Is there a number of sexual partners that would turn you off from a partner?

Electra_Cute · 2018-07-27T11:53:36+00:00

I find these questions where it asks if this one aspect of an individual would be enough to turn someone off from a partner. The idea of being with someone who has had a lot of sexual partners does bother me, but there is an entire set of things my boyfriend does that bother me but I overlook them because I find him attractive otherwise. I do not think there is going to be one single thing that would be enough to completely turn me off from someone like that.

hiso_hiso · 2018-07-27T11:43:51+00:00

unease at 5+, more at 10+, 20+ absolutely not.

i don’t think it necessarily makes them a bad person or anything like that, but we’re probably not compatible/similar and it does seem gross to me (even though i acknowledge that it isn’t objectively gross).

azngirl7689 · 2018-07-27T12:30:56+00:00

5 or more. I am at 2 including current BF, so I feel like thats a good amount of leeway without hitching my wagon to someone with a lot more experience than me.

[deleted] · 2018-07-27T11:54:46+00:00

10 is iffy, 15+ is a hard no.

anon1moos · 2018-07-27T13:44:01+00:00

yes, 0.

philomexa · 2018-07-27T15:05:34+00:00

If a man had 0 partners (especially around my age, early 30's) that would be a huge turn off and a giant red flag for some sort of shit I don't want to deal with.

With that said, I've always assumed most men had some sort of N count, this whole virgin numale panic on reddit is certainly...eye opening.

themormonchurch · 2018-07-27T17:40:51+00:00

any number i hear turns me off. so i don't ask

Pope_Lucious · 2018-07-27T18:51:46+00:00

If she had exactly 665 previous partners, no way in hell I’m sticking my dick in her.

Honestly I don’t care too much about N-count. My ex who I thought I was going to marry had an N-count of over 20 and I never thought about it.

wtknight · 2018-07-27T12:31:16+00:00

It’s more the predilection towards casual sex that bothers me than the actual number. I’d rather be with a woman who has had ten boyfriends before than one that has had casual sex five times but has never had sex within a relationship even once, because at least the one who has had ten boyfriends is trying to develop an emotional bond and settle down into a steady relationship with a man.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-07-27T13:40:35+00:00

it would have never occured to me in a kabillion years that the men i was dating/sleeping with/in LTRs with werent high n. the concept of a woman worrying about that in a man is completely alien to me, i never heard of low N men til reddit

washington_breadstix · 2018-07-27T13:31:14+00:00

Yes. I don't have a concrete number in mind, but it's a major turn off to find out that my partner did not vet very strictly for her previous partners.

However, I think that in most cases I would be more upset about the circumstances and the acts that took place if they were different than what she's doing with me. For example, if my (hypothetical) girlfriend had "kinky" sex with past boyfriends but only wants lights-off missionary position with me, etc.

Crunchthemoles · 2018-07-27T15:47:04+00:00

This mattered to me a ton in my 20’s, but as I get older, much less so.

However, that doesn’t mean I don’t have a loose set of standards: for having a fling it makes absolutely no difference, but once entering a LTR I’d want someone with at least 3 but with a max of 25% of whatever number I’m currently sitting at (so for my current n= 12, my upper limit is 15 or so).

It’s much more important in a LTR that our sex lives are compatible with history and experience than an absolute n count (hence the 25%).

With that said though, all things equal, a bit lower is generally better.

SkookumTree · 2018-07-27T17:26:01+00:00

the # of sexual partners that he had with anyone/thing other that a woman would likely end all attraction from me to him.

if a man fucked 1, 10, 100, 1000 women, i don't care. what does that have to do with me?

waditdo · 2018-07-27T21:31:33+00:00

I don't ask because I'll inevitably judge. While the more mature thing to do would be not judge, I've decided it's in the past and it should stay there. I find that's also the best way to give people a chance (if say they used to be sluts) ... to simply not know.

So yea, better to not ask or provide a #

WeCaredALot · 2018-07-30T22:54:57+00:00

It sounds like most people in here don't care about high N counts. Given that, why is there so much focus on the dreaded 'cock carousel' and high N counts amongst Red Pill men and Red Pill Women? Who even asks their partner's N-count anyway?

[deleted] · 2018-07-27T12:34:53+00:00

22.489

[deleted] · 2018-07-27T11:47:33+00:00

It doesn't matter if you don't plan on getting married, which I don't, so no

lucky_beast · 2018-07-27T13:49:12+00:00

I'm unconcerned with the number, I care some amount about how she racked up that number. If it points to cheating or uncontrolled mental illness that's gonna be a no from me dog.

A girl who fucked two guys in her life but one of them was her boyfriend and the other was a guy she was seeing behind his back is infinitely less desirable than a girl who had casual flings with guys through college or whatever.

Uncommon_Sense_12345 · 2018-07-27T11:41:37+00:00

A high partner count would indicate to me a lack of respect for one's body, a view of sex that is not in line with my morals, the inability to stay sexually satisfied with one partner and increase the chance of infidelity, the stunted ability to bond with spouse or LTR, and would be a sign of a serial monogamist whereas I would want true lifetime monogamy.

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concacanca · 2018-07-27T11:46:08+00:00

Yup. There is a lizard brain reaction and a rational reaction. I suppress the former after being with the same woman for over a decade and realising that past partners enter my mind literally never.

Generally speaking the number is less important on it's own than the context behind it.

RockinSocksII · 2018-07-27T13:45:58+00:00

Depends if they we're partners during a casual sex phase or they've burned through that many relationships.

Gravel_Roads · 2018-07-27T14:08:35+00:00

Nope. I was an escort. My N-could is in the triple digits. We could compare stories XD

Long as the person is sane and has a healthy relationship with sex.

(ftm bi male, 34)

TheFloydist · 2018-07-27T14:42:34+00:00

No.

LSTW1234 · 2018-07-27T15:12:31+00:00

Less than 5 would concern me.

[deleted] · 2018-07-27T15:17:05+00:00

No specific number, I just care if he's cheated or not.

[deleted] · 2018-07-27T15:18:24+00:00

I don’t want to know and never ask. I just hope other girls have trained him well! 😂

IncomeByEtnicity · 2018-07-27T16:53:30+00:00

It's a graduated system. And as much as men would deny it, # of partners effects both sexes in the same way. And if we are nitpicking, it effects women a tiny a bit less.

The major effect is a loss of innocence. Human portrayal of heaven has always accompanied our definition of child like innocence. True happiness requires this absence of corruption, malice and per-meditated moves for advantage.

IMO, wrt sexual partners, it affects us in the following way.

0-12 - Learning Phase - Mild or no affect

12-20 - At least one life episode of serial sex, possibly brought on by a loss (break up, death of loved on), failure (work school sport) or severe health issue (cancer, tumor). - Moderate Impact but fixable by LTRing with someone in the above category.

20 & more - Messed up childhood with high likelihood of abuse by loved one creating a permanent mixing of the otherwise distinct emotions of Trust and Anxious Fear. Cyclical patterns of self sabotage. - Innocence lost beyond repair. - Cannot LTR !!!! - Date only if you want to chalk up a couple years to human charity. It won't ever last longer than that

KikiYuyu · 2018-07-27T19:13:31+00:00

I don't know what the number is, but I'll admit, the higher the number the more turned off I am. The person could have other qualities that balance it out though, but personally I'll always find promiscuity to be very "icky".

passepar2t · 2018-07-27T22:53:41+00:00

How would you ever know the truth?

[deleted] · 2018-07-29T08:15:45+00:00

So, I read the CDC said that for Americans the average number of partners over an entire lifespan is eight. I think that statistic will likely be quite a bit higher if they recheck in fifteen years because younger people are being sold promiscuity like it is a vitamin. I am 31. I have slept with 13 men since I was 16 and two women. Four of those were long term relationships (including my fiance), the rest were one time encounters that did not get repeats. To some people I know that doesn't seem high but statistically it is quite high. However, I haven't found it to be so high that it scared away typical 20 or 30 something guys in the US. My fiance is 28 and slept with seven girls. He lost his virginity at 23 (he was trying to wait for marriage and then was like why am I doing this? lol) so did seven girls in the two and a half years before we met. I know his count is pretty close to average and that's a decent count in a short span, but I tend to feel he is relatively sexually inexperienced compared to me. Because I feel that my own N count is relatively high, I have shyed away from guys with dramatically higher ones. A PUA with an N count in the 30s or 40s kind of grosses me out for a potential long term relationship because it indicates some other potential issues with capacity for intimate relationships. However, plenty of people would say the same thing about how many partners I have had. My fiance falls in the camp of 13 guys in 16 years isn't great but nowadays isn't that awful; the two girls are just seen as a big bonus. It isn't just about the N count but all of the other things that can be indicated from someone's approach to sexuality. I have definitely met people though who don't think it is a big deal to have slept with like fifty people and those people probably wouldn't be compatible long term with people who have views on the other side of the spectrum.

newName543456 · 2018-07-29T21:47:26+00:00

None, as long as no STDs.

But not going for commitments helps with that attitude.

Texastentialism · 2018-07-27T11:50:22+00:00

There's probably a number that would give me pause, but I'm not sure where the line is for me. And honestly if I really liked a guy and thought he was serious about me, I don't think it would be a deal breaker.

Willow-girl · 2018-07-27T13:11:07+00:00

N-count wouldn't be a concern unless the man had behaved badly. A history including bitter divorces/breakups would be more of an issue. I like happy, undamaged people, lol.

ImJuliusPepperwood · 2018-07-27T13:49:58+00:00

I’m a guy. I don’t my girlfriends n-count and she doesn’t know mine. I don’t know my previous girlfriends n-count and she didn’t know mine.

I don’t ask because I don’t care.

SkookumTree · 2018-07-27T14:21:05+00:00

No partners at all, at 20-25: a bit unusual, worth looking into. 1-8: Probably likes sex in relationships. Nothing to see here, move along. 9-25: Still within normal limits! 25-70: Well. She must have loved to party or something; a small red flag. We might have differing views on sex - I see it as something that binds people together, she might be an ethical slut that chooses lots of partners. Nothing wrong with that necessarily, but we might not be compatible. More than 70: That's...a larger red flag; our views on sex and sexuality - and perhaps life - may be incompatible.

ultrasuperthrowaway · 2018-07-27T14:54:59+00:00

I've been with over 100 women so I find it pretty hypocritical to pass judgement on a woman for the same type of thing. People who care about low numbers likely have low numbers themselves.

Whodunnit88 · 2018-07-27T12:05:19+00:00

if she was under thirty? anything under triple figures would give cause to think, but I don't know if it would be enough to break up with this hypothetical woman. it depends on how she approaches it. if she is honest about her past and has a personality that reflects her past experiences than that is cool. however, if she hides her past, and does the whole "butter wouldn't melt in her mouth" nun routine than i would dump her (if i found out her partner count).

because to me the partner count isn't the problem (any guy who thinks that most women are pure virgins are fucking morons) it's the hypocrisy that gets me.

shoup88 · 2018-07-27T12:42:34+00:00

Like 65 maybe?

nomansweb · 2018-07-27T14:27:39+00:00

Do you think it's a bad sign if a potential partner is heavily in debt?

-- Yes, it indicates poor decision-making skills and I would worry about compatibility.

Ok, but if you think you're ever going to find a partner who's never been late on a phone bill you're gonna be disappointed...

-- I know that, of course one phone bill isn't a problem.

Right, so from what exact amount would it become a problem?

-- The fuck would I know, do you even human?

Title	Is there a number of sexual partners that would turn you off from a partner?
Author	misunderstood_9gager
Upvotes	6
Comments	170
Date	July 27, 2018 11:26 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/92booj/is_there_a_number_of_sexual_partners_that_would/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-there-a-number-of-sexual-partners-that-would.261371 https://theredarchive.com/post/261371

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