Would you consider it a deal breaker if your bf/gf/wife/husband etc. went to a prostitute prior to meeting you? [AskTPB]

crumblesnatch · 2017-12-18T14:16:20+00:00

It depends.

Street hooker while on cocaine? Ehhh, I'm not into that guy. He seems like a risk-taker. No thanks. Not a deal breaker, but I'd need a record of changed behaviour. "It's been ten years, and I'm not in that scene anymore..." etc.

Australian brothel while on a boys' holiday? What the fuck ever, have fun.

misunderstood_9gager · 2017-12-18T14:30:32+00:00

The real dealbreaker would be the fact that he told me about it.

But if I found out some other way, meh, probably not. I would be grossed out but I don't think it'd be a breakup/divorce-worthy offense.

sublimemongrel · 2017-12-18T14:46:17+00:00

Maybe, I would find it gross. If he told me NOW, 4 years after marriage I’d probably laugh.

eliechallita · 2017-12-18T18:24:05+00:00

I wouldn't, as long as they didn't catch some incurable STD out of it like AIDS.

In fact I'd be pretty curious to know why they went to one, if it was for vanilla sex, companionship, or some form of kink, if they have any desire to go to one again, etc. Basically my first reaction would be curiosity.

haunting-you · 2017-12-18T15:23:55+00:00

perhaps not, but i’d be more than a little disgusted. it would be tough to work through.

truedemocracy3 · 2017-12-18T16:47:50+00:00

I dont know how there is any answer to this question other than 'Absolutely that is a deal breaker'

wtknight · 2017-12-18T16:53:07+00:00

I don't like women who are or were into casual sex, and I would include prostitution in that category. Anyone who has had casual sex including prostitution more than once is a deal breaker for me due to us likely having incompatible personalities.

ivegotsomequestions0 · 2017-12-18T23:45:11+00:00

I guess I'm in the tiny minority. Wouldn't care in the least. Would not view it as a red flag. This has actually come up before and it was fine.

misunderstood_9gager · 2017-12-18T18:30:38+00:00

Women don’t go to prostitutes, they go to the bouncer at the club, the bartender, the Dj, the athlete.

Most women are light prostitutes anyways

RockinSocksII · 2017-12-18T15:59:38+00:00

misunderstood_9gager · 2017-12-18T16:35:13+00:00

No, I don't think I'd be bothered by it. I'd be curious about why they went tho. Don't often hear about women seeing prostitutes.

762Rifleman · 2017-12-19T12:40:15+00:00

Only if it were something unethical or dangerous, like patronizing an underage one, or doing one raw, or having a street action habit.

Legal brothel visits, escort appointments, massage parlors? No problem.

I am personally pro sex work and don't see any real problem with the idea of exchanging sex or "companionship" for money. If our society exalts jobs that bring death and pain (the reality is we praise our security services, despite all the uncomfortable wreckage they leave behind by unfortunate necessity, and I say this as a pro-LE guy with at least a bit of warrior spirit), then why does it hate jobs that instead spread pleasure and happiness?

LSTW1234 · 2017-12-18T14:51:59+00:00

It would be a red flag but not a deal breaker.

The reason it would be a red flag is because it’s important to me that my SO is very giving sexually, I need a guy who gets off on my pleasure as much as his own. When you pay for sex there’s a huge chance that she doesn’t actually want it and that she’s putting on a show for you instead of genuinely enjoying herself. I personally could never ever enjoy that and I’d have trouble accepting the fact that he could.

The reason it’s not an immediate deal breaker is because it depends on context. Like maybe he tried it and hated it, maybe it was a novelty thing, etc. Also, if I’m already sleeping with him and there’s no other reason to believe he’s a selfish lover, I wouldn’t let this one thing overshadow everything else.

PBRScagsquad · 2017-12-18T14:23:26+00:00

Probably but that is just my preference. Though it's not really a major concern of mine.

InformalCriticism · 2017-12-18T15:55:50+00:00

I don't think women go to prostitutes when they're young, because they don't have to, and a man will do almost anything on the spectrum of female sexuality. That being said, I would judge a girl pretty hard if it came out that she was paying for sex before me, and it would probably spoil any thoughts I had for long term relationships. On second thought, if she wore it on her sleeve and blew my mind in bed, maybe I'd be able to look past it for a few years.

Maybe the thinking I have about it is more along the lines of "did she learn anything from it/did it make her a better person for me to enjoy, or did it expose some deep seeded character flaws I missed before?"

fauxtato-lay · 2017-12-18T18:29:55+00:00

Yes. If I found out my fiancé ever went to a prostitute I’d leave him immediately.

Orange_Paisley · 2017-12-18T19:14:42+00:00

I wouldn't consider it a dealbreaker if it was a one or two time thing. If he was a regular John, I might.

jtown8673877158 · 2017-12-18T20:10:52+00:00

maybe, likely, because of the reality of what prostitution is almost all of the time. plus STI risk.

thinkytoes · 2017-12-18T22:47:20+00:00

Hmm.

In most instances, I would think less of him for it. So why he did it matters.

Guys trip? Extremely busy and traveling alot? Can't get anyone interested? Poor sense of self? Is it a sexy kink? Etc.

A deal breaker? Maybe not. But if he had a habit or he presents with that general attitude of thinking he can pay for me to do xyz, we probably wouldn't make it to Christmas.

I guess another way to say it is if he seemed he needed to go that route because he had no other options or some sort of deficit, it would be a turn off.

RooseChange · 2017-12-18T14:38:54+00:00

I've seen this question pop up many times with regards to men.

Women often put up a front citing disgust over abuse that exists within the profession, but this negative reaction is just a proxy for learning that the man was, or possibly still is, socially bankrupt. That he had to resort to prostitution because he wasn't good enough to get laid on his own. Essentially, he has failed to live up to his gender role and failed as a man.

Basically, it's OK if you're with the guys at a bachelor party but it's sad and disgusting and would change the dynamic of your relationship if you're resorting to it out of loneliness.

Electra_Cute · 2017-12-18T16:11:03+00:00

I would find it very disgusting, but I think I could live with it and I would never want to hear anything about it.

GridReXX · 2017-12-18T16:13:21+00:00

No.

I take that back.

Yes.

I would find myself more turned off but sad for him if he hired because he literally had no options for sex or intimacy ever. Like flying all the way to Asia or wherever because he’s such a “lame” here.

I would shrug if he hired a high end escort in NYC just because she was guaranteed hot and guaranteed to be discreet.

rys_znaki · 2017-12-18T16:41:30+00:00

I wouldn't have any problems with it- I wouldn't think it was gross, it wouldn't be a red flag. I'm actually kind of shocked how many people in this thread do care.

ktkatq · 2017-12-18T14:25:58+00:00

Ex-husband has sex with a prostitute in Thailand, which made me uncomfortable because it was probably higher risk for diseases, and because the poor woman was probably trafficked or otherwise coerced.

Husband now hired an escort in DC before we met. I’m totally fine with it, since that seems a much lower likelihood for STIs and exploitation.

Princeso_Bubblegum · 2017-12-18T14:30:00+00:00

I really couldn't care, I would just make fun of them for the rest of eternity about it.

a_mans_perspective · 2017-12-18T16:42:12+00:00

Would be for me. What kind of woman goes to a prostitute? Ive barely even heard of it happening

theambivalentrooster · 2017-12-18T17:12:53+00:00

Did you get this from 90 day fiancé?

Also hahhaha at the idea of my wife seeing a male prostitute.

DebatePony · 2017-12-18T17:52:15+00:00

Yes, because we were 13 when we met and 14 when we started dating. That's just gross.

mistresswhat · 2017-12-19T07:11:35+00:00

I wouldn't care. My last boyfriend lost his virginity to a sex worker and had seen a few since then.

I'd dump someone in a heartbeat if I found out he'd booked a session and then no-showed or been awful to the worker. But if he was a good client idgaf.

I'm a sex worker myself, which does affect my opinion but I don't think it would have bothered me before I started doing sex work, either.

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SkookumTree · 2017-12-18T15:28:16+00:00

I'm a heterosexual man. I'd consider it rather odd that my girlfriend had visited a prostitute, and rather sad really. I've heard that male prostitutes that service female customers exist, and that they're very fit, good-looking, and well-educated. I don't think the dude's getting exploited, but she was probably very lonely and somewhat OK with casual sex.

xKalisto · 2017-12-18T15:47:21+00:00

I was bit confused as in RIGHT BEFORE WE HAD A MEET UP SOMEWHERE? I think the question is phrased bit awkwardly.

But no under condition that I would have to know about it and would have him tested. But if we're steady I would want that even if it was ladies he didn't pay.

oneandforall · 2017-12-18T18:14:25+00:00

No, probably just disgusted. My ex got a BJ from a stripper during some bachelor party in Mexico while we were dating (like 6 months into the relationship). He told me as soon as he got back.

I was just disgusted and wished that he hadn't told me. It didn't have any effect on the relationship though. And it never really came up again nor did it change my opinion of him.

I guess that's kind of different than needing to see a prostitute to get sex though, which I would see as desperate.

pinkgoldrose · 2017-12-18T18:50:15+00:00

Yes. I would think he's a sad pathetic loser for paying for sex (I have no problem with a virgin, but if he's paying for sex it suggests he's obsessed with sex, and I wonder why he doesn't have better things to do) and I also think it's sad to use women like that (even if the woman is totally free and doing it because she likes it, it seems pretty sad/trashy to me that she's selling her body meat and that she has nothing better to do). It kind of removes everything that's beautiful about sex (love, intimacy, trust) and reduces it to monkey level (though maybe monkeys can be very intimate, I'm not an expert).

It might be okay if it's not premeditated. Like if it's a funny story of him with his friends getting drunk in Goa and next thing he knows he's having sex with a prostitute and there's a twist like she has only one eye. I think someone told me a story like that once and although I should have been really sad for the woman, the sheer absurdity of the situation made it funny. Thinking of it now that I'm writing this, it's likely the woman got acid thrown in her face by her husband and had to flee to the streets... But anyway, the guy didn't really want to hire a prostitute, it just sort of happened.

Basically I wouldn't be okay with someone who thought about it and decided it was a good idea to hire a prostitute. Because then we have different values and jugement. If it was a lapse of jugement or doing it to make his buddies laugh (peer pressure), it might be excusable.

Edit: Would you consider it a deal breaker if your bf/gf/husband/wife was a prostitute prior to meeting you?

misunderstood_9gager · 2017-12-18T19:12:35+00:00

I’d be grossed out. But dealbreaker? I don’t know about that- I’d have to be not too into him to hamster it away.

Theseus_The_King · 2017-12-20T02:26:25+00:00

No, not really. I don't see what difference it would make.

prodigy2throw · 2017-12-18T18:48:32+00:00

I wouldn’t wife an ugly bitch

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2017-12-19T00:26:25+00:00

I would.

Title	Would you consider it a deal breaker if your bf/gf/wife/husband etc. went to a prostitute prior to meeting you? [AskTPB]
Author	misunderstood_9gager
Upvotes	6
Comments	254
Date	December 18, 2017 2:10 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/7klf9o/would_you_consider_it_a_deal_breaker_if_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-consider-it-a-deal-breaker-if-your.264444 https://theredarchive.com/post/264444

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