A girl wouldn't kiss me on the first date - I debated asking her on a second date, until I read this link.

johannthegoatman · 2014-08-16T01:13:43+00:00

I have been with girls that turned down a kiss on the first date, and ended up in full blown relationships with them that were definitely not "ambivalent". Just because this guy says it is simple, doesn't mean it is. I think this is bogus advice based on personal experience.

ValorElite · 2014-08-16T00:07:38+00:00

Who has a two hour dinner for a first date? Just go out and meet her somewhere casual i.e. coffee. Stop going on these expensive as fuck first dates, go somewhere where its relaxing and not so expensive so that it pressures the woman to "split the check". That way you can take care of the bill like a man (provider) and it won't hurt your wallet.

Go for the kiss during the date so there won't be any built up pressure when you say your goodbye.

ThePUA_Baddie · 2014-08-16T03:39:23+00:00

The question to ask is: is this article a legit source. The last thing you want to do is ruin potential girls that you could get into relationships with just because they didn't accept a kiss on the first date. That's something to think about.

JUST_MY_OPINION_YO · 2014-08-16T02:12:26+00:00

How was the date as a whole? Was there obvious chemistry? Is she a "good girl" type? What are your intentions (just trying to fuck, or find someone to be with)?

I've probably taken 80 different girls on "dates" (whether that means them just coming over to ~~watch TV~~ fuck, a dinner, movie-awkward first date, drink, walk at the park....whatever, all sorts of shit).

Some were duds, some I just wanted to hook up with (and did...or didn't depending on the girl), some I was genuinely interested in. The ones that I was actually interested in I would take out multiple times even if we didn't kiss. One of those girls who didn't put out EVENTUALLY did and has been my girlfriend for a year and a half now...ending my reign of disgustingly awesome friday nights hahaha.

Basically.. all Im getting at, is if your INTERESTED in the girl then try again. If you're just looking to hook up then why bother going for someone who's hard to get when theres 50 girls willing to hookup at the club?

riffdex · 2014-08-16T03:53:09+00:00

I think the article is gravely mistaken. If you are looking for a quick fuck, then by all means don't call again the one who turns down a first date kiss. If you want a real relationship, maybe give her a call if you feel the date went well on the whole. Many women do not want to get hurt and therefore they are reluctant to make emotional connections too quickly. For some, yes even a kiss is too much for the first date. Your soulmate may or may not want to kiss you on the first date.

mcquinn7 · 2014-08-16T00:02:27+00:00

I'm just getting a link to comments? Am I doing it wrong?

My 2 cents on kissing on the first date. I always go in for the kiss if I have had positive signs during the date. If I don't go in for the kiss I don't contact them again because it means I wasn't interested. I believe in going all in. If the girl is attracted to you she will know it in a couple of minutes, everything beyond that is just escalating to the kiss by touching her and building a connection. If she is not attracted to you in the first couple of minutes or even by the end of the first date she will not be attracted to you by the end of third date. There are exceptions of course.

Just think logically about this. If she is attracted to you and you have built a connection she will not say no to kissing if you have escalated enough so that your lips aren't the first things touching. Some girls are shyer and some are wilder but a simple kiss on the mouth is always good. A heavy make out session might make her retreat if she is not comfortable enough.

Tl;dr: Just go for the fucking kiss and evaluate things after that.

Edit: And don't take a girls opinion on this. Many of them will say that they like the first kiss to be really romantic and special but that is really just because they have watched too many movies.

EmperorAurelius · 2014-08-15T23:49:23+00:00

Save your time and money. Kiss yourself.

pouscat · 2014-08-16T05:01:03+00:00

This article's author is making some huge generalizations. Guys are proving they are a provider on the first date? Ok sure, good way to find the gold diggers. I do know girls who go on dates for the free food. I want a partner not a provider. If you buy dinner I buy the movie or the drinks. The only way I would look down on a guy is if he expected me to pay for everything.

And the kissing? Umm yeah I've never kissed a guy I really liked on the first date, I have kissed a guy I went home with, fucked and never saw again. I'm not saying I withhold affection to get a second date, I'm saying if it's important enough is best not to rush. If I really like a guy it is written on my face and in my body language. If we click then it's mutual. That guy I kissed, I didn't care about. Also yeah sometimes I'm on a fence about a guy. He might be cute but just getting out of a relationship and acting a little desperate for example.

Also to put it bluntly, if you are not Tom Hiddleston's twin I'm not really attracted at first glance. It does take time for me to see a guys attributes. And a big part of what I am attracted to is your mind. You can look good enough to eat but if you're acting like an ass I'm not interested.

This author is attributing male thought process to women's behavior. It might apply some of the time, but for the majority of women this just didn't hold true.

2014-08-16T06:58:12+00:00

The article gives horrible advice. As a woman, who also happened to go on a first date last week and insisted on splitting the check and didn't end the date with a kiss, I completely disagree with everything in that article. Do not assume that the girl isn't interested if she's not following 50s dating etiquette. btw, if he doesn't initiate something on date 2, I'm gonna totally jump his bones. But I appreciated that nothing happened on the first date. I feel like if you're meeting someone for the first time in that kind of context, then it feels a lot more comfortable when there isn't this looming expectation that a first kiss will be initiated at some point. It could feel awkward and forced and I could act negatively, even if the guy is great. I have a lot more respect for him if he doesn't try any moves on the first date.

ImTheFatMan · 2014-08-16T04:51:16+00:00

Well, a woman who'll kiss on the very first date is usually a hussy. A woman who'll kiss on the second time out is anything but fussy.

But the woman who'll wait till the third time around? Head in the clouds, feet on the ground. She's the girl you're glad you've found. She's your Shipoopi.

exitingcarisfail · 2014-08-16T03:06:46+00:00

There are girls who don't kiss on the first date. Many I know are shy. And a few, myself included, have been in abusive relationships or were sexually abused or raped, or all of the above. In those situations, the intimacy on a first date is or can be scary and overwhelming. It can also bring back memories from the past of the abuse if they guy is being aggressive. Just because she doesn't kiss on the first date, doesn't mean she's not interested. His logic is full of shit.

BehindEnemyLines · 2014-08-16T13:57:54+00:00

i aint sayin' she's a gold digger... but i prefer to split the bill.

2014-08-16T00:27:23+00:00

good article. whatever you do, dont buy his system. there is better info for free out there. i bought it in 2003. sorta regretted it at the time, and by now game has come much farther.

2014-08-16T07:47:16+00:00

"Unfortunately, most guys don't realize that when a girl insists on paying her half of the dinner check on a first date, there's no chance for romance. Instead they come back for more punishment."

What?

just-jake · 2014-08-16T11:09:31+00:00

honestly this article isn't very good.

some girls take a little longer to warm than others - don't be so attached to a first kiss on the first date.

eyesofsaturn · 2014-08-16T11:18:36+00:00

You don't get a kiss because you didn't escalate. Unless there's no chemistry at all, you still have something to work with and can probably turn into a kiss.

Infamous1116 · 2014-08-16T15:11:47+00:00

Dinner is not worth your time or money for a first date. Meet somewhere: coffee, the park, bowling... But not dinner. I did not take my girlfriend to dinner until the fourth date. We have been dating for 10 months now. The first date we went and got groceries together at Walmart. I had no money vested into our relationship, just time.

Doc Love may have experience but everybody is different. That goes for any "Love Doctor". You do not know anything about who Doc Love is, he could even be like Tucker Max. He could pick up any girl for all we know.

It takes lots of experience to pick up a girl. The best advice I ever got was to play the numbers game. Talk to as many girls as possible (12 more or less). Its not cheating to make friends with many girls. (The friend zone is not real, its just a reference to whether a girl is interested or not) Girls do this all the time with guys. Supposedly, out of 12 girls you talk to, at least one has to be interested in you. (Once you get more seriously involved with one, it may be best not to continue flirting with the rest but that doesn't mean you can't continue the friendship.)

There is a continuum of actions that can take place but sometimes its best to take it slow. You want to go fast? You are heading for a one night stand more than a relationship.

Its more about spending time with each other and finding a comfortable zone with this person. Guys are more easy going but girls need to feel comfortable.

It also needs to be understood of expectations. A girl may expect more from you than what you are or have. Don't let anybody belittle you. Unreal expectations cause girls to make you spend waaay to much money on them and end up with nothing. Don't waste your time. This is the difference between a crazy girl and a normal one.

You have to be able to read a girl just as you are spending time with them to understand how she can relate with you. This takes some time to learn how to do. It all depends on how you are and who you are looking for.

Best of all, never give up. Think about something you are really passionate about. Did you ever give up after the first fall or the tenth? This is how you need to approach dating. It is very important that you understand this. Its okay to take a break from chasing ladies but to come back regularly when you have time. (Whether that's a day or a month)

Sometimes the girl that likes you for you is just hanging around and willing to do anything you want just to hang around you and at this time you aren't even paying attention because you aren't trying. (There is a difference between an obsession and a genuine interest)

elili · 2014-08-16T16:57:36+00:00

When you insist that the check be split down the middle, even-steven, you're not allowing the guy to be the protector and provider, which is what you want him to be when you like him a lot.

is this for real? I'm I supposed to drag her by the hair on our way back?

if I wanted to "protect" and "provide" for anything i'd buy a freaking dog...

ContemplativeOctopus · 2014-08-16T05:31:16+00:00

I get the idea, but unless you're living the 1950's girls will likely ask to split the check even if they're enamored with you. If she turns away from a kiss she's either really not interested, or you picked a really poor time to try.

irlcatspankz · 2014-08-16T06:22:23+00:00

But at the same time...you never know. It never hurts to ask. I should have asked this girl on a second date, and now I'm kicking myself for having not done so.

nosleepatall · 2014-08-16T07:47:43+00:00

The article caters to the AFC approach "now that I paid for the whole evening I'm sooo anxious whether it happens or if have to go home unkissed". If seduction does just one thing for guys, it should be freeing them from that awkward "I'm a provider, her me roar" dance.

moebetta · 2014-08-16T12:47:06+00:00

If you can wait until the third date you might find your shipoopi.

http://m.youtube.com/?#/watch?v=r62_qMog1Mw

CoolStoryClub · 2014-08-16T16:18:29+00:00

This article is ridiculous. Plenty of women actually don't know if they are attracted and can lose interest in someone very quickly. A first kiss is definitely not necessary either. Every girl is different.

meinator · 2014-08-16T19:15:56+00:00

THIS WAS DUMB!

2014-08-16T03:36:18+00:00

Great article. Key point: it's not she's not interested in you. It's the fact that if something magical were to happen and there was date 2, 3, or 4, or a relationship, there'd be no romance.

funfwf · 2014-08-16T04:05:55+00:00

To reference Patrice O'Neil, 2 girls 1 cup exists, and she won't kiss you? These made up boundaries aren't normal.

Title	A girl wouldn't kiss me on the first date - I debated asking her on a second date, until I read this link.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	239
Comments	99
Date	August 15, 2014 11:30 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2doh7u/a_girl_wouldnt_kiss_me_on_the_first_date_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/a-girl-wouldnt-kiss-me-on-the-first-date-i-debated.1375142 https://theredarchive.com/post/1375142

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