[23M] How to make up for crucial social milestones I missed out on during my youth?

mew_bot · 2022-03-12T13:08:13+00:00

Is this me? Was just crying over this. I dont know what I did wrong in my life, studied my ass off till now, got what i wanted professionally but life just feels hollow and empty.

inverted_electron · 2022-03-12T12:23:10+00:00

Your feelings of missing out are very understandable. Your perspective is still distorted. Realize how young 25 actually is - your whole life lies before you!

A large share of men, takes a bit longer to find their way in life. Worse things can happen. Quite a few guys have their first sexual experiences in their late twenties.

Giving up is not an option. Start to take responsibility for your life - sooner or later you will experience the things you're craving for. If you take action your life will change. Doing something will also up your mood and fulfill you. Once you find enjoyment in working for your own goals you won't have motivation to compare yourself all the time with other people.

Good luck!

dheidjdedidbe · 2022-03-12T14:33:18+00:00

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daevilsins_6 · 2022-03-12T14:17:44+00:00

dude I am 25 and I know how that feels. I am still challenging myself to be active around people because for a big chunk of my life, I was the "obedient and quiet" child with my parents and with small hints of anger and resentment towards life. I had so much anxiety and paranoia when I was in highschool/college that I was surprised that I was able to even function. Only thing that kept me sane was doing drugs, because everyday was a curse to me. until I made a change years later.

You have to look at whats wrong and make a change. If you really want to change for the better, then do something about it. I was tired of being skinny and having people tell me I'm anorexic. So I joined the gym and got big. have approach anxiety? go up to a couple girls a day and ask them for the time and directions to a walmart or whatever. then later give them a compliment and tell them your name little by little your anxiety will be going away. Rome wasn't built in one day, but you can't expect to see change if you are in a bubble of negativity. I know its easier said then done.

I have a quote from one redditor that I kept saved on my phone and as a wallpaper to continually remind me to not worry so much:

"bro the best advice I’ve ever heard about being less socially anxious is realizing that everyone is the main character in THEIR movie and they’re just thinking about how they act and carry themselves, 99% of the time they don’t notice the embarrassing or awkward shit you do that you think they see and are judging you on, AND even if they do they forget it in probably the same day"

keep your head up dude, you're still young.

dheidjdedidbe · 2022-03-12T12:10:07+00:00

i actually lost my virginity at 23, you know what i did? One day at the gym i was like "wtf am i doing" so i just waited for a chick to start leaving the gym and asked her if she'd like to go out to dinner that weekend, she agreed and i ended up losing it to her. Granted that's only happened twice so far and i haven't got any in a while, but at least i'm still trying. I've learnt it's a numbers game and every rejection you just gotta get back at em. Keep your head up high buddy things will work out, i'm in youre corner homie🤘

2022-03-12T14:35:34+00:00

Fortunately for you, 23 is still very young. You still have time to get those opportunities. Open up to people and make friends. The friends you make will help you experience new things and once that happens you meet more people and the ball keeps rolling. Be confident and have fun. You still have a lot of time because you still are in your prime.

DJBAandPMech · 2022-03-12T13:20:31+00:00

Same boat for me. I know this is vague but make friends with women and men. Find a social gathering you feel comfortable going to and network. Meet all the people you can. A lot of people are in the same boat and all it takes is a genuine conversation starter to lift the vail of social awkwardness. Being open to rejection is a tool. Some of the things people might say aren’t very nice but some will offer constructive criticism which is a great way to hone your skills. Pick up an hobby or activity and seek out others with the same interest.

sym-on · 2022-03-12T15:59:49+00:00

I would recommend therapy as a start dude, You gotta vent all these thoughts towards a neutral person.

Then I would advise you try each day some things to get out of your comfort zone (even if just small things as talking to a stranger or ordering something new at a restaurant)

Focus on things that make you happy and for which you don't need somebody (idk play piano or cook, as example). You need to feel comfortable when you're by yourself (cause in the most of the time we are by ourselves) and don't see that as a bad thing

Try to create a positive opinion about yourself.

It's a long road, but if you stay actively behind things will improve ;)

Btw there will always be times in life where you are down (and times where you are "up"), it's part of life

Good luck

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-03-12T14:12:05+00:00

Imagine a 23 year old kid, thinking he is in his prime xD.

23 is prime age for girls because biology is different for females and males.

For guys their prime starts at 30

A 23 year old guy is just a grown up kid barely out of the womb, can’t even consider him a man.

Sure, many kids your age or younger have had sex, but they are not in their prime.

Anyways dude, you are in the seduction forum. How about you read the seduction wiki or read a seduction book?

mightymite88 · 2022-03-12T12:36:46+00:00

Yeah you'll be fine. I lost mine at 22. And i was also incredibly inept at first. Just study the game and out in the work and you'll be good in no time. Just a few months

NotMyBestEffort · 2022-03-12T19:08:25+00:00

You are lucky. You are not in your prime yet.

Life has plans for you

aardz1 · 2022-03-13T00:08:14+00:00

As someone who has been where you are and managed to overcome it I’d like you to consider 2 main points.

The lifestyle you envy is largely over glamourised and just as empty. Trust me, I grew up in a conservative household and once I got some freedom I tried the party lifestyle but eventually got bored and sought other pathways to find fulfilment. Parties and festivals etc leave you just as empty. Listen to the regrets of those who wasted their 20s drinking, partying whoring (lol) and you’ll understand. It is easy to view the lives of others as highlight reels because that is what is exposed to us, however you’ll find a lot of these individuals feel the same way you do. So do not feel disheartened or allow FOMO to take over your mental space.
Despite point 1, it is important to have a balance. The party lifestyle is not the answer but forming friendships is. My friendships have opened doorways for me whether it be in business or leisure. Despite starting adulthood as a loner I am now blessed with many close friends. I believe my luck with people changed when I started practising ACTIVE LISTENING and TRUE GENEROSITY. What I mean by this is you must really practise listening to others intently without necessarily saying anything yourself. Don’t pretend to be a good listeners, many people do this but you must actually really really listen to others. In regards to generosity, you have to be brave enough and comfortable enough in being generous to others with your time and money AND NOT EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN, don’t be taken for a fool but always take the initiative in helping others - you will be highly valued as a friend.

And of course when you have a wide network of friends you’ll meet and talk to girls on a regular basis. My wife started out as a friend of a friend

Hope this helps

2022-03-12T13:25:28+00:00

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Nouseriously · 2022-03-12T16:03:58+00:00

You're still in your youth.

Everyone has a different path, this is yours. The worst thing you can do is screw up the present by obsesing over the past.

Adadum · 2022-03-12T20:15:30+00:00

Well for starters, get rid of this idea that you're "making up for lost time". You were fighting mental disorder(s). Many things in life is a skill.

Some men catch on very early about how to seduce women, likewise vice versa with women. You didn't necessarily lose anything, you had to make a priority to improve your mental health so that you can then start learning the skill of seduction.

Realistically, if you tried to learn seduction as a depressed man, you aren't going to have a fun time at all. What good is having a skill or an interest in women when depression will kill all the interest?

You're tacking on the perception from society that you're supposed to already be a ladies man but you're comparing yourself to guys who have completely different lives and likely didn't have clinical depression. One thing you learn in seduction is you're your own man, you're not a "worse" or "better" copy of someone else.

AstralValProjection · 2022-03-12T13:15:52+00:00

Its never too late.

Accomplished_Time_35 · 2022-03-12T14:33:44+00:00

I'm on the same boat OP.i wonder why I don't have the instinct that other people have.i have the urge to interact with the opposite gender but don't know how to.many bad experiences in high school have bought my self esteem to fucking 0

throwawayno9927 · 2022-03-12T14:55:45+00:00

22m. Same thing for me, trying to work on it and been happy with progress recently. Never had female friends, only a few male friends, basically no social life beyond shitty online games. Super shy and struggle to keep conversation with anyone really.

Started working out a year ago and pit on size and mentally feel way better. Slightly Improved my style but still working on it haha. Made tinder last year and after months of no success I just sent it with a girl who was attractive but not exactly my type. Even though I'm rediculously introverted I found it easy talking to her 1on1. We hooked up and I lost my virginity in October, wasn't the most successful but it still counts.

Since then I've got a new job with quite a lot of people around my age and within the last few months I've made 3 or 4 more closer friends. Last weekend I went to the club with one of them, super rare for me. And even made a few more friends there. There's a girl at work who is really cool and always smiles and tries to talk to me but I'm still so shy around her, despite being fine with girls on dates lmao.

I've had another tinder date where with a different girl and we went for food which went well, am speaking to this girl a lot and am going on a second date next week.

I do totally feel you, we are so late compared to everyone around us but not out of time yet.

You've just gotta find somewhere to meet new people and just go for it as cliche as it sounds. Honestly work or hobbies are going to be great, and dating apps for women if you are in good shape and decent looking.

Good luck man, message if you need anything :)

The_James_Bond · 2022-03-12T16:14:06+00:00

Like someone once said to me: 'If you can't get laid in your prime, it's nature's reality check that you're not worth living.'

Firstly that’s a toxic thing to say. Also, that’s just a load of utter bullshit. Isaac Newton died a virgin and now he’s celebrated around the world and changed the course of human history (this is an extreme example but is worth stating anyways).

If sex was all there was to life or is the crowning achievement in someone’s life then that is a life not worth living. Stop putting sex on a pedestal. I know it’s hard to do (because I also used to and still do struggle with that) but it’ll set you free and let you realize that there’s more to you than your sex life.

cinephiller · 2022-03-12T20:10:53+00:00

Thats my life described here perfectly. How are we not brothers...?

NervousGamedev · 2022-03-12T21:43:43+00:00

You can absolutely bounce back from this. What you just described is like 99% my life. I'm now in my early 30s and feel like I've finally hit my stride in confidence and have had some success in dating and confidence level. I still struggle with some of these problems but the worst of it is behind me. You can probably get there faster than I did since you've identified your problem a lot sooner. Also men tend to get more appealing with age so like, I'm living out the life I felt I should've had in my 20s right now and it's great.

My suggestion? THERAPY THERAPY THERAPY. Find yourself an excellent therapist and work on yourself for as long as it takes to dig yourself out of this hole. It won't happen overnight and there will be painful parts of therapy along the way, but you won't regret it. Trust me.

Healthy-Whereas-8024 · 2022-03-12T21:45:34+00:00

I'm 30 and used to be just like this. Still am to a degree but have gotten over a lot of my mental problems. Everyone has to go through their own personal journey of learning and understanding their emotions and mental problems. I used to be so shy, I would never ever talk to anyone first. I expected others to be nice and invite me into their social circle. That's just not realistic or fair to others. You have to put an effort into socializing as well. The main aspect of socializing successfully is just trying. Over and over.

Luckily, these days everyone knows about autism. Everyone knows about anxiety. About mental health. You don't have to feel embarrassed. In fact, most of the people you'll talk to, if you get into a one on one conversation they will admit they have an anxiety problem or something like that.

The other part besides just forcing yourself to talk and learn to socialize is, you have to address your fear or anxiety. If you're so nervous you can't talk to anyone then that's the first thing you need to work on. For me personally, it just took years and years for the social anxiety to lessen. And this happened because bit by tiny bit over time we all have interactions with people every day. Just communicating with say the gas station attendant when you pay for gas. Eventually you become a little more comfortable. Build in that. Take those little necessary social interactions and add just one extra sentence. Something you wouldn't normally say. "Nice hat." Or- "These chips are so delicious I can't stop buying them." Anything really.

I still have anxiety. But I realize that's part of my personality. Your brain and it's wiring may not change over your life. But you need to realize that your efforts to learn and forcing yourself to talk, actually help a lot. Nature vs nurture. There's nothing preventing you from learning. It's just like any other thing you could learn about. I think a lot of us could skip the years of suffering by employing this strategy early on. But I also think that for some of us time is the only thing that will help us. The one thing in common with them both is you should try to put yourself out there in either situation. It only helps you learn and emotionally and mentally develop.

Thirdedly- :) don't discount medication. You can't change how your brain is wired in terms of personality but you can take something that will help you immensely. Antidepressants act on the receptors in your brain, allowing you to be less anxious, nervous, and shy. A low dose even helps.

Also, mushrooms helped me. Not personal advice. But to some it may help. Not saying go on a drug binge. But a single dose once or twice could have a very positive affect. Just do it safely and with adequate research so you know what you're getting into.

partytrailer · 2022-03-13T00:02:54+00:00

Bruh! Hit the gym. Learn how to dance. Pick up some cool hobbies and travel as much as your job will allow. I mean you should dedicate yourself to a complete overhaul of your current self and work towards being the person you would like to be. Life begins when you decide you want it to begin. 23 believe it or not is quite young. Strike up conversations with as many females as you can and DON'T get upset if you get rejected. (No female owes you anything and vice versa!) Have in mind that it is just practice and after a while you start to figure out what works and what doesn't. Finally remember - We are here for a fun time and not a long time.

Dioo_ · 2022-03-13T00:34:55+00:00

your only 23 homie. your talking about all this like theres nothing you can do. i was in a similar situation to you. cripillingly depressed and self concious but i escaped it. which means you can too! your free to go and experience all those things you missed out on so just do it! yes, there are gonna be awkward moments, your gonna cringe and be embarassed but thats all part of it. all those cringy moments combined are worth it just for those good moments. theres nothing you missed out on as a child that you cant do now (within reason lol). its really scary i know but there are things out there for you. i wish you the best of luck and remember you still have alot of life to live :)

Slight-Pound · 2022-03-13T01:39:51+00:00

I have issues connecting with people, but the best way to make sure my anxiety isn’t another obstacle, is to use hobbies as a way to interact with other people, and just start small.

Hobbies are a great way to explore yourself and your own skills, and finding likeminded people to get along with is a much easier relationship template than the random and jarring expectations of social events that things like nightclubs.

If you can start feeling comfortable talking to people in a subject you already know about and know they’ll also be receptive to, it’ll be easier to approach strangers for other reasons.

Resist is a great place for hobby spaces, and also relationship and sensuality exploration. Exploring what you find desirable in a relationship and in sex is a useful thing to get down, now. Not knowing where to start involving another person when you don’t know anything your own half of such a relationship is not gonna do you any favors. Following and reading posts on different relationship dynamics, advice, and fun anecdotes is a great way to learn and understand other people as well.

TigerShark_524 · 2022-03-13T05:10:38+00:00

Did I write this???????

ateyourgrandmaa · 2022-03-13T08:41:56+00:00

This is exactly my life situation , but I can't pen it down like you.

FerrisMcFly · 2022-03-13T16:56:10+00:00

Okay I know this is probably cliche and a comment you have heard a bunch of times, but dude you are still SO YOUNG. 23 my guy? What I wouldn't give to be 23 again.. bro you are 7 YEARS from 30. You still have your youth in front of you.

You may think you have missed out but think how many MORE things you will miss out if you dont go start trying NOW. You have so much time man. Start working on things and you can be in your prime in a few years at 24 25. So much time.

The only thing holding yourself back is yourself right now. You are still young enough to go to college bars and house parties man. You have an in. Go out and try to meet as many people as you can until you find a group you vibe with. Exploring clubs and hobbies, volunteer orgs or rec leagues etc that have young people in them in your area. Best way to meet people that you have things in common with.

Basically if you feel bad now, might as well go for it otherwise you will be feeling worse in 10 years.

BringTheNipple · 2022-03-15T19:25:24+00:00

Hi OP, I just wanted to say to you - FUCK THIS SHIT man. I am in the same boat as you, reading your post just gives me a deja vu of some of my diary entries.

This fucking sucks. I want to give you some solid advice, but it's not like I know the exact answer on how to deal with your situation.

Having said that - please keep in mind that you are looking at others through rose tinted glasses. Other people always look better when you are self blaming yourself for not being good enough. You can try to do a real reality check - ask people close to you whether you really are a subhuman sack of shit... they might give you a different answer then the one you have for yourself. And they won't be doing it just because they are your close friends / relatives, they will be doing it because it is true in their eyes, in reality, outside your head.

Common advice/sayings like 'If you can't get laid in your prime, it's nature's reality check that you're not worth living.' and other such shit are complete fucking bullshit. Who the fuck is telling you that ? It makes me mad just looking at it as you wrote it. That is such a gross over simplification of your own problems and of nature's reality. Please if you are reading or listening to someone's advice, try to actually check it for yourself. If you cannot accept somebody's advice, if you do not like what it means to you - it is very likely that the advice is lackluster and not meant for you. And that's okay. Good advice takes into account your own life and situation.

You are what you are. You have arms, legs, organs, skills and knowledge. Many situations in your life have formed who you are. And despite what everybody else are saying - you fucking did your best in all of them. Because most things that happen are outside your control. Yes it wasn't 'proper' - you didn't sing a half assed song on the guitar to a girl when you were 14. But hey you are still alive and breathing right now. I think you can go and do whatever the fuck you want to do.

If you want try some therapy and sports - fighting sports are my personal reccomendation, they give you strength.

Side track: Nature is raw, brutal and savage beyond belief. In my opinion you shouldn't mix in your daily life in a modern society with anything that nature has to offer. It's a completely different world and you would be a completely different person if you were living in the one.

CoolKid2326 · 2022-03-12T14:20:02+00:00

just wanna say a man's prime is actually at 40

2022-03-12T15:36:21+00:00

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Bobby_Blvck · 2022-03-12T23:46:42+00:00

23 is really young for a guy. Meet people through shared interests (frequent restaurants, book sections, clothing, etc) and see what their world’s about. You haven’t missed anything epic.

WangstawithAname · 2022-03-12T16:53:00+00:00

My man please learn how to be kind to yourself and appreciate your self. It hurts to hear you place "milestones" as worthiness of life. Just the simple fact that you are breathing means you are worthy of life. I know you must feel frustrated at your self. Like you'll never change. Sadly, and I hate to say it. You must save your own life. You can get the best advice in the universe but it won't be enough until you actually make some changes to your mindset. I've seen your comments and I can tell you have a victim mindset. Challenge this mindset with daily little goals. Learn how to expand your consciousness and mind before simply saying you aren't worthy of life. Look dawg were both the same age but I didn't start saying FUCK IT at age 20 after someone I love died right b4 my eyes. Life is not guaranteed and were both gonna get a grave as a present for living. You have so much potential man you have no idea.

2022-03-13T02:17:06+00:00

A man's prime is 30s dude. You have plenty of time to turn it around

Quirky_Tale_9739 · 2022-03-12T21:34:14+00:00

Lots of practice and inner work. I can help you with this.

2022-03-12T15:51:13+00:00

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Blaccrow232 · 2022-03-12T15:55:56+00:00

What’s your financial situation like?

2022-03-12T16:01:59+00:00

These are just child's games, your existence is so much more than shallow images of joy.

You are still very young, search for your own definition of happiness, don't try to pursue society's shadows. Firstly you have to embrace yourself. You are always your biggest friend and enemy. We live in transformation times, it's time to explore.

2022-03-12T16:19:44+00:00

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socialanimal_us · 2022-03-12T16:40:43+00:00

checkout www.youtube.com/socialanimal, you ll find some inspiration :)

2022-03-12T16:57:26+00:00

I'm in a sort of similar boat. I had some memorable experiences from 20-22, but before & after that there was nothing (currently 25). Only thing you can really do is push to have as many cool experiences as possible in your early 20s.

fatbackattackcruz98 · 2022-03-12T17:47:43+00:00

what are your hobbies? Explore them and sooner or later you will find other people with the same interest.

jamesway245 · 2022-03-12T17:48:51+00:00

Something that worked for my confidence in talking to strangers is starting off with small conversations with random people. It doesn’t have to be about much…talking to a waiter or bartender about if they like it here or how long they’ve been bartending, talking to a stranger outside about the weather, complimenting someone on their jacket or shoes they are wearing. Starting off slowly like this will build your confidence from striking up a random conversation with a stranger to eventually having the confidence to talk to girls. In my opinion, it never get’s “easy” going up to a girl that you find attractive and talking to her and trying to show her your interested, but doing these things does make it easier.

You’re 23 and your social life is no where near over, it’s really just beginning!

jjboy91 · 2022-03-12T19:58:05+00:00

I fucked up all my 20s by putting work over life so you still got time to shift thing but you've got to stop looking back to the things you have missed cause they're gone.

First step is taking care of yourself, get into a nice routine where you go out to walk and learn to enjoy stuff on your own. Then try to get into an hobby.

D4rkr4in · 2022-03-12T20:33:26+00:00

Who cares about missed out social milestones? Does a former billionaire think about how many billions he used to have?

Also that’s a lot of words; too bad I’m not reading any of them

saysthingsbackwards · 2022-03-12T20:57:55+00:00

The grass is always greener.

2022-03-12T21:13:32+00:00

Stop missing current milestones in your life. You cannot change the past so do not waste energy focusing on it. Look into stoicism, focus on what you CAN control and control it now forward.

DonnyBomeneddy · 2022-03-12T21:46:52+00:00

I feel for you. That sounds terrible. The good news as long as you're alive you can change it. I make no guarantees it will be easy. I think you could benefit from reading No More Mr Nice Guy, and When I Say No I Feel Guilty.

Feeling Good by David Burns is another book that helped with my depression.

HarpertFredje · 2022-03-12T22:25:47+00:00

The best way to move forward is not to focus on whether or not you should do this or that or you won't succeed in life. What you should focus on, is just doing what you enjoy. You can meet people anywhere, at work, doing sports, going to concerts, group vacations, you name it... If you geniuenly enjoy doing something and you keep an open mind to be social and have fun, you can definitely make friends, meet girls, etc.

I started doing volunteer work at a community bar when I was 25 and now I'm playing darts there every week. I met some really cool people and I'm a lot more social now. It's never too late to live your life.

keptit2real · 2022-03-12T22:59:04+00:00

Only Read Title... You know how long life is? 23 is young,33 is young, 40 is kinda young, 50 is old.

chatpal91 · 2022-03-12T23:09:17+00:00

There's a couple things to be said here. While you may feel dread and despair, that doesn't change the FACT that you are nowhere NEAR too late. IIRC roughly 1/4-1/3 of men will be virgins by the time they are 30 years old these days, at 23 yo you're hardly in as as minority as you might think you are.

I lost my virginity older than you are right now.

My best peace of advice is to push yourself to experience things. Experiencing THINGS broadens your perspective, makes you more confident, and crucially, gives you things to talk about.

As you said yourself, "he was discussing this chick he made out with and fucked at some party. A confidence I never got to experience."

Funny enough the biggest truth to that statement is that you get confidence through experience. And honestly that doesn't even need to be only through experiences with the opposite gender.

Drive to the beach, or drive to a mountain. Go on a hike, or two, or three. Do some cool stuff that you might be able to use in a conversation later.

Your impression on people is much better if you say something like: "Do you enjoy going on hikes? A Last week I drove out to ___ and hiked ____ trail for the first time. It was honestly the most enjoyable hike I've done around here. Beautiful from beginning to end, but the peak at the end is what truly sets it apart from other hikes, as you get a 360 degree view of everything in the area."

In comparison to something like: "Do you like to hike? Me too. Where do you like to go? Oh I've never been. Do you go often?"

I went on a hike last week, and had this conversation with a few girls where I work. Having things to actually talk about makes it much easier and natural feeling to make conversation who you might otherwise be having awkward silences with.

And on that note, sometimes you gotta just let the silence moments ride, it's not always your job to fill the silence with something.

I have to go and can't spend more time typing this atm but keep your chin up.

You quite literally have plenty of time to make new experiences, and those experiences will make you feel better about yourself AND they'll be worth sharing with others. As you long as you decide to use the time you have to make those experiences

silentblender · 2022-03-12T23:41:31+00:00

When you look back on your life you're going to realize that your path was your path and the fact that you're starting later than others won't have mattered at all. The only thing that matters is where you are going from here so you really need to take off the weight around your neck so you can move forward and forget about this idea of having missed out on milestones. You're done wallowing about that.

If I were you I would post a very honest ad about where you're at to find someone who is down with your situation. There are women who are in a similar situation and there are more experienced women who like inexperienced guys (there are even virgin hunters). Be honest, be yourself, and try posting to look for someone to go on a date with and see where it goes. You're only a few experiences away from those "crucial milestones" being a distant memory.

Also think about learning to cook :)

SuaveFuck · 2022-03-13T00:18:40+00:00

i refuse to answer this, you're 23, you MISSED OUT ON FUCKING NOTHING.
yet.

Archyblackcat · 2022-03-13T00:18:57+00:00

Bro you could make up for this... just socialize with the right people and change your mindset if you have to.. you think these guys coming out of prison after being there since age 18 and are now 35-40 years old aren’t fucking ?? These guys missed all the things you’re talking about and yet , they come out of jail and start banging girls In their 20’s..

TraderJoe81o · 2022-03-13T01:46:27+00:00

Backpack solo. And read can’t hurt me by David Goggins. You think your life was bad? Listen to his on audible and YouTube.

Stop listening to your bullshit self talk based on other people’s perceptions and go do it. Find a focus. Nothing else will matter my friend.

2022-03-13T01:51:08+00:00

When your feeling down, and tho you’ve missed lots of things in life,, start to thinks bout what you do have, in all aspects of what you feel you’ve missed you can see what you do have, little or a lot or hardly any, you do have something and that’s what ya gotta focus on. That’ll make ya grateful

firelitother · 2022-03-13T01:57:14+00:00

I thought you were around 30-40+ TBH.

But good on you for gaining self-awareness.

disckrieg · 2022-03-13T02:29:43+00:00

You're living in an absolutely distorted reality by basically just looking at what the absolute most prominently beautiful and talented people project as fame for the sake of attention; a hollow existence in it's own right.

This self-hatred is actually self-obsession. Contribute. Women want contributors -- if you feel you lack what you need to land these gorgeous women whose value is wrapped up in physical looks, if you want to find a woman, then you need to exchange the value of your good humor, your love, your warmth, your competence with them. Right now, I can tell your obsession is with your own deficits and others virtues and not with your own path. Right now, your ugliness in internal it is not external. Your obsession with a false dichotomy is the true hindrance in your life.

Give it up, man up, find what completes you. The sooner you stop fawning over other people's fairy tales that are only skewing your perspective on what life for you will look like and poisoning your ability to succeed, the sooner you get to learn what your path actually looks like.

You probably need to figure out the things in your life that are not serving a purpose of growth but a purpose of escapism, and reduce those things then replace them with things of value. Stop comparing, start contributing.

CouchSurf29 · 2022-03-13T02:30:33+00:00

First off, not everyone follows the same timeline in life. You're still young, like me. I'm 24M and I still missed out on a few things, but I'm working my way there. Put it this way, you have things to look forward to that'll keep your life exciting and more interesting.

Try one thing at a time. Work your way up with confidence. I'd recommend a music festival in order to bring up your confidence, go outside of your comfort zone, and make new friends (including female friends). Just take it one step at a time, and you'll be fine.

Don't fret about it, cause the more you do, you focus on doing for the wrong reasons. Having fun shouldn't be a checklist of to do items necessarily. Do things because you want to. If you want casual sex, do it. If you wanna host a party, do it. But take the appropriate steps. Whether it's wardrobe, interactions, condoms, etc. At the end of the day, if you enjoyed what you did, that's success. Don't let anyone define prime or success for you.

Asperger1001 · 2022-03-13T03:08:38+00:00

I have thinking of this for the past few month and there is no solution for this. Many prople you envy for their social life are pretty fucked up in their career and financial status. I guess for normal people we just sacrifice our social life for our career. Why not make the hell out of money and get a hot ass trophy wife when you are 40?

KeemoePro · 2022-03-13T03:15:52+00:00

Bro girls just want to have fun, be the fun guy

_je11y_bean · 2022-03-13T03:48:38+00:00

Life isn’t all about sex, I mean, sex is great but there are other milestones to pursuit, sex just kind of happens along with it all.

Travel, see cool shit, do cool shit. Get a motorcycle. Some hobbies even. Things that make you create tangible conversation.

Never stop learning.

bobbiesbunions · 2022-03-13T04:31:24+00:00

If you could change things and be where you wanna be, chances are you wouldn’t be much happier than you are now.

Before, I thought my lack of partying and women was the cause of my depression and fear of missing out on my youth. In spite of that, I partied my ass off, and banged a couple girls. In the end, I wasn’t happier at all. Of course I still had fun and enjoyed those times but it didn’t give me what I thought it would.

Everyone’s going to have regrets, and wish something could’ve happened, or whatever, but the only thing you can do now is find out what truly makes you happy and what you want and try your best to achieve that.

And if you think you need prior experience to get with women you couldn’t be more wrong, the mature women that are worth dating aren’t going to look at your sexual history and hold it against you. That stuff doesn’t matter, it’s who you are that matters.

My personal opinion too, is banging a lot of chicks really that important? In reality it isn’t, yeah it’s fun and all but in the long run it’s not important. When I’m on my death bed I’m not going to think about Bethany at some party, I’m going to think about the girl that is most important in my life, which will be my wife (hopefully if I find one lol)

There’s going to be people that find extreme happiness in messing around with random women, but in my experience true happiness doesn’t come from stuff like that, and it’s easy to harp on it when you see all these people banging around when you aren’t. I know cuz I’ve been there.

I’m not trying to say how you feel, but this post really spoke to me and this has been my thoughts and experience with this, hopefully you can gain something from what I said.

Good luck man, and p.s it’s really never too late to do any of that stuff.

Parshurambhakt · 2022-03-13T05:16:29+00:00

You read Carl Jung Alan Watts or some other those types

MoonMan12321 · 2022-03-13T05:42:09+00:00

Your first 4 lines sound like ASD ADHD combo. Also, read about CPTSD. Get into therapy. First start why you were the way you were before. I'm not saying this in spiritual sense, trust me but until you truly stop hating yourself, there's no next milestone.

Therapists. Don't just chat with them, ask them real questions. There's no shame in being yourself. Explore your own personality. I understand your worry because I felt like I'm reading myself for a minute.

2022-03-13T06:12:03+00:00

just gotta keep grinding man...

focus_flow69 · 2022-03-13T06:39:43+00:00

Another pity party post. Look at all your responses, they are just excuses to not take action. Get a grip on reality and realize nothing in your life will change until you stop victimizing yourself and start taking action and ownership of your life.

Not dismissing your feelings or struggles, they are real and the pain and regret is tough. But the real question is what will you do going forward? What's happened has happened.

SaltoDaKid · 2022-03-13T06:59:18+00:00

Fun fact their will always be party and time to socialize with hot girls. Those people are usually un happy parents by 25and hate life by 29. I was abit same but I seen everyone as mature. First you need stop seeing what others are doing, they live there lives not your, you have your own adventure. I didn’t start dating girls until recently after moving out and buying my new car. You’ll be invite to those party by good people like you. And will throw cool party when you meet cool people like you. Plus man who sacrifice party time for his career or for himself is an alpha. Only beta follow the herd.

hauser8771 · 2022-03-13T07:41:03+00:00

Look you‘re 23. That‘s really young. I think I one read a study which suggested that people were the happiest between 27 and 34. So maybe you can make that you goal. Anyways you‘ve got so many years left to experience all these things

gornad96 · 2022-03-13T07:45:02+00:00

First, seek therapy. Your goal is to properly understand your situation and to be at peace with it. Second, start working out. Working out will help you tremendously with your social/sexual drive. You'll start to feel comfortable and attractive in your body and you'll at least have something that most people perceive as valuable (fit and healthy body). Third, reside in an upbeat walkable vibrant environment. If you had a bar you can walk to in a couple of minutes, you'd be much more likely to visit it than if it were miles away. Try to find somewhere where there's some sort of nightlife nearby. Spend time in these spaces. It will help. Fourth, surround yourself with positive energetic people. This is the hardest one imo. To befriend positive happy people, you have to express yourself in a positive and happy way. Make sure your interactions with others are positive.

There's a lot of stages people miss out on in life. Some of those people who experience a vibrant social/sex life in their teens might never experience a stable lucrative career, a stable family, a vibrant sex life in their late 20s, 30s...etc sure some people can pull off almost everything, but that's life. People sometimes have it better than you. They defnitely have it worse in other ways as well.

2022-03-13T08:04:07+00:00

Rough stuff kid, I can relate to you in some ways. Not all, but some.

Depression sucks. Unfortunately for us men, nobody really cares. Despite what Instagram influencers say, men’s mental health is still heavily they tuned a bit a blind eye to.

I’ll tell you this man. It is going to take a long, long time to recover. Try and figure out the thing so you are good at. Write down the things you truely desire and things that bring you joy during these depressive times, even if its just a drop. Take some psychedelics halfway into your recovery. Stay in the top of your physical fitness.

23, is still young. As cliche and unhelpful as it sounds so, you really do have your whole life ahead of you. It sucks you didn’t get on have the glory teen days. I get that. But into is done now, and the clock isn’t ticking backwards man!

ChangeMindstates · 2022-03-13T08:25:34+00:00

Alright, you're the kind of person self-help would actually help. You need to make drastic changes bro. Start joining clubs centered around your interests. It's best if these clubs involve physical activity or if they are really social (ex. politics).

You will begin to make friends and create a small social circle. Once you start building the people around you, start spending more time with the ones there that are clearly doing good in life. They are confident, have a stable income, get some girls, etc. However, make sure you don't leech off this sort of person.

From there on, just start saying yes to every event you get invited to. With time everything will fall into place. I too was unsocialized as a child and had a rougher upbringing. Creating a strong social circle is usually what's missing for most guys. Or they have a really terrible one that brings them down.

2022-03-13T09:52:22+00:00

Um…hi…who is this?

meteorness123 · 2022-03-13T15:50:30+00:00

You're 23 so there's plenty of time. I'm 29 and I feel like you. I've missed out on a lot. I have the looks so I know I could have had much more.

The most comfort I can give to you is that I know guys who have had all that what we want and still ended up miserable, often due to not being able to make something out of selves, no job prospects. It's almost as if seeking pleasure isn't the answer, meaning is.

That being said, you're 23. You're not even in your physical prime yet.

H8beingmale · 2022-03-13T15:59:17+00:00

i went through this as well man, sometimes i feel life is not worth living you don't have a normal youth, social progression

n0wmhat · 2022-03-13T16:46:04+00:00

I feel this so hard my guy. I had extremely strict and conservative parents that restricted my life growing up. I was not allowed to visit friends. Ever. Every day was going to school then coming home and studying and reading. We had no tv or video games or anything current so I couldn't connect with other kids on anything. This continued all through high school. I asked and begged so many times to be let to do things but they refused. The idea of going to a party was laughable, as if they ever let me out of the house. I was not allowed to go to my dream college because I would have been "too far away from home." Now finally after many fights I have finally removed myself from this situation but I feel like Im a decade behind people my age in social experiences. People around me are running marathons while I still try to learn to walk..

FerrisMcFly · 2022-03-13T17:31:15+00:00

Is there a chance for me to make up for this as an adult,

Yeah you have plenty of time. But you cant experience this lifestyle from your house. Gotta get out there! Start small. Just send it and start going to local shows and bars. Meet fun people! - signed a 28 yo who still goes to festivals and shows and the occasional party.

recyclablebanthas · 2022-03-17T02:16:52+00:00

1

[23M] How to make up for crucial social milestones I missed out on during my youth?

You are framing this situation in a certain way. This isn't a lifestyle question. It's an inner game question.

As to how you can make up for the past, you can only really focus on the present. If you are busy worrying about what happened or didn't happen in the past, then you are taking precious mental and emotional resources away from yourself in the present.

Which ironically makes it more likely your present will not be as good as it could be.

2

I am a 23 yo man whose social life is nil. Because of long term clinical depression, a life ruled by fear and self hatred, toxic beliefs as a child that I have to be quiet and obedient in order to be a good person, and PTSD like symptoms, I am now left with nothing as an adult.

One of the most important aspects of getting different results, is doing something different.

You have to do something different to create a social life. Many of us coast by having a social life handed to us because we go to public schooling or college. And we don't always realize the advantages that come with having a bunch of people with something in common all going to the same place on a regular basis.

You can duplicate this effect after college or high school, no issue. Go to FB. Do a search with the name of your city + some sort of hobby or interest. Look at the Groups and/or Events tabs until you find an event you can go to. People post these things publicly for the express purpose of people finding out about them and attending.

Getting out there and socializing is more than half the battle. Humans are social creatures and it does us good to be around people, so long as we also get enough time to ourselves when we need it.

Regularly interacting with people helps us to be warmed up when we see a cute girl we want to talk to. It won't be such a big deal if we're used to talking to new people.

3

Like someone once said to me: 'If you can't get laid in your prime, it's nature's reality check that you're not worth living.'

Look, if you want to follow shitty advice, no one can stop you. But realize that there are people out there with pathetic enough lives that they feel the need to be emotionally abusive to someone when they're down.

These people aren't worth your time.

4

Without the proper basis, you are navigating the world blindly...

Basics of social interactions:

Satisfying interactions are often two way exchanges. You're transmitting and receiving. Not just one or the other.
Meaning you have to Actively Listen when someone else is saying something.
And then it's helpful to follow up on what people say: which just means that what you say takes into account something they just said.

5

Is there a chance for me to make up for this as an adult....

No one knows what you're going through exactly, but you. But a lot of us have had feelings like what you're talking about.

I mean, for fuck's sake, Mystery helped kick off the modern pickup community because he felt like he missed out when he was a teenager and was motivated to do pickup to try to "make up for lost time."

Can you turn your franchise around? Certainly. A lot of us here were late bloomers.

Title	[23M] How to make up for crucial social milestones I missed out on during my youth?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	544
Comments	235
Date	March 12, 2022 12:04 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/tcf1lx/23m_how_to_make_up_for_crucial_social_milestones/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/23m-how-to-make-up-for-crucial-social-milestones-i.1264772 https://theredarchive.com/post/1264772

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