STBXW wants us to spend future christmas' together

GlassCod6049 · 2025-11-17T02:55:08+00:00

Came here for Christmas help too and sounds like we're in just about the same boat. Stbx wife divorced me abruptly even though our relationship wasn't perfect, not even a thought of getting help first. Now she invites me to Christmas at the in-laws house. Woo, go and watch my x in laws shower my kids in hundreds of dollars in gifts while they drain me dry trying to keep the kids from me. Messed up. Hope your decision works out for you either way.

so0vixnbmsb11 · 2025-10-31T09:27:41+00:00

This is diabolical in my perspective, but the true angel would be you if you accept. Personally I would do it but bring a new girl with me. Wouldn't take long before she doesn't want to see you.

DivorcedStoic · 2025-10-31T02:42:33+00:00

I can’t tell you what’s best for your family (nobody can).

What I try to do in any situation is model for my kids what I think a good man would do. That helps me decide in every situation.

What do you think a good man would do in your situation?

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2025-10-27T13:41:16+00:00

Fuck, no.

She burned our family to the ground.

She didn't just betray me, she betrayed the kids and their concept of who their mother was.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-10-27T08:31:26+00:00

My bet is she only wants to do it is because she wants every Xmas with her and if that means you are around so be it. Do what you feel works for your kids and you.

Factastical · 2025-10-26T11:18:03+00:00

Your kids don't need this. If there were no lies then it is something you can consider for yourselves. If there were lies then don't you dare.

Chunderwumba · 2025-10-25T09:02:42+00:00

Did the first Xmas as 'a family'. Half way through Xmas day, my XW takes the kids out to a family lock-in (relative owns a pub). I sat on my own for over 3 hrs, which hit me like a brick how quiet the house was on Xmas day without my kids. So the following years we alternate either Xmas Eve+Boxing Day, and the other gets Xmas Day-27th, then let the kids decide where they want to go depending on plans with other family members. I aim to involve the kids as much as possible, getting them to decorate the tree at my house, helping me choose the food for dinner, what time to open presents, and even what films to watch on the TV.

Its_Only_My_Opinion1 · 2025-10-25T02:14:33+00:00

Fuck her. She broke any form of normalcy when she left you.

IAPiratesFan · 2025-10-24T23:19:07+00:00

I did it the first year to help the kids transition to us being apart. Not sure about this year.

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2025-10-24T21:22:49+00:00

Fuck no!!

upvotersfortruth · 2025-10-24T21:03:55+00:00

Say yes to get to get through the divorce then do whatever you want. You have no obligation to be open and honest with her about this kind of thing. You have an obligation to yourself to get through this as best and quickly as you can.

bob_dazz · 2025-10-24T20:00:08+00:00

Jeez some rough going on here. My stbx and I have a very amicable relationship. We’re friends and we work to be amicable where we can. Our romantic relationship came to the end of its life and once we recognised that and gave each other the necessary space to work through it we’ve managed to maintains good platonic relationship. We’ll do Christmas this year for at least half the day, and then next year we’ll likely do our own thing. There’s plenty of jilted women out there, and men too it seems which is understandable but you’ve got to do it your way because no one else really cares what you do.

Bluetoes1 · 2025-10-24T16:30:57+00:00

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. This can only be bad. So many ways it can. What happens when you meet someone else? Are you welcome to bring your new partner?

What I have told my children is that it doesn’t matter exactly what day we celebrate on, as long as we celebrate together. We alternate Christmas and Thanksgiving and it works just fine. The kids got used to it quickly and they look forward to each house for different reasons.

You’ll find that very quickly you will not want to be beholden to her in any way. It will be used against you at some point.

Your lives are starting on two completely different trajectories now. Don’t let her trap you with any unnecessary obligations that can be manipulated against you.

shell_shocked_today · 2025-10-24T14:29:42+00:00

I let her join us for holidays / celebrations, but its clear she's a guest in the house. We have had a fairly amicable separation, and until the house is sold and her equity is paid, I'm working to keep things calm between us - she's being reasonable on timelines, and I don't want her to get pissed and force things.

That1TimeN99 · 2025-10-24T14:14:45+00:00

She wants to control the narrative and keep you around not because of you or the kids, but for her own ego and to minimize the guilt. Why do I say that? Because that’s what my controlling ex wanted to do.

BahamaDon · 2025-10-24T13:27:57+00:00

I had Easter together with my wife and kids at a restaurant while divorce proceedings were happening. She had been on her best behavior for weeks up until then when she had another psycho event. I told her thanks for confirming that I made the right decision. Pro tip - don’t do that.

BadMoles · 2025-10-24T12:14:00+00:00

My wife left last month, I remain in the family home with the kids and the dog. We've been trying to keep things amicable for the sake of the kids and she's breadcrumbed a few hints about being able to get back together in the future. Because I've been trying to be nice I suggested to her that for Christmas she comes back and stays over so we can have Christmas morning as familiar as possible for the kids. She thought this was a nice idea.

The day before yesterday we had a conversation about the mediation process and she said she wanted our house sold within a year, which frankly stunned me. I asked her where she thought we were going and she made it clear there was no way back for us. This has flipped me completely and I now realised we are done and once the mediation agreement is settled I owe her nothing.

As such I am now not comfortable having her back in the house and will be retracting the offer. She can have the kids boxing day instead.

Techdude_Advanced · 2025-10-24T12:02:37+00:00

Besides the kids birthdays, I do nothing with her. People often say yeah do it for the kids, which I find completely nonsense, it benefits her and her talking points especially if she cheated, it's like your castrator asking you if you'd love to join her for a cup of coffee. The last few Christmases have been great, kids and I decide what we are going to do and have a good time without one person making it about them.

HistoricalRich280 · 2025-10-24T11:37:02+00:00

I think take it one event at a time based on how you are feeling. Don’t put something like that in a court order. But whoever has the parenting time can invite the other parent. That parent can decide how to handle.

If I was invited and it was extra time I didn’t have with the kids, I would go every time.

I wouldn’t be inviting my ex over right now but might do something at third party location etc if necessary. I’d rather not be with them but can suffer through short periods as needed.

serkovavantgarden · 2025-10-24T11:27:07+00:00

She only wants you round at Chrimbo because her boyfriend is taking a wide berth

Wait till next year though mate when he’s a bit more ‘comfortable’ with the situation

You’ll be discarded like a used condom.

Keep that in mind once she brings up this ridiculous idea again

jarnock · 2025-10-24T11:04:34+00:00

Just say no. You need to start having your own Christmas.

Gattsama · 2025-10-24T10:56:08+00:00

Do not put it into the divorce decree. Have it as a verbal understanding. This gives you the option of choosing to or not two in the future.

StandardButPoor500 · 2025-10-24T10:41:03+00:00

Personally, my kid has a birthday tomorrow, and I plan to celebrate it together with him and my ex-wife.

Why did you not have any communication as to why she left? It's always better to know than not to know; dealing with reality is easier than dealing with uncertainty.

If you were actually humiliated, you probably should keep only the working contact for the kids, but not go beyond that. But - only if you were actually humiliated. Assessing that requires knowing her reason for leaving you. It's one thing if she betrayed you or cheated, it's another if she doesn't think your plans for the future aren't compatible anymore.

kcinkcinlim · 2025-10-24T10:36:23+00:00

Ok so I know she's coming from a viewpoint of "let's give the kids a normal Christmas", but she's being very very careless about it. She either hasn't considered your feelings, or is expecting you to swallow them for the sake of the children.

I want to tell you that you don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with, especially if doing so will cause you emotional pain.

IllBrother6221 · 2025-10-24T10:33:42+00:00

Me and my STBXW plan to do this but there is no ill feeling between us.

Hairy_Result5992 · 2025-10-24T10:31:41+00:00

My parents did this until they remarried other people. It was nice for us kids.

Heavy-Interaction-47 · 2025-10-24T10:30:12+00:00

My STBX asked something similar and I said no. I don't want her in my life and the kids get 2 Christmases based on the custody schedule.

Title	STBXW wants us to spend future christmas' together
Author	Any-Original-1775
Upvotes	16
Comments	69
Date	October 24, 2025 10:27 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1oeu44f/stbxw_wants_us_to_spend_future_christmas_together/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/stbxw-wants-us-to-spend-future-christmas-together.1564882 https://theredarchive.com/post/1564882

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