She downgraded

ShaunyP_OKC · 2026-02-02T01:44:38+00:00

Honestly it's kind of more insulting when they do

H3110_T43R3 · 2026-02-01T16:47:16+00:00

I’m lol at this chain of responses.

WTF cares? If she is a lying and cheating whatever then what does that say about her ability to make good decisions?

Reality is that these guys are probably giving her something you couldn’t or wouldn’t. Stop focusing on what they lack and start focusing on what they’re doing right and you’re doing wrong.

Character-Change-507 · 2026-01-31T20:40:50+00:00

My ex went running off with a dude fatter than me. No job. Multiple kids with multiple girls. Living on moms couch and doesn't even have a car. 15 years thrown away for that. I'll never understand

machmusic76 · 2026-01-31T17:37:33+00:00

Yeah I hear you. This matters because this is the path she has chosen to expose the kids to rather than keep her family together. My former wife started dating a guy who lived in a motorhome and would literally pull into side streets just to sleep for the night. I've been with a new partner for 5 years, whereas she's gone through a succession of pretty hopeless relationships that never last. This isn't to judge people from different walks of life. You can't help but think "why did you do this to your family?"

SaaSWriters · 2026-01-30T09:58:43+00:00

What makes the guy a complete loser?

You seem to be angrier at him than your ex, who actually hurt you.

Basic_Advance7627 · 2026-01-30T02:35:17+00:00

They always 100% of the time downgrade, no matter what the guy looks like or how much money he has. He’s a cheater with a cheater.

Rinse-retrieve-123 · 2026-01-30T01:16:22+00:00

Bro you can’t be jealous of this fat loser kinda sad. Love yourself more it’s ok and doesn’t matter who she’s with after you. You clearly haven’t moved on and are hurt

Intrepid-Scarcity486 · 2026-01-30T00:35:34+00:00

Who gives a shit, worry about yourself is the only answer to this bro. Comparing yourself is gonna get you nowhere. Find yourself someone 10 years younger than your ex and let her compare that.

She chose him over you

Chemical-Eye-1828 · 2026-01-29T22:54:43+00:00

I would Use this time to self reflect and take responsibility for my part in my marriage ending.

What can you learn what can you do better so that your next relationship can be better? Otherwise it will be like the movie Groundhog Day over and over again.

Good luck on your journey.

RyanGetty1 · 2026-01-29T21:49:52+00:00

Bro... she rather picks the "loser" than you. Says a lot about you. Self reflection is the first step to recovery.

probebeta · 2026-01-29T21:39:39+00:00

When my ex was looking down on me for being quite obsessed with money it told me everything about who she's with. I heard he's the same height as her too.

Anyway, yes it's kind of comical at that time when you have a lot of resentment in you but there are maybe good things and you have to be ok wishing her well eventually. Maybe he's more loyal and doesn't rock the boat much, has more time for her, is more supportive and gladly listens to her bs, spends his entire paycheck on keeping her happy, has a good connection with her at her level, doesn't care when she gets fatter, maybe he has less options and lets her thrive in validation, or.. maybe he fucks her well. Not all these are obviously good things that keep a woman happy but maybe for now they do. I wouldn't discount the lessons that she gave me about the future so we're good 😅

Beautiful-Art2224 · 2026-01-29T20:52:01+00:00

Maybe be he treats her well, maybe the laugh together? Have fun. Connection. Not everything is about looks and money.

Impossible_Mode_7521 · 2026-01-29T19:55:30+00:00

Maybe his dick is bigger than yours

sveltecheese · 2026-01-29T19:42:26+00:00

It’s still in process for me but I cared and truly because I suspected something before the split. But now I am indifferent. It doesn’t matter to me. I have someone who is amazing and I am happy, way happier than I was.

ExtraLettuce555 · 2026-01-29T19:37:12+00:00

Saving this for later 😄

Objective-Fan-5464 · 2026-01-29T19:17:51+00:00

Why do you care?

I don’t mean that sarcastically, I mean it literally. The fact that you’re cataloging his looks, money, and flaws means she’s still living rent-free in your head.

Who she dates now isn’t a referendum on you, and it isn’t proof she made a “good” or “bad” choice. It’s just a signal that the marriage is over and she’s choosing something different. Sometimes that different thing is healthier. Sometimes it’s a mess. Either way, it’s not your problem to grade.

The danger here is that turning her new partner into a punchline keeps you emotionally tied to her decisions. That slows your own recovery and keeps the divorce alive longer than it needs to be.

For your kids’ sake, the only questions that matter are:

Is he safe?
Is he respectful to them?
Does he stay in his lane?

Everything else, his income, looks, past, “winner/loser” status, is noise.

Indifference is the real upgrade. When you genuinely stop caring, that’s when you know you’re moving on.

ABBucsfan · 2026-01-29T19:08:01+00:00

I don't think I ever cared. Even before she found someone I was pitying whoever it ended up being. She wanted to uproot the family but I wasn't really sad to see her go, just sad for the kids and maybe what we had hoped for years easlier. The guy she ended up dating I genuinely didn't mind and was glad he seemed to be decent enough around the kids. At birthdays and concerts I ignored her and made small talk with him. I remember pulling in and seeing him on a ladder (and he's like 50) going into garage attic. All I could do was smile and be thankful I'm not running around for her whims anymore. Then my kid tells me she feels sorry for the way she treats him sometime and I'm like damn I thought after one divorce and him being older maybe he'd have a bit more backbone and less patience.. apparently the latest is him begging to get back together after my kid saying she had been talking for a while how she was too good for him. I'm like damn run dude. He's got no self esteem. He's a bit dorky but being a Doctor probably already opens some other doors.

My ex actually being content and being busy in love with someone would probably be best for everyone. Has too much time on her hands and over schedules kids and their activities, always trying to change schools for them, maybe would be less cranky.. her and my oldest are really coming up a head..she's one of those restless people and needs to make life more complicated than it needs to be for herself and everyone around her. Actually when I heard they broke up I was a little worried because he basically helped keep my ex reasonable and a buffer between my ex and our daughter

LimJayee · 2026-01-29T18:57:25+00:00

LOL let them make you happier ;)

tyyyy110 · 2026-01-29T18:41:02+00:00

🤷🏿

Servers them right!.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2026-01-29T18:37:51+00:00

She lives rent-free in your head though. Time to evict.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2026-01-29T18:13:52+00:00

They find a younger version of their father

CRobinsFly · 2026-01-29T18:02:35+00:00

Logically they have to downgrade. It's truly the exception if she was able to get a "better" man after bringing another man's children to a new relationship and a divorce in tow. Most seriously downgrade if theyre able to even find a new man at all. The majority of single mothers I know personally are still single many years later - sure they still have guys who will sleep with them for a few weeks or months but they just get ran through for recreation and admittedly I have participated in that, as I have never even met the children of the single mothers I have been with.

Take the win and move on. Keep your finger on the pulse of their relationship somewhat since instability in the household is a valid argument for you to get more timesharing/custody/reduce CS if you need that. I have definitely brought it up to the parenting coordinator as a concern and he's agreed with me and put the concern as officially his concern as well "mother prioritizes child's relationship with nonfamily over child's father and has relationship instability with her romantic partner"

I do not necessarily agree though with other comments essentially arguing "why do you even care?" Um It's nice to vent? Years later my satisfaction about her downgrade only increases because she's now been with her new man for longer than she was even with me. She deserved him. He's 2x divorced, makes 20% of what I do, pays the same amount in CS as I do, has less custody of his children than I do, has never owned a home. I think it's funny that my ex sees something in him! I just wish they'd get married so when they divorce he can actually get a win for once, lol.

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2026-01-29T17:59:19+00:00

Bro, you just sit back and smile. Be the best dad you can be if you have kids.
Divorced because X fell out of love(bs) was having an affair. She was the one that filed.
Lost my business and rental properties cuz X wanted cash.

Fast forward - the guy dumped her. Her job fired her. And she is broke.

Not my problem.

Ok-Cucumber-6976 · 2026-01-29T17:45:05+00:00

You have to take care of yourself. Set boundaries. Demand money from your ex-wife. Advance, don't wait for an attack. Go ahead. And finally, just take care of yourself. Sports, theaters, bars, museums. Change your style. The world is much wider than you think.

serkovavantgarden · 2026-01-29T17:40:30+00:00

The cheats always punch down

The APs are easier to control

FUMoney · 2026-01-29T17:27:16+00:00

A more important question: why do you care?

You should be focusing on yourself, and going as minimum contact and minimum interest as possible with an ex-spouse. Another truth: absolutely no one cares who your ex is with. Not us, not your friends and family, and not even her “friends” give a shit, other than to hurl snark insults behind her back in group chats. Truth.

Title	She downgraded
Author	Funny_Object_5538
Upvotes	62
Comments	42
Date	January 29, 2026 5:20 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qqerxz/she_downgraded/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/she-downgraded.1572241 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572241

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