People in LTR/marriages, do you envy single people? Single people, do you envy people in LTR/marriages? Why?

jax006 · 2019-06-06T21:38:21+00:00

I'm envious of guys in (healthy) LTRs (with attractive girls) but less so of married guys and even less so of guys with kids

Edit: had to include the caveat of girl being attractive

diffdedbed · 2019-06-06T19:49:29+00:00

Single people? Not at all. My only desire to be single would be to see how hot a 20 year old with daddy issues I could pull but I don't really want a 20 year old with daddy issues. I'm quite happy there.

Now I do sometimes envy married people without children. Without children I could up my hedonism to 11 while still young enough to enjoy the hedonism, but its only a short term envy.

For the other 90% of the time I'm glad I have kids, and seeing the "childfree" on those days treating their doggos like children makes me feel sorry for them.

sublimemongrel · 2019-06-06T20:06:21+00:00

Married. God no lol. I have a happy marriage and got the man I wanted most. I can’t imagine what I would be envious about.

SweetLikeTupeloHoney · 2019-06-06T21:51:12+00:00

Married with kids. I do not envy single people at all. When a marriage works, if you need alone time you can easily get it. When you are single and need closeness or intimacy, you can't snap your fingers and get anything other sex. The ease of being able to walk away is an exchange for a deep commitment. I would rather feel.

OkCellist2 · 2019-06-07T02:58:22+00:00

Single- Absolutely not. It sounds terrible to me. I love being alone too much, taking off on random trips with my buddies, and after work coming home to do exactly what I want. Usually disc golf, lifting, and play video games/read.

For the almost last decade I haven't dated, except one girl about a year ago I thought "Hmm maybe I should try a girlfriend". She was beautiful and great for me, but after about 3 months I missed having my alone time to do whatever I wanted.

Not for me

xKalisto · 2019-06-06T22:05:38+00:00

10 years LTR +2 married. 9 month old tiny.

I don't particularly envy single people. I find our relationship really fulfilling and it's honestly been getting better every year.

We've been having something of short fuse recently and it's pretty much mainly the baby and the move because it's exhausting, but we're working on that, it's still pretty idyllic. I would not want to be single sounds like lot of work navigating that marketplace.

(Edit for clarity.)

petrichordium · 2019-06-06T20:19:28+00:00

I am in a 1+ year MTR (medium term relationship) with a girl younger enough that we both acknowledge it’s a nice fun ride while it lasts but will fade.

I have exactly zero current desire for a more traditional marriage and the whole kids package. Zero envy for friends doing that.

Of course, I look down that lane curiously, aware that it’s a pretty fundamental human arrangement and the whole breeding thing is obviously necessary on a macro level. And there are times i wish i could have a few lives just so i could try that whole thing once. It’s almost like misogynists who wish they were gay. I understand it’s a Good Thing i am forgoing for now, but i cannot make myself desire that any more than a straight hetero man who hates women can replace them by fucking men.

[deleted] · 2019-06-06T20:52:16+00:00

I hate being single. It's lonely because no one cares about you, they all have boyfriends/husbands/kids/etc to worry about. I feel invisible. Casual sex sucks cause the guy doesn't respect you and puts you down. Marriage seems way better

slavicgypsygirl · 2019-06-06T21:58:16+00:00

I only like dating & dont envy any type of commitment bc its not something I want or am capable of

squiddy_s550gt · 2019-06-06T22:46:07+00:00

Currently single_ I don’t envy them at all. I was basically in a relationship of some type from 17-36 years of age with only a few breaks in between.

Sometimes i miss having a gf, but I know I would change my mind if I got one again

TheLongerCon · 2019-06-07T00:44:11+00:00

Don't envy the vast majority of people in relationships, I don't like the process of dating/pickup, just because I'm lazy, so I'm a little envious that they don't have to do that, but most women just aren't worth the effort of a LTR, and I've never been a very emotionally needy person so flings suit me just fine for now.

Plus the amount of cheating/branch swing that I've seen women in their 20's do is absolutely insane, there's multiple times I've learned/seen someone that I thought was a perfect example "good girl" cheat.

Out of all my friends there's one who's has a realtionship I'd say I envy.

I'm sure it'll change when I'm older, life as a bachelor making good money is kinda easy mode and easy mode gets boring after a while.

Texastentialism · 2019-06-06T19:59:31+00:00

Newp, not at all. I am really happy in my marriage and I'm pretty sure I would be miserable if I were single right now.

Granted, my one good friend who's single is having the time of her life and very happy with her situation too. So it's not like I think all single women my age are miserable and sucks to be them. But she's far better suited for single life than I am. If I were a starry-eyed free spirited ENFP like her I'd probably love being single too, but I'm not, so I don't envy her situation even though she's clearly enjoying herself.

No kids currently, but we're trying. I do envy my friends with kids but that's a whole other can of worms.

Aaren_Augustine · 2019-06-06T19:56:26+00:00

I like the challenge. There's joy in hard work. And marriage with children is hard work.

My wife had said a bigger family has more love. She's kind of right. As long as you don't suck at being married or being a parent.

poppy_blu · 2019-06-06T23:25:53+00:00

I keep trying to get my single friend to switch places with me and live each other’s lives for a month when she gets sad about not having a husband and kids to come home to.

She’s never taken me up on it.

DaphneDK42 · 2019-06-07T01:56:27+00:00

I don't envy single people. I do envy myself when I was single. I quite liked dating, meeting new girls, and doing what the hell I wanted. Its just that you can't have it all, and what I have now, all things considered, is better than what I had as single.

Willow-girl · 2019-06-07T03:23:55+00:00

LTR. Don't envy single people at all! Who does their barn chores when they're down with the flu?! :-o

stats135 · 2019-06-07T05:04:19+00:00

Single man here. The older I've got the less I envy the married. I clearly remember when I was 18 I wanted to get married before 30 and not have to deal with dating bullshit anymore. But now, the only way you are going to get a ring on me is over my dead body.

When I was young and saw my bros getting married to their young, cute girlfriends, I was green with envy. But now after I see more and more of the girls they married hit the wall, that envy is changing into outright pity. As the saying goes, no matter how old a man is, he wants a woman that is 18. I don't know how true it is for the general population, but it sure as hell is true for me.

Mystery_Tragic · 2019-06-07T09:54:23+00:00

I pity those that are married.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-06-07T10:13:09+00:00

I dont envy single people at all. And I definitely not envy people locked in dead bedroom marriages.

planejane · 2019-06-07T23:17:18+00:00

Sure, sometimes. In a live-in LTR.

When I was single and lived on my own, I could keep whatever hours I felt like without fear of waking a grumpy man in the depths of hibernation. I didn't have to pick up anybody else's dirty socks. I only really had sex when I wanted to go find it and didn't have to worry about being poked with an unexpected boner in the middle of the night. I didn't have to check plans with anyone to decide when I wanted to go out for drinks with the girls or plan a ladies vacation. I got to watch whatever I wanted and didn't have to share the remote. I could leave the dishes in the sink for 5 days and not feel guilty about it because I was the only one who had to look at them.

My bathroom was SOOOO tidy. Like you don't even know how much I love a clean bathroom.

I didn't have to worry about budgeting or covering for anybody else or being expected to go to things I might not be able to afford; I paid my own way and lived within my means comfortably.

Kids were never something I wanted on my own. If I was going to be single, I was going to be single with no kids, cause I'm not about to raise OOW kids with my shitty family as my only support structure. But having extra time and money to do my own thing could be really fun too.

But I like my BF. He's better to me than anyone ever has been before. The bathroom might not be nearly as tidy 😭, I might have to pick up his dirty socks 🧦, he might occasionally get on me about the dishes and insist on watching a scary movie, but he also empties the cat box more often than not (they were originally my cats but he's sworn since then he will fight me for custody if we ever split), he reminds me to clean the kitchen when it's my turn, we don't really keep tabs on who's paying for what (we both think the other covers the bills more than we do so we're always thankful to each other), I have cuddles on demand and the sex is pretty good whether I was the one who went looking for it or not.

He'll be a fucking great dad, and he wants a kid or two with me. We may not have everything planned out but I don't doubt for one second his devotion to us, and to me and my best interests. As someone who's been in a relationship with selfish men a time or two while I've been more of the "giver," it's so comforting to be with another giver for a change.

His family is way more stable and supportive of each other than mine, and I'm humbled and so grateful to have them nearby for so many reasons. They have been more welcoming and encouraging in one year than mine ever were in 30.

Both states have their perks, I've always said that. But my BF is pretty damn great, and while I know I could survive single if I wanted to and even find things to enjoy, he makes committed life pretty great.

87AudreyHorne · 2019-06-06T21:35:36+00:00

I envy single people because they have sex. It may be less frequent, it may be more, but it's authentic sex based on authentic desire.

My wife and I have sex, but is infrequent, boring, mundane, humdrum, routine missionary sex while she files her nails, thinks about her to-do list or mentally files taxes. No foreplay allowed, not allowed to last longer than 5-10 minutes.

Also when I initiate sex, she loudly and verbally queries herself as to whether I have been a good husband and deserve it.

Any deviation from this routine and she complains and reduces sex frequency from a logarithmic curve to y=0.

When we met she was a confirmed exhibitionist slut, would ride me or suck me off 3 times a day, did anal/bdsm/lingerie. Once I signed the marriage certificate you could audibly hear her legs snap shut, it was like the sound they edit into those bootyclap videos. Or the sound of the prison bars sliding shut.

I swear if sex was money then (((they))) would've solved this all through contract law a long time ago and my dear wife would be sitting in jail for sex fraud.

Christian_Kong · 2019-06-06T20:31:39+00:00

Single here and in my view is pretty much every couple I know is extremely boring. Most of the people that were exciting got more boring once in the relationship. Nothing against them, I am sure they are happy but I do not envy them one bit.

I do however envy the want for a relationship. I don't really get them, but I feel like I am missing something.

DebatePony · 2019-06-06T20:29:49+00:00

Been with my husband since we were 14. The idea is being single... seems like the worst time ever.

PennnyLame · 2019-06-06T19:58:06+00:00

Married. No kids. I do not envy single people.

Edit: hit save too soon. I am very happily married. I can’t think of anything single people have that I don’t. I travel a lot for work and husband works nights so I get my share of alone time. I have no interest in sex with randoms. Has no draw for me.

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[deleted] · 2019-06-06T20:51:37+00:00

I'm single and have had two home repair emergencies today, so at this very moment I'm kind of wishing I had a handy ass beta bux to fix it. Fortunately I'm not so stupid to live this way so I convinced one service provider to honor an expiring warranty for one issue and and jury rigged some weatherseal into a temporary solution for the other so my floors don't get ruined.

Its crucial to not be discontent in the present moment, mindfulness is a gift to ourselves, although it does take work. For us BPD cray's, its even more integral to be mindful so we don't ruin other people's lives as well.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-06-06T20:58:38+00:00

[deleted] · 2019-06-07T00:25:36+00:00

I wouldn't say I envy married people because I know I'll get there eventually. There are a lot of aspects about being single that I really honestly enjoy. I don't have to "check in" before I do anything. I don't have to worry about representing my partner/impressing his social group or whatever. No arguments, no emotional rollercoasters. I can feel like myself right now- I can build myself and my life without the limitation of a partner.

However, I recognize that if I managed to find my glass slipper soul mate twin flame PERFECT man, I wouldn't worry about any of that. However, 99.9 percent of men are not love interests out of a fanfiction I wrote when I was 12. So it's kinda like- I don't envy people who are in LTRs, I only envy people who seem to have found their "soul mate" or "their world".

[deleted] · 2019-06-07T03:22:57+00:00

Being a single man sucks to be put it simply. There's no way I'd be envious of that. And yeah yeah Leonardo DiCaprio's single life probably doesn't suck but that's not who I'm talking about.

J_Milton_Jr · 2019-06-07T06:34:09+00:00

do you envy single people?

LTR/no children

woah no, most of the singles i know are not fond of being single, i also do not like being single, i like a healthy distance and its important to me that everyone has their own hobbies and friends but i like having a life companion with whom I can forge plans and share thoughts

Young_Oryx · 2019-06-07T08:13:39+00:00

I'm married and haven't been single for more than a week since I was 17. Being single sounds fucking awful.

SqueaksScreech · 2019-06-07T12:48:58+00:00

I don't envy people and my relationship is pretty relaxed. I do get scared by other couples and their unhealthy relationship. I always her about women telling their man they can't have female friends and that if they ever cheat they'll slash their tires. Shit like that freaks me out.

ThatDamnedRedneck · 2019-06-07T16:19:42+00:00

About the only thing I miss about being single was all the free time I had.

My wife still has her sex drive, so getting laid is generally as easy as "Hey, wanna bone?"

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2019-06-07T17:33:36+00:00

single. no, i do not envy women in LTRs and marriages. especially marriages, it shortens a woman's life span and she gets no husband but an additional baby, a manchild.

nevomintoarce · 2019-06-07T20:39:52+00:00

Single person - I envy the older couples who have the kids, the good spouse, the careers, the fit bodies.

we-are-men-with-ven · 2019-06-07T21:45:03+00:00

Eh, grass is always greener.

What I liked about being single was the excitement of hooking up and the early stages of dating. I'de get dressed ou, we'd flirt..there was this little dance back and forth between each other and it was something for me to look forward to. But there was also a fair amount of shit sex, guys with serious issues and the loneliness I sometimes felt.

I have a child and that was the best decision I ever made, she's my favourite person <3

BumblingBeta · 2019-06-09T00:17:10+00:00

I used to envy them, until I discovered The Red Pill and subreddits like r/deadbedrooms. Now I realise how society works - women truly want the top ~20% of men, but end up settling with a man they aren't attracted to. They might get on with him on a platonic level, but apart from providing her with kids, he is completely repulsive to her sexually. This is what the vast majority of marriages and LTRs are like.

The only people I envy are the top 20% of men getting almost all the sex. I also envy women because they are privileged and have a far easier life than men in the West (on average). They can get sex whenever they want and really have to put in minimal effort to have everything handed to them on a plate, when men have to work for it.

Superfluous_Toast · 2019-06-09T06:18:11+00:00

In a LTR, no kids. I don't envy single people.

hshsvdhsiabs · 2019-06-09T15:47:25+00:00

I’m in an LTR and I don’t envy single people. I don’t hook up with people I’m not in a committed relationship with so I wouldn’t really do much with the “freedom” from being single. Plus I don’t think I’d find anyone out there better for me than the man I’m with. He’s loyal and gentle and smart and basically everything that’s important to me. Maybe it’s important to also add I have social anxiety so I do have tendencies to like what’s comfortable but he’s the one person who I’ve felt comfortable with the whole time, even when we had just met.

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-06-06T19:51:09+00:00

Honestly, not much.

I guess stupid things like being able to watch what I want 100% of the time. Or deciding where to go for dinner without playing “where do you want to eat?” “I don’t know, you?”

Orange_Paisley · 2019-06-06T20:09:54+00:00

6 year relationship, living together. I do not envy single people. I do envy richer people, thinner people, and younger people a bit, though.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2019-06-06T20:13:06+00:00

In a 5 year long LTR, no kids. That's for like 10 years from now, roughly.

I have no envy for single people at all. I dislike the process of actually dating and have no desire for casual sex, plus of the people I've met, my SO brings out the best in me by far. I am quite happy being in a relationship with her, and have many reasons to want to continue that. Her family is also loaded, but I didn't know that until after we began dating, and she is quite frugal. She definitely isn't what you'd expect her to be given her background, and it makes her a fun, interesting, and very engaging person.

adool666 · 2019-06-06T19:49:31+00:00

I've been in a relationship for 1.5 years now. I do feel it sometimes. The kind of girls I can sleep with casually aren't as hot as my current gf. I do envy single people sometimes when I see a hot girl. I was unfaithful a couple of times and it was not worth it. It takes really long to get comfortable with someone and really enjoy the sex.

Barely-moral · 2019-06-06T20:02:05+00:00

In a LTR 7 years. I don't envy single people at all. The only reason I wanted to be single before was because I needed to improve myself and the situation I was in so I could get in a good/healthy LTR.

couldbemage · 2019-06-06T20:16:51+00:00

When I was married, I did everything single people do, so....

Been with my current partner over a decade, my kids are teens.

I wouldn't want to not have a partner, I have whatever freedom I desire regardless.

friggandfrayed · 2019-06-06T20:20:33+00:00

Not in the slightest.

nemma88 · 2019-06-06T20:59:29+00:00

I don't envy single people. I have no kids.

philomexa · 2019-06-06T21:23:43+00:00

Married, 1 toddler, no I don't envy single people or childless people.

Dating seems miserable, and a lot of people are disappointing. I'm glad I sidestepped that circus when I did.

Title	People in LTR/marriages, do you envy single people? Single people, do you envy people in LTR/marriages? Why?
Author	87AudreyHorne
Upvotes	12
Comments	106
Date	June 6, 2019 5:38 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/bxjk7x/people_in_ltrmarriages_do_you_envy_single_people/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/people-in-ltrmarriages-do-you-envy-single-people.255431 https://theredarchive.com/post/255431

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