Hey guys,

I’m reaching out because I’m trying to understand something about myself, and I’d really appreciate hearing from other men who went through divorce, betrayal, or a toxic marriage.

I’ve reached a point where I genuinely don’t want any face-to-face interaction with my ex. I dont have any anger or want to make her life miserable, I just physically and mentally cannot do it. I’m fine handling kids’ logistics, schedules, school stuff, but only in writing. In person I feel tense, not safe, even shame, that is really strange.

For years I lived in a relationship where I was constantly walking on eggshells a lot of criticism, control, gaslighting, then eventually cheating. I stayed too long, trying to fix things :), went to therapy alone, gave second chances. Now I’m finally out, rebuilding my life, sleeping again, gym, working, being present for my boys. I’m not in rage anymore. I’m not even obsessed with the past. But when I have to see her, I cannot even look at her. Worst is when we have kids exchange, we do 50/50, I do it so fast because I don't want her to start talking with me. I'm scared of her. More like… my brain decided nope, she’s not a safe, pass.

There were a couple of emotional exchanges and I had to put boundaries. Just logistics and written communication. Some friends say that I dont give a good example, some that it will pass, honestly I don’t even want that. I feel calmer when the boundary is strict.

Have any of you experienced this?

Did you keep communication only written?

Did it help you heal or co-parent better?

And how did you deal with people telling you to be more mature and talk in person?

I’m trying to respect my own limits without hurting the kids or escalating conflict. I just don’t want to force myself into interactions that feel like reopening old wounds.

Thanks for reading. Any perspective from men who walked this path would mean a lot.