What makes you not to want to date a woman?

DashboardPilled · 2026-02-21T01:13:49+00:00

Are you asking why men aren't approaching you and asking out for dates?

While men are usually the ones explicitly asking women out, the first non-explicit sign is given by a woman, throwing the handkerchief, so to speak. Are you even signaling that you want to be approached?

Do you go to 3rd spaces alone? If a man sees you in the company of your friends, he is not going to approach.

If you are alone, do you wear earphones and stare at your phone? That's definitely something that will prevent men from approaching.

If you see a man that you would want to be approached by, what do you do? Do you just freeze and sit there and hope that he does it or you actively try to put yourself in his vicinity? Do you try to make an eye contact with him?

Also, you are very tall for an American woman. If you are wearing heels that push you to 5'11 or 6', most average men (who are around 5'9 tall) won't be approaching you assuming that they will be rejected based on the fact that they are shorter than you.

In general, the modern culture discourages men to approach random strangers. You have to make it really explicit that you want to be approached. If you are sitting passively and waiting to happen, then it won't happen.

ComfortableJeans · 2026-02-21T01:49:08+00:00

Unkindness and a lack of softness.

In my relationships, I put effort into being as soft, loving, sweet and caring as I can be.

To my mind, that's what a loving relationship should be.

A safe, gentle place that's a reprieve from the horribleness of the world and how cruel it can be.

If there's not that loving softness, then they'd go from a person whom I recharge myself with, into a person who depletes me, and I need time away from to recharge.

I don't mean to be an asshole, but I couldn't do aloof in a relationship. Some people are into that, but I can't be. I'm going to be very invested in us and if that investment is one sided, I'm going to feel like an idiot.

DeGee_HOD_987 · 2026-02-21T01:50:44+00:00

Others are responding but I think the aloof part stands out specifically in your case. A lot of younger men your age are already cooling off approaching women. If you appear kinda aloof and independent then it doesn't send them signals that you wanna be approached.

If you want a more general answer instead of more specific to you then lemme know.

Clear-Kaleidoscope13 · 2026-02-21T00:57:03+00:00

Mixed signals

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Independent-Mail-227 · 2026-02-21T01:28:16+00:00

All the hoops, uncertainty, time wasted, money expect just so I can share a moment with someone that won't leave their smartphone or that I have to entertain the whole experience.

Training-Cook3507 · 2026-02-21T00:58:52+00:00

Ask out a man you like and try it.

Ego73 · 2026-02-21T01:17:53+00:00

To be honest, your weight by itself doesn't sound like a problem at all (though it is important how you carry it, body fat percentages might vary a lot).

If I'm thinking of the criteria for which I've rejected women in the past, the main have been a lack of ambition. If it only ever feels like it is her who is looking up to me, but has nothing to show for herself (no hobbies, no passions or drive), I'm generally not interested.

But that only really applies when it comes to determining if I reciprocate her attention. If you expect me to initiate, looks are extremely important. Which still should not that big of a deal for most women. Women already do a lot of things to their appearance explicitly to drive male attention away (makeup being chief among them), so with not making yourself deliberately ugly you already are halfway there if you wany men to show interest.

Kingcrow33 · 2026-02-21T01:35:05+00:00

She is a bitch, using drugs, smokes, looks to be materialistic.

AlarmingArm9919 · 2026-02-21T01:02:04+00:00

when she expects me to "be a man" all the time tbh

DrunkOnRamen · 2026-02-21T01:25:35+00:00

Butch looking women

MarioWilson122 · 2026-02-21T07:25:21+00:00

Well current day feminist are bad so thats a no and of course if shes out of shape and masculine, then its also a no for me. Of course its tough avoiding that, since a good deal of women think this is the way but it is doable thankfully.

midnight_blue77 · 2026-02-21T06:01:41+00:00

When she can't keep shit to herself and talks all our secrets out loud.
Drama.
When she's untrustworthy.
Drama.
If she's stand off-ish.
If she's just not attractive.
Being woke.
Drama.
If her face and her neck are different colors
And Drama.

aslfingerspell · 2026-02-21T01:41:34+00:00

For me, I would say that my attraction works on a minus system. There are certainly styles, body types, and personalities I am more attracted to or prefer, but I would say that some things that makes me not want to date a person is:

Financial instability. I do not care about how much a woman does or doesn't make as long as she has a handle on her expenses and wouldn't become codependent with me. I don't like the idea of someone who might pretend to love me just for the money or safety. I want to provide genuine pleasure, not just "comfort", to someone.
Wants kids. I simply don't want them. I want to live a Double Income No Kids lifestyle.
Actual disfigurement. I grew up in the disabled community and have no problem with disabled people in general. I can absolutely date someone with a chronic medical condition or some kind of managed mental illness/neurodivergence. Someone who needs a device, a caretaker, medication, and so on does not bother me. I treat everyone with respect but purely in terms of romance and sex true disfigurement would be actually unattractive to me.
Very Large age gap (i.e. say more than 10-15 years apart when I am in my late 20s)
Certain piercings just make me feel a little gross or weird. "No nose rings." is a thing I agree with, though I've softened on it a bit and don't assume someone is "crazy" or has an alternative lifestyle because of it. I just don't like the appearance. I do not need someone I can "take home to mom", but piercings make me nervous especially if they are in sensitive areas like the tongue or belly button. I suppose that's kind of the point for some people, but I would just be too paranoid about tugging on them too much by accident. It's low-level body horror for me to imagine a belly button or tongue being pierced.
Being overweight or obese, but I will admit I did date an overweight/obese woman and found out romance can be awkward at high weights even putting aside aesthetic preferences and beauty norms. Not even sex, even just walking around public or moving around on furniture can be a bit challenging. I also acknowledge how hard a "normal weight" is to maintain and hold myself to that standard as well. I will admit I am on the high end of a "normal weight" and no supermodel myself.
Excessive religion or politics, in any direction. I used to get into political arguments a lot more when I was younger, and yes, I am still on PDD, but the days of actual Facebook arguments or classroom debates are over. I have accepted people kind of are just what they are and are entrenched enough that truly changing someone's opinion is almost impossible. I could date someone with "incompatible" religious or political beliefs if we both had a "agree to disagree" stance on it.

growframe · 2026-02-21T02:21:42+00:00

If she doesn't meet my checklist of

-Attractive

-Fun to date

-Fun to hang out with

-Similar-ish values

-Compatible lifestyles

The range of attributes that specifically fail to meet these criteria is too long to list.

Gravel_Roads · 2026-02-21T01:03:03+00:00

Clinginess, hyperbolic thinking, blaming her problems on others, “main-character syndrome”, not liking animals or nature, unwillingness to try new things, fear or change…. I’m sure there’s more

nsfwthrowaway6996 · 2026-02-21T01:10:07+00:00

Independence isn’t a problem. Neurodivergence isn’t a problem. Lack of dating history isn’t a problem. Those don’t scare me. What would make me hesitate is Low warmth or low enthusiasm, Feeling like I’d have to prove I’m not “one of those guys”, or feeling like romantic connection isn’t actually important to her

I will say there is a BMI limit. I used to be extremely overweight. I won't go back. Anyone that isn't interested in a healthy lifestyle, then I'm not interested.

I want mutual desire, emotional depth, and physical closeness that feels intentional not reluctant or transactional.

oreosnatcher · 2026-02-21T03:24:34+00:00

I will date anyone not too fat , too old nor too retarded. I don't date single moms, nor crystal/reiki esoteric anti vaxx flat earther women. I found a holocaust denier on tinder, it was a no no. Women who seems too different than me, so women who likes snowmobile and ATV and mud motor sport... Women who thinks my hobbies sucks. Weird women generally... entrepreneur women, business women, MLM women, any women working in marketing or sales. Those who likes horses(horses are ugly). Real estate women.

Ideal woman is an animal health technician or 3D artist, 2D artist, nurse, cook, doing my job, dental care tech, radiologist, stuff lile that.

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MonochromaticPrism · 2026-02-21T01:22:51+00:00

The aloof bit might explain some of it, while people talk about guys as initiators it's actually very common, particularly in none bar or club settings, for guys to only explicitly approach when a woman has sent a strong implicit signal of some kind.

I can only speak personally when answering this, but thinking of the individuals I've been turned off by it was finding out the person was small minded or bigoted in some way, when they were overweight or higher (family has a lot of obesity, it had too many negative associations in my brain to overlook), and once where it turned out we had fundamentally opposed religious beliefs (we're still friends).

I realize these likely aren't very helpful, but it's the honest breakdown.

To speak frankly, most guys I know would be happy with shared general values and at least one shared hobby. If you break down your current hobbies and those you're interested in picking up and then check around your local environment for common hobby meetups, you will have fairly high odds of finding at least 1 guy you vibe with.

reignoferror00 · 2026-02-21T04:38:23+00:00

Not near enough information to do other than wildly guess. So why not? I may be way off in my queries.

Do you show in any real way you are attracted to men? Do you dress/have a hairstyle/act in ways that could be seen as more "butch" or androgynous? Is you criteria for dating women a lot more flexible and "lower" than for dating men? Are you looking for strictly heterosexual men as well (since bisexual men will be a very much smaller pool)

If those that are your acquaintances have only seen or have been aware of your lesbian experiences and you're not particularly outgoing or broadly social, unless you blatantly show some interest in some guys, the assumption in many will be either you only swing one way or if you don't your preference is far greater for women and he'd have to be an extremely exceptional guy (in stereotypical or whatever way) for you to be attracted to him (mutual attraction is a long shot at the best of times and circumstances).

What are your "needs" that dating women won't cover? What is your expectations of men in both being aware of them and how realistic in their ability to want to or being able to fill them filling them - i.e. Is there some unrealistic fantasy script in your head for men, possibly taken from romance novels or Hallmark movies?

AreOut · 2026-02-21T08:53:56+00:00

Cockiness.

Safe-Mention-7181 · 2026-02-21T14:52:31+00:00

A lot of these things will be personal, and some will be a complete non issue to men.

You also need to distinguish between short term hookups, and long term relationships, as I'll definately be a lot more lenient for casual sex.

I'll assume long term, so here are some of mine:

*History of bad choices of relationships. If a girl has a goal for her relationship, but is constantly choose the wrong guy for that role.

*Blaming everything on everyone else in her life except herself.

*Bad financial management, impulse buying.

*Overly closed off sexualy. Could be due to trauma and no fault of her own, but I'm not here to do therapy.

*Arrogance.

*Too much makeup / plastic surgery, regularly. Fine dolling up for a club, but constantly putting pounds of make-up on, filler etc.

*Physical attraction. Don't need to be a 10, but I do have a threshold that needs to be reached.

Not having respect for me. (Why be with me at this point?)

autistic_cool_kid · 2026-02-21T02:06:36+00:00

If she ain't neurodivergent im leaving in a tangent

Legal-Birthday-1163 · 2026-02-21T01:24:03+00:00

Honestly if you’re in shape and put on a little makeup, you’re already ahead of 80% of women. Act feminine, don’t swear or talk like a guy. Probably the most annoying thing I’ve seen out of attractive women lately is the dumb pit viper glasses, swearing, and saying “bro” over and over

ScruffleKun · 2026-02-21T03:57:57+00:00

A) Mean to staff, children, or animals.

B) Boundary issues.

Edit- a lot of guys here are saying that they don't like aggressive/masculine women, but that makes them more likeable for me, but is no way a necessity.

nr_guidelines · 2026-02-21T02:30:54+00:00

If she's not you bby ;o jkjk

Epiphrons · 2026-02-21T01:02:48+00:00

It’s probably a combination of coming across as a lesbian - we can sense energy and unless you’re out here trying to convert we are typically attracted to soft, submissive, compliant and nurturing. Make sure you show men in your circle you have the capacity to accept them for who they are and there’s room in your life for them!

It’s also post “patriarchy” (/s). Men are not holding doors or approaching women in public. Cameras are everywhere and there’s only a degree of difference between welcomed touch and a sexual assault claim. It’s tough out there.

With no male bodies you are a prize, although I win no prizes talking like this. How many male friends do you have in your circle?

Title	What makes you not to want to date a woman?
Author	Yuheng-
Upvotes	2
Comments	69
Date	February 21, 2026 12:47 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1rad0cm/what_makes_you_not_to_want_to_date_a_woman/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-makes-you-not-to-want-to-date-a-woman.1573918 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573918

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