The fact that women that they can't show any friendliness to a man because they take even the smallest bit of kindness romantic/sexual attraction, is proof why women vague "hints/signs" are silly.

Just-Path-5838 · 2026-05-18T14:05:26+00:00

Women aren't subtle, the "hints" and "signs" thing is mostly cope, if a woman was interested, you'd know.

rejected-again · 2026-05-17T20:13:38+00:00

They are unreliable. Like one of the most common signs of interest is playing with her hair. But I've seen women playing with their hair in many contexts: when she's with a guy, when she's with a girl, when she's by herself. These sorts of little ticky tacky behaviours mean nothing.

There's also her touching you. That's often considered an obvious sign of interest. But that just tells you that she's more touchy feely than normal. Some women are like that. The women who've touched me in the past were all married. And someone who's shy would never touch you, no matter how much she likes you.

And I disagree with you about the part about women avoiding being too friendly. There are many women who will intentionally act very friendly to string you along and boost her ego.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2026-05-17T19:53:45+00:00

The key is too look for "signs" and "signals" in women you are not friendly with. Women aren't friends with guys they want to bone. If a woman calls you her friend, it's a sign that she's not sexually attracted to you.

TheKindlyPoltergeist · 2026-05-17T19:49:32+00:00

Objectively we do need to bring back a dropping the handkerchief style signal. As a guy speaking honestly with no agenda it's was really hard knowing if someone might interest when I was dateing. Personally I like the shoulder/upper arm tap idea that has kind of caught on.

PuzzleheadedRow9896 · 2026-05-17T15:46:41+00:00

I didn't get the sense that's what that proves. I would have thought it proves that people (in this case men) who are obsessive, desperate, or clinging to a fantasy enough can find evidence in even the most innocuous and platonically friendly places. I would have thought perhaps it was evidence that people who for one reason or another have not appropriately grown in their social-reasoning skills can poison the water for everyone else.

Clear communication wouldn't really solve this in the way you seem to think: if I directly communicated how I felt to most men about their overtures/behavior...well, they'd give my head the chiropractic adjustment of a lifetime. And that's the men I'm clear on my feelings about. The ones I'm unclear about wouldn't really love hearing, "I think you're handsome and funny, but I'm concerned you're an immature dope that would ruin my life with your self-destructive tendencies and lack of self-control. I'm also dubious about your personal hygiene". There are no men I have ever been sure about. Literally zero. Not even my husband was I sure about and I was head over heels for him. Even if I didn't brutally say what I thought, I assume most men would be pretty hurt to hear, "I'm not really sure about you and not sure where this is going or if I want to go there with you".

I think you may find, the indirect social communication employed by the majority of humans is doing a lot of good work to prevent hurt feelings, violence, and allow fragile connections to blossom. The ability to read signals is a genuine necessity no matter how intimate your relationship becomes...saying everything even when married is a recipe for disaster and hurt feelings.

The fact women refuse to engage in the passionate warmth with strange men or platonic connections isn't a sign the indirect communication doesn't work, it's a sign they don't want to even court the possibility of the other person being insane or incompetent because the consequences are too dire.

CombinationStrict537 · 2026-05-19T05:40:53+00:00

I've never seen a woman flirt subtly in my life. It's always clear as day.

True-Vast-3731 · 2026-05-17T15:14:59+00:00

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Gilmoregirlin · 2026-05-17T15:21:12+00:00

The only way to learn to interpret social cues from women is to be around women in social settings where your only goal is not a romantic relationship. The mistake many men of the younger generation make is only interacting with women who are potential partners. Have true female friends, put time into relationships with them and your female relatives. Get out and about . And yes sometimes you will still get it wrong we all do but that’s how you learn!

Tight_Banana_9692 · 2026-05-19T18:44:50+00:00

It's misunderstood. Men don't pursue women who are kind to them because they think it's a sign that the women like them, they pursue women who are kind to them because it make them like that woman. They're not reacting to a perceived signal so much as to an attraction to the person who are kind to them. Obviously, when you are attracted to someone you want them to be attracted you in return and many people delude themselves.

Ambitious_Dress_8884 · 2026-05-22T23:26:56+00:00

Here's the important question: why does it matter if men take it as attraction? That's because the women do not find these men attractive. Androphilic women do not mind if 'this hot stuff guy guy named X right now' misinterprets it as flirting because they want him to be attracted. Then there's all the women who do not even like chads. Would a little flirting or spice kill them? Apparently it would because they like so few men.

Gravel_Roads · 2026-05-17T13:51:42+00:00

You can easily decode them if you aren’t an inexperienced malcontent who can’t even tell if someone is enjoying talking to you.

When a woman likes you, she wants to be near you, she’ll invite you to come closer, if you talk about something you’re doing after work, she’ll be enthusiastic to hear about it.

Yes, women you don’t know can act aloof, but if they want to know you, they don’t act aloof. That’s the signal you’re somehow struggling to recognize.

The easiest way to find out is to ask if she’d wanna get a coffee.

caption291 · 2026-05-17T15:41:50+00:00

A common excuse women make about this is essentially that if they are clear they will be misinterpreted.

When I was in highschool there was a girl that was just consistently kind to everyone...and because she was consistently kind, boys didn't misinterpret her kindness.

I know, it's anecdotal evidence but the fact a girl being consistently kind to everyone is anecdotal says everything lol.I think this goes beyond a communication issue, it's a general hostility towards men issue too.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-05-17T23:39:45+00:00

They aren’t. Absence of rejection doesn’t involve friendliness

Robot_Alchemist · 2026-05-18T07:53:11+00:00

It’s true- women do need to work on this. On the flip side, I am a lesbian who has ZERO trouble reading women and whether or not my attention is wanted. It may be that men don’t listen or don’t look for real communication- they look to find what they hope to find and go with that.

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Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2026-05-18T16:13:41+00:00

Please, women are not a monolith. There is a category of women who do act like that because of previous event (or it's a cultural thing). But there are also women who are openly trying to pick you up. One key is the persistence.

You don't have to respond to their signal if you don't want to but it's cool if you try at least to notice

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-05-17T19:04:53+00:00

Or they don’t like guys who cant read the room and they want to date guys who can? Seems simple to me

KayRay1994 · 2026-05-17T14:35:16+00:00

I love that you’re trying to pin this on women cause many men assume any kind of positive attention from women = flirting. Then again, for the longest time men also thought most gay dudes wanted to fuck them by default cause they’re gay.

Also, if you’re feeling something is ambiguous or that you’re unsure always stick to the same side. You have every right and reason to expect overt signs of flirting and someone isn’t giving they to you then they’re not going you what you might need.

Like that’s actually an attitude I might make a whole post about. People act bitter/overcompensate when rejected - regardless of gender. She might call you names? big whoop, she just showed you how petty she can be. Don’t take it personally

RelativeCondition915 · 2026-05-20T00:51:59+00:00

Women literally admit they avoid being too friendly to men because too many guys mistake basic kindness for flirting

Half the “signals” women talk about are the exact same behaviors they use with friends, coworkers, and strangers.

If women themselves acknowledge that normal friendliness gets interpreted romantically,

I sort of skimmed this and initially thought OP was making a quasi-feminist point at first...

You're so close, OP! Keep considering these points to their logical conclusions! I believe in you!

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