Why are people so aggressively against unconventional relationship boundaries?

KayRay1994 · 2025-03-13T21:19:37+00:00

People often see their views as universal, and usually, the more intimate the topic, the more personal it feels. To add to this, if a person isn’t exposed to an idea, new ones can threaten that universal worldview.

Think about it from the pov of any issues that relates to intimacy, sex , etc - we’re taught that strict monogamy is the moral choice, problem is ‘strict monogamy’ in itself has a lot of subjective interpretations, so people react based on their feelings on the issue.

chobolicious88 · 2025-03-13T21:33:00+00:00

Hyper individualism bread by insecurity (jane over there is so strong and doesnt give af, how can i be as cool and not give a fuck even more).

captaindestucto · 2025-03-14T05:55:17+00:00

Because there are no half measures or shades of grey on this.

Allowing one or both partners to 'emotionally cheat' in an exclusive relationship is setting it up to fail.

No-Past7721 · 2025-03-13T21:49:40+00:00

It isn't the unusual boundaries per se.

It's that people who decide to have particularly unusual boundaries are most often

1) idiots who haven't thought through the extra risks and therefore the likely downfall of their relationships due to the unusual boundaries

And also...

2) incredibly fucking smug and convinced that their unconventional choices are evidence of some sort of superiority on their part be it a superiority of ethics or a superiority of attractiveness or a superiority of courage

And also...

3)No matter how spectacularly bad they fuck up and turn their lives and the lives of everyone around them who cares about them into dangerous nerve wracking messes, they never ever fucking admit that maybe they were overconfident and insufferable and would have done well to have a little more caution and a little less arrogance about it all.

Sure you can create your own boundaries. If I take a look at your choice of boundaries and see disaster in the making, I'm not even going to discuss it with you because I don't expect you to really listen. I'm just going to quietly evict you from my inner circle, and limit your access to my outer circle. That way I get fewer crying phone calls in the middle of the night because someone's husband chased them and their boyfriend from their house at knifepoint because their boyfriend tried to very aggressively "convert" him to gay sex by surprising him with a dick in his butt or because someone discovered that one of the six guys they are in a polycule with turns out to be a pedo and now they are pregnant and are scared the baby is his boo hoo hoo.

I don't need the Amanda Fucking Palmers of the world in my life. I can do without them and their bullshit just fine.

And yes I would be inclined to see people who think online sex antics won't spill into real life as just another set of smug idiots setting themselves up to have their lives implode. They can do their thing for sure...way over there far far away from me. FFS I would rather be friends with an OnlyFans girl at least they are more likely to be realistic about the danger in what they are doing.

psimmons666 · 2025-03-13T20:57:13+00:00

Well in my personal experience. When two people share "unconventional" boundaries.. The relationship itself is usually severely one sided in favor of one partner. The other partner may accept the boundaries but usually gets run over/walked on.

Poly relationships I have seen with my own eyes are usually 1 malignant narcissist who has 2 or more codependent partners and the narcissist plays these partners off against each other for fun and profit.

So yeah, I'm pretty skeptical of such shenanigans in a relationship or that such relationships are actually as healthy and equal as the propaganda would have one believe.

avocadolanche3000 · 2025-03-13T21:50:33+00:00

Because everything is for them (them being traditional, white, straight, monogamous people) so they see anything that isn’t for them (polyamory in this case) as a personal attack.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2025-03-13T22:49:12+00:00

Degeneracy destroy society, it's kinda not hard to understand.

This however is no longer the case.

You have a very shallow reasoning skill, the issue it's not stds nor pregnancy, the core issue is that it produce a less stable society, less stable children and a less stable future that in the end results into societal collapse, we already have this today.

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Lovers691 · 2025-03-13T22:33:50+00:00

Can you link to the post or explain more? Was the flirting/sexual stuff only with sex workers or normies?

Siukslinis_acc · 2025-03-14T04:11:02+00:00

They were happy for each other to flirt and be sexual online as long as it remained in the online realm and didn't become physical.

Is the other party aware of it that the flirtig and online sexuality won't lead anywhere? Because that is where i see the problem in this that the other person might be feeling like being lead on, which is a shitty thing to do.

As for unconventional stuff. We have been taught certain rules and were punished or intimidated for breaking it. And the unconventional stuff feels like a breaking of the rule, so you feel a sense of wrongness. And they might be stressed as it can trigger the memory of punishment. They see the rule being broken and they feel the punishment. It can be unnerving. But it is the thing that the person needs to learn to deal with instead of lashing out on others.

JustGeminiThings · 2025-03-14T06:47:16+00:00

People like what they expect and are used to. They don't want "weird" things suggested to them. They like it simple, with everyone doing everything the same way.

Desperate_Coat_5244 · 2025-03-14T09:26:03+00:00

We practise ENM with my spouse, it’s our choice and we don’t really care what other people think about it. I real life, people are mostly just curious when discussing it, but haven’t been judged or criticised. Online there is a lot of hate and pretty funny misconceptions and prejudices, I sometimes try to correct them but tbh it doesn’t matter enough for me to care to change a random’s opinion.

Present-Afternoon-70 · 2025-03-14T11:18:55+00:00

Two possibilities, they dont understand it when things work outside their concepts or it makes them uncomfortable that other relationships are different because it makes them nervous about their own.

AppearanceKey8663 · 2025-03-14T12:01:10+00:00

Only ugly people do the poly thing.

Unkown64637 · 2025-03-14T14:48:20+00:00

The porn to sexting parallel you drew is a weird one and I’m confused how it’s even a question. Bc pornstars are actresses and flirting with a person on line is flirting. Watching porn can be a single person act. You can be alone. Flirting requires willing, excited and somewhat eager parties. That’s not a necessity to porn. She can fake a squirt, shake on camera, go by a totally different name than her actual one. Grab her money and go home. The same dynamics are not applied to flirting with real people not at work. That’s like saying why is my partner okay with my small talk with the cashier lady but not okay with my making small talk at a singles mixer.

AidsVictim · 2025-03-15T07:52:35+00:00

I'm not "triggered" by it, I just think it's quite foolish in this example because it's likely going to decrease the health and longevity of a relationship. It's pretty common for "unconventional" relationships to be less healthy (in whatever dimension) than conventional ones. You're free to engage in it and make a case for it in discussion, but I think it's usually appropriate to treat it with some degree of skepticism.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-03-13T20:03:35+00:00

Are they sexting other people or each other ?

BonesAndStuff01 · 2025-03-13T20:35:00+00:00

I think there's some things people are intuitively less flexible about and Sex, like food, is one of them.

I like to invest a lot of my time and attention in to relationships so to me open relationships seem wasteful and dumb. For whatever reason I have less tolerance and am more easily irritated by that concept than by like, political leanings or hobbies or anything like that and I figure it's because sex is just so much more fundamental we are likely to have strong feelings about it.

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-03-13T21:13:15+00:00

We're a social sex species. The only way to control sex is with a massive, constant force, because having social sex is baked into our nature.

The way to make that massive, constant force is to create a deep system of shame around it. You're shamed for liking it. You're shamed for being fine with other people liking it even if you don't do it yourself, etc.

Wolvengirla88 · 2025-03-13T21:46:05+00:00

I support people adopting whatever boundaries work for them.

Old_Luck285 · 2025-03-13T23:09:56+00:00

Close mindedness/reduced openness and ambiguity tolerance + relationship anxiety (includes low self-esteem)

cutegolpnik · 2025-03-13T21:36:02+00:00

it's "safer" sex not "safe sex" because no matter what if you're not monogamous you risk infecting your parter with an STI.

personally, i won't have sex without monogamy because the risks are not worth it.

ThatBitchA · 2025-03-13T20:51:47+00:00

Someone disagreeing isn't being aggressive.

It's just someone not agreeing with someone else.

Training-Cook3507 · 2025-03-13T21:22:54+00:00

Because experience tells these people that behavior like that eventually leads to relationship failure.

alreadydark · 2025-03-13T21:28:45+00:00

Because people are incapable of minding their own business. Every time someone posts about their relationship online, a hoard of people will see themselves in that situation, and react to it as if it was happening to them.

Personally I think thats effed up and I'd never have a relationship like that. So I won't. It's that easy. IDGAF what other people do

RapaxIII · 2025-03-13T22:02:31+00:00

History/experience/common sense demonstrates why going outside the norm often results in dispute, or a person being traumatized or abused. Additionally, the "unconventional" types often flaunt their relationships to people just for their own fun, no one likes that shit and it hampers normal people's views on those relationships further.

It has to be called out and shamed it or just continues, honestly I predict a major backlash against abnormal relationships in the near future (already happening online, but it's largely censored)

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-03-13T21:31:37+00:00

Because people support views they support, and they oppose views they oppose

It isn't rocket science and this is what happens in pluralistic, free societies with free exchange of ideas, and free speech.

If you think someone's commentary crosses the line, you're free to call them out, put them in their place, etc. The backlash of online can sometimes be self-regulating when people cross lines, like touching a hot stove, or losing IRL friendships over controversial viewpoints.

This sub is not a hive mind think tank that disseminates behavioral standards to our respective genders once they've been debated here, and even here there's a lot that people don't agree on.

OrganicAd5450 · 2025-03-13T21:24:00+00:00

Most people with "unconventional sex boundaries" are young kids who don't really understand how this whole thing will play out. This is true of most poly relationships. People think they are ok with it but then realize that they are not. It may work for some but it rarely works for most of the people who try it.

-Kalos · 2025-03-14T03:47:21+00:00

Not my relationship, don’t care, still calling a cuck a cuck

Pepes_parrillaXXX69 · 2025-03-13T21:20:13+00:00

Because that thing they were doing is actually fucked up.

Revolutions bring many things good and bad. The sexual revolution brought many good things but also some bad and one of them is every form of cheating being acceptable, commonly known as polyamory.

Don't get me wrong, to each one their own, but I have never seen a stable, non toxic and mature polyamorous relationship.

This sexting thing does sound like polyamory but more cautious.

In that sense, here is how your comment sounds to me and many people in the web:

"In a world were many things previously previously thought cringe but now aren't, like grown men playing videogames, why are we shaming men who like to slam their cocks on the car door?"

Title	Why are people so aggressively against unconventional relationship boundaries?
Author	ReindeerKitchen872
Upvotes	2
Comments	96
Date	March 13, 2025 7:00 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1jajs3f/why_are_people_so_aggressively_against/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-are-people-so-aggressively-against.1546462 https://theredarchive.com/post/1546462

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