How do Daddy Issues affect attraction and relationships?

SlimLovin · 2017-09-22T17:43:08+00:00

In a sense I personally find it comforting too to know that even when 40+ there will always be young women with daddy issues that will want me.

This is some serious creep-talk.

figthief · 2017-09-22T17:58:46+00:00

Personally I've found that women who grow up fatherless perceive the world as unsafe, and seek out partners who can offer protection but lack other assets. I don't mean paternal measured protection. I mean these males are better suited for a less socialized world with more male intrasexual violence and LESS paternal involvement.

basically psychology is like epigenetics for complex social animals. women who grow up fatherless or in certain environments develop attraction cues suited for that environment. in this case women are best off seeking the type male who is best able to defend a territory and developing a fluid allegiance to him until he is supplanted. in such places male economic contribution is null because the intrasexual competion consumes more attention.

I don't think such women are seeking a father figure. if they show a tendency to date older men it is because such men fill that slot for a certain type of environment.

I have no data I am spitballing

Littleknownfacts · 2017-09-22T17:13:45+00:00

This then has some quite interesting implications for men when they meet a woman. Women with daddy issues, especially unresolved ones, will seek a relationship partner that addresses this need. Meaning, a dominant protective man capable of violence and love, that is reasonably stern, becomes viscerally attractive, appealing, desired.

I don't understand how you came to this conclusion. Particularly for women with over barring and harsh fathers. Wouldn't they look for the opposite? A soft man with no backbone that they can walk over?

Do you recognize your own daddy issues if you have them? When or how did you become aware?

Oh boy, I'm like the queen of daddy issues. Always knew it too.

Do you notice yourself seeking a partner that addresses them?

Yes. Luckily my dad is above and beyond what most guys are capable of. It was rather easy to find a man that was below my threshold of 'yelling too much'.

Do you think daddy issues have any association with someone being more red pill or blue pill?

Probably not. It really depends on the kind of issues.

Do you look for men that do take on the protective stern father figure? Do you think it is tied to possible daddy issues if so?

No. I always went for the goofy, silly, dad-joke type father figures, the kind you'd see on loving family sitcoms. +2 points if he's wearing a Hawiian shirt.

If you've dated some men that were and some that weren't, how did the relationships compare?

Nope, always gravitated towards silly animated guys. Stern men, angry men, even just a-violence-for-fun kinda guy made my stomach wrench.

How have you managed the fear or anxiety if you're not the more fearless sort when not in a relationship?

I am the fearless type as you described, even if it doesn't sound like it by my descriptions lol. My biggest regret to this day is just not giving my dad a good ol' punch to the head. Avoiding other hot-headed men is a form of self-preservation.

If you don't have daddy issues, do you find men that attempt to take on the father figure role as unattractive?

N/A

eatthemenu · 2017-09-22T17:47:30+00:00

And I'm done. This sub is just full of pseudoscientific nonsense and the people that gobble it up like candy. Fucks sake.

crumblesnatch · 2017-09-22T17:35:47+00:00

To both:

Do you recognize your own daddy issues if you have them? When or how did you become aware?

Do you notice yourself seeking a partner that addresses them?

Do you think daddy issues have any association with someone being more red pill or blue pill?

I certainly idolize my dad and think he's the best human alive. I acknowledge that's a biased opinion. I don't think it's an "issue." Some people are probably icked out that I call him "daddy", but it's what I've always called him when speaking to him. (When speaking to others, I say "dad".) Tbf, I call my mother "mummy" when addressing her, as well. This might be a class thing, as I've noticed it in other upper-middle WASPy families as well.
I go for guys who are like my father in personality, and because my dad is fucking awesome, most of the guys I've dated have been as well. My husband certainly is.
Hm, not sure. Could go either way.

Women:

Do you look for men that do take on the protective stern father figure? Do you think it is tied to possible daddy issues if so?

If you've dated some men that were and some that weren't, how did the relationships compare?

How have you managed the fear or anxiety if you're not the more fearless sort when not in a relationship?

If you don't have daddy issues, do you find men that attempt to take on the father figure role as unattractive?

Nope. My dad wasn't stern (just had a resting angry face, though he was rarely angry ever). I think I could count on one hand the amount of times he scolded me -- I feared his disappointment, and have always worked hard to reflect well on him. He was about as protective as any dad is of his "baby girl," but he also encouraged critical thinking, and taught me the harsh realities of life. I remember being five or six and asking him if we were "the good guys," and he thought it over and gave a very nuanced answer about how all people have the capacity to do bad things, and being good can be a worthwhile struggle. I am more attracted to men with that same sense of justice and moral nuance.
One, my first boyfriend in high school, didn't fall into the dad mold. He was an edgy bass player in a band, and I was all doe-eyed for his long hair and "mysterious" ways. It couldn't last. I'm too practical of a person to date someone like that for long; eventually I started asking, "but what do you want to do in five years? What are your plans?" I want kids and a steady income and to pay into my pension; supporting a jazz-funk artist didn't fit with that vision. The men I've dated seriously as an adult had more of my dad's personality -- responsible, level-headed, softspoken, very intelligent. My dad's pretty tradcon (though not politcally conservative), and I married at 24 and have pretty traditional roles in my marriage.
Not sure what this means, exactly. I rarely struggle with anxiety about relationships. I don't talk to my exes, but I have no ill-will toward them. They were sweethearts, and good men, but our life plans didn't match or our communication styles were too different to make productive arguments. I have no reason to be anxious about my husband. I've never checked his phone, I don't know his passwords. I trust him, no fear involved.
Yes. If my husband started acting like a "father figure," I would laugh in his face. I'm an adult, I expect to have reasonable discussions.

Sunhappy_DC · 2017-09-22T17:08:56+00:00

i literally never once cared about the family issues or family background of any person i've dated ever. it has literally zero weight in my decision to date them.

TheBookOfSeil · 2017-09-22T19:21:47+00:00

Uhm...... Pardon if I may, but you might be confusing "daddy/mommy issues" with "strong attraction for someone who will potentially be a good father/mother."

People who have "issues" haven't gotten over those issues, and are dependent on certain people to satisfy the psychological desire for those issues.

Seeking out someone because they are good parent material isn't exactly the same argument.

Prince-Noctis · 2017-09-22T17:51:53+00:00

I have a ton of anxiety that I take medication and attend therapy for. Anyone I'm in a relationship with is not intended to be my therapist or my caretaker, so it's roughly the same when not in a relationship.

I do not look for the type of men you describe, but then again I have mother issues instead.

bornredd · 2017-09-22T20:29:58+00:00

Do you recognize your own daddy issues if you have them? When or how did you become aware?

No, My dad was ok other than being an enabler for my mother. She is a nightmare and I have tons of mommy issues.

Do you notice yourself seeking a partner that addresses them?

I am not sure what you mean. I married a woman who is an excellent mother for my kids.

Do you think daddy issues have any association with someone being more red pill or blue pill?

I think the vast majority of TRP users have daddy issues because most of them were not taught how to be men. I was taught that by my father, I just had issues with women thanks to my mom's abuse.

Have you dated a woman with daddy issues?

Many.

What was it like?

The ones who were abused were crazy in bed.

The ones who were ignored tended to be more sexually reserved.

The ones who acted all childlike (including baby voice) got nexted with extreme prejudice.

How did you know she had them, did you like taking on such a role?

If you are fucking a girl enough times she usually brings it up. I don't enjoy being my partner's father figure though. Dominant, absolutely - but being "daddy" to an adult is creepy. I prefer "Sir" if she insists on having a title for me.

Do you prefer women with or without daddy issues?

I married one with pretty severe daddy issues, but she doesn't use me as a proxy for him.

couldbemage · 2017-09-23T02:05:21+00:00

My newest partner started out calling me Daddy, in the BDSM sense. But she has since slipped into just calling me dad fairly often.

I like our relationship. She makes me happy.

She wanted to date a guy old enough to be her father, which was some sort of clue. And it was all over her felife account. I normally take some sort of Dom type role.

I can take or leave the Daddy role, but I'm pretty set on being a Dom.

theiamsamurai · 2017-09-22T17:13:25+00:00

Have you dated a woman with daddy issues?

Yes.

What was it like?

They come on strong and cling to you, and displace their feelings for their dad towards you: Initially it's affection, then anger if they have any. Usually the relationship would end before it got to the anger phase, because I'd purposely act feminine to turn them off, and hence, not like their dad.

How did you know she had them, did you like taking on such a role?

They talked about their father in a certain way, or I tested them by becoming feminine and seeing if it would turn them off. For the record, I think most women have daddy issues in some form and of varying severity, I think Freud was the first one to propose this. The affection was nice, I guess, but I don't really like being pigeonholed and restricted in my behavior, I voiced this as a potential concern to some of them, and they of course, dismissed it as a non-issue, and denied the idea of me being restricted.

Do you prefer women with or without daddy issues?

Without. It's not like I have a choice though.

Butt-Factory · 2017-09-22T17:34:09+00:00

It depends on the person. My mom had a magnificently horrible father and ended up with a very stable and loving marriage. Some people with shitty dads never recover and make terrible choices all their lives.

pill_throwawaybrp · 2017-09-22T17:35:26+00:00

Do you prefer women with or without daddy issues?

Without. My mother is/was a daddy issues woman. She nags and complains like any woman does, but makes sure that she's not responsible for anything so that she can't be blamed for it/can blame someone else for it, even when she's the one who pushed for it or suggested it in the first place, and demands you handle everything or make every decision for her even though she insists on being in charge. It's all the negatives of being a parent (someone who won't listen to you/thinks they know better even when they don't and has uncontrolled emotional outbursts, but you're still responsible for) and none of the positives (at least as a parent, you have control and power over your kids, you don't have any over a grown adult).

Guys who think they can be a big tough protector for these women or think that it makes them submissive, it doesn't. They're never protected enough, so you'll just face a relentless barrage of their bullshit. They're not in your corner and won't help you when you need to be defended, because they need you to be defending them instead.

decoy88 · 2017-09-22T20:11:54+00:00

both:

Do you recognize your own daddy issues if you have them? When or how did you become aware?

I know my dad well. Have a great relationship. No daddy issues.

Do you notice yourself seeking a partner that addresses them?

N/A

Do you think daddy issues have any association with someone being more red pill or blue pill?

Yes. I find the men most concerned with "How to be a man" did not know their fathers well

Also, lack of father figure means it could be bad advice from woman that turns a boy into a nice guyTM

Men:

Have you dated a woman with daddy issues?

Yes, more than one.

What was it like?

Exhausting. Always wanting to be treated and cared for. No agency, hated making decisions, passive, insecure, never admitted responsibility of actions and frequently used emotional defences.

Every bit of AWALT red pill describes. Felt like dating a teenager. I had to read her mind, anticipate needs, and make decisions on her behalf. I could never ask a question and get a straight answer.

Ironically, never acted this way around other women.

How did you know she had them, did you like taking on such a role?

She admitted as much. Often lamented missing out on having a dad. When discussed, her ideas on what a boyfriend should be sounded eerily like what a parent should be.

Do you prefer women with or without daddy issues?

Without, I might even go as far as to only date women that know both their parents because of it.

I'm child free so this likely influences my tolerance level. But I also grew up in a household with capable women who acted like adults (who coincidently, also knew their fathers).

shoup88 · 2017-09-22T21:08:07+00:00

As the oldest child of a large blended family, my father and I have always had more of an equal relationship than the traditional father/daughter. We're close, but I've always understood he is a human being with flaws and imperfections - not a superhero. I'm not left wanting by my childhood. As such, I wouldn't say I really have daddy issues of any kind. While I can't speak for women who do, I think there's a lot of truth to your post. People try to resolve or recreate the dynamic they had at home, so it makes sense that a woman who lacked a healthy father figure would search for this as an adult. It's pretty rare for a person's relationship to be a complete 180 of their parent's. I'm not looking for a father figure in my partner, but I do need someone who can take care of themselves. In other words, I'm not going to be their mother either. My relationship is two people who mostly do their own thing but consult with each other on the big stuff. In other words, an awful lot like my divorced parents.

LewisCross · 2017-09-22T21:17:52+00:00

Have you dated a woman with daddy issues?

yeah.

What was it like?

Horrible. She had a volcanic temper and uncontrollable emotions.

How did you know she had them, did you like taking on such a role?

See above, that's how I knew she had them. No, I didn't like basically being her punching bag and her outlet for all her anger against her dad.

Do you prefer women with or without daddy issues?

Strongly prefer women without daddy issues.

Though I'm not sure that daddy issues arise the way you describe in all instances. In addition to what you described, what I see are women with daddy issues because dad wasn't around. Their daddy issues revolve around fears of abandonment.

I've also seen women with daddy issues because daddy is harsh, but this doesn't cause her to want a dominant violent man. It causes her to reject violent men in favor of weak pussybitches she can control. She figures "daddy is too hard on me and mom. No fuckin way am I going to put up with a guy who treats me like dad treated mom."

Then there are daddy issues that arise because daddy can't figure out what cupcake wants/ needs. Those girls have sexual identity/orientation issues.

TheChemist158 · 2017-09-22T23:43:38+00:00

I'm sick with the flu so don't mind my ramblings here.

I never had a dad to speak of. I was a planned bastard, where my mom and dad got together and had a baby with the intention of my dad never being around. She wanted a baby, he wanted sex, case closed. Of course my mom still slapped him with child support when I was just a year old. But I suppose I shouldn't be too judgemental of the circumstances that brought me into life, eh?

As a young kid I wanted my dad to 'move in with my mom' and he a proper dad but I dropped that right fast. I don't know, I guess I started looking at my peers, how their parents would fight and scream. My household of one mom and one grandmother who never fought just seemed more loving and stable. If my grandmother played the traditional mother role of watching us and feeding us, I suppose that would make my mother if the father figure? She was, and still is, a push over. Bad at punishing and caves way too fast. But I was born one of those kids that loved authority and rules. Still, I grew up without much parental supervision. No one made my brush my teeth, get to bed at a certain time, or eat my veggies. I eventually started doing those things on my own. As I was a late child and entered my teens I was getting pretty proficient at running my own life. I did my homework unprompted, went to bed early, got up at 6 am, did laundry, proper dental hygiene, cooked my own food, signed up community college classes while in high school.

My dad was vaguely around. He visited me maybe ten times in my childhood? Phones calls for Christmas. It worked out fine, but something odd happened at I approached my 18th birthday. It was like something clicked in his head. He has two bastard kids that I know of (a dislike of condoms and ease of bedding women, along with a 20 year difference between me and my half brother? I doubt the real count is just 2) and wasn't active in either kid's life. Maybe he thought that hey, he's 60's, and this might be his last chance at being a dad. The months preceding my 18th birthday were filled with phone calls, promises of visits (which he would often do, but never follow through). He's been more active, calling me a handful of times a year and we try to visit once every year. But he still seems to want to be a dad to a kid even though I'm well into my 20's, and wasn't even much of a kid when I was a kid. He's tries to be a stern, disciplining father figure at times, insisting that I do this or that. He always tries to coddle me at other times, making sure everything is in line for me. And it rubs me the wrong way because I'm an adult, he doesn't put a roof over my head or give me any money or anything. We are two adults visiting each other. I also am fully able to buy my own groceries, cook my own food, and get up early. I'm not a kid anymore, he has utterly missed the chance of being a father figure. Our relationship is strained but it could be so much better if he just accepted that and treated me like his adult kid.

But that's not so much a response to your questions but my life story. I make it no secret here that I don't date much. I've had two boyfriends, and my first one was in high school with a number of relationship issues. My second, and ongoing one, doesn't have him as much of a father figure. I tend to be the one organizing more shit than him. Doctors appointments, social outings, dinner, things like that. He in no way fulfills any kind of picture of a father figure, which is nice. As I mentioned, I like control of my life and it creates friction when another person wants control of me. Oh, also,

How have you managed the fear or anxiety if you're not the more fearless sort when not in a relationship?

For my teen years and early 20's, pure will power. At point I'm on medications which I love. It takes much less effort to do the same stuff.

StayAtHomeChad · 2017-09-22T17:19:28+00:00

I was raised by a single mom because my mom was too stupid to abort me when she was pregnant at 15. I used to hate her because I thought she made my dad go away and she always left me at home with my grandma when I was at school, then when she was ready she just pulled me away from my grandma.

I had a stepdad when my mom got married, the guy was an ex-military hardass, that helped me a lot, but I still had emotional scars from my childhood to deal with and I still do. I feel like I ruined my moms life sometimes because she got pregnant with me.

I ended up meeting my real dad not too long ago, he doesn't a give shit about me at all, he said he could me a pretty good job if I wanted to move up there, turns out I also had a sister, that was pretty cool to meet her, also turns out he has like 100 other bastard children.

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monkeysinmypocket · 2017-09-22T21:36:43+00:00

Citation needed.

ClarityofDisaster · 2017-09-22T21:40:40+00:00

Do you recognize your own daddy issues if you have them? When or how did you become aware?

Since about age 12 or so. That's when I decided that adults couldn't necessarily be trusted to not hurt you, and it is better to plan out ways to care for yourself.

Do you notice yourself seeking a partner that addresses them?

Somewhat? I'm the "fearless" type so I am attracted to men who are emotionally open and are comfortable sharing that vulnerability with me. I am happiest being the provider and protector in my relationship, which both my father and stepfather utterly failed at.

Do you think daddy issues have any association with someone being more red pill or blue pill?

No.

Do you look for men that do take on the protective stern father figure? Do you think it is tied to possible daddy issues if so?

No. I'm stern enough on myself. I look for men who are light-hearted, fun loving, extroverted without being partygoers or drinkers, who act silly in public. My fwb is amazing at being the "child" I wish I could allow myself to be, even though I'm 33 and he's 48.

If you've dated some men that were and some that weren't, how did the relationships compare?

Men that try to be protective, domineering, stern, or take on a "daddy" role (outside of bedroom play) aren't what I'm looking for. So those relationships only lasted a few weeks at most.

whichbladeN · 2017-09-22T22:46:59+00:00

Mommy issues are worse.

Any woman who gets into yelling matches with her own mother is usually quite unstable.

Unabummer80 · 2017-09-22T23:25:07+00:00

It's perhaps more pertinent these days to talk about how so many guys are going for a mummy figure in older women. Especially seeing as how the women will usually have missed out on having kids themselves.

Does dating a toyboy let them fill the gap of never having a son? Guys who are into older women tend to be soft as shit so perhaps they have mummy issues.

DebatePony · 2017-09-23T01:06:59+00:00

Do you recognize your own daddy issues if you have them? When or how did you become aware?

Yeah, I have some. Probably in high school.

Do you notice yourself seeking a partner that addresses them?

No.

Do you think daddy issues have any association with someone being more red pill or blue pill?

Ummm, no.

Do you look for men that do take on the protective stern father figure? Do you think it is tied to possible daddy issues if so?

No, my husband is a very loving and wonderful man and person.

If you've dated some men that were and some that weren't, how did the relationships compare?

I only ever dated my husband.

How have you managed the fear or anxiety if you're not the more fearless sort when not in a relationship?

Umm, I guess by being an adult and dealing with my shit.

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2017-09-24T19:52:50+00:00

Heh,no, I avoid menz like the plague. Just like this op, such plague..eww. Seek help, mate.

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2017-09-24T19:55:56+00:00

This op reeks of male entitlement. "They'll want my saggy fee fee even when Im 500+.." wishful thinking, fam. Spoken like a atrue low smv man.

notworthmuch20xx · 2017-09-22T16:55:11+00:00

Daddy issues = run away. Every single time

Title	How do Daddy Issues affect attraction and relationships?
Author	Love8Death
Upvotes	9
Comments	239
Date	September 22, 2017 4:54 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/71samc/how_do_daddy_issues_affect_attraction_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-daddy-issues-affect-attraction-and.265963 https://theredarchive.com/post/265963

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