Question for women who have/had hookups & FWB: What's your perception of men who can only get sex in a relationship?

fiftypoundpuppy · 2024-05-06T13:21:16+00:00

I don't think about them at all. They're not relevant to my life.

I wouldn't have relationships with someone I wouldn't casually fuck.

I would casually fuck someone I wouldn't have a relationship with.

Since according to this sub, one of the worst things women can do is not consider the guy they're in relationships with the hottest men alive, guys should be a fan of my mindset. However, I've gotten nothing but flack for repeatedly asserting that my partners need to be hot and compatible.

Can't square that circle 🤷🏿

Not to mention - again, I don't agree with it, but since it's a thing some women do - if men who can only get sex within a relationship stop having women willing to lower their looks standards for relationships, then those men would never have sex at all.

Which is also bad, because then women get criticized for our "unrealistic standards" and then men drop out of society and the economy crashes and then we all get taken over by conservative cultures that treat women like broodmares.

So idk. I guess men being settled for looks-wise is the lesser of two evils for everyone? In which case I guess women should also stop being criticized and demonized for having lower looks standards for relationships than casual sex, and no one should be pitying the poor men who get some sex vs no sex.

And it's dumb to say that an entire gender is "superior" or "inferior" to the other strictly based on their ability to have "unconditional, visceral, equal" sex. This is a male mindset you are projecting onto women. In fact, this entire post is "hey women, do you constantly view the world in terms of men's sexual insecurities?"

serpensmercurialis · 2024-05-07T02:58:05+00:00

Do you consider them inferior to your casual sex partners and FWB's, because they can only get sex after offering emotional investment and commitment to a woman? Because they have to get into some sort of a long term relationship with a woman to have a sex life?

This is how men see themselves and other men, not how women see men. I don't mentally rank dudes by their number of casual sex partners, guys do that.

In a way, do you pity them because unlike your casual sex partners and FWB, they can never experience pure, honest sex for its own sake as a recreational activity, and can never experience the validation that comes from being wanted for sex alone?

Every guy I ever had a FWB with wanted a relationship and I had to end things because of it. The last one said he loved me after 3 months, I said I didn't feel the same way, and he drove 30 minutes to throw a hat that I had left at his house into my front yard out of anger. I pity my FWBs who got 500 Days of Summer'd more than a dude who actually has me as his girlfriend.

When you have relationships with such men, do you at the back of your minds feel superior to them because you know you can end the relationship today and immediately go back to having an active casual sex life with hot, gorgeous f*** buddies, but they will have to wait months or years to find their next serious long term relationship before even starting to have sex?

Again, this is how men think about men. You're projecting the inferiority that you feel.

Its hard to imagine that you consider them as your equals when they are so sexually confined while you can conveniently switch between modes.

Why would that be hard to imagine? Again, it's mostly men who are obsessed with how many different people they can fuck.

How do you reconcile your deeper knowledge that they're inferior to you with the your surface level claim that you value them more than your casual sex partners and FWB's, even though the latter get to experience sex with you in a more unconditional, equal, and visceral form?

This just reads like fetish stuff TBH. The only difference in standard for FWBs was that they had to be hotter, all the other standards for effort and background were the same. Only difference in outcome is that the FWBs didn't have my commitment as an option.

Lastly, on a gender level, do you also feel that as women you are superior to men, because no such divide exists for you, but a great divide does exists for men, in that there are men who can have sex for its sake but others cant, but every woman regardless of her physicality and rank in social hierarchy can enjoy sex for its own sake

How exactly do you think I'm fucking a guy I'm in a relationship with if not "for its own sake?" I'm not going to have sex with someone if I don't want to, full stop. Any sex I'm going to have with anybody is going to be "for its own sake." I wouldn't even consider a relationship with someone I wouldn't want to have sex with. Tf kind of question is this.

sublimemongrel · 2024-05-06T23:06:02+00:00

The man I married is the man I’ve most been sexually attracted to ever. I don’t get where this whole “most women say” premise even comes from

kalashhhhhhhh · 2024-05-06T07:40:22+00:00

the bar for men's good looks and physical attraction for casual hookups & FWB is way higher than for long term relationships and marriage

I don't say that, I'd even say it's the opposite.

in retrospect, their FWB's were way hotter than their long term partners and husbands

Not in my case. My fwb was hotter than my ex, but my boyfriend is way hotter than both of them.

the latter wouldn't have made the cut for looks and physical attraction for hookups & FWB.

He did. I actually wanted to only hookup with him before I wanted a relationship with him.

To answer your question, no. I can't relate. I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone I don't want to have sex with and I'm not attracted to. That sounds misersble. And all of my friends agree. Your boyfriend is the hottest, most interesting guy you've been with, that's why he's your boyfriend.

go back to having an active casual sex life with hot, gorgeous f*** buddies, but they will have to wait months or years to find their next serious long term relationship before even starting to have sex?

This reads like some kind of cuck fetish, OP. Are you okay? You constructed a narrative inside your head and act like that's an absolute truth, but it's not for most people.

Ainsleygz · 2024-05-06T17:23:47+00:00

I have higher looks standards for long term relationships. I have to sleep with them sober

sweetestpineapple · 2024-05-06T17:31:41+00:00

I get it because as a mid woman I also get no attention at bars and my hookups have only been from apps. I’ve told people this irl and online and haven’t been believed though. Not receiving validation does suck and I empathize with people who never get hit on or get hit on significantly less than their friends. If a guy only has sex in relationships, I’m probably gonna assume it’s a choice. Most men are socially aware enough not to admit to a woman they’re interested in that they have no game.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-05-06T10:49:22+00:00

I've never heard of this, relationships start after sex. are you all Christians or muslims?

bloblikeseacreature · 2024-05-06T08:29:16+00:00

that comes off as a deranged rant completely removed from reality op. i don't validate any part of it, including the stated and presumably also quite a few unstated premises. it's badly hurt men saying those things as far as i can tell. it's definitely not me.

i perceive my partner with the greatest love and adoration. i find the suggestion that either of us within our minds didn't value our relationship, emotional connection, and our commitment to taking care of each other for the rest of our lives most highly for their own sake offensive.

we have different strengths, but neither of is superior or inferior. there is no single area in life that determines a value rank hierarchy for humans. being able to have casual sex is in the more useless end of things to rank highly at. i literally never even think about it, except now thanks to you.

Choice-Substance-183 · 2024-05-06T15:17:00+00:00

Idk it's probably similar to how dudes approach it.

There's not a specific formula or equation.

Some guys you just want sex with. Some guys you want relationships with.

even though the latter get to experience sex with you in a more unconditional, equal, and visceral form?

What? Are you suggesting that causal sex is more visceral than sex in a LTR?

Whoreasaurus_Rex · 2024-05-06T13:17:30+00:00

Why don't you post the whole thing where most women said that "it doesn't matter" or "no different" or "same"?

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-05-06T17:51:11+00:00

I'd say the guys I've dated have been better looking than guys I've had as FWBs or hookups.

Do you consider them inferior to your casual sex partners and FWB's, because they can only get sex after offering emotional investment and commitment to a woman?

No, I don't. This sounds like a perspective issue. I could say that my FWB was inferior to my partner because they were only good for some casual fun, but not good enough for me to invest my time and energy into a loving, supportive, committed relationship, whereas I respected my partner too much to use them as a human dildo and nothing more.

But even that's not true because I don't consider either person superior or inferior. Any FWBs I've had were perfectly lovely people, we enjoyed our time together, sex was fun but we didn't want anything more out of this arrangement.

MyHouseOnMars- · 2024-05-06T07:31:31+00:00

I don't think in terms of competition "superior" or "inferior".

If you can have a relationship you can have casual sex, it all depends on your standards. The casual sex standard is usually lower, in looks, than the relationship standards.

TSquaredRecovers · 2024-05-06T16:04:25+00:00

I’m a woman who has had a decent amount of casual partners (roughly 20) and a handful of long-term relationships. For me at least, it’s not true that my casual partners have been more attractive than my long-term partners. I don’t know why men within the manosphere think this is the case across the board, but it’s certainly not something I’ve experienced.

Also, each of my long-term relationships began as FWBs, so there’s that. I have only ever dated men that I’ve known ahead of time as friends.

blebbyroo · 2024-05-06T20:33:27+00:00

My hookups were always attractive guys but so were my relationships. My husband used to the hottest of them all but that’s a bit of good luck for me.

I don’t think any guys I dated were inferior to me while i was dating them. I think one is now but that’s due to his life choices he’s made in the 10 years since we’ve been together but despite his crappy choices I know a lot of it is due to home life trauma he experienced but that doesn’t excuse it and he is still accountable for those choices.

No I don’t think women are superior to men. Both genders have their own struggles and talk about superiority or inferiority is a great way to widen the gap between the genders.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2024-05-06T21:34:49+00:00

Bro what IS this post. No, I don’t think my partner is inferior to me, wtf? What kind of fucked up relationship dynamic even is that? I…respect my partner for being able to emotionally invest and commit to me. What a concept. My past FWB had mad physical chemistry with me, but he was absolutely not boyfriend material, so I’m not with him. What I have with my boyfriend now is about a million times more valuable, and the sex is way better because we actually have an emotional as well as a physical connection.

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Mental_Leek_2806 · 2024-05-06T23:42:12+00:00

The hookups that women will admit to are with men that are as attractive or more attractive than the guys they date. But at the end of the day a hookup is just a guy that’s getting your rocks off. He doesn’t have to be shown around publicly. And ONS especially tend to happen through a haze of non sobriety. So there’s a range in how good those guys actually look. My exes definitely had the best bodies (bc shared values around fitness).

apresonly · 2024-05-06T23:45:37+00:00

I don't really get it since the ability to get a relationship seems like the same ability to get sex, just with different women.

Title	Question for women who have/had hookups & FWB: What's your perception of men who can only get sex in a relationship?
Author	krmaml
Upvotes	6
Comments	203
Date	May 6, 2024 7:08 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1clcvui/question_for_women_who_havehad_hookups_fwb_whats/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/question-for-women-who-havehad-hookups-fwb-whats.1517594 https://theredarchive.com/post/1517594

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