Q4Women: What makes a man masculine to you?

belletaco · 2018-03-29T18:44:11+00:00

I honestly don't know what I find masculine? I don't correlate muscles or strength to masculinity. The only common trait I've seen among all men I know is that they are good with directions. To me, that is a manly/masculine trait.

Almost every one of my boyfriends have had their sexuality questioned by my friends/family, so I think it's safe to say I don't go for the 'stereotypical' masculine traits. Gimme lanky, high cheek boned, full lip pretty boys all dayyyyy.

LifterofThings · 2018-03-29T19:30:58+00:00

All the "toxic masculinity" traits. Stoicism, competitiveness, a willingness to escalate physically, low inhibition... these all read as "masculine" to me.

If my dating history is any indication I actually prefer more feminine-brained men, but those relationships just don't work in the long-term, because I tend to dominate and lose respect for them. My current partner's masculine energy makes me insane sometimes (I'm very risk-averse... he's very not, and quite impulsive. It causes anxiety) but I still respect him more than anyone else on the planet and find myself still wanting to fuck him 5 years in, so this is really the best any LTR has ever "worked" for me.

TheChemist158 · 2018-03-29T18:54:45+00:00

It's not something I consider too much. I think of meat heads and sweaty lumber jacks when I think of masculinity, both of which are distinctly unattractive.

I know some people here spend a lot of time considering what masculinity and feminity are. I'm sure I'd find some of the traits they list as masculine attractive (and others unattractive). But I honestly don't care too much about it. It's just a collection of cultural ideas on what men and women should be like that changes with time and location

Ohpenmynde · 2018-03-29T20:51:23+00:00

This should have been easy but after some thought, everything I come up with isn't what makes a man masculine, it was what makes a man attractive to me. It isn't the same thing because each of those attractive traits I would find attractive (not sexually, I'm wired hetero) in a woman. So, I include my list and add, a man is masculine (and attractive) to the extent he holds some of the following traits to some noticeable degree PLUS he exudes the pheromones or whatever that ping my "I want this" radar:

emotionally mature
takes ownership of his own shit
dependable
has my back (also his friends', family's, small children's, and dog's)
has a strong moral compass which includes a belief in the fundamental equality and worth of all human beings
is passingly intelligent and recognizes that I am also and is cool with that
Can control his temper appropriately

SkookumTree · 2018-03-29T19:12:13+00:00

Physically, masculine men are tall, broad-shouldered, have thick body/facial hair, deep voices, narrow waists, deep-set eyes, square jaws, large hands/feet etc.

Behaviorally, masculine men are dominant, aggressive, territorial, mechanically minded, goal oriented, willing to take risks, and take ownership of the things and people in their lives.

The above behaviors can manifest in positive ways (hardworking, protective of loved ones) or negative ways (jealous, reckless, physically abusive.)

My tastes tend to fall on the masculine side, physically and behaviorally, but not extremely so.

Electra_Cute · 2018-03-29T18:40:44+00:00

Pugnaciousness, bravery, intelligent, arrogance, being close-minded, having compulsive obsessions, aggressiveness, disdain towards others, supercilious demeanor, racist attitudes, protective, independent, strong, responsible and humorous.

Physical traits would be height, defined facial features, larger hands, ears and all of those sexually dimorphic traits.

I do not know exactly what makes me find a male attractive to me.

[deleted] · 2018-03-29T21:25:20+00:00

a man who owns his shit.

you want be well off financially? own that shit.

you want to fuck bitches and fuck them over? own your shit.

a man who says one thing and can't live up to his own goals, vision or potential? who doesn't own his character and makes excuses? lame.

carefreevermillion · 2018-03-29T18:52:26+00:00

What defines physical masculinity - he's taller than me, stronger than me, lower body fat percentage than me, as close to 1 to 1 waist-hip ratio as possible, broad shoulders, etc., you get the point. The opposite of feminine.

What defines mental masculinity - he's confident about what he does and doesn't know, emotionally stable, stands up for his principles, honest even when it hurts, competitive, willing and able to initiate/lead. I definitely conflate this kind of masculinity with maturity.

Yes, I prefer men that fit these standards. If I wanted a feminine man I'd be a lesbian.

Lyanina · 2018-03-29T19:22:52+00:00

It's not something I think about when looking at guys, but thinking about it now I'd say a masculine guy is aggressive, competitive, confident, assertive, and protective (of what he sees as "his"). Physically, scent matters a lot. I would say broad shoulders, height (enhanced sexual dimorphism = masculine?) do too, more so than facial features (large jaw, wide face in general, thin lips).

Also, does he need to be masculine for you to be attracted to him?

Physically, no. I can be attracted to a masculine guy, but I'm also very reliably attracted to guys who don't seem that masculine at first glance -- the kind of person where you do a double take and wonder if it's a man or a woman. I do triple takes and get very interested, for some reason.

Personality? A healthy amount of assertiveness and confidence is probably necessary for me to feel attraction. I can take or leave the other traits I mentioned.

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Freethetreees · 2018-03-29T19:45:50+00:00

Personality traits:

Decisiveness, protectiveness, strength/athleticism, lack of risk aversion, impulsiveness, confidence, independence, xenophobia, good spatial awareness, competence, aggressiveness, competitiveness, handiness, industriousness, stoicism

Physical traits:

Tall height, broad shoulders, square jaw, large hands/feet, low body fat, low facial fat, deep voice, thick head/beard hair

I'm very attracted to masculine men. The downsides of masculine energy are super annoying, but you have to take the good with the bad. Confidence, competence, decisiveness, strength, stoicism and (the potential for) aggression are absolutely necessary for me to find a man attractive (in the long term). I want a man who I can trust to protect me and fight for me and be my rock in the turbulent sea of life. Masculine men are also more likely to be dominant in bed, which is a need for me.

yasee · 2018-03-29T20:24:26+00:00

Beards

PennnyLame · 2018-03-29T20:25:35+00:00

Emotional control/stoicism, physical strength/size, capability, leadership, and decisiveness. I like a healthy dose of this. It is not necessary that a man embody these 100% of the time or “go to 11” on them.

throtroyea · 2018-03-29T20:26:23+00:00

Not sure if this is specifically 'masculine'... I'd like a man to be confident, assertive, ambitous, humble and respectful. This all comes down to a man who is able to support himself as a well-rounded, likable person. Being co-dependend and insecure are very unattractive.

DebatePony · 2018-03-29T23:30:34+00:00

Lots of different things...mostly things that my husband does.

Playing video games, watching babies, and making dinner included.

ContrasexualWoman · 2018-03-30T01:59:34+00:00

I'm really not sure how to define masculine or feminine anymore without resorting to stereotypical behaviors or appearances. I know that I am not what people typically consider to be feminine, and my boyfriends aren't what most people would consider masculine (or at least not "Alpha" or "manly"). Given this, I guess it would be most accurate to say I prefer men who are slightly feminine by traditional standards.

belletaco · 2018-03-30T02:07:16+00:00

[deleted]

RockinSocksII · 2018-03-29T20:16:13+00:00

Someone's who aggressive, impulsive, quick to fight.

No, I don't like masculine man. I like my big softie. :)

kandyapplez · 2018-03-29T20:32:12+00:00

the ability and interest in providing for and protecting me.

[deleted] · 2018-03-29T22:23:48+00:00

Personality or physical? Because I like things that other women might not.

[deleted] · 2018-03-30T02:55:34+00:00

[deleted]

HystericalFunction · 2018-03-30T04:38:50+00:00

Confidence, competence, courage

Equalina · 2018-03-30T05:59:46+00:00

My tastes for more masculine or more feminine looking men fluctuate. Some days I will find the classic ‘pretty boy’ appealing, others I will think ‘meh’ about him and be more attracted to a heavier set, hairy guy...Probably related to hormones when I think about it. Some men go from one to the other as they age, which is cool! And others can chameleon between the two to some extent.

The best is a man who is masculine (tall-ish, broad, deep voice, determined, focused) who also has a softer side (not ashamed of showing emotions other than anger, patient, big hearted, thoughtful, good humoured). That’s the ideal combo but it’s not easy to find. If you pushed me to choose I’d prefer a man who is too macho vs one who is too ‘girly’. But lots of men have bits and pieces of both and it’s rather hard to unpack each individual trait - it’s how it all comes together.

Eartherry · 2018-03-30T06:14:15+00:00

An inherent lack of self-awareness, like how young children believe that they're invisible when they cover their eyes. Tribalistic, only the concerns of the tribe are worth addressing. Logical, pragmatism is inefficient.

darla10 · 2018-03-30T15:19:45+00:00

wide upper face, tall, broad back, big hands, predator eyes (not buggy), low voice, masculine posture (no slouching), swagger, idgaf vibe, relaxed/masterful in mixed company, some risk taking tendencies (jay walking, wrestling with the kids a little bit too rough for my taste, taking me on unconventional dates that involve a touch of danger). Physicality. Lots of physicality. Not a schlub.

[deleted] · 2018-03-31T07:34:14+00:00

takes charge, doesnt waste too much time making decisions, doesnt do decisions based on trying to please someone, isnt an asskisser, competitive professionally, caring in a intimate relationship (knows where to play what role - being aggressive and competitive towards hos partner is a weak pathetic trait and also a bit feminine (and don't get me wrong, it's a strong force of nature, but the role is reserved for whamen)).

gmanex · 2018-03-29T20:04:02+00:00

Height

Title	Q4Women: What makes a man masculine to you?
Author	lemonfloss
Upvotes	6
Comments	234
Date	March 29, 2018 6:26 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/883nzk/q4women_what_makes_a_man_masculine_to_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4women-what-makes-a-man-masculine-to-you.263074 https://theredarchive.com/post/263074

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