My friend got asked out by my crush and it hurts

Brilli2K · 2018-12-19T19:46:41+00:00

Go out and talk to other girls

25sittinon25cents · 2018-12-19T20:33:39+00:00

Honest question, how old are you, and how many girls have you dated? It'll help me cater my answer to you better

BlueGrape_Htx · 2018-12-19T20:13:03+00:00

Move on bro. Theres going to be more hurt but its life.

greenlion98 · 2018-12-19T21:00:21+00:00

Challenge him to a duel

TheLonesomeShepherd · 2018-12-19T20:29:21+00:00

You are just a friend for her. If you can't get over her, stop hanging around with her.

ninja3429 · 2018-12-19T20:30:41+00:00

You could have push things if she was texting you and you done nothing to have a date with her, here's the result

ArtOfDivine · 2018-12-19T22:56:20+00:00

Your friend is the real MVP

TTV-DontEvnTrip · 2018-12-19T20:40:37+00:00

If you didn’t care you wouldn’t be hurt and if you didn’t care you wouldn’t post this. Some people have different types . Be happy for your friend and the girl you liked. Jealousy is always going to hurt you , it’s a hard feeling to fight but it needs to be. He’s your friend if he likes her too be happy for him. Don’t take it personally , and like everyone else said move on, she is no longer that person to you now that she picked him I doubt you see her in the same light . You will find someone better for you as long as you keep your head up and keep seducing

sexypirates · 2018-12-19T21:36:09+00:00

without knowing you or your circumstances this seems like a play for attention. go talk to other girls, and girls from other schools. she'll be back, or she won't, but it won't matter because you have options.

ASAP_IKER · 2018-12-19T22:10:39+00:00

So you were expecting her to ask you out? Due that's your job! You should've asked her out. The fact that you never made a move shows neediness.

Work on yourself, game other girls and if you like a girl don't act as a friend, show her your intentions from the beginning.

Maj0r_Tom · 2018-12-20T00:28:52+00:00

Ask her friend out, problem solved.

eenergabeener · 2018-12-19T22:43:46+00:00

Just because your X age and have dated X girls and will go on to date X girls, doesn't mean your pain of rejection now isn't real. It hurts to get passed over. Everyone is in a big hurry to tell you to get over it, but our hearts just aren't made that way. It's a real wound, you don't need to "get over it" or move on at any time you don't feel like it OP. You don't have to take anyone else's advice unless you feel like it.

ninja3429 · 2018-12-19T20:49:28+00:00

To everyone who has told me to move on:

I sit next to her in some of my lessons and its hard to ignore her

Nightsky19 · 2018-12-19T20:05:00+00:00

If this girl is so special tell her you like her, she may not know you were interested in her... HOWEVER this is at the risk of ruining your friendship.

My advice, stay friends with her maybe drop in a "Your the kind of girl I can see myself with 1 day" and date other girls, if she is the 1 for you theres no real need to rush

PhysiologyIsPhun · 2018-12-19T22:38:49+00:00

Hey man, I went through a very similar situation in high school. First girl I ever fell hard for. Texted her every day. Fuck, I even gave her guitar lessons just so we could hang out. Never ever tried to make a move because I was too scared. Decided I would ask her to homecoming my sophomore year. Took weeks for me to get up the nerve, and the day before I was going to ask her, I get on Facebook and see that my BEST FRIEND at the time had started dating her. For a 14 year old, that shit hurt. Felt like the end of the world. Actually, it's what got me started on reading stuff about seduction.

You'll be fine man, plenty of way better women out there.

Oh and that girl... She broke up with my friend about 8 months later. Obviously, I had moved on by then and started dating other girls (reading up about this shit played a big role in my success btw). She asked ME out soon after and I declined because I didn't want to be a dick to my best friend. We ended up hooking up some years later at a New Year's party and it wasn't even very good anyway.

Let it go man. Go meet other women. You're already way ahead of where I was when I was 16. You'll be alright.

2018-12-19T21:46:11+00:00

If you are very young, “continue” and you will break up with her eventually anyways...

Hung4str8 · 2018-12-19T22:36:58+00:00

Sword fight then record it

not_really_neutral · 2018-12-19T23:02:23+00:00

She was talking to you to get next to him. Now that he/good friend said no, she will hit on you to make him jealous.

Be aloof. Move on. Learn.

Justachad13 · 2018-12-19T23:56:11+00:00

Also, must add. Think of it like this. When you were just a little kid, your parents told you to not touch the hot stove. You didn’t understand why...that is, until you touched that hot stove and got burned. Repetitions.

alphabytes · 2018-12-20T03:17:27+00:00

You made yourself easily accessible and ended up in a friendzone.

MemorableSauce · 2018-12-20T09:43:48+00:00

I did exactly what your crush did but gender swapped. Now I know how it must've felt on the other side. Sorry man, here's an internet cookie to help you get through it 🍪🍪🍪

Alex_O7 · 2018-12-19T21:07:43+00:00

Because you are her FRIEND, and to her eyes you're only a friend, not a male with a penis. It's normal, try to sexualize more with her, escalate with more contact and stop beeing only her friend, start to be a man.

If you have a crush on her ask her out directly when you're ready.

goron24 · 2018-12-19T21:47:56+00:00

Bro, why did you not pull the trigger if you liked her? Perhaps she liked you and got tired of waiting.

Honestly you need to examine why you're hurt by this because its coming off as selfish to kind of expect her to be into you.

2018-12-19T21:50:59+00:00

Pour aller your energy in bettering yourself. Work on being more charming, outgoing, fun hobbies, exercise, dress well, work on your confidence.

Also, you need to meet more people. Focus on making new friends,meeting people online or real life,with the goal to enjoy yourself and meeting people.

I can guarantee you that things will start happening.

I the meantime, not much you can do, except work on yourself and try to be supportive for your friend.

Edit: don't risk a friendship on this. Unless you have been dating 20 girls or more and you think this could be your soulmate. If you're 20, trust me you think you have a crush but just girl just happens to be cute and charming.

Archangel_White_Rose · 2018-12-19T21:51:21+00:00

This will teach you to make a move instead of waiting around for her to.

coconutxyz · 2018-12-19T22:29:29+00:00

Solo_Dev · 2018-12-19T22:45:52+00:00

Just go get another one. This ain’t school anymore you need to keep going

Edit: just saw that you are in school. Well, go for the second in line if you have one?

Overcast30 · 2018-12-19T22:53:42+00:00

Dude, you have to make your intentions clear with women. If you suspect your getting friendzoned, cut them off instantly.

Men think they are flirting all the time and women take it as you're being nice. Don't talk to her all the time about random stuff unless she's your girlfriend. Until then, use text to set up dates and be brief. You need to create the illusion of having a busy and eventfull life.

SpaceS4t4n · 2018-12-19T22:58:24+00:00

Ask her out anyway.

youcheekydelinquent · 2018-12-19T23:33:09+00:00

Handle it with pride. Be happy for your friend and be happy you connected with this person. It's okay to be a little sad but don't let it turn in to bitterness. I strongly consider talking to her less and being less available (but not in a manipulative way), just focus on yourself, your happiness and finding people who want you. Good luck!

Caimthehero · 2018-12-19T23:42:47+00:00

One your friend is a good guy. Two don't ever get hung up on a girl.

Xycotic · 2018-12-19T23:51:59+00:00

Bruh, that friend of yours is gold. Keep ones like that, and return the favor if it ever arises.

2018-12-20T00:14:17+00:00

You talk to her you lose. It’s rule of the game.

Maj0r_Tom · 2018-12-20T00:29:05+00:00

Ask her friend out, problem solved.

brutusdidnothinwrong · 2018-12-20T00:45:16+00:00

>I really don't know why she chose him over me and to be honest I don't really care.

She chose him over people on her radar. Were you on her radar? If not don't even compare yourself to him

locotx · 2018-12-20T00:57:25+00:00

The best way to get over an old crush is to get a new crush to crush. Thats a variation from the standard of "the best way to get over old pussy is to get new pussy"

dani098 · 2018-12-20T01:55:03+00:00

I would assume, although I'm probably wrong, that maybe you didn't make a move soon enough so she assumed you wanted to be her friend?! Given that you texted her almost every day (which is a friend thing to do, not really a relationship dynamic).

You know success rates seem to go up when you see a girl more and text less. Maybe that's what worked for your friend.

plus he knew about my crush so he said no

That's a good fucking friend.

aushimdas16 · 2018-12-20T01:57:13+00:00

Just move on, I know it's tough and I know you like her, but the best thing to do is move on.

Pitchiker · 2018-12-20T02:30:27+00:00

She is not he only crush you will have in life! Don’t worry about her and get out there and talk to as many girls as you can. And be the best version of yourself. That is the best way to attract even more girls :)

Pitchiker · 2018-12-20T02:32:04+00:00

And sometimes it’s just not meant to be. One day an even more beautiful girl with great character will walk into your life and you will soon forget why you even fell for the previous girl :)

dani098 · 2018-12-20T02:37:43+00:00

You should ask her out along time ago just to get it over with and then forgotten about her she said no

kalexandra91 · 2018-12-20T02:40:51+00:00

Your friend is the real MVP and keeper

Zerkom122 · 2018-12-20T02:42:11+00:00

I just wanted to say that your friend is a true bro. Keep him close.

paulinbc · 2018-12-20T03:27:09+00:00

wrong sub.

BigPPbill69 · 2018-12-20T03:27:21+00:00

She may have asked him out cause she was too scared to ask you out. Js don't over think things that shit happens girls think differently than guys.

Funkimonkey · 2018-12-20T03:31:44+00:00

Don't wait to ask a girl out or for her to ask you out. When you see a girl you like for the FIRST time, walk up to her. Chat. Ask her out. She's yes, and you're golden. She's says no, move on.

Stop crushing and texting girls. This will solve your issue. You just need the courage to handle rejection.

BrowardBoi · 2018-12-20T03:32:31+00:00

Just cause she chose the chicken doesn't mean you're not a fine cut of steak. It's all taste and it ain't nothing you did, just keep doing you boss.

IcarusWright · 2018-12-20T03:56:01+00:00

Your buddies shot her down over you, so its all out in the open now. As for trashing her out because you are not her first choice, well think back to when you were 6, and you would watch cartoons, and a commerical would come on for a toy, and the announcer would be really excited about it, talking a mile a minute, and your 6 year old self would get really excited about it, so you beg and beg your mom for it, and finally she would cave and buy you that toy, and you would be so happy, so you take it home and play with it for a few days, but then you get bored with it, so you go back to watching cartoons, and your mom would threaten to donate all your toys if you dont pick up after yourself, and you dont really care, but you pick up your toys one last time anyway, and then that toy lives at the bottom of your toy chest. I'm not really sure where I was going with that.. anyhow, Personally I wouldn't drop a friendship over a bruised ego, I would rather be cool.

sh0t · 2018-12-20T04:04:46+00:00

Best lesson you will ever learn

Handle it in a cool guy fashion and you will be rewarded later in life. This won't be the last time

Dont Chase. Let them choose.

juancho0808 · 2018-12-20T04:44:29+00:00

be thankful you have a real homie.. and move on.. theres no reason to keep pursuing her or being hopeful.

other_worlds · 2018-12-20T04:49:57+00:00

Why the F* are you texting her nearly everyday without asking her out?

Maybe she did like you at some point, but look at it from her perspective. You didn't ask her out. That means one of two things to her: You don't like her. You don't have any courage.

Either way, you're likely done. Ask her out to be sure, or just move on and do better next time.

minotaurotko · 2018-12-20T05:22:56+00:00

You got a true bro with ya! Bros before hoes hahaha.

And yes, definitely move on. Forget about her haha.

ortsnom · 2018-12-20T05:33:49+00:00

This is a lesson that helps you the earlier you learn it: when a girl likes a guy who isn't you, it doesn't mean you are unattractive. It just means she (not all women) finds that guy attractive. You do not get to make women attracted to you, but you get to showcase and package yourself and control the experience you have when the two of you are together.

There are probably girls in your grade who find you attractive who you don't even talk to or care about and they might be in Reddit upset that you chose to call this girl instead of them. They don't get to decide for you who you are attracted to.

So let go of your ego and need to control shit. Trust me, it makes you whiney and insecure and doesn't help you with anything in your life. Focus on growing as a person, having fun and authentic relationships with all kinds of people. They'll be hundreds of women in your life. Getting caught up in this one like you have to have her and she's some legendary pokemon is going to fuck up your game and your perception of women in the long run. Focus on gaining experience and enjoying the time you spend with who you wanna spend it with, not outcomes. And also, guess what? This girl and your friend are not a lock. He can fuck up. She can change her mind. Maybe it turns out this girl has 6 nipples and a farting problem and you dodged a bullet. You can date even smarter, hotter, more fun girls than her. You also can still date her. So it's not like anything is over. All I know is that in 6 months, this isn't even going to be relevant to your life. And hopefully that puts this into perspective. This is a forgetful spec of a moment in your lifetime lol

Tokemoke · 2018-12-20T06:11:01+00:00

You can’t predict how these things play out. It had nothing to do with you. Props to your friend for having your back though I’ve had friends stab me in the back over stuff like this. I would stop texting that girl. Pursue more than one girl.

newinthowai · 2018-12-20T07:01:53+00:00

You'll move on. There's plenty of other options. Talk to other girls.

Simple.

TheXXL · 2018-12-20T07:17:44+00:00

is there any point of continuing the chase because my friend said no

Was it a chase in the first place? What did actually do to even call it that? Trying to be her best gay friend so that she finally finds out that all the other guys are not good enough for her, while you are the best man on this planet, so she picks you, because you will treat her right and all that niceguy bullshit , doesn't count.

In general this sounds like you are one of those guys. Do you consider her being your friend? Yes? Then your behavior was fucked up and insincere. As a friend you would have been true in your intentions so she can make a decision on how to progress with you.

FINDTHESUN · 2018-12-20T07:51:21+00:00

Maybe she just shittesting you, but then ,well ,that's shittay of her to do it like that!

Schroef · 2018-12-20T07:53:46+00:00

First off, you can’t blame either of them. She just liked him, she can’t help that. You can only blame yourself (don’t do that either though, think of it as a learning experience).

Because secondly, and this is very important: you have to let girls know you are interested. Not in a friendly way, but sexually. Even hot guys need to do this every now and then.

This is THE main difference in men and women. Men’s first impression is almost always sexual, we don’t need cues to like a girl that way. And this is fine— and this is not the same as ‘thinking about sex all the time’, as the cliché goes. This is just our go-to assessment method.

Women, however, most of the time meet a guy and look at him as another human being. Nothing sexual, more like: is he a person I connect with? They might think: “he’s hot!”, but that’s still not necessarily a sexual thought.

This means that 9 out of 10 times as a guy, you need to let her know you’re into her— and you need to do it soon. When that happens, a girl all of a sudden can look at you differently. Look at you THAT way.

If you wait too long, as you did, she’ll just think of you as a great guy. She never thought of you sexually, I can guarantee it— but she is super fond of you. And it’s not her fault.

I’ve had a couple of times (and I read it here often as well) that I found out girls ‘never thought of me like that’. And I was thinking, “HOWWWW” because in my mind, how can you not know I like you if I’m always there for you, talk to you whenever you want, help you whenever I can??

This is why.

Barneysnewwingman · 2018-12-20T08:20:59+00:00

https://youtu.be/Gd8tsMqllu8

2018-12-20T08:51:19+00:00

The way I would choose to look at this situation is that your friend, either intentionally or unintentionally was more seductive than you. It's a few lessons for you to learn:

1) Make quicker moves so you don't have to wait until she picks someone else.

2) Learn from your friend what he's doing right. He might be naturally seductive. I have a friend who has an intensity to him, girls like him a lot and I could easily see this happening to me.

3) Work on yourself. Use stuff like this to fuel your personal growth. This stuff is important and it's worth working hard towards.

Frya · 2018-12-20T09:41:19+00:00

I'm not sure if you still read this thread but...

You need to understand the fact, that depending on your attitude and skill, you can talk with a girl for a year and know her less than the guy that has skill (or is natural) and has talked to her for 2 days.

There's a saying in martial arts, that you can get to know a person better by sparring with him for 10 minutes full contact than if you spent time with him for a month.

Seducing girls is about building sexual connection with them. You can bullshit her for weeks and get nowhere, and you can talk with a girl in a club for 1h and build crazy chemistry with her.

theamazingbaboooooo · 2018-12-20T10:11:09+00:00

come on, learn to stop giving a shit about this stuff.

go try something coooool, good luck!

DajuanKev · 2018-12-20T20:10:03+00:00

I didn't even need to read the op. Remove the girl from your life, man. Show her you don't need her and she might come around.

She could even have the potential to be how you didn't originally imagine how she would be.

GET OUTTA THERE NOW Bro!

ninja3429 · 2018-12-22T13:29:20+00:00

Stop texting, stop chasing, move on after being rejected. Didn't you read Corey Wayne's book yet?

thetahill · 2018-12-19T20:15:05+00:00

First of all, you haven't given enough details to know the dynamics, so this is just speculation....

I don't know the circumstances, but one possible scenario is that you moved too slowly. How long did you text her without ever making any romantic intention clear (or maybe you did?)? It is possible she liked you at the beginning, but if you have texted her "for a long time" without any sexual and romantic escalation, then maybe she figured you didn't like her romantically. Most women I know assume that if a guy doesn't man up within a fairly brief period of time that you only like them as a friend.

Also, her asking him out could have been her way of getting you to do something. Again, I have known women who have done this. A girl I see on the side got on Tinder and went on dates to show me she was "moving on." I didn't care, but it was done to pressure me to commit. So, you may actually have been and still are "the first choice."

joshj2112 · 2018-12-19T20:51:55+00:00

You won't even remember this like 5 years from now.

Justachad13 · 2018-12-19T23:54:25+00:00

Hey man I understand your pain. Not to sound like a douche, but I’m in a much worse spot. The girl I’ve been plowing (situationship)/dating for the past 3 months needed space...then last time I was at her house, found a condom wrapper in her garbage can...felt like my balls shot up into my chest.

It still hurts (just found out yesterday). Put all of your focus and energy on yourself. There is much more hurt you will experience in this life. Especially when it comes to women and feelings. They are cold hearted demons. Try and not stress and talk to other females. You need to get your heart torn out of your chest quite a few times before you stop making mistakes.

Also must note, look into shit tests. They are subconscious tests, sometimes conscience, where a woman will test you to see your reaction.

Asks out friend-you react and post something on reddit=fail

Asks out friend-the next week she sees you w a better looking girl than her=she wants your babies.

Stay up and keep your head up, never trust these hoes.

huntersnipern · 2018-12-19T19:49:53+00:00

If you take this subs advice you'll be so deep in pussy this girl wont bother you

2018-12-19T20:38:39+00:00

That's life buddy, move on to the next bitsch

DadOnDabs · 2018-12-19T21:23:07+00:00

So what you're telling me is you gave her loads of attention and got nothing out of it. Girls have a word for that. "Girlfriends".

eapoll · 2018-12-19T20:38:49+00:00

Move on but who knows you might be her rebound

Jewbaccah · 2018-12-19T20:21:02+00:00

this pisses me off. girls really are fucking oblivious.

Title	My friend got asked out by my crush and it hurts
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	290
Comments	169
Date	December 19, 2018 7:27 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/a7pmt3/my_friend_got_asked_out_by_my_crush_and_it_hurts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/my-friend-got-asked-out-by-my-crush-and-it-hurts.1458972 https://theredarchive.com/post/1458972

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