I Don’t Consider A Spouse As A Member of My Family.

RelevantJackWhite · 2024-12-26T20:37:10+00:00

I don't think I see marriage the same way you do. My wife and I are both in this for life, and only some truly exceptional actions (abuse, infidelity, that kind of thing) would cause us to divorce. Anything else we will try very, very hard to work through. That's what we see as the bond of marriage. Knowing that and feeling that the other person is on the same page allows you to let your guard down, share, and work on the same team. If we aren't getting along, I don't see that as a sign that divorce is imminent or likely, it's a sign we need to work out whatever issue we are having

I'm with you on girlfriends, but marriage is different

CatchPhraze · 2024-12-26T20:46:33+00:00

Family is definitely not for life. Many people cut off their families at some point.

My SO is my chosen family and that's a far stronger bond.

Ill-Pineapple9818 · 2024-12-26T20:45:56+00:00

It's not a matter of debate, your spouse is your immediate family.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-12-26T20:41:25+00:00

Recipe for a nightmare of a mother-in-law.

Gravel_Roads · 2024-12-26T20:45:23+00:00

there is no real way of knowing if the friendship is truly over there’s no public way of breaking off a friendship the same way a romantic relationship ends.

Oh bro... no. No, you can definitely END a friendship with someone. And it can HURT just as bad as a romantic relationship ending.

When you and your girlfriend or wife aren’t getting along there’s a good chance it will end because it’s routine for romantic relationships to end

It's routine for all things to end. Ending is part of life. Friendships, romantic connections, connections to family, pets - you will some day lose every single living thing you love, OR the ones that love you will lost you first.

Family to me sticks by through it all, is there for you no matter what, loves you unconditionally

Not all families do. In fact, I left my family with a very clear message that I will NEVER return, because they were not a good family to me.

Look if you consider your spouse as a member of your family go right ahead but to me family tends not to leave when things get too complicated

Sounds like you were blessed with a family that's supportive of you. That's great for you, but family members abandon, ostracize, abuse and murder each other, too.

what I am saying is that you’re not a member of my family because it doesn’t align with my view of family.

Do you not consider your Mother part of your family? Because she's the wife of your father, which by your own definition means she's not part of his family.

fucksiclepizza · 2024-12-26T20:46:43+00:00

I don't think you understand marriage very well. Also friends can leave just as easily and being blood related doesn't necessarily make someone family either. People cut their blood relatives off all the time, your family is what you make it and my wife is 100% my family.

babazuki · 2024-12-26T20:46:45+00:00

Both my pairs of grandparents got buried together. It's symbolic of their bond. They were with their spouse throughout life, throughout stuggles, and through into the next life.

I ain't making a bond like that with my mom or my sister. They wouldn't even want that.

Spouse becomes family member number 1 if you truly mean your vows when you say them.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-12-26T20:38:22+00:00

At that point, it just boils down to you having your own definition of "family", which isn't really a debate topic because no one can argue that you don't mean what you say you mean by the word.

ThatBitchA · 2024-12-26T20:55:42+00:00

Friends leave and slander, too.

Family doesn't always stick by. Family also leaves and slanders.

This is very childish thinking.

tde_412 · 2024-12-26T21:00:47+00:00

It’s evident to me why a lot of men get passed over by women. Why would they subject themselves to these type of ideals when their are countless men who don’t have this level of disdain for their existence?

You despise the idea of loving a woman so bad that you do mental gymnastics to make this conclusion.

This isn’t Fast and the Furious, your interpretation of what it means to be family is derived specifically so that you can say that your wife isn’t a member of your family. Objectively speaking, family does not mean stick by through it all or unconditional love.

If you married her, you’re a family.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-12-26T21:05:56+00:00

literally legally a family, who cares about ad hoc personal definitions

Healthmaxxer · 2024-12-26T20:52:12+00:00

The way divorce rates are, I see where you’re coming from

Alternative_Chain330 · 2024-12-26T20:58:21+00:00

Lol, no.

Friendships can end because something happened between you, or you simply drift apart over the years. Anyone who has had friends for a decade or more know this to be true.

People can and do also cut off family members. Usually over something quite serious, but often over trivial things.

A marriage is an agreement that if something bad happens, you are obliged to try to work it out. Somethings cannot be worked out, but there is a huge obligation to try.

CatallaxyRanch · 2024-12-26T20:58:24+00:00

This seems like a self fulfilling prophecy. Considering my husband my family is WHY I have a high level of devotion and commitment to him. I'm not giving someone family-level devotion if they're not my family.

I also don't agree with your premise that familial relationships and friendships are more stable than marriages. Family members fall out for all kinds of reasons. Even if they don't, those relationships are often fraught and distant. And friendships end all the time for frivolous reasons or no particular reason at all.

Also, whether you like it or not, your spouse is quite literally your family. So don't get married if you don't want that to be the case.

leosandlattes · 2024-12-26T21:05:31+00:00

Well, it's a good thing that the definition of family doesn't include unconditional love or never leaving. Lots of blood relatives do this anyway.

A family is a social organization unit that denotes ancestry or marriage or, sometimes in everyday use, households (like parents and their children who all live together).

We can debate the definition of family, but ultimately most people do not use your personal definition of family. People can and do come in and out of families as well (people argue, get disowned, cut contact, etc.).

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Mentathiel · 2024-12-26T20:50:36+00:00

There's also blood related family who go no-contact with each other, it makes no difference in terms of your ability to leave.

EulenWatcher · 2024-12-26T20:52:15+00:00

I think there's family by blood - you do not choose them, you're just born in this family, and there's family by choice - you've chosen these people to share your life with. Quite often your blood family becomes your chosen family as well if you have good relationships and you stay close with them. Friends who you've known for a long time, you've gone through thick and thin together and you trust them also become a part of your family. Your spouse, a person who you built your life with, is also a part of your chosen family.

We hope for everlasting bonds, but it isn't given even with our blood family. Sometimes people lose touch, sometimes they cut off their parents, you can stop seeing your friends or you can fall off with some of them, you can divorce eventually...but it doesn't mean these people weren't your family when you were close.

Also, a lot of people do stay with their spouse. Around 60% of first marriages do not end up in a divorce. The percent is higher for educated couples as well.

From my perspective, my family is my husband, my mother, grandma and a few of other relatives I'm close with, my close friends and even some people from my husband's family. Also our pets. My husband and I have been together for more than 10 years, he knows me better than anyone else and we tell each other things that no one else knows, we've gone through so many problems and happy moments together...if he's not my family, then who is?

Major-Platypus2092 · 2024-12-26T21:18:41+00:00

I've been with the love of my life for years now. We've certainly overcome complicated situations and stuck together in times when we weren't at our best, loved each other more completely than my blood relatives ever had, and still are happy when we wake up to each other every morning.

You're certainly allowed to create whatever family you want, but thinking you can't have as strong—or a stronger bond with your romantic partner—is likely a self-fulfilling prophecy. Friends can drift away, family can be cut off, spouses can leave. He is my family because we chose that and put it into practice every day. It doesn't really matter what anybody else thinks.

G4M35 · 2024-12-26T22:08:48+00:00

So?

You have your personal worldviews. Good for you.

Any-Remove-4032 · 2024-12-26T22:50:23+00:00

I see the debate flair so here's my counterpoint.

I do.

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2024-12-26T23:21:50+00:00

I disagree with you, my wife is my family. However, I can't blame you for how you feel, given the broader culture's cheapening and ephemeralization of marriage.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2024-12-27T00:40:44+00:00

It looks like you experienced bad stories (I am sorry it happened to you). I do agree that being a wife don't make you directly a part of the family but that doesn't mean that you can't be

A real husband/wife is a true member of the family when they have a deep love. Also unconditional love can't really exist in a couple

Realistic_Guava9117 · 2024-12-27T01:56:06+00:00

I mean some of this just depends on who you marry. But of course she’s not your immediate family. Some people do get close and stay together forever though, with or without marriage. Thats why marriage is overrated and yes some people get married or become acquainted in general for all the wrong reasons.

Conscious-Sea9499 · 2024-12-27T06:48:36+00:00

Going through heartbreak or something? My fiancé is my forever person. I have no intentions of ever leaving him or doing anything to hurt him. Also, families break up and have issues and NC too.

Intelligent-Insight · 2024-12-27T09:22:36+00:00

So do you consider your parents to be members of the same family?

SayuriKitsune · 2024-12-27T10:53:33+00:00

family doesnt leave? what a joke, my auntie stopped talking to my grandma over a phone call argument. My grandma passed calling her name 25 years later, she never let her meet her grandchildren.. Come on.. And Im not the only one, I have several friends with different but similar stories where families are broken, brothers and sisters at each others throats when there is a will . Your spouse is the person that you chose to create your own family with. To me my husband is more important than anyone else in the world.

TSquaredRecovers · 2024-12-27T12:50:39+00:00

Plenty of people cut off or disown their immediate family members who aren’t their spouses because they are are/were abusive or toxic in some way. I’m constantly reading stories from people who stopped interacting with their parents or siblings as a result of abusive or toxic behavior.

Responsible-Bee-3439 · 2024-12-28T00:54:15+00:00

How tf is someone you married not a part of your immediate family? That's kind of the entire point of marriage, merging your families together.

Were your mother and father not family to each other because they weren't biologically related (or were they?)

alebruto · 2024-12-30T20:23:36+00:00

I married for life.

On the other hand, I had friends who are no longer my friends.

I don't think you know what "marriage" means. And I highly doubt all your friends are never gone.

Title	I Don’t Consider A Spouse As A Member of My Family.
Author	Ceazer4L
Upvotes	0
Comments	92
Date	December 26, 2024 8:33 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1hmxb54/i_dont_consider_a_spouse_as_a_member_of_my_family/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/i-dont-consider-a-spouse-as-a-member-of-my-family.1539581 https://theredarchive.com/post/1539581

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