How come you’re expected to have sex with the same woman for years?

Goran07 · 2020-09-06T15:33:24+00:00

The female you settle down with will expect that. So don't settle down if you're not interested.

MirrorThaoss · 2020-09-06T15:33:33+00:00

Not to sound harsh but.... so what ?

Some people need variety, some don't. I have no problem having sex with my gf for the next 40 years and honestly other women don't feel that different and I don't see how "variety" is so great.

It's about tastes, what else to say ?

decoy88 · 2020-09-06T16:55:32+00:00

I used to be here. At some point you come to terms that you will always want to fuck other women, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t be monogamous.

As adults, it’s not the thing to fulfil every want, impulse and urge at all times. You likely don’t do it now with other things. Sex is just one of those things.

the_purring_jew · 2020-09-06T16:14:52+00:00

you're only "expected" to if you promise to. dont promise to, dont do it, who cares

passepar2t · 2020-09-06T15:41:57+00:00

"Why you should" and "why you're expected to" are two different questions.

SexySPACsMan · 2020-09-06T15:46:41+00:00

I really try not to think like this but it's pretty hard.

I'm not one for one night stands, I won't even sleep with someone outside of an exclusive relationship...but after 3-6 months I always feel like I'm ready to move on.

Return_Conscious · 2020-09-06T15:42:02+00:00

Monogamy is not for you.

Men and women who have these sentiments (consciously or subconsciously) should forgo commitment.

janearcade · 2020-09-06T15:54:39+00:00

If you want variety of sexual partners and a commited relationship, look for an open relationship. I know many women who also want the freedom to have sex with a wide variety of different men, and also don't want to be with one man for their whole lives.

RockLicker4Life · 2020-09-06T17:35:15+00:00

why do people always say women can’t help themselves but cheat but then post stuff like this

mangolover97 · 2020-09-06T15:59:35+00:00

Why you’re expected to is because monogamy is the norm in the west. Why you should is a different question. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. You can stay single and continue to play the field or even get into an open relationship/marriage. Monogamy isn’t for everyone.

godtet88888 · 2020-09-06T17:19:25+00:00

Don't get married or settled down. I understand that this is the type of life you want, but that just means settling down isn't for you. Just like men, women don't like it when men have sex with other women. If you expect her to not sleep with another man, then you shouldn't sleep with another women.
The second option is to find a woman who is willing to have an open relationship. I disagree with this concept on a personal level, but if that works for you then try it.

ldonnawho · 2020-09-06T17:26:59+00:00

I am a woman and even I want variety but it's not a need, it seems as though it is for you. It's stupid that our society has idolized monogamy but the truth is most women expect it...so just don't settle down.

One of the best ways I have mitigated acting on my want for variety is at least telling my husband my sexual desires. If you are married and you're not trying to have all your fantasies/kinks considered by the one person you're allowed to have sex with, you're stupid.

cunningcaring · 2020-09-06T17:06:22+00:00

Because you like her. You are with her for a reason.

vargstrike · 2020-09-06T15:37:01+00:00

Well, for fuckbois and alphas, it's difficult. For the rest of us, we're just happy to have someone and genuinely appreciate the companionship and sex our significant others provide for us. Speaking personally, I believe monogamy and trust are worth the struggle and provide better rewards in the long-term. No, I am not religious.

akihonj · 2020-09-06T17:41:21+00:00

So I'm on both sides of the fence here, I was married and now being divorced and know that I will always reject marriage in future I understand what you mean

The thing is when you meet that one person you stop looking at other women in that way, you stop thinking about other women in sexual ways, ok not totally being married doesn't make you blind, but you remember your vows, you know that doing that is going to hurt that other person more than anything else in the world, you know that doing that you reduce your own standards of acceptable behaviour. For what exactly another notch on the bedpost.

The other thing that you're missing is that at the moment you're still very immature in how you see sex, yes it's fun but sex with one person doesn't just start and end with missionary, you both explore each other and yourself with the other person during sex, in that then the theory goes, sex should get better with that other person.

I don't blame you for thinking this way though and I'd encourage you to always think this way and avoid marriage and if you can help it avoid cohabitation too

MrJive01 · 2020-09-06T17:42:18+00:00

If you aren't going to commit, make it apparent. Nobody wants to be in a relationship where they always have to wonder where you slept last night.

2020-09-06T17:48:44+00:00

For many people, feeling desire for other types of men/women seems like something that will break the trust for a monogamous relationship. I think it's bullshit, but I do have some understanding for couples that feel that way and live that way.

It's just not for me. I don't expect that my partner only ever will desire me, and neither do I expect the same of myself. Shouldn't a trusting monogamous relationship be resilient to the fickleness of physical desire? There are more beautiful women than me and if a man/woman only stays loyal because they can't get any better I don't consider that to be a loyalty I can depend on.

Societal expectations that everyone benefits and is suited for getting married and monogamous is bullshit, also. Some people do well and have wholesome polyamorous relationships, even though they're a minority.

hail_galaxar · 2020-09-06T19:03:10+00:00

I don’t know, my parents have been married 40+ years and I still catch them in the pantry making out. That would be awesome in my opinion to still have butterflies and look at how much they must respect each other. Plus as someone who is hit on by much older men, there is a threshold to where it becomes beyond creepy AF.

phlegmdawg · 2020-09-06T19:04:49+00:00

You’re only expected to if you sign up for it. So don’t sign up for it.

Otherwise, keep doing what you’re doing and be up front with the people that you are with on your limitations.

delsystem32exe · 2020-09-06T19:29:22+00:00

Here is the original OP because it is removed:

I’m not criticizing those who are married, if anything it’s a critique on myself. I don’t think I could be married and expected to have sex with just my wife for the next 30 years or until death does us apart. I’m 28, and at this age a lot of people are settling down. I do t get how you guys do it, there’s no way in hell I’ll want to just have sex with her forever. I could still love my wife more than any other woman but I’ll always want to fuck other women. There’s just too much variety out there. Sometimes I’m into fat women, skinny women, young women, older women, black women, Latino women, small booties, round booties, etc. Don’t you married guys see all of these women looking good when you’re at the grocery store or out and about and then feel like you’re missing out when you have to go back to ole familiar for the next 40 years? Fuck that.

Meritamen9 · 2020-09-06T15:46:20+00:00

I don't think anyone is wired to be monogamous with someone for 30 years. We choose monogamy with our rational minds.

12112019 · 2020-09-06T16:12:39+00:00

Marrying is irrational in this day and age, it would of being logical if you would of been heavily pressured by your family or society, like it was in the past, currently if you can live your life without having children, it is simply counter productive for you to settle down.

2020-09-06T16:43:07+00:00

In my personal experience, I don't know any man who haven't cheated on their wives, like every single one of them have. if they can't get casual fling, they just fuck escorts, it's like necessity.

CosmicBioHazard · 2020-09-06T17:17:22+00:00

I’m upset enough to be divorced and not have the opportunity of only one lifetime partner (short of not remarrying).

The problem I see with it is that sex generates dat oxytocin and dat dopamine, which causes attachment, but with my next partner, should I have one, I’ll get diminishing returns on the happy chemicals.

It’s the same problem as with addiction; you end up needing more to get the same level of satisfaction. Now the benefit of one lifetime partner is being able to perpetually associate the person you’re with with the first (most satisfying) time you did it, and so the diminishing returns stop being a problem.

As a man the big, big problem is that the pair bonding mechanism depletes but doesn’t so easily break; women with a history of hooking up just stop missing the guys they sleep with and stop seeing, but for a man it’s liable to cause unhappiness basically every time.

Mimoxs · 2020-09-06T18:01:45+00:00

The idea is you love them, and usually when you love someone you only want to be with them.

But plenty of people don't expect it. Marry into the swinging scene. You can go fuck another couple. Unless you're, as most men are, not willing to let your wife fuck another guy but you want to fuck another woman.

Willow-girl · 2020-09-06T18:30:36+00:00

Yeah, and I want to eat every chocolate-chip cookie I see. Hell, it would be nice to eat the whole package!

But I don't.

NinjaOfTheSouth · 2020-09-06T15:32:17+00:00

Stability and morals.

SeemedGood · 2020-09-06T17:12:33+00:00

Don’t you married guys see all of these women looking good when you’re at the grocery store or out and about and then feel like you’re missing out when you have to go back to ole familiar for the next 40 years?

Yes, we see variety that can occasionally be fleetingly sexually attractive, but the raw sexual attraction of variety and the quality of the casual sex which results from pursuing it pales in comparison to the sexual attraction and quality of sex which can flow from a truly mutually loving relationship.

When I am feeling that such a relationship is possible with my wife, she is far and away the most sexually attractive woman to me, even though she’s old and nowhere near as slender, smooth, and perky as she used to be, and even though we’ve had sex a couple/few thousand times already.

And therein lies the trap.

If women are capable of forming truly mutually loving relationships with men (and that’s a big if), they most certainly don’t seem to have an interest in doing so. They do, however, have a vested interest in creating the appearance of such.

So, in theory the lack of variety isn’t a problem, but once you realize that the thing which forms the basis of your LTR from her perspective is your continued provision of utility and not actual love, it can become one.

My advice to my son at the moment is that while LTRs/marriages are very appealing concepts, they are to be avoided until women develop the desire to enter into relationships with men whom they appreciate for their beings without regard to those men’s utility to themselves.

jay_rojas · 2020-09-06T15:38:40+00:00

Lol shut up man. If you want to spend your life dancing like a monkey to attract new warm hole every week, do you, but I got better shit to do.

wtknight · 2020-09-06T16:26:23+00:00

It's a compromise with women in which a woman is expected to give her man consistent sex in return for his promise of monogamy. Neither party potentially gets what they want (the man doesn't get polygyny, and the woman is expected to continue to be sexually receptive to her husband).

This is why any man who is not getting consistent sex from being married or in a monogamous LTR (unless there's some kind of medical reason, perhaps) should immediately seek to correct things with his partner or should leave her for other opportunities. And it's also why any woman should immediately leave her man if he's not monogamous with her.

Men who get married and end up being dead bedroomed have gotten a raw deal if they stand to lose a lot from a divorce. Women who don't get married and end up getting cheated on or dumped by their partner have also lost a lot because they provided consistent sex with no real substantial return. This is why women push for marriage with their desired partner, and men tend to try to put it off as long as possible.

If a man can get consistent sex without being monogamous, and doesn't have some kind of emotional need for love, then he shouldn't act in a monogamous way, as it has no benefit to him.

flamingoinghome · 2020-09-06T17:53:27+00:00

My dude, I am about to blow your mind but: polyamory and open relationships exist. And it sounds like you may be suited to them.

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DownVotesWrongsOnly · 2020-09-06T16:46:34+00:00

You started off on the wrong foot. You're not expected to have sex at all. In fact the only time that should even be considered is...

DesertSweat · 2020-09-06T18:42:00+00:00

You lose the hormonal rush over time. But the incentive to have a lifetime partner is generally worth it. Sex is still nice and desired.

I’ve already had tons of partners experienced many sex acts, some I’m not proud of lol. But that gets boring too.

Sharing hobbies and challenges with someone is more fulfilling.

Would it be nice to have my cake and eat it too? Sure but that isn’t quite possible.

goatismycopilot · 2020-09-06T18:45:10+00:00

Here’s the thing:

What you say is irrelevant to LVM. They’re glad to get their one pussy. They cherish it and are “morally superior” (in their own eyes) for that.

What you say resonates with HVM. Many HVM seek arrangements where they’re not tied to one pussy. That’s an option, you know.

Personally I’ve recognized this reality and I let potential LTRs know early. If they can’t handle reality, they’re screened out.

Fortunately for me, I’ve only met one potential LTR, who is my LTR. We started as a ONS, about 2 months in I kinda knew I wanted to LTR her, and I started putting this on the table. Basically, “I like you a lot, but so many girls like me too. While I like you best, I’d be lying to say I didn’t like them too. Pretty much any guy either doesn’t have other options or is lying about wanting them. Even if he forces himself to not pursue them. At least I’ll be up-front. You’ll always know what you’re getting.”

Since then we’ve been together 4 years. Some years, like our first couple, I’ll fuck a few just for variety. Some years, like the 3rd year, I’ll get bored a bit and fuck 10+. Some years like the last year I’ll be too busy and only fuck her while pursuing career aspirations. It’s always on the table for me to do as much or as little as possible.

If this is how you feel, all I can say is: find the right girl, and don’t think it’s an awful thing to do. It’s certainly possible. And no, the girl doesn’t need to be ugly or otherwise damaged. My LTR certainly is not. Nobody would suspect us of being this way—we keep it on the down low. We just look like a respectable young couple.

RedPillSuper · 2020-09-06T16:33:25+00:00

Because we are not animals, we are civilized robots.

Haywood_Jablomie42 · 2020-09-06T17:19:40+00:00

I think you're very naive about how common cheating is, for both genders. People don't want monogamy, society (especially religion) pushes it on people.

Aspanu24 · 2020-09-06T18:00:09+00:00

Just be in a polyamorous relationship. Works for some people

_mwk · 2020-09-06T18:06:19+00:00

polyamory is a thing and rationally choosing it is a thing too

lepetitdaddydupeuple · 2020-09-06T18:18:37+00:00

If this seems impossible to you (it seemed impossible to me), consider polyamory.

nik6979 · 2020-09-06T18:50:58+00:00

I have a few friends who are poly . Def different expectations ,and different way of life in general.

However I think it takes a very open minded individual to live that life style especially once kids are in the picture. All that energy that is normally invested into raising a family is redirected too chasing tale, making date night with your bf or gf while your spouse sits at home with the kids . I'm not sure if it's a strong person that lives this lifestyle or really the by product of families that didn't stay in tact so having somebody close to depend on is better than nothing and being alone . Even if they are not so good for you emotionally. Having lots of entanglements doesn't make you immature , just makes you untrustworthy . I look at poly relationship people like Hoarders . Some thing in their past has triggered them to think they need it all or they are missing out . Which hoarders just collect things , never actually using anything for it's full potential .

Title	How come you’re expected to have sex with the same woman for years?
Author	Return_Conscious
Upvotes	3
Comments	152
Date	September 6, 2020 3:28 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/innwug/how_come_youre_expected_to_have_sex_with_the_same/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-come-youre-expected-to-have-sex-with-the-same.173738 https://theredarchive.com/post/173738

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