Should a girl lie by saying 'I have a boyfriend' ?

Texastentialism · 2019-04-03T16:24:54+00:00

"I have a boyfriend" is by far the easiest and most effective way to get a guy to stop hitting on you. It doesn't work every time, but it's a better bet than "No thanks" or "I'm not interested," which a lot of men see as an opening for negotiation. (Not that some men don't see "I have a boyfriend" the same way, but it doesn't happen as often IME).

planejane · 2019-04-03T16:18:28+00:00

You'd think an "I'm not interested" would be enough but they almost always want a justification as to "Why."

Either you specify what's unattractive about them and sound like a bitch, or you say you're uninterested in dating which invites a "Let me change your mind" discussion that I'm not really interested in hearing, or you say "I have an SO" which is exactly what you stated in the OP.

Simply put, "No" is not usually good enough.

Queue the hoards of men chiming in with the 'i got a no once and took it perfectly well.' that's great, but it's not the norm for young attractive women.

belletaco · 2019-04-03T16:27:12+00:00

But saying 'I am not interested' is crystal clear IMO;

it's surprisingly not. they WILL ask why.

whichbladeN · 2019-04-03T16:39:53+00:00

See I figure that if I say, "I have a boyfriend" that men interpret it as "I would totally get with you if I didn't already have someone."

And I don't like that ambiguity. Anyone who has no moral qualms about being a homewrecker is not going to see that as a rejection.

zenzizenzizenzike · 2019-04-03T16:45:49+00:00

Often, that's the only excuse a guy will understand. As /u/planejane mentioned, many guys interpret "I'm not interested" as an invitation for obnoxious interrogation or persuasion.

But saying 'I am not interested' is crystal clear IMO

That's not the reality for women. "No" is not a complete sentence to these men; the conversation often devolves into whining, begging, and demanding justification. Simply put, some men respect another man's property over the property itself.

kandyapplez · 2019-04-03T18:55:49+00:00

i used to say i have a boyfriend, but as i got older and more confident in myself i started just telling guys no, not interested. especially when its a guy who realistically should have never thought there would be a chance, like guys who cold approach me or just really desperate guys in bars. even now that i have a boyfriend i still will just leave it at no. if they start whining or demanding more i don't humor it, i convey to them that they need to get away from me now and thats when the bitch will come out really fast

Electra_Cute · 2019-04-03T16:16:48+00:00

Yes, it is the easiest way to reject men.

CainPrice · 2019-04-03T16:28:32+00:00

The same way men aren't entitled to sex, men aren't entitled to honesty. Or even common courtesy. Or even to conversation at all.

If a woman isn't attracted to a guy, all bets are off. She can tell you whatever the fuck she wants to get rid of you. In fact, what she tells you is a direct reflection of what she thinks of you.

If you're a chill guy who fucks, and you seem like a guy who's down and knows the game, she'll just tell you she's not feeling it, because she's comfortable that a chill guy who's part of the casual game will just shrug and respectfully go on with his life.

If you're an ugly, creepy, judgmental, jealous weirdo who's part of her friend circle but has been making creepy eyes at her for the past few months without making a move and finally worked up the courage to ask her out tonight, she's going to tell you whatever lie she needs to in order to get rid of you quickly with as little fuss as possible. Because if she tries to be honest or respectful, you're likely to turn it into a confrontation.

rus9384 · 2019-04-03T16:34:12+00:00

Getting thirsty randos the fuck away from you is amoral.

Emervila · 2019-04-03T17:24:36+00:00

I have a friend who lives kind of this she does 2 things

she limits their advances: she doesn't allow any guy just to contact her on any social media or anything.
Direct rejection: She doesn't say much but she state clearly she is not interested and usually doesn't follow convos with them when they start to flirt. She can have any conversation with anybody but the moment they start to hit on her she just vanishes, no explanation

GradualDecomp · 2019-04-03T16:29:21+00:00

Don't you think it would be better if men learn to just take "no" for a complete answer and move on?

I do. But they almost never do. So I'll say whatever I need to say to end the interaction without being unnecessarily rude.

sublimemongrel · 2019-04-03T16:53:52+00:00

Yes who cares if it’s some stranger? Sometimes dudes don’t take just a “no” or “not interested” very well.

passepar2t · 2019-04-03T17:30:08+00:00

Why not? It's simple, it gets the job done, most guys will never find out she lied. Who cares?

Sophiatab · 2019-04-03T17:57:43+00:00

I wore my wedding ring from my late husband up until the point that I exchanged it for a new engagement ring simply because it was easier to get work done if the men I encountered thought I was married. Occasionally, I got told that was "deceptive". I think some men try to provoke women into insulting them, so they can justify their misogyny.

_Tumbleweed- · 2019-04-03T17:21:50+00:00

I always just say “I’m not interested”, even though I have a boyfriend. It works pretty well for me.

blackedoutfast · 2019-04-03T20:13:34+00:00

yes this is pretty standard. actually so common that most dudes who aren't idiots have figured it out, and a lot of thirsty guys will keep hitting on a girl who says this unless her boyfriend is right there with her. same thing with rings on the wedding ring finger.

i've had more than one female friend ask me to play along and pretend to be her boyfriend in this exact situation.

cxj · 2019-04-04T06:24:30+00:00

It would take universal commitment on behalf of most women to rejecting men, meaning it and giving honest answers, and acting boldly when men react absurdly to hard no's.

Because there is no way to coordinate this, most women will take the easy way out.

NockerJoe · 2019-04-03T17:35:50+00:00

Men ignore the "I have a boyfriend" line because it's such a go-to line 100% of guys know it's a lie. Moreover every dude knows of at least one person who's cheated or gotten past the line to qualify. Meaning you'll end it with most guys but the most thirsty ass dudes won't care. There is no salvaging of ego with that line.

-OpportunityCost · 2019-04-03T17:24:34+00:00

Sure why not, you can say both it doesn't really matter.

goatismycopilot · 2019-04-03T18:06:44+00:00

Reasonable strategy.

DXBrigade · 2019-04-03T19:10:56+00:00

It's an effective way to reject a guy without hurting his ego.

Lonny_zone · 2019-04-09T15:30:02+00:00

If they want the guy to stop hitting on them as quickly as possible then that lie is the most effective method by far. I’ve even found that just casually talking to a girl at work because I am bored, and not being even a bit flirtatious, some women will apropos of nothing add “my boyfriend says/did/does” before a statement that did not require her to say that as an obvious way to let me know I shouldn’t even try to hit on them.

Ercole_ · 2019-04-03T16:28:34+00:00

Lying is women. If you want a woman who won't lie then you're in the closet.

Not to mention, imagine being with a girl who just gives her honesty up to every guy with a pulse..

KikiYuyu · 2019-04-03T17:15:35+00:00

I don't blame girls for blurting it out, though I'd prefer people tell the truth.

Once a guy asked me if I had a boyfriend, (they were the first words he ever spoke to me), and I thought to myself "I should say yes, I know where this is going, I should just lie and kill it here." But I just couldn't bring myself to lie. Back then I had just been sort of discovering that men don't in fact all have it easy, and I knew I'd feel so guilty about it.

flamingoinghome · 2019-04-03T22:43:02+00:00

Yes, she should lie. "I'm not interested" can mean you have to provide justification (and no one wants to say "you are a 50-year-old toothless man on the subway, of course I am not attracted to you"), or be read as an insult. And gthe guys who still pick at you, well, it's easier to be insulted by the thought of cheating than admit he grosses you out.

Although, if it's a client/coworker, the easiest and best answer is "I don't date clients/coworkers."

I am not so gung-ho on absolute honesty as many of this sub, although I am keen on the Golden Rule. Gentle social lies, however, make the world go 'round.

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HossMcDank · 2019-04-03T18:49:32+00:00

Sure. Pure honesty is overrated and will get you nowhere in life.

bonusfruit · 2019-04-03T23:47:45+00:00

Sure. It's better than complaing that the sex that has to be active (because the other sex is passive) is persistent. If he isn't he dies an incel. He'll do what he's gotta do, you do the same

washington_breadstix · 2019-04-04T03:59:13+00:00

I can see how "I have a boyfriend" is a good go-to line for women because it's probably the only line that will get the guy to stop hitting on her.

Pope_Lucious · 2019-04-04T10:15:28+00:00

If it is to her advantage

[deleted] · 2019-04-04T10:59:28+00:00

Unless they plan on stalking you, it's not like they're gonna find out anyways.

misiepatysie · 2019-04-04T11:49:08+00:00

The lie would not be needed, if men culd handle rejection. Many times I sid 'no' it was a festival of questions. The guys asked, why I am not attracted and simply saying "the is no chemistry" I do not "feel it" etc. wa snot enough, they demended to know why. So I had a few times to start a rant about how I find them ugly, and then tehre was the shaming (you do not know what attractive is, with this attutude you will never find anyone, If I change it will you go out with me). There os no good solution.
To be honest the "I have a boyfriend" line does also not always work. But apparently telling I am already "someones trophy" is still better then having my own free will.

ThisIsJustATr1bute · 2019-04-03T17:47:27+00:00

She should say whatever she wants to get rid of the guy.

Men are so aggressive and disgusting when they decide to pursue you at all costs. It is so pathetic and violating. Horrible losers will constant harass you demanding you justify your decision, whine and cry like giant babies about “why did you reject me I make money any woman would be lucky” and do psycho things like try to catfish you and say “you owe me a thesis on why you won’t go with me! I want you and I’m so solipsistic that I project my gross thoughts and assume you must feel the same, I don’t see you as a person and I’m going to have an existential meltdown and stalk and harass you if reality doesn’t fit” and some get dangerous.

She should say she has a boyfriend, and he’s a thug just out of prison but “he totally wants to be an upstanding member of society soon it’s just hard for him to behave” and she should say she has chlamydia and whatever else she wants to get him to go away, and if he doesn’t quit stalking she should tell the police.

Why would she owe nasty pathetic creeps honesty?

When a gross unwanted guy says “are you single” he’s really asking “can I have you as my pet?” So saying “no I’m not single” is just saying “I’m not available to you” it’s not even a lie.

It’s like if nazis knocked on your door in WWII and said “are you hiding Jews here” and you are, what they really mean is “are you hiding Jews that we can take to a concentration camp” and ofc the answer is No, I don’t think that’s lying.

If a normal non freak politely asks her out she can say no thanks. Polite guys will move on. If a woman feels the need to say she has a boyfriend, it’s because the guy is a volatile man child.

TheJim66 · 2019-04-03T17:54:31+00:00

I think in a workplace environment it's enough to say you are not interested. However if you are at a club there is no correct answer that will completely shut down every guy.Simply because in these situations it's not the guys job to make you comfortable ,it's to get laid.And believe me you would be surprised how easy it is to turn a "I have a boyfriend" into a lay or at least a make out session.In these situations I guess I would suggest just insistence.

[deleted] · 2019-04-03T18:12:23+00:00

"I'm not interested, sorry"

"BUT I'M A NICE GUY! WHY WON'T YOU GIVE ME A CHANCE?"

These days I just pretend not to speak English whenever a random guy approaches me.

Phyloraptor · 2019-04-04T00:51:28+00:00

It won’t stop men from trying. If a guy wants to fuck or hit on you, he’s not planning on taking you away from your bf unless you’re an objective 8 or higher. He only wants to fuck you that night and preferably never see you again. Whether you’re in a relationship or not doesn’t change what he wants. “No” really is the best.

PlCKLERlCK · 2019-04-04T03:05:36+00:00

It doesn't matter. Perhaps her boyfriend is a dildo. What she's saying is she has something better already. If you look like the better option, she won't mention him.

Sprach_McGrachan · 2019-04-03T20:19:46+00:00

If a beautiful girl is being hit on by men every other day, sometimes by clients, is it justified to say 'I have a boyfriend' even if it's not the case?

Solution: have the girl accuse at random someone of rape or stalking her. Then, all the problems will just go away. She gains sympathy and feminism has another victory.

Christian_Kong · 2019-04-03T19:42:18+00:00

I say its a great one for girls to break out as long as they don't know the guy at a certain level(<facebook friends.) Let's guys down easy, shouldn't bruise their ego and not much wiggle room for aggressive guys to push the issue.

Willow-girl · 2019-04-04T12:49:10+00:00

Whatever gets rid of 'em, lol.

Title	Should a girl lie by saying 'I have a boyfriend' ?
Author	Phyloraptor
Upvotes	8
Comments	169
Date	April 3, 2019 4:14 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/b8zzlx/should_a_girl_lie_by_saying_i_have_a_boyfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/should-a-girl-lie-by-saying-i-have-a-boyfriend.256445 https://theredarchive.com/post/256445

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