to having women around you. This will help you become more natural and relaxed around women in general. Also, she will 100% give you some pointers on where you can improve. Another thing is social proof. If you roll somewhere with an attractive woman even if you're just friends you automatically have more situational social proof and status. Also having a good picture with an attractive girl on your dating profile gives you massive social proof. Lastly, she probably has cute friends, and as you keep working on yourself and keep improving you'll have a much better chance with them once you meet them down the road.

Remember tho if you're gonna be friends with her don't try to get with her. Simple as that.

AngledLuffa · 2022-04-20T19:53:19+00:00

Suffering from oneitis over a girl you met once on a dating app is no bueno. Simplest suggestion is to match with other girls so you don't have to stress over this one so much.

To answer your question, yes, absolutely stop pushing. Nothing is coming of this situation.

However, whatever you do, don't send any kind of cringy goodbye message. The two choices are: slowly distance yourself, don't hang out as much, and move on with your life, OR, accept that she can actually be a real friend on the basis of things you have in common and maybe she'll even eventually set you up with some of her friends.

NilacTheGrim · 2022-04-20T20:05:02+00:00

Do I just give up at this point? She said she wasnt open for it in the beginning and looks like I have failed in changing her mind in the first date. Would it seem admirable that I stil am trying(without being a creep ofc) or do you simpy quit?

Yeah give up and move on. She was quite honest. If she changes her mind she'll contact you.

I know this seems out of left field but bear with me: Ever watch pigeons court each other? The male (the larger pigeons are always male) chases around the female. She runs runs runs away. The male chases after her almost obsessively. If she's interested or not she does always run away. If she's truly not interested she keeps running until she loses him and the male forgets about her and chases another female. HOWEVER -- sometimes you can tell the female in question actually was interested and when she realizes she's being ignored by the stalker she seems a little sad. And she turns around.. and CHASES HIM until he acknowledges her and begins chasing her again. This happens over and over again and the cycles of her running away and chasing him grow briefer and smaller until she stops running.

Courtship amongst humans isn't entirely like that but it isn't also NOT like that -- we can learn a thing or two from the pigeons.

I would stay stop contacting her altogether and if she's truly interested she';ll contact you. You made your feelings clear as day. She made hers clear as day. Idk. My two cents.

Move on, see if you can find some other females to court in the meantime to keep you busy. You may be surprised that as soon as you find someone else to court.. this one may end up calling you again and then you will have your hands quite full trying to divide time between them. Best case. Worst case, you will never hear from her again and that's life. There are about 50-100 million other women on this planet that are in your age group, are hot, and are likely someone you would find extremely appealing as a partner. She's not the only one on this planet that you will find amazing if you try to discover others you will be pleasantly surprised what you may find in other places too...

My two cents.

recyclablebanthas · 2022-04-21T00:00:38+00:00

1

.... made my intentions of taking her for a date after talking.

It seems like you went further in your own mind than just a date. Seems like you've imagined a lot more with this girl.

Which is a problem because you didn't know her then and you really don't know her now, yet you've built up all this stuff on your head about her.

The reality is different and you're not accepting it.

2

She then told me she was only into muscualr sportive type of guys since she is well built aswell( why even like my profile then, maybe it was bcause we have the same job). People tell me that I look athletic irl even without doing any kind of muscle building... but I guess I look skinnier on my photos.

If you don't workout on a regular basis, then it will be clear enough to anyone that does, that you don't work out. Whatever compliment you got about looking athletic was detached from reality.

3

I thought maybe I could change her mind if we met.

Obviously that's not how seduction works. Seduction is about finding out if she's up for it, making moves if she is, and avoiding shooting yourself down unintentionally.

It doesn't take long for someone to know on some level if they're up for it. But not everyone is obvious about it right away. That might be where some people get confused, thinking someone's mind can be changed. They're not. What's happening is they are discovering where they actually stood.

4

I just felt the chemistry was there, but she casually told me....

Consider this: you felt the chemistry was there for some reason. Clearly, you were incorrect. You might want to ask yourself why you were apparently so unaware of the state of things until she said you were a nice guy.

5

I drove her to her house at the end of the day, tried talking about my interest in her once again she just remained silent long time and finally was like ''Talk to you later ok?'' gave me a hug and left...

She already kindly rejected the idea of being more than friends or a work acquaintance.

He responded by ignoring that and continuing to talk about how you were interested in her. You created so much awkwardness that you killed the conversation.

Seduction is a form of social interaction. Social interactions are two way exchanges. When one person communicates something in the other person ignores it and keeps on as if the other person had not communicated something, that is a fail.

6

This was 2 days ago, ever since she only texted me when she felt like talking about our jobs..

Imagine if someone walked up to you on the street, wanting to sell you a particular car. You told them you weren't interested in that kind of car, even though you discovered you had something else in common with them.

So if you then texted that person about the thing you have in common and they respond by continually trying to sell you the car you don't want and kind of ignoring the thing you have in common....

Maybe you can understand how that wouldn't really work out too well.

7

Do I just give up at this point?

You're doing an awful lot of work here too avoid letting go of whatever image you had in your head about how this was supposed to go.

Seduction is a team sport. If the other person doesn't want to play, then there's no game.

mtgxbuster · 2022-04-20T20:23:18+00:00

Christ man. She already said before you two went on a date that it would be business only. You should've gave up at that point. I don't know what you were expecting out of the date, but this post makes you seem pretentious as hell.

2022-04-20T14:57:20+00:00

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youcheekydelinquent · 2022-04-20T20:00:03+00:00

Never push. Only pull. Rejection is rejection, sugar-coated or not. Someone's attraction to you does not define you.

Don't keep trying. Focus on yourself. Practice talking to women. If she wants to stay connected, that's cool; move the conversation to linked in or something and spend time talking to people who want to talk to you.

Blackmagician · 2022-04-20T20:24:39+00:00

No means no. Have some self respect for yourself, she told you no and your ego is so hurt that you can’t take it. You already know the truth of this situation, you’ve said it yourself plain as day.

zx91zx91 · 2022-04-20T15:32:20+00:00

Thank her for what she said. She literally told you the answer to your problem. Now go and solve it, nice guy.

gillmanblacklagooner · 2022-04-20T16:17:47+00:00

Dude can you imagine yourself kissing her, having sex, developing intimacy just to know she has this kind of feelings and thoughts? I’m sure you figured it out about the good stuffs but she was very clear about the intentions all the way out. Just realise how lucky you are. You just avoided further and deeper problems to your mind.

idkbroimdrunkandsad · 2022-04-20T16:18:23+00:00

She stated clearly that she is not interested in you. It’s that simple. Like another commenter said, please read into “nice guy syndrome.” If she’s not into you, she’s not into you. There is no forcing her to like you.

malibubellajames · 2022-04-20T16:46:23+00:00

Why even bother with someone like her? She chose to reject you based on the amount of visible muscles on your picture. You seem like a nice guy (no pun intended) and you will find someone better for you. This is almost as bad as tiny people rejecting others for being 6’ instead of 6’1”.

nbh1995 · 2022-04-20T16:55:56+00:00

get another girl bro

withoutwingz · 2022-04-20T17:24:48+00:00

Not admirable. Creepy. Learn to quit while you’re ahead and not because the restraining order is ordering you to. If it’s not organic, don’t force it. Why do you want someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Have some self respect and respect others.

krispykreme01 · 2022-04-20T17:52:25+00:00

Idk she said no but maybe She wants you to chase her. This is a L I’d say just keep it friendly take hours to respond to texts days even and don’t hangout with her no more.

Problems hit the gym they all workout.

notsoslootyman · 2022-04-20T18:16:18+00:00

She told you a no before you met. After you met she said that you would make a good work contact, which is also a no. Congrats, you made a friend. Friends are great. Move your interest and attention to someone interested in you.

Ahmed104 · 2022-04-20T18:36:12+00:00

well if you really wanna get her, start acting hard to get but at the same time you really risking to lose her as friend , so something like; setup a date on a nice restaurant, and then say something like dont you mind my girl friend is gonna join us, she will probably say yes, but then before the date few hours, say something like sorry my girl friend want me to take her to a special place which i cant really tell you at the moment, --- or maybe you simply can say sorry my girl friend is not open to meet you today. and just act as you are really wanted and hard to get or blablabla, brainstorm your mind bro

Realityinmyhand · 2022-04-20T18:40:32+00:00

On top of the other advices you already got (read "no more Mr nice guy is a great one) : Forget her and hit the gym. You'll have enough girls like her that you don't care anymore.

Bornagainvurgin24 · 2022-04-20T18:44:00+00:00

Nah bro. Move on and work on yourself. Don't chase a receipt in the wind. You'll just look like a fool

bath_junkie · 2022-04-20T19:12:08+00:00

She said she wasn’t interested why keep pushing? I hear change their mind so much, like no just listen to her stop making shit awkward. she’s only interested in a work place relationship! Geez

parodg15 · 2022-04-20T20:40:34+00:00

Yes!

Hmurie · 2022-04-20T20:40:49+00:00

Bruh, she said she wasn’t into you, why you even wasting your time taking her on a date.

If you had some balls and didn’t even reply she would respect you more I bet.

SimpG0D420 · 2022-04-20T21:08:57+00:00

I would just tell her you don't want to be friends and if she wants to go on an actual date to let you know, then after that conversation ends don't text her. If she reaches out keep it short and see if she's down for a date, if she never reaches out forget about her.

Blackspidey23 · 2022-04-20T21:58:44+00:00

Ummmm duh. At that point she already made it clear that ur just a friend

Deep-Advice7587 · 2022-04-20T22:01:24+00:00

Hey OP, give up on her and talk to me instead haha, just kidding, don't expect too much from dating apps.

2022-04-20T22:03:42+00:00

bro the writing is on the walls, give. it. up.

move on from this girl.

KalEl2k · 2022-04-20T22:05:35+00:00

Brah 🏳

everyth1ngscopacetic · 2022-04-20T22:16:24+00:00

Unmatch and move on. I know what your thinking, maybe if she gets to know me, etc etc. a girl knows within a few minutes whether she wants to move along with things or not. You could of just posted the first few sentences. It sucks, but by you sticking around just feeds the simps box. Sorry bro. Cut your loss and move on. If she texts keep it short or wait at least 3 days to respond with something vague and short

Accomplished_Egg_928 · 2022-04-20T22:34:50+00:00

If she has give you the "Lets Just be Friends" talk, that is exactly what it means and she is not attracted to and never will be. The majority of women will not entertain anything more, no matter how close you become as friends, so best advice is to move on, and if you are not happy with just a platonic arrangement, then cut her off. Contiuing to persue her is creepy behavoir.

Dpaige411 · 2022-04-20T22:39:12+00:00

Yeah give it up she told you and you tried still which the way you did it is admirable but time to let it go. Let her go out with a shitty guy and maybe she will reconsider ! You never know but def don’t continue your pursuing when it’s a clear no.

Title	Still pushing after rejection. Should I stop?
Author	LatterRow
Upvotes	97
Comments	95
Date	April 20, 2022 1:20 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/u7wdab/still_pushing_after_rejection_should_i_stop/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/still-pushing-after-rejection-should-i-stop.1261623 https://theredarchive.com/post/1261623

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