The day before NYE my (m36) wife (f33) and I closed on an our dream home. NYE I went to work and met my wife and daughter at a New Year’s party at our friend’s house. What I didn’t know was my wife had told our daughter and every one at the party that she was going to ask for a divorce that night and leave. Fast forward to 11:45pm at our kitchen table she looks me in the eyes and says “I want a divorce” and “I love you but I’m not in love with you.” I will never be able to accurately explain the emotion and feelings you will feel going from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows in the matter of 24 hours. Married 15 years together for 17. I sat there as fireworks go off in the background as people celebrate the start of a new year. Truly will be a crazy vivid memory as i try to process the life shattering news while my ears ring and fireworks are exploding in the background. I was caught off guard but after reflecting the past few weeks I’ve realized subtle hints she was ready to leave the marriage for at least the last year but in the same moment the plans we made, the dates, hugs, cuddles, kisses, etc would make you think other wise.

I asked if reconciliation was an option and she said no. The look in her eye told me she was telling the truth. So she spent the next few days moving her, our daughter and animals out to the new house leaving me to pick up the pieces and clean up the mess of what was a home just a few days prior.

My parents have been great these last 2 weeks, as well as family friends and church. I pray every day for strength and wisdom to proceed through this process the best I can. My only ask with my wife was to be the poster child of co parenting. Other than that we are no contact. I’ve felt every emotion I could these last 2 weeks. I finally had our daughter this week and that has been great but the 1st week alone in a home that used to be so full of love and life was brutal.

I don’t hate her. I’m just sad how it played out. I deserved to know before our daughter. I’m sad that we bought a home for a future I would not be apart of and her knowing that yet buying me decor I loved for a bed room we would never share. Damn I even got to help pick out a the furniture I would never get to use.

I’m also grateful how it played out. Instead of spending time wondering whether reconciliation is an option I can better spend that time to learn who I am and how to navigate this life alone.

Positive things I’ve done since starting this process:

-Joined a divorce support group at a church that starts 1/18.

-Communicate honestly with my daughter about next steps and make sure she

-Restarted therapy every 2 weeks

-Found a good lawyer who will actually call you back and communicate with you. You’d be surprised how many will never call or message you back

-Deactivated social media

Algorithms are cruel for people going through this

-Reached out to family and friends

-Going to weekly church and men’s bible and support groups.

-Never saying anything negative about her as a person to anyone (for me it’s ok to communicate you sadness, anger confusion and fear at the situation)

-No contact with her outside of required co parenting communication

-Allow myself to feel emotions

- Be content with the fact that I stood true to the vows I made to her 15 years ago and did everything I could do and not beat myself up over what I would right now consider a failure.

-Know that biblically I did not fail my marriage

1 Corinthians 7:15

-Realizing that someone who loves/loved you would not have done that to you.

-Signed up for a 5k so I have something to look forward in the future.

-Your Spotify playlist will make you cry, laugh or sing. Feel those emotions

-Let myself mourn. This is a death. This is the hardest thing.

This is not easy. Don’t react during anger. You married this person for a reason. I’ve had good moments and bad moments. I was served divorced papers the 1st night I had my daughter. I have since filed my answer. Way darker days are ahead of me. I hope the foundation a lay today makes for an easier path later.

TLDR Wife asked for divorce on NYE a day after we closed on our dream home. Told our daughter and friends before she told me. Some advice/thoughts from a guy 2 weeks in.