Why do many people (mostly women) not seem to understand that a man doesn't want to raise another man's child.

OfSpock · 2018-08-08T14:40:57+00:00

In the same way that a stereotypical rich person won't know how much a banana costs, a lot of women just don't even start thinking about 'what if the baby isn't mine?'

Additionally, the worst of these women will just automatically assume their child is an extension of them, and will see the man's annoyance at her not-his baby as a personal sleight. 'If he loves me he will love this baby.'

Third part is that mandatory paternity test by themselves are taken as a sleight, as a lot of women will just perceive it as an inherent attack on their faithfullness, which leads to negative emotions they then throw back at the men in the discussion.

In short, lack of empathy, ignorance and defensiveness.

FYI, I personally think that there isn't actually a good argument against mandatory paternity test except for 'overreaching government' arguments.

blackedoutfast · 2018-08-08T21:46:52+00:00

because it's impossible for a woman to be victim of maternity fraud. women don't have a natural, instinctive fear of getting cucked, because if she gets pregnant and has a kid, the kid will share her genes.

GridReXX · 2018-08-08T14:54:08+00:00

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sublimemongrel · 2018-08-08T15:18:21+00:00

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exit_sandman · 2018-08-08T15:01:44+00:00

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2018-08-08T17:44:04+00:00

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lucky_beast · 2018-08-08T19:36:33+00:00

The empathy gap is on full display in this thread. The usual posters of course have nothing but snark and shaming to attack people with when there is any demand to enforce women behave with the bare minimum of decency.

There's also no possible way to argue against paternity testing unless also allowing for a no strings attached financial abortion option for men. Well, no possible way to argue it and not be an absolute low life. Yet some here still find a way.

the_calibre_cat · 2018-08-08T14:56:09+00:00

Single moms are like, the ultimate CC riders. I can get over that a woman has some fun in her youth - Christ they're born with sexual superpowers over the opposite sex, it'd take some serious will on my part NOT to take part in that while I'm young and desirable.

I can look past that.

It's pretty hard for me to justify looking past that when the consequences of said fun are alive and costing me hundreds of thousands of dollars and a lot of time... and represent some other dude's genetic legacy. f that

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-08-08T14:56:49+00:00

Paternity tests should be mandatory, part of the battery of tests performed on all newborns.

Failing that, paternity tests should be performed on the request of a putative father, even if married to the mother.

A man should defuse this when preparing for marriage by telling his bride to be that he will not permit his name to be listed on the birth certificate of any child born to her, and he will disavow paternity of any such child, unless and until a test is performed establishing his paternity of the child. And it should also be a part of any prenup they sign (and they should sign one; no man should marry today without a prenup).

I won't express opinions about people who argue men should just step up and support any and all children upon the demand of any woman who wants it. I'll just tell you why they make the arguments.

--because almost all of society believes men should simply come to the aid and help of any woman who needs it, regardless of where she is, what she's done, who she is, or what help she needs. If she wants/needs it; it's a man's moral DUTY to provide it. It doesn't matter that she's in her predicament solely by her own hand. If she needs help, men are morally required to help her (and pay for it), even if the situation is 100% her fault.

--because despite all of feminism's "advances", women still can't seem to pay for it all on their own. They're still demanding that men who aren't the kid's fathers "step up" and "man up". What that really means is "pay up". That really means they expect nonfathers to get their checkbooks out and start paying their bills.

--because more and more men are walking away from marriage and fatherhood. This is causing the groundswell of shrieking, hysterical women wailing and whining and crying about no good, shitty men (most of whom those women chose to procreate with). This is causing women to shame the men who are still listening. This is causing women to wag their fingers at still-listening men, moralizing to them and shaming and guilting them that it's their moral duty to step in where a deadbeat or loser can't or won't.

--adoption is still ok because the man has control over it. He assumes it of his own free will. He raises the child as his own, and because he takes the child from birth, the child is his.

It's different when single moms stomp their little feet and demand that the men they date have to adopt their children (or at the very least, pay for everything). Those men aren't being asked. It's being pushed on them, it's being demanded of them.

hotcaulk · 2018-08-08T17:17:14+00:00

Ok, I'm a weird lady on the paternity test topic. I've always felt that when I do start a family I want to give the Daddy a paternity test as soon as convenient. I get to know for a fucking "capital F" Fact that kid is mine. That's some "peace of mind" shit right there. It seems really cruel to take that for granted for myself and then not only deny it to my partner/husband/BF but get mad at him? He just wants the same confidence we take for granted.

Asking for a paternity test doesn't always mean he doesn't trust you. It just means he's a human, with human doubts, who knows he's not a god damn psychic.

On the whole "no man wants to raise another man's kid..." I'm a stop you right there. There are adoptive Dads out there who would tear you to pieces for saying that. I know when it comes to my Step brother my Dad would say "I'd be pissed if he weren't my son." Unless he's had a few then he'd ask you to step outside. (He divorced Step bro's Mom well over a decade ago, when step bro was about 12-13. No legal adoption, no legal order. Dad voluntarily paid extra child support. Yes, I have always been a HUGE Daddy's girl.)

You can't say that about all men. Oh yeah, my Mom was adopted. The whole reason I'm here today to type this is because my Grandparents wanted to raise another person's kid.

the_calibre_cat · 2018-08-08T14:38:45+00:00

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misunderstood_9gager · 2018-08-08T15:27:28+00:00

I think whether or not paternity tests should be mandatory or not, should be decided in government or if possible, through some kind of vote. Me personally, I have not researched the topic well enough to make an informed decision whether or not I would be for it.

When it comes to your second question...

There are two scenarios I can think of where the whole "Whose father it is, is not important" becomes an argument. Lets say you are dating a single mother and you voice your own personal concern with her child not being yours, if she just says "Whose father it is, is not important" without recognizing your concern, that would be an issue for me. I mean, there are tonnes of complexities that come with not raising your own child with the mother of said child. Does she still have feelings for the dad? Is the dad still in the child's life, and if so to what degree? Just to mention a couple of questions. If a woman I want to date don't take my concerns and feelings seriously and just try to brush them off. What is even the point of dating them?

If they cheat on you, and the child is not yours, that argument would be the most saddest attempt at bringing you back into the fold.

YaAmar · 2018-08-08T18:54:29+00:00

The reason why a lot of women oppose to mandatory paternity tests is because they want the liberty to cheat on their partners and get pregnant by a high value male. if you take that away from them, you prevent women from fulfilling their imperative, which is to seek alpha genes and beta euros to support and raise their kids.

It's like women getting mad at a man because he wants a prenup, and they will claim that he has shown his lack of love for her because if he loved her, he wouldn't have asked for it, that he would just trust her lol.

My own genes shall not pass on to the next generation, and I have no interest of raising someone else's children.

2018-08-08T20:22:51+00:00

Promiscuous women need beta cuckolds to raise their kids otherwise they become single moms. They don't want their scam to unravel thus they dislike paternity tests.

2018-08-08T16:17:46+00:00

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storffish · 2018-08-08T14:30:14+00:00

same reason so many men don't realize that casual sex with attractive strangers isn't preferable to a steady boyfriend for most women: it often is for them and they project. women who love kids (this is most women) love all kids, theirs and others so they assume that men feel the same. they project. their kid is a precious angel from heaven, how could you not be as enthralled with it's existence as they are? how could you be so shallow as to care who it's father is? projection all the way down.

also there are enough guys who adopt due to infertility or become stepfathers (and chicks who brag about their sexual conquests, for that matter) to buoy the theory.

gbb-86 · 2018-08-09T10:30:18+00:00

Women feel entitled to men resource in the same way men feel entitled to women bodies.

thejarjarbinks69 · 2018-08-10T04:07:37+00:00

Ask the women if they're OK with their husband having a kid with another woman, and then have her raise that kid (but not have her own).

637468756c6875 · 2018-08-13T08:51:39+00:00

It's so they can have their cake and eat it too. AF/BB style.

Alternatively, they don't care much for passing down genes and they can't imagine someone else would

sublimemongrel · 2018-08-08T14:38:42+00:00

Paternity tests are obviously useful. I don’t think they should be mandatory because it’s easy to get one now here in the US, and you can even do it discreetly. In countries where it’s illegal (I think that’s just France) or very hard to get I think they should be made accessible. I would also agree to add a discovery rule to statutes which cut off the ability to legally determine paternity but I don’t really see that happening. I understand the logic behind those statutes of limitations but I still think fairness should allow for a discovery rule.

Wrt people saying “it shouldn’t matter,” I think that’s up to the individual man whether it matters to him. I say all of this but as a woman, if my husband requested one I’d still be somewhat hurt.

abaxeron · 2018-08-08T16:28:59+00:00

I maybe should (again, dammit) quote Colttaine. "A woman's power fantasy is being the villain and getting away with it".

Let's imagine for a second that we live in the world where there exists a group of people called Elves. These people are for all intents and purposes superior to everyone else - they're genetically immune to most inheritable diseases and pathogens; they have stronger bones, stronger hearts, cardiovascular systems not prone to heart attacks and strokes, extremely durable teeth, increased lifespan, and increased general intelligence and learnability. In addition to that, none of them wear (because none of them require) glasses. Would I want my wife's kid to be half-elf instead of half-me? - Hell yes. In comparison with this subset of traits, my family's gene shit-pool looks unremarkable at best - among two my older-generation relatives (who are brothers), one is already dead, the other is rapidly going blind.

Unfortunately, we're living in the world in which elves do not exist.

And in this world, raising another man's child as your own is a risk and a sacrifice. Expecting a man to raise another man's child is extreme, unimaginable entitlement. Forcing another man to raise a child that isn't his without his knowledge and against his will, without his consent, if you will - is the ultimate betrayal.

Paternity tests maybe should not be mandatory in the way smallpox vaccine was, but insurance coverage would be neat. Or maybe reforming the court system so it has no authority to force the man to pay for another man's child - would be a great start.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-08-08T14:46:54+00:00

they dont understand it because why would they? women would pick genetically unrelated babies off a baby tree and love them and raise them. stop waiting for women to "understand" or "empathize" and just work your will on the world

Yu4nghydr4 · 2018-08-08T15:10:35+00:00

I don't think paternity tests should be mandatory. I do believe they should be available upon request at birth or something to be included in normal blood work at pediatric appointments.

If I have kids and my partner is at all worried they might not be his, I'd just get the test done proactively so he has the paperwork. Insecurities aren't logical whatsoever, and if he's going to be understanding of mine, I can be understanding of his.

tiger1296 · 2018-08-08T15:59:28+00:00

They don't understand why a man can't bond with another kid, as they love all kids equally. They don't get that the man recognises she'll probably run off back to baby daddy if he ever slaps his cock back on the available table.

As soon as a woman has a kid you are no longer just dating her, the child is involved in the relationship which is fair enough

Pat tests definitely need to be mandatory and a guy that isn't the dad should never be forced to pay for it unless he opts in to give child support or whatever.

waxedmintfloss · 2018-08-09T12:21:12+00:00

Your own statement is self explanatory to why women also wouldn’t want to raise someone else’s child.

However, asking for a paternity test implies you don’t trust her. That’s something you should be able to work out without doing a science experiment, imo.

NOTSM · 2018-08-08T14:32:24+00:00

Mandatory paternity testing is an awful idea. I don’t want to give the government the ability to force needless medical testing on people.

also wanna know what you think about people who make the argument that it shouldn't matter whose child it is

These people fully understand why a man wouldn’t want to be tricked into raising another man’s child. They’re just focusing on what’s in the woman’s best interests

Transmigratory · 2018-08-08T16:54:05+00:00

Tbh, I believe it comes down to what you said. Women know the child is their's for sure. However, the men don't know for sure and they can only trust the woman. We all know how trust worthy women can be lol. I'd consider denying paternity tests a violation of male rights.

I'm all for mandatory paternity tests. Though, if they can hold weight if they're held prior to child support claims i.e. the man isn't forced to pay for a child that isn't even his, then that is fair too.

poppy_blu · 2018-08-09T02:26:37+00:00

Unknowingly is the key word. Men chose to raise/adopt other men’s kids all the time.

What’s with all of these low effort bait posts on paternity fraud today? Do you all really think you’re going to find people here telling you, Yeah, deceiving a guy into believing he has a kid that isn’t his is OK?

Most people here probably aren’t even going have strong objections to mandatory paternity tests save the fear of your DNA being saved in some government bank somewhere.

Typical PPD thread: the usual suspects strawmannig all over the place about “feminists and women think xyz” and they can’t even find one off examples to cite much less any proof that these are commonly held views.

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2018-08-08T16:58:51+00:00

Yanno this is one area where literally every woman I know IRL totally agrees with the idea that paternity tests should absolutely be available for fathers if they so desire one. Not necessarily mandatory, but easily accessible and available if felt necessary. I’m very RP leaning but I have never in my life met a woman who thinks that having a kid that is not their husbands is okay in any way. That’s only something I see on the internet.

elmiraguth · 2018-08-08T19:55:39+00:00

Has anyone asked women about how it feels to raise another woman's child? Or are single dads with a child still so uncommon that this doesn't come up often enough?

Kramers_Cosmos · 2018-09-01T02:55:29+00:00

Why do men not realize that if you have sex, you are consenting to be a parent, and also, women usually do not want to be single parents?

ricoue · 2018-10-13T22:04:18+00:00

adoptions

how is this even an argument? Women and SJWs like to bitch about "consent" day and night yet they think its okay to force a child on a man without asking for his consent first?

GridReXX · 2018-08-08T14:53:22+00:00

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2018-08-08T15:04:09+00:00

Women don't have an issue here because they will always know that their genes are in the next generation.

I don't think this is entirely it. Because women will often willingly raise children they haven't borne.

My thoughts are as follows

Pregnancy and childbirth are risky enterprises. Even with modern medicine women still die in childbirth. So if you go back to before we had all these nice hospitals and ways to measure things like high blood pressure in expectant mothers etc. Women needed to be able to rely on assistance to birth and raise kids.

Given a hunter gatherer society where men are likely to be off for days at a time and also probably not that interested in whatever is going on with women's bodies it would be natural for women in tribes to assist each other. Both with the having and raising of children.

Over time as various societies became more civilised women were often pushed out of the public domain and thus would also turn to other women for help with children.

I really think for women its a combination of socialisation and evolutionary factors and far less to do with genes.

Therefore women thinking men would be happy to raise kids that aren't their own is probably a combination of

solipsism
knowing men who have happily adopted and raised other men's kids ( I mean I personally can think of 4 men in my immediate circle who have done it.)

killallthenarcs · 2018-08-08T15:50:13+00:00

So we are supposed to put in place a whole lot of legislation, administration, collecting and storing of people's personal DNA information and spending of money (whether taxpayer funds or making people pay for tests they mostly don't want) because some men lack the stones to say to a woman "I want a DNA test, I'll go to court to get one if necessary and I'm not signing that birth certificate until we get one"

Hmmm. No. Let people who want tests get tests and pay for it themselves. Leave those who don't want tests enough to request them well alone. If you're chomping at the bit to spend more government money on improving people's lives, I think free dental care supplies for very poor people would be a better choice.

Of course it in general matters to most parents whose child it is. The group of people who say it shouldn't matter tend to be adoptees/adopters who have their own reasons to feel tetchy and the childfree/childless crowd who let's face it have a map of parenthood but have never traveled the territory of it. But you know what? How much it matters is still an individual choice.

I would support making it easier for a father to compel a DNA test (not paid for by the government) but I would not support making it compulsory or opt-out only.

wtknight · 2018-08-08T14:37:52+00:00

The idea of mandatory paternity tests bothers me. If a man wants a paternity test, he should ask for one voluntarily.

I understand perfectly why a man wouldn’t want to father another man’s biological child if he doesn’t have to, though, if there is a biological father out there who is able to support the child.

flamingoinghome · 2018-08-08T16:50:05+00:00

I was unaware that men cannot love an adopted child.

Edit: Looking at your post, you seem to be conflating two issues. Paternity tests and being upset about a baby not being yours are a question of lying and cheating. Obviously if a man's SO cheated on him and/or tried to pass a baby off as his, that's a horrifying breach of trust. But I'd hardly say that the issue is that the guy "doesn't want to raise another man's child"--it's that said child is a constant reminder of deception and infidelity. Whereas there are plenty of great stepdads and adoptive fathers in the world, who are fully aware of their kids' biological origins.

DaphneDK42 · 2018-08-09T01:30:21+00:00

Can't support mandatory testing. Won't allow the state to have this power. But an opt-out procedure, which is performed together with all the other tests which newborns are subjected to.

FrontierPsycho · 2018-08-08T17:03:29+00:00

Why do many people think that everybody else wants the same as they do? There are men who don't mind raising another man's child.

Title	Why do many people (mostly women) not seem to understand that a man doesn't want to raise another man's child.
Author	Aeiexgjhyoun_III
Upvotes	108
Comments	459
Date	August 8, 2018 2:24 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/95mg2q/why_do_many_people_mostly_women_not_seem_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-many-people-mostly-women-not-seem-to.261213 https://theredarchive.com/post/261213

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