Field report - too focused on my looks?

purasangria · 2020-08-31T02:48:52+00:00

When I was a pickme, the man with whom I was in a situationship always addressed me, "hey, beautiful," and never said my name.

I later worked out that this was because he was seeing like 6 women at the same time, and he didn't want his kids to know who he was on the phone with, so he called us all the same thing.

So now this is a trigger for me, and it makes my ears perk up -- and not in a good way -- when I hear it.

Ketolove604 · 2020-08-31T01:56:13+00:00

I'm quite new on here and idk how to add a message to the image :(

We've been on 2 dates and he's always talking about how I look to the point that it feels over the top (both in texts like this and in person).

Is this some kind of LVM tactic or red flag?

butterflyfrenchfry · 2020-08-31T03:08:01+00:00

He's trying too hard to flatter you. He learned this works on some women.

sewingmachinesavior · 2020-08-31T03:33:36+00:00

Men who say “good morning beautiful” who barely know me, get Nexted as fast as my fingers can go. He doesn’t know you well enough to call you pet names. And it’s a small boundary violation and will turn into a bigger ones.

thewetdog_ · 2020-08-31T03:57:24+00:00

This sounds like those 50 year old Indian guy on Facebook memes lol

applestorm · 2020-08-31T02:27:47+00:00

This is how men are. They only care about what you look like. He's just more honest about it than other men.

cassabell1894 · 2020-08-31T03:25:31+00:00

If this was a message in which I hadn't met the person yet, then I wouldn't meet them. Men that focus too much on looks (which is most of them) turn me off straight away. One man the other day kept going on about how beautiful my smile is. I said for him to stop, it takes no talent to have a certain smile, it's genetics.

Another man I went on a date with a few days ago was describing a female character in a movie, and the whole description was like "that vulcan character wearing tight fitting clothes where you can really see her boobs". Instant turn off, won't see him again.

They need to learn to stop seeing women only for their looks, or at least control how they talk about them. I'm told I am an attractive women. But they need to be interested in my depth as well. That cuts out a vast majority of men.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is proceed with caution. He might be saying it because he thinks its the right way to be, or he might be a pick up artist. Personally, I actually say to them to stop going on about my looks. It's annoying. And if it puts them off I don't care. They need to appreciate my personality and my talents or bye!!

WildTenderness · 2020-08-31T02:13:55+00:00

That would creep me out. The first part would've been enough. I would wait to see if he keeps doing it and then maybe bringing it up? Or just dumping him if there are other things. My guess is that this isn't the only problem...

samarsharqi · 2020-08-31T04:07:40+00:00

If he’s calling me beautiful when he doesn’t know me, he’s doing it with others

Ketolove604 · 2020-08-31T03:02:46+00:00

How was he in person? What was his vibe? I find that text cringey and I would be turned off, but you've already been on 2 dates with him so maybe he is normal in person?

2020-08-31T04:22:30+00:00

I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say his intention was to be sweet/seductive but obviously this was a fail. I would write stuff like this down in a journal. Yellow flag for me. Not because of the looks comments but how it feels so forced. It just urkes me.

JaneIsaPain · 2020-08-31T05:28:33+00:00

Cant stand it because every guy who says this turns out to be an idiot and unintelligent

feminologie_ · 2020-08-31T06:56:55+00:00

My LVM ex never stopped talking about how beautiful he thought I was. Every single conversation he was going on and on about every. single. feature. He would talk about my skin, my lips, my eyes, my facial structure, my smile, literally everything. He definitely only liked me for my looks and acted like I was some sort of exotic animal and not a human being. Major turn off. Because of him I don't trust men who are over the top about appreciating how I look. It just means they are shallow and do not/cannot see you as an equal human being but just something to ogle

SpringJonesOcean · 2020-08-31T05:42:05+00:00

Ewww. This made my skin crawl reading it. Sorry.

ladydigitsmith · 2020-08-31T09:54:59+00:00

I’ll be honest- when I was a serial dater and i sent a guy a message asking to change our date, it was because I just made plans with SOMEBODY ELSE WHO I WANTED TO SEE MORE ON THAT DAY. This guy is NOT FOR YOU.

2020-08-31T03:57:26+00:00

This would be very sweet if it came from someone that you were already intimately aquatinted with. But coming from someone you don’t know it seems weird. Based on this text and only that, it could be anything. He could be trying too hard or this could be a copy paste text he sends to ten different girls. But honestly I get a gut feeling saying “No”

daisy_0720 · 2020-08-31T05:38:43+00:00

Sounds like he's trying to reschedule with you because he has another date Friday night, but is trying to bullshit you with flattery about 'more time' and 'the light would be better'. He keeps calling you beautiful because he doesn't want to call you some other woman's name by mistake. Friday and Saturday evenings are prime dating time. If he's not trying to take you out then, he's got some other woman lined up and you're getting downgraded to some kind of lunch date. He's full of shit.

Next him.

Alpha_Aries · 2020-08-31T09:05:25+00:00

it's a little corny -- is he inexperienced? a nerd? these are the kinds of thoughts i'd have.

Verysoftbun · 2020-08-31T03:37:13+00:00

I would personally try to ignore it and be sure to focus on his actions. If it bothers you maybe ask him to tone it down.

dzgata · 2020-08-31T06:32:58+00:00

I’m turned off just reading that. Cringe.

modernmedusaa · 2020-08-31T09:46:20+00:00

Sounds like a creep

Very objectifying

randomgirlimok · 2020-08-31T04:37:05+00:00

On the positive side, he wants to be seen with you in the daylight for a longer period of time. Yea the bar is so low I consider it a plus that’s he’s not planning a 10pm date

plummyjellyfish · 2020-08-31T09:39:03+00:00

That, "give me time to admire your beauty" sounds like something a neckbeard would write...

Do women ever send messages like this? "I want to meet on Saturday morning because it would give me more time to admire your chiselled jaw, and the light would flatter your perfectly sculpted ass cheeks." Give me a break.

Platipus6 · 2020-08-31T03:00:00+00:00

I will take you out at a time of my choosing that is acceptable to mine eyeballs.

Lavender_flow · 2020-08-31T11:48:30+00:00

Yeah- that is a no from me.If he had written you like an actual person, then yes, but all the talking about looks. EW EW EW EW EW.

rosyrosess · 2020-08-31T12:09:27+00:00

Okay this feels too formal and awkward. Maybe it’s Bc I’m young but it feels weird.

Half_Halt · 2020-08-31T12:53:19+00:00

Too much, imo.

2020-08-31T13:41:03+00:00

He has another date Friday. Already serving up crap. Ghost his covering-up ass.

Zeniite · 2020-08-31T02:09:27+00:00

[deleted]

Title	Field report - too focused on my looks?
Author	Ketolove604
Upvotes	78
Comments	61
Date	August 31, 2020 1:54 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ijp945/field_report_too_focused_on_my_looks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/field-report-too-focused-on-my-looks.211166 https://theredarchive.com/post/211166

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