The more you and your spouse can talk and negotiate your own settlement, the more time and money you will save in your divorce.

rodchan82 · 2026-01-20T18:57:13+00:00

The sentiment I understand, but that's easier said that done OP. Believe me, if I could deal with my SBXW like an adult, we wouldve been done a long time ago.

DivorceCharacter512 · 2026-01-18T22:53:47+00:00

Lol. If that shit were possible most of the guys here wouldn't be getting divorced.

Lawyers are a lot like guns. You need to choose the right one, understand the weapon, how to use it, and also what using it irresponsibly can cost you.

Grafixx01 · 2026-01-18T16:37:24+00:00

Common sense

ProgrammerForeign387 · 2026-01-18T12:25:30+00:00

This is painfully true. You’re basically paying lawyers to do what you could do yourselves - trade proposals, reality-check numbers, and write it down cleanly. Even if you hate each other, you can still negotiate like adults and keep it businesslike. AI Lawyer can help by turning messy conversations into a structured term sheet (assets/debts, custody schedule, support assumptions) so you’re not burning billable hours on back-and-forth just to get to a draft.

North-Permit-1021 · 2026-01-18T02:48:12+00:00

I do agree with that.. I understand that lawyers and therapy costs a lot and it sucks cause nobody wins at the end. there are lot of alternative on how to be prepared out there, I have used a course that helped me and shared it with other dads. Luckily it work out pretty well so go try some alternatives brother

Tvelt17 · 2026-01-18T01:51:57+00:00

This is what my ex and I did. We just agreed to take our own stuff and split the rest. Helped that we didn't have any real assets to split other than the equity in our home, but at the end of the day it wasn't too bad and we saved on lawyers fees.

Definitely less stress and pain on the kids, too.

LimJayee · 2026-01-18T01:22:36+00:00

She's got no idea

crayzeejew · 2026-01-17T23:26:33+00:00

Divorce mediator here.

The quickest and cheapest divorces are those in which the parties have worked out nearly all the details themselves and just need me to write them up into an enforceable agreement.

I love those divorces bc we can be done in 2-3 sessions and everyone walks away happy.

electromattic · 2026-01-17T22:43:53+00:00

Totally agree. Yell, scream and cry at us here in this sub so that you can be stone-cold and calculated with the divorce. It sucks but we're here for ya!

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2026-01-17T22:27:11+00:00

100% agree. Got a buddy that's been in a 3 year divorce process at over $150k.

Plastic_Canary_6637 · 2026-01-17T19:58:19+00:00

Amen!!! This is great advice!! I would def use your own lawyer to understand the framework of divorce (whose entitled to what) and finalize the contract but the more you can work it out between the 2 of you the less you will have pay the attorneys to fight. Took me about 2 hours of attorney time hammer out an agreement bc we didn’t have a lot to fight about

CherryEuphoric3557 · 2026-01-17T19:15:06+00:00

Totally agree, we didn't even have to go to mediation. The two of us agreeing on the split and custody, chatgpt premium, and an online portal. Started the marriage surrounded by friends celebrating it and ended it behind a computer screen. We didn't even see a judge in person, and it's all finalized as of early January.

Final_Minimum1443 · 2026-01-17T18:27:04+00:00

I really would love to avoid Mediation and Court. Both of us can't afford attorneys. Be great to just have paperwork signed.

We are relatively ambicale. Ex and I rarely engage in conversation since we seperated.

ItsHowItisNow2 · 2026-01-17T17:58:22+00:00

It’s what we did, although she had a lawyer paid for by her affluent dotting father. We divided up assets, she wanted the house, so we got an appraisal and we divided that in half…house was paid off, so she had to take a mortgage…stupid does stupid things… I kept all my IRAs, inherited assets, 2 vehicles, a Zmower, half her retirement fund and $100k cash. I refused spousal support. None of my assets in another state were included in the discovery made by her pricey lawyer…all good. At the divorce hearing her lawyer came up to me and said “it was the easiest case I ever took” meaning, “I did nothing and got paid” Skip the lawyer, you will end up paying or not…lawyers are the winners…always. And at the end of the divorce process I took her out for lunch and we parted ways. I don’t hate her, as she’s the mother of my kid and we are now far happier, healthier and wealthier…

FUMoney · 2026-01-17T17:00:18+00:00

But the more you can talk to your ex and hammer out your own deal

Bro, have you ever in your life been to a divorce hearing, in any capacity, even just sitting in the back, observing? Observing lawyers peddle bold-faced untruths to jack alimony and CS payments?

Have you seen ex-spouses, both male and female, hurling lie after lie, claiming domestic violence, sexual abuse, drug use? An ex smashing windows, doors, cars in fits of rage?

There are a significant percentage of divorce cases where either the male or the female is a lazy lying POS. And yes, men too, especially the drunken gamblers prone to violence, or opioid abusers unfit to parent; this is more common than you likely know; courts have to deal with this shit every day of every week.

Yeah, there’s no “talking” to these people. Only court orders and the threat of law enforcement resolves such high-conflict cases.

Legitimate-Corgi · 2026-01-17T16:47:27+00:00

Or you say something you shouldn’t and dig your own hole. Just get all your paperwork to lawyer and let them hammer out numbers

tonyway7293 · 2026-01-17T16:43:47+00:00

Right. You realize a lot of these divorces are due to infidelity? You think you can reason with and trust a cheater to be fair and equitable?

Your LaLa land may be great for YOU but for many of us here it isn’t as simple as you dumb it down to be.

RiseNo3399 · 2026-01-17T16:39:39+00:00

Don’t be duped fellas. This advice is bad. Get a lawyer, a good one, and protect yourself

leonredhorse · 2026-01-17T16:29:00+00:00

This assumes both parties are reasonable and want the same things.

My future ex wants 50/50 custody and to figure out what share of the house she is entitled to down the road. This would be fine, but I stumbled on some evidence of things that might make me want full custody. Don’t think we are talking through that easily.

Coffeecankicker · 2026-01-17T16:13:59+00:00

Bro, my wife planned on doing it this way! “We’ll just split everything 50/50 and let the lawyers figure it out.” She filed an order of protection, kicked me out of the house and wants everything 50/50. It’s gross.

warwww · 2026-01-17T15:24:36+00:00

What if said person wants to leave you with $0? What recourse do you have then?

EcstaticTax1897 · 2026-01-17T15:17:40+00:00

Yeah that only works if both parties are mature enough. Unfortunately this is not the case in many divorce situations including mine. But if you can that is great.

Title	The more you and your spouse can talk and negotiate your own settlement, the more time and money you will save in your divorce.
Author	Tonyalarm
Upvotes	44
Comments	53
Date	January 17, 2026 3:08 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qffkd3/the_more_you_and_your_spouse_can_talk_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/the-more-you-and-your-spouse-can-talk-and.1571355 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571355

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