Wife Is Resistant...

Schaawing · 2014-10-13T06:05:12+00:00

This entire post is a nightmare. Nagging wife? Call the cops threats? Damaged woman? BP marriage? Not the breadwinner? 5 months?

Not sure why real divorce isn't an option for you.

It definitely is for your wife.

SkorchZang · 2014-10-13T05:39:26+00:00

That's not going very well at all. You're trying to negotiate for sex with your woman, never going to get anywhere even if you 100% convince her that you are right, she'll put on a pout and you'll have some shitty sex once or twice, before it all runs out, and now it's worse than before "the talk".

The actual solution to the sex problem is self transformation, you must transform yourself into a fuckable man. The infamous "Sex God Method" pdf floating around describes this very, very well. Have you read any of that yet? Forget about rationed or pity-based sex, who wants that pathetic bullshit anyway?

All in all, it's going to be an uphill battle, but there are a number of things you can do right away. Shut up completely about your needs and wants, ask her permission for nothing, make time for and lift with religious focus. That's where your rage is best channelled, not into any confrontations with the wife. With her, you need to adopt a charming, reasonably helpful yet distant demeanour, for the time being. Like someone just a bit shell-shocked, someone she can't reach, but who is in no way a danger to her or anybody. Gotta understand, her threats about "abuse" and all that are just her emotional frustration with how blue pill you still are, how you aren't acting like a man. She's scared, confused, disappointed and disoriented, constantly overwhelmed - as is normal for women in her position. Not excusing it, that was a shitty move on her part, would definitely rise the hairs on the back of my neck if I was hearing it, and I'd be considering options right away. But if you're determined to stay, nothing's stopping you from turning this around. With a lot of work on yourself, no permission or participation from the wife needed. It's like the famous line from the russian novel, "squeezing the slave out of myself, one poisoned stinking drop at a time"

Subtletorious · 2014-10-13T05:18:44+00:00

Actual divorce is off the table,

No it's not. Women initiate divorce twice as often as men. If you are thinking about it, it is twice as likely she is also thinking it.

I can't see anything in your description which explains what you bring to the marriage (babysitting doesn't count). She's got the kids (by law). She controls the sex. She's earns more. See also Briffault's Law in side panel.

You tried to have a logical argument with a woman operating on the emotional level. You will never win.

She sounds bored (using emotional swings to relieve her boredom) and annoyed she is playing both feminine and masculine roles.

Solutions?: I am not married so I'm going to shut up now.

Surf_Or_Die · 2014-10-13T05:37:06+00:00

Red mother fucking flags going off everywhere. She already threatens you with calling the five-o on your ass. You better start recording shit when this kind of crap happens so that you have some evidence when she drags your ass to court in a couple of years.

MagicGainbow · 2014-10-13T06:03:51+00:00

In this case you don't have as much to lose as you think, you look after the kids and she makes more so depending on your lawyer quality you could divorce rape her, start recording shit now because as others have said if you're thinking it, she definitely is.

So try out whatever but be prepared for divorce.

DoctorWelch · 2014-10-13T06:31:15+00:00

I'm not going to act like I know exactly what to do because I really don't. I want to tell you to just start improving yourself in any way you can and conveying to her in subtle, non-direct ways that you are better than her through dread game or going out to do your own thing at the gym or another hobby. I want to tell you to take control of yourself and the relationship. Don't let her step all over you but don't let her get under your skin. Be the calm adult one and don't let her childish bull shit faze you. Act aloof when necessary but steadfast and ready to walk away from her shit when she is crazy.

I think that might be good advice, but at the same time too sudden a change could probably just blow the whole thing up. Seems like it might be a ticking time bomb and without the right care it might explode. Keep reading, keep improving, keep demonstrating higher value, and keep demonstrating you're not going to take her shit.

Talk to her about important problems that need addressing, but never...and I mean NEVER talk to her directly about ANYTHING regarding this place or the logic behind it. Many of the LTR/Marriage stories you will hear from this place end up in a scenario where they wife actually thinks SHE was the one to make the change in the relationship. The man changes his attitude, demonstrates value, and gives his wife the tingles and it somehow ends up where she openly and verbally takes responsibility for the new found success of the relationship. This is what you want. You aren't going to convince her through a series of arguments and well thought out interventions. You are going to improve yourself, change the way you deal with the relationship, she will get the tingles and things will get better while the whole time she thinks she was the one to make the difference while you knowingly smirk and understand the entire dynamic at play.

Red_Pill_Theory · 2014-10-13T07:50:30+00:00

Actual divorce is off the table, although I'm really open to some dread game. My kids mean too much to me to share them with some beta asshole my wife drags into our family afterwards.

It's not dread game if you're not actually prepared to follow-through and get out of dodge. By the way, I would classify you as a beta in your current incarnation.

Your wife threatened to call the police on you. That's a huge red flag. She's saying you're abusing her when you aren't. That's another one. Are you really prepared to live with an unstable woman like this? Wasting away your life being miserable, sexless, and having threats looming over your head? I would really sit down and think about this. Divorcing her might be better for your children. Kids can pick up when one of their parents are absolutely miserable. You owe it to them and yourself to be happy. Please, think things through.

MarriedRP · 2014-10-13T05:54:58+00:00

We have here a career woman who makes nearly twice as much as me.

This. It will be really hard for you to overcome that. She's the provider in this relationship and she'll expect for things to happen on her own terms. I'm telling you now, this is only going to end in a divorce. You better start looking for an attorney.

the_red_scimitar · 2014-10-13T10:31:57+00:00

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2014-10-13T08:01:21+00:00

OP's probably fucked, wife makes more money, doesn't care about his emotions (no respect) and is probably only putting up with him because a divorce would be inconvenient with small children and a job.

Worst case scenario the papers are in the mail.

Best case scenario you've got a little under 2 years before she can't handle this shit and she decides the youngest is old enough.

daycare age children + you upsetting her like you just described = divorce.

You might not lose out super bad financially since she's the bread winner but you'll probably never see your kids again.

Keep reading this sub learn the dynamics for respect and how vital it is to relationships.

Learn that women don't love you the same way you love women.

Get from being a shabby, boring, bastion of beta impotence to being someone that cannot be ignored. Learn to into TRP, get into fitness and make your wife want your dick again, get a better job or probably go into working for yourself.

If you are making babies you should have had the since to wait untill you cultivated skills or a talent, pursue those things and abandon you're non productive hobbies so that you have the time to do so.

Learn when to shut your fucking mouth; silence is often the best way to pass a shit test.

Here's some simple resources you can start with on personal motivation, add them to your TRP diet and don't half ass TRP. Only when you get a complete understanding of a concept should you begin to implement it into your life otherwise you get this degree of bullshit in your face or worse.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRFbVSD-6UI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wK1wQiGxhmg

binrobinro · 2014-10-13T06:14:49+00:00

Divorce is not off the table.

She may have already started making arrangements for one.

drrrrrr · 2014-10-13T07:32:16+00:00

Listen, you are under 30 and you speak with the same beaten, "at-the-end-of-the-rope" tone as some guys I know in their late 40s. Shit, I'm guessing you're what, 4 years deep in this marriage and it's already got to this stage? You down for 40 more years like this - because while T levels drop, you still will generally want sex a lot.

And as women age, hormonal issues and hamstering both increase.

The RP means accepting reality, accepting some women can be changed and some can't. I do not know which of the two it is for you - only you know that. But do yourself a favor, don't live life like these old 50-year old dudes who, as Pink Floyd would say, has "fat and psychopathic wives who thrash them within inches of their lives". Spend the rest of your life wondering when you get the cops called because of her overreaction to a innocent attempt to help out putting stuff away? Having your kids grow up in this shit to see you as an emasculated dad? If - and when, from my estimation, you decide you cannot change her - that moment is when you need to put divorce back on the fucking table.

Even if you make her marginally improved with dread game or "first captain game" or whatever the fuck, you have to ask yourself, do you want to spend the rest of your life with a "marginally improved" crazy, hormonal, damaged wife as you call it.

pupplenupple · 2014-10-13T07:10:16+00:00

From her point of view, you've become unattractive. Jacking off to porn three times a week probably isn't helping, between the fact that it drains your testosterone and the fact that women always seem to know if you're doing it. Stop fapping so much, that will help fix your alpha game.

She's got a one year old kid and she's working and bringing far more resources into the family than her man does, and studying so she can do even better. That is a deeply unnatural situation which can not be fixed by her quitting work and putting the whole family onto your meager wage. You need to even up the perceived balance of who does the most for the family in material terms. Therefore... lift the provisioning side of your beta game. To see improvements you don't need to earn enough for her to actually decide to quit work, just enough for her to feel it is theoretically do-able, that you have enough beta-game to be viable as her beta if shit happens. She's got tiny little kids. Of course her hamster is freaking out that shit will happen and she'll be needed by them 24/7. That is the nature of mothers. Do some overtime if it is available. Even growing vegetables in the back yard would go some way to helping her feel provided for. Do something to make her feel provided for.

Do not do something deliberately to dread game her right now. You need to raise both your alpha and beta SMV before you pull a stunt like that.

2014-10-13T07:10:18+00:00

come over to /r/marriedredpill - i believe it's a whole different game inside marriage: the general principles are the same, but must be applied differently to be successful.

my guess is you're expecting too much change too fast. she's had x number of years to become accustomed to calling the shots while you submit to her will. It will take time and consistency on your part. it sounds like you are getting frustrated; she is acting normally (for her). change is hard.

I think you made a mistake by telling her about your emotions. I firmly believe emotions are off the table for a man in marriage - you hold frame and you keep your emotions to yourself. Nobody, least of all your wife, wants to hear about your emotional demands. When you truly become stoic she will love the game of trying to figure out what you're thinking / how you're feeling. save your emotions for your journal.

going forward I would suggest you quit the porn. it distorts your expectations of everything. focus on reality for a while.

to be honest, your wife sounds crazy in the exact same way as mine. if actual divorce is off the table, your only legitimate course of action is to make it work. this is how i think you can do that:

step 1- become so strong that her craziness/meanness/withholding/abuse/etc. does not affect you in any way whatsoever. I believe you can most quickly learn this by practicing holding frame (see the sixteen commandments of poon - be the oak tree, regardless of how she tries to bait you. be above it. be unaffected). be steady all the time. never cave in to your feminized conditioning to spill your emotions. you already know that accomplishes nothing at all.

step 2- slowly start being more assertive. shift the power balance toward you by having a will that is stronger than hers. this is a very difficult thing to do correctly because first of all, your judgment must be sound. if you're going to make the decisions and lead her down certain paths, you'd better be making the right decisions! if not, she will distrust and despise you, and your confidence will actually cause anxiety in her. the other reason it's hard is because it legitimately requires a lot more hard work than taking orders. you have to become more a more proactive person than her in every single way. if she is a filly moving along at her own pace (and it sounds like she is), then you must be moving fast enough to permanently place yourself ahead of her. anticipate the decisions she'll have to make, and make the correct decision ahead of time, for her. again, this is so much easier to type than to put into practice. it takes a lot of time and effort. if you try to push this too much at the beginning she will push back very hard. i recommend taking time establishing this.

step 3- well, this isn't really step 3 because you should have been doing from day 1- but lift weights. do everything to increase your SMV. make your body as attractive and strong as possible. get a better job. make more friends. learn better jokes. tell better stories. build and enjoy a life that is awesome even if your wife dies tomorrow. you should not be dependent on her for happiness; and likewise, if you're unhappy it should not be because of her. you are an independent entity. very important: this is what you DO, not what you say. let your actions speak for you. once you embody this - that you have a rich and interesting life outside of her, the dread is real. she WILL come to you for sex.

step 4- disconnect from her issues. her hormones, her fat thighs, her negative emotions - they are hers, not yours. yes, you love her. you showed her that by marrying her in the first place. but don't be a tampon.

step 5- be nice about it. don't do cocky without funny. amused mastery, agree & amplify - these techniques are your best friend. it's hard to do when you're seething with rage over her calling you lazy - but man, getting emotional and fighting back will not help your cause.

i think you should inform yourself about divorce. if she's making more money and you're watching the kids, you could set yourself up to be the winner. get informed so you can stack the deck in your favor if this thing goes down the tube.

edit: recommend checking out dalrock and married man sex life for starters.

edit2: stop threatening divorce. that's a marriage killer.

furang · 2014-10-13T12:18:04+00:00

This sounds exactly like me 10 years ago. I did nothing. My wife had four affairs. Don't be me. You need to make radical changes and decisions right now.

First up, stop blaming your wife or her hormones. You need to man-up and build your own awesome life: good career, lots of male friends, go to the gym, and have many activities away from the marriage. Read up on red pill and the books in the sidebar. I'd recommend No More Mr Nice Guy. Go on a massive self-help binge and implement what you learn.

If after 12 months or so if the marriage hasn't improved and she still doesn't want sex (not give you sex) then you have to end the marriage. It will not get better. Simple as that.

Oh, and if she is working in a high-powered job and she is breast feeding a one year old she is probably fucking exhausted. Tell her to take some time off work.

2014-10-13T06:00:11+00:00

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Jessie_James · 2014-10-13T08:02:29+00:00

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Youbetripping · 2014-10-13T09:04:25+00:00

She is working her ass off all day, she comes home and has to do the dishes as well?

What you have done all day isn't work. You've worked for about an hour.

When I've been working all day, I expect to come home, relax and have my every whim catered for.

You hold no power in this relationship whatsoever.

Iswearbyapollo · 2014-10-13T10:40:33+00:00

File first. She earns more, you care for the kids. She how she likes the sweet ass rape of divorce court, empowered woman style.

Or buy Athol Kay's "Mindful Attraction Plan" and "Married Mans Sex Life Primer 2011" and read each twice before going "Red Pill" again. Make sure you are absolutely ready before engaging.

redditor1255 · 2014-10-13T16:21:55+00:00

Dread game.

Start "cheating" on your wife with the gym. Any time she irritates you, leave the house and go to the gym.

This impacts her life in a couple of ways.

1.) it makes you more physically desirable

2.) it makes her consider the possibility that you might leave her more seriously

3.) it gives you a sense of control

4.) it forces her to choose between being pleasant or watching the kids for the evening.

I would also start searching for financial independence. Start experimenting with making money on the Internet. Start small. Financial independence will increase the perceived likelihood you will leave.

neveragoodtime · 2014-10-13T05:43:06+00:00

I'm not one to believe in miracles, just be happy she probably won't be able to divorce rape you. I don't see marriages that turn around once she has that littl respect for you. Unless you really have a trump card to play, and completely call her on her bluff, and break her of all her bad habits, this will be years of work. And even then, you're not likely to keep her from imagining she could do better, even if there were no way she could. Once she believes that, there's nothing left to do. Prepare yourself for her filing for divorce, her filing a restraining order against you for her and your kids, and the shitstorm that is the modern American wife.

clam61 · 2014-10-13T11:27:39+00:00

She sounds almost as bad as my ex wife. Calling the cops? She sounds like drama. I've been there.

Google search for "borderline personality disorder".

It's common with people who have had abuse. If this sounds like her you are fucked. Nothing will work. Best to divorce with the intent of joint custody. You can still be there for your kids. Better to have one stable parent than a dysfunctional house.

AllMenDrip · 2014-10-13T08:41:12+00:00

You said it yourself your wife has an hormonal issue so you should be more comprehensive and go step by step. You can demand intimacy without demanding sex outright.

bluedrygrass · 2014-10-13T08:57:23+00:00

" I explained that ALL men want sex, and some just pull the nice guy routine to inch their way into the panties. "

This is completely unnecessary information. Women craves sex as much and more than men. Try denying sex to your girlfriend of wife for months, and see if she's still around after that.

lloopy · 2014-10-13T10:55:28+00:00

You have at least one good thing going for you: you're still young.

Start now on improving your body. This will help with lots of other things.

Your wife makes twice what you do right now. How can you change this? Can you do it with your current career? How?

Your wife isn't interested in you because she's taking on both male and female roles. If you fill the male role completely, then she won't have to, and she'll naturally fill the female role.

NietzscheanStoic · 2014-10-13T13:25:15+00:00

You're going to have a hard time, OP. I stay far away from career women because their status to looks ratio gives them a high opinion of themselves. And to be honest, you sound like the housewife in the scenario. It's not impossible to turn this around, but you need to put some effort into this.

Get your ass to the gym. Improve your appearance. Stop falling for her shit test bait. Cook for yourself. Be less dependent on her. Get a separate checking account. Do manly shit around the house like fix stuff. Build a strong rapport with your kids, take them out without mommy and do fun stuff. Involve her in less. Be independent.

schweppesy · 2014-10-13T13:36:39+00:00

It is never ok to grab her arm out of anger. Sex isn't the domain of men, women want sex to. She's right, you're an asshole.

kick6 · 2014-10-13T13:44:47+00:00

Actual divorce is off the table.

So then EVERYTHING you said is complete and utter posturing bullshit, and she likely knows it. This shit will never get better unless you're willing to take a real risk.

Toolazy2work · 2014-10-13T14:10:09+00:00

You dont sound red pill at all. I think you like the idea of women (your women specifically) swooning over the idea that you say no to her. but thats not it at all, and you throw a temper tantrum and get physical with her (not that she is a delicate flower, but its never necessary), then say you've "recovered frame" and had a talk. NO. As a bunch of the other posts have said. Work on yourself. Hit the gym. Get friends. Find a Hobby. Make your time worth more to you than hers. Give her a reason to respect you because right now, you are a beta bux babysister and house cleaner. Why should she want to have sex with you?

Pushnikov · 2014-10-13T15:17:22+00:00

The only answer is to walk in and say, "We're going to make this work for the both of us. This is how we're going to do it. Or this marriage is going to be ruined. We either fix this or we don't torture ourselves anymore."

Period, the end. If she responds to your masculine direction, great, if not - then just end it.

inyostink · 2014-10-13T16:33:12+00:00

Do I need to be patient? Have I hurt my goals by talking it out more? I knew this would be slow but jacking off to porn three times a week is really fucking old. I've almost wasted my youth with a woman (girl?) who has rejected it, and I want some real sex before 30. Actual divorce is off the table, although I'm really open to some dread game. My kids mean too much to me to share them with some beta asshole my wife drags into our family afterwards.

First off, congratulations on taking the first step to bettering your life when you recognize that something is fundamentally wrong.

That being said, I still think that you're not seeing the big picture here. At this point in time, your wife does not give a fuck about you. Whether that's do to hormones, you being a stay at home dad, or just being a fucking chump, it doesn't matter. You said it yourself, you're wasting your youth, YOUR FUCKING YOUNG ADULT LIFE kowtowing to a woman who thinks that you're fucking dog shit. Let that sink in for a moment.

It hurts doesn't it? Knowing that you stood up in front of friends and family, putting your honor on the line while promising eternal love to a woman whom you thought would be there forever. Well guess what? It's fucking bullshit. You were sold a bill of goods, and that sucks. But the good news is, it's not too late. Forget about having sex with your wife. If you want sex, go out and get it. Fuck an escort. What you fail to realize is that a lack of sex from your wife is just the symptom. The real disease lies with you and you not putting yourself first. What do you want to be? Who do you want to be? Where do you want to go? Those are the questions you should be asking yourself? A man who has those questions answered, and is confident in his choices will not marry a crazy, hormonal, damaged wife. A man who has his affairs in order gets fucked by women frequently, whether it's his wife or not.

As previous posters have pointed out, you should be lifting 3-4x a week, but you should also be working on stuff that genuinely interests you. If you truly want to salvage your marriage, you need to be selfishly focused on yourself and your children. Your wife will fall into place once she sees that her husband is a strong stoic man who is focused on making his life as rich as possible. If for some reason she doesn't come around, at least you've set yourself up for success without her.

Good Luck.

Mouthpiece · 2014-10-13T17:47:22+00:00

Recovering slowly indeed.

We have here a career woman who makes nearly twice as much as me.

You realize this is 98% of your problem, right? She doesn't respect you as a man. You need to take immediate steps to jump-start your career (or at least your income) and continue to work on your SMV in other ways.

sex is completely off the table.

So she doesn't care about your needs at all. Not one goddam bit. But she's expecting you to fulfill all her needs, right? Terrible. Just terrible.

Never get married, guys.

fyseaking · 2014-10-13T20:20:35+00:00

You need to finish reading the sidebar before you ask anymore. You're slowly converting you'll change nothing with the blue pill attitude you have still. As long as you have the same mentality nothing will change put in the work to finish reading the sidebar and execute it. Keep us up to date with field reports on how you've tried to applied RP knowledge and how you probably fucked up but we'll be here to guide you so you won't make the same mistake twice.

Moneybags99 · 2014-10-13T22:14:58+00:00

She does not get the kids by default. I looked into it and in my state since I spend more time w the kids (she travels) i would be considered the primary caregiver which means in a divorce she would pay me child support.

So dont assume you would get raped in a divorce. Depending on your state you may be much better off w a divorce. Play the dread game, bt it has to be real, and make sure she is aware how fucked she could be

fnordsnord · 2014-10-14T00:14:28+00:00

her diagnosis is NOT a license to be an asshole. She is still responsible for her actions.

imaRPman · 2014-10-14T01:12:13+00:00

She must address the medical stuff first.

You can have all the alpha swagger, frame control you can muster but it won't fix medical issues.

2014-10-14T04:12:55+00:00

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AntixD · 2014-10-14T05:44:29+00:00

if you cant go to the gym check out the stronglifts 5x5 program,the guy who compiled the information also compiled where you can buy all the necessary equipment for a home gym(under1k)

the99percent1 · 2014-10-13T06:29:06+00:00

Classic case of the captain failing to steer the ship and lettin the first mate take the reigns. Well guess what, if she's in-charge, you cannot make explicit demands on her to give up her control.. It's not going to happen. You must PROVE to her you are capable of leading again.

Take this opportunity to get some self improvement done.. You aren't leading anymore so you might aswell start working on yourself. And for Gods Sakes, if she says put away the food, fucking put it away immediately. Problem solved and there would be no fight..

Not earning as much as she is? get started on it. Being a lazy mope around the house? Get out and do some house-work. Build some shit, do anything productive really..

A girl can only lead for so long. Sooner or later, she's going to want someone to take over. Whether it's you, or someone else depends entirely on how you fix yourself up. I can bet your bottom ass, you are just a lazy bastard. Stop making lame excuses and victimizing yourself.. Your woman is not abusing you.. Grow up and be a man.

icyhot39 · 2014-10-13T06:20:21+00:00

Just a few observations:

What can I do?

For one, don't try to reason with a woman.

but she completely believes I'm loyal.

Why is that? She has you wrapped around her finger, she knows it and you know it. Start changing yourself. Give yourself the liberty to be brutally honest every once in a while and be stoic about it. Don't give explanations for behavior, just be yourself. Don't put up with her shit, but getting physical is a bluff she called you on very quickly.

She can't begin treatment until she is done breast-feeding our second, who is one now.

Bullshit. She could stop breast-feeding right now if she wanted to. Jesus, they way some people talk, breast milk is the nectar of life without which their kids won't live past 30.

john-b · 2014-10-13T07:38:37+00:00

OP's masculinity has been given away freely and eviscerated near completely.

dropit_reborn · 2014-10-13T06:38:55+00:00

Don't divorce. Access to kids, studies show people regret divorce, horrible outcomes for kids, etc., etc., etc.

The money thing is a problem though. If you have been coasting professionally...stop. Your kids need their parents to have a good marriage, a good marriage requires them to be attracted to each other...you see where I'm going with this.

It's a good thing your wife thinks you're a pig. Right now the alternative is for her to see you as asexual. Her medical issues are one thing, but don't be gaslighted (gaslit?) into being ashamed of wanting to have sex with your wife. Women are wonderful, but highly prone to being full of shit.

Take care of your responsibilities to your kids, spend excess time on career + lifting.

trudatness · 2014-10-13T15:04:26+00:00

You're in a bad bad situation and there is no easy answer and certainly no quick fix.

If you are in a marriage with someone who doesn't respect you then you need to remedy that in either of two ways - you either get her to respect you or you get out of the marriage.

First of all. You need to go to the gym - like almost every day. You need to go on a fitness mission. You need to become obsessed and train HARD. Check out Keto dieting and lean out for 60 days - then switch up and go for gains. You need to get jacked.

You want sex? Get ripped up. It's not an overnight process, but in 4 months you can make some pretty dramatic changes if you are diligent. Your attitude and confidence will change with your body. She'll notice. This dead bedroom shit has nothing to do with her hormones, it's all about you. She doesn't want you sexually. You transform yourself into something desirable so she does want you.

The money thing sucks. That is difficult to overcome, but not impossible. My income varies from year to year depending on what side projects I got going on. Base salary? My wife earns more. I out earned her though 2 of the last 4 years in total income, though. I hustle. I don't sit on my laurels. You need to do the same. You don't like being disrespected in your own home? Use that as a motivator. Keep in mind it can be all relative. In my situation, my wife clears 6 figures. Once you start climbing the salary ladder then it matters less who makes more. What matters is that her going out and finding a replacement who can earn more than you. Once you start making some decent $$, your wife will know that replacing a hard working husband who brings home a fat paycheck is not an easy task. Your ambition and the results will speak for themselves. If you can't get immediate financial results, then start looking for side gigs or other short term solutions for extra cash. Don't sit on your ass - go make money.

Give this a go for the next 4-6 months - go monk mode only married style.

These things should naturally elicit positive responses from her and things could naturally just turn around on their own - and that's great.

However, after you have made some real self improvements and things in the home don't improve at all, then you are ready to deploy dread.

Go see an attorney and then tell her you want a divorce. Give her an ultimatum - tell her things as they are are completely untenable and that you are unwilling to stay in a marriage to a woman that doesn't love you. Be matter of fact and unemotional. Say to her that you do want to keep the family together and want your children to grow up being with both their parents everyday so you are willing to give her an opportunity to help fix the marriage, but if she is unwilling to change then you have already consulted with an attorney and are fully ready to file.

Remember now, you never make the threat of dread game unless you are fully prepared to go through with what you are threatening. She is used to being to boss of the home - wielding her higher salary and her past abuse trauma against you - so she's going to most likely try to break you down emotionally so she can continue to control you and the situation. It could come in a myriad of methods. You need to remain stoic and be a fixed point.

You are in a situation of misery - looking long ahead into a life of servitude and forced incelibacy. You are not respected in your home. You have a cold, selfish, manipulative wife who talks shit to you right to your face. This is no way to live. Part of change is recognizing that wife or no wife you deserve better than to be this woman's doormat.

Endevour · 2014-10-13T09:00:48+00:00

You better lawyer the fuck up and make absolutely sure she doesn't have any ammo in the abuse-gun she'll be pulling when the poop hits the paddle.

The stakes are against you, and your only hope is demonstrating extreme value to her. I know you read about dread game, cause you mentioned you being decently attractive and being flirted with. What you need to do is put some more value into your personal life. Lift, hobbies, etc. And make sure she knows other women are looking at you.

OpiumPhrogg · 2014-10-13T13:03:55+00:00

Get the Married Man Sex Life Primer - read it, read it again. Avoid the MMSL forum, it has fallen to hell. But the book is solid and lays out a lot of marriage dynamics that aren't so obvious. The book is on amazon for like $10.00.

Dream4eva · 2014-10-13T13:14:47+00:00

One thing you can do to gain some power in the relationship thats at this level is leave for a little bit. Go away by yourself for a couple of days, dont tell her where your going, just that you are. Dont talk to her while away. And when you come back dont say anything about it.

TheTurducken · 2014-10-13T16:58:11+00:00

I would be divorcing her. One mention of the cops and I would be out of there.

the_red_scimitar · 2014-10-13T19:27:41+00:00

Have I hurt my goals by talking it out more?

WHAT goals? You haven't stated a single one? Or is it just "I want some real sex before 30"?

Dude, there is no one-shot cure. You either commit to work on TRP with her over the long haul, or recognize the futility of her and her damage and split. Either way, it's going to be difficult.

You can't JUST do dread game. Clearly the relationship, by everything you say, is in the "why the fuck do I need HIM" stage. She makes more. She is dissatisfied with what you do at home, and clearly you do not give her any tingles. If your main function is taking care of the kids, she has options on that, particularly with a good income. Simply flirting or whatever you think dread might mean is probably more likely to result in her going along with a split.

Do more study - holding frame is not just ordering someone about. You have gone pretty far down the failed shit-test road, and you have to start backing things up, bit by bit. You have to HAVE a frame - a real one - and hold it.

But if there's really zero sex, and that's been going on for a while, and she CLEARLY doesn't want sex with you (although it's unlikely she doesn't want sex at all, it might be possible - but really, it's about those tingles).

If your goal is to fully get your marriage into shape, then you need to talk with more than each other. I generally hate to recommend couple's therapy, because most of the practitioners I've heard of (from people going to them) are obviously crap. You have to really talk with people and find recommendations. A few therapists are insightful and sensitive. So you have to look. And know that the stats on it are pretty terrible in real life. Couple's therapy often results in a slight resurgence, followed by complete collapse (because it wasn't a resurgence based on real personal change).

Prognosis is poor, if you don't want to remain a doormat. And not remaining one is somewhat crucial for your own life and sense of self-worth.

Swimmingdunce · 2014-10-13T08:01:33+00:00

I think you're doing the right thing. You're trying to change behaviour or habits that have been going on for years. It isn't going to happen instantly. You have to hold frame and show your wife that you are serious, i.e. Act like a man. She will either come round slowly, or not at all. Calling you a pig, threatening to call the cops, could all be shit tests.

Women may initiate divorce more frequently, but they don't usually do it frivolously. If you don't force her to have the relationship on mutually agreed terms, it will always be solely on her terms. Do you want that for the rest of your life?

dotrar · 2014-10-13T12:38:52+00:00

One thing I can never understand about TRP; whenever a marriage comes up everyone blames the wife for being crazy; then goes on to say wives in general are teenagers and the husband needs to always be in control. its like they like to shift blame as soon as it comes on them.

OP you are not in control for no one's fault but your own. Your wife has not changed suddenly, you're just starting to witness where things are. You need to get back the captain mentality. and how do you do that? by EARNING RESPECT.

you need to earn the respect of your wife, otherwise she will not listen to you (nor have sex with you).

do you want some tough love?

I had taken care of the children all day while she studied and went to a work thing. I cleaned the house and bathed the kids, but none of that mattered

no it doesnt matter, all that is is an excuse. she actually went out and EARNT MONEY; you stayed home and played with kids.

I approached her and attempted to grab the bowl from her, but she resisted and I grabbed her arm instead.

are you that unco-ordinated? why did you want "the bowl" - if you decided not to do it, stick to your decision. don't swagger just because she muttered 'lazy'.

At this point things escalated very quickly and she began throwing around the word "abuse" and telling me she was going to call the cops

it'll be in her right because atm you've sounded pretty fucking derro.

I explained that sex was part of marriage and if she was going to call the cops on me, make me do everything, AND give me zero sex I was not going to be around much longer.

mate I wouldn't even have sex with you, you'd probably whine about it.

I told her to ask around and see who wants a wife who doesn't put out, but she's convinced I'm just an asshole. I have no idea if she was just hurt (emotionally) and decided to try and piss me off

thing is, the wife would put out with someone better than you, and you are an asshole, why would the wife have sex with someone who hurts her emotionally.

I'm a decent looking guy and get flirted with often enough, but she completely believes I'm loyal.

What do youi mean "she believes I'm loyal."

She does have a hormonal issue that is confirmed by a doctor

Just like every kid who likes to be goofy has ADHD right?

I've got a crazy, hormonal, damaged wife and I'm at the end of my rope.

boo hoo. rub some dirt in it.

I believe she sees that and our general relationship is better, but sex is completely off the table.

You're probably unattractive, have you thought of that?

Do I need to be patient? Have I hurt my goals by talking it out more? I knew this would be slow but jacking off to porn three times a week is really fucking old. I've almost wasted my youth with a woman (girl?) who has rejected it, and I want some real sex before 30. Actual divorce is off the table, although I'm really open to some dread game.

wake the fuck up to yourself.

You know what you should do? give your wife a break, give yourself a break. give the kids to grandma, go camping for a week by yourself. journal, go hunting, rock climbing. whatever.

you need to toughen up. not against your wife (because you'll phsyically hurt her) but toughen up to yourself. Life was never meant to be easy, you can lay down when you're dead. At the moment you've got a family to lead and a house to run. Wife wont have sex with you? you probably look like a sack of shit. get fit.

You need to look after yourself before you can look after a family. if you're that "exhausted" from looking after CHILDREN then you're probably not that good.

all this shit is basically in the sidebar but if you want ezmode redpill read "Meditations" book by Marcus Aurealius. take it with you on your camping trip.

myschadenfreude · 2014-10-13T13:26:49+00:00

Divorce. Take her to court and get alimony. Document all the time you spend with the kids and go for custody. Document all her mental issues. It takes two to tango and she's using you for an emotional punching bag.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-10-13T18:07:33+00:00

Sigh......There MUST be a macro with all these guys. It is always the same story. I need a macro for my response but here is the straight talk.

Alpha guys who are attractive to women do not lose their shit over mere words. The smart Alphas don't get physical with a woman who is badmouthing and complaining either. So you have a lot of self improvement to do before you can assess how your wife is going to react to you improving.

5-months without sex? Seriously? And she is trying to gaslight you that this is normal and your desire for sex is abnormal. If my wife tried that I would not be able to stop laughing in her face. Yes you are normal. I am in my 40's and have sex with my wife several times a week. THAT is normal.

That said, ignore the "NEXT" advice and improve yourself. Yes you can increase the sex frequency and regain attraction but it will take time. In the mean time, DO NOT discuss this with your wife again. Women talk. Men do.

Some things you need to do NOW (after you read the side bar twice).

Lift HEAVY weights. Do it regularly until you are a rock.
Read No More Mr. Nice Guy and The Managed Attraction Plan.
Start responding to her Shit Tests properly.
Build a life apart from your wife.
Eventually, over a period of many months, if she is not giving up sex then you are not giving her your time.
Most important start to lead your wife. Stop catering to her and lead your own life, dragging her along in your wake.

I get that she makes twice the money as you. I really, really get it. You should be proud of her- but that doesn't mean she gets to cut off sex. No way, no how. You are the MAN and your desires are normal.

However, you have not been acting like the man lately. Your wife wants her husband to 'man up' and you have decided to just that. She cannot even articulate what she wants but we know exactly what she is pining for in this sub. Welcome, you are in the right place.

Don't worry about the Alpha pups and their stories of conquest. Just worry about YOU, and how you will change, get stronger mentally and physically, stop taking crap and start answering Shit Tests properly. You don't have to be the uber Alpha to get your wife attracted again. You just need to be more like the type of man she thought she was getting when you married.

Remember who you were when you had sex all the time way back when? That is the guy you need to become again.

hur1n · 2014-10-13T08:12:39+00:00

I'm a decent looking guy and get flirted with often enough, but she completely believes I'm loyal.

I'm really open to some dread game.

you answered your own question here.

she completely believes you're loyal? why are you allowing that? get rid of that shit.

stop hinting at sex altogether, as if you're not even thinking about that anymore with her and let her see girls flirt with you, or drop casual stories about some "really nice girl" you bump into at work all the time. make her wonder if you stopped asking for sex because you might be getting it elsewhere nowadays (or soon).

she will suck your dick.

patience.

EDIT: also, divorce is off the table, okay, but cheating is not. five months without sex? dude. a man's gotta eat.

DyNo541 · 2014-10-13T10:30:59+00:00

Your frame needs to be stronger.

You can't negotiate with a woman for sex - there is no "talking" about shit. Like another poster said - at best she'll be a dead fish for you.

You are the one who values the relationship too much: http://www.rooshv.com/are-you-the-player-or-are-you-getting-played

It's like the quote in Heat - if you're not willing to walk away from something, then it owns you. That doesn't mean you have to walk out on your wife - but you have to be willing to do that - and still have options other than her. And for sure she can fucking smell it on you. She can tell that you can't do that, and you have no option but to put up with her shitty behavior.

I agree with her behavior because if you were actually in control, you wouldn't tolerate her bullshit.

At some point along the line, you let her have the balls in the relationship. The best way to keep that from happening is to never get there in the first place.

At this point, she feels like she can do better - can you do better?

If you can do better, be the man she thinks she deserves (which is not what you are doing right now). If you can't rise to meet that level of expectation, she will replace you with someone who can.

Her SMV or her perceived SMV of herself has overshadowed yours. Either you need to increase yours - or find a new woman who is at or below your level (financially, looks, other options).

hagenvontronje · 2014-10-13T11:40:47+00:00

I've got a crazy, hormonal, damaged wife

The sooner you divorce, the less you'll be damaged by the divorce.

tarkin1 · 2014-10-13T08:13:11+00:00

Nuclear dread option - threaten divorce with threat of reverse alimony.

revvenue · 2014-10-13T10:26:32+00:00

My advice is to not have these kind of conversations in the middle of a disagreement.

"Holding frame" means that you are in control of the situation and you genuinely want the best outcome for your relationship.

You should've let this play out and not given her the attention she wanted, because what happened is that she provoked you and you were playing by her rules the minute you reacted.

When these things happen (as they do...) she needs to realize that isn't how she gets your attention.

Sit her down when you're making the rules and have the conversation you want to have at that time, not when she does.

2 things you should always ask yourself internally when you're angry or upset:

What's my expected outcome of doing what I'm about to do and;
What's the purpose?

She pushed your buttons and you have her what she wanted, and you were automatically playing by her rules with her consequences (calling the cops, etc...)

redditor1618 · 2014-10-13T12:37:42+00:00

Maybe the Red Pill isn't for you. I don't think you will be able to out-alpha the alphas she's surrounded with every day. That ship has sailed. If you get more confrontational and emotionally distant she will surely seek a divorce.

Why did she marry you? What are her dreams in life? Can you even answer that? You can make your marriage a project to work towards both of your dreams.

For a different (non Red Pill) perspective read this: http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797

AchillesOtherLeg · 2014-10-13T14:25:53+00:00

A good example of why marriage simply cannot be acceptable.

How many of these instant divorce behaviours need to be written about here before we accept that marriage is a destructive institution in its own right?

People promoting married game or married TRP are bullshitting young men and selling a disguised blue pill narrative in an attempt to excuse their fatal error.

It is intrinsically blue pill to marry. That shit goes out with charging on horse back.

ThousandTruths · 2014-10-13T14:09:12+00:00

Leave your wife. If she isn't giving you blowjobs daily and swallowing your cum, she doesn't love you and is probably cheating on you. Beta bux, alpha fux philosophy. Divorce immediately.

Or next time don't ask and just take her by force. Women love it. She might see you are not as beta then. Fuck her and if she resists, tie her up and gag her. She will love it, guaranteed. If she continues complaining, slap her a few times.

2014-10-13T07:16:01+00:00

You're a fucking idiot if you stay with her.

SuperSlavisWife · 2014-10-13T12:06:35+00:00

First of all, lay down the law. If you don't want the rigmarole of a sudden divorce and paternal rights battles, then maybe take a month or so to yourself, rent a motel room or move in with a friend, to show her how good she has it. If she just becomes bitter that you left (in other words: completely misses the point), then you've got someone almost completely incorrigible. It's your decision then whether you put up with it and return to Betadom or whether you leave and find yourself something better. I'm sure you can guess what 99% of the people here would suggest.

If you're worried about divorce: ask yourself why. As the main breadwinner she'd pay you alimony. You would need to fight for parental rights, but as a primary caregiver you may be able to argue that you could keep the kids. I doubt you love her all that much, seeing as she's both unlovable and clearly not respected, so there's no point worrying about her feelings. Worst case scenario? You get a small amount of alimony, regular visitations and she becomes one of your girlfriends when she realizes there aren't many men willing to put up with her rubbish. I'd suggest going to see a divorce lawyer in private to assess your options thoroughly.

If she responds to a little isolation, then come back and ask some married men for further advice.

PS: Mental problems (especially acknowledged ones) do not justify poor behaviour. Smart schizophrenics can rationalize their hallucinations enough to function normally. People with depression can stage and balance their breakdowns so they don't interfere with normal life. Compulsive liars can admit to their problem and openly retract every lie after they say it. If she isn't doing everything in her power to fight against the mental and hormonal problems she has, then that's a personality issue. No matter how severe or insignificant her problems are, she'd let them run wild. A decent human at least tries to put a stop to their own damaged behaviour.

crazydave1979 · 2014-10-13T12:34:47+00:00

women like sex too.. and they usually don't go long times without it..hint hint

defybravydefy · 2014-10-13T12:48:51+00:00

That calling the cops abuse thing is a smoking gun for passing all shit tests. Take out your phone and record. The shit will stop. I've been with hormonal girls that would threaten suicide. Recording it cures them into pacified hindu cows.

This story seems like it could be on 2XC. If she were the man and you were the woman, it's like the wife complaining of having "the most difficult job in the world". And the evil man made you pick up a dish after you worked all day. Do you work the same hours? She studies too so that's also work.

Make a deal. You do dishes, she does food. Or whatever. weasel in some manliness by being a negotiator. You would really need to explain more on her "abuse" to gauge whether your problems are really that bad.

favours_of_the_moon · 2014-10-13T18:17:56+00:00

Fuck that bitch.

Any woman ever threatens to call the cops on you and give some bullshit report about you, END IT RIGHT THEN AND THERE. That's it, bitch.

If she's really making twice what you make, then you are entitled to alimony.

mega_beta · 2014-10-13T04:57:07+00:00

Most women are like clunky old cars that don't like to start and backfire a lot. Feminist chicks are like some rusty old tractors out in a hay field.

LAMFF · 2014-10-13T08:04:39+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Wife Is Resistant...
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	81
Comments	157
Date	October 13, 2014 4:54 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2j39ci/wife_is_resistant/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/wife-is-resistant.22855 https://theredarchive.com/post/22855

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