Do you consider your SO when making decisions or nah?

EchoZeroEleven · 2017-08-16T15:21:00+00:00

I think that's a good thing to take into account, but only when the relationship is serious

otherwise, I'll just do as I please

BPremium · 2017-08-16T15:26:10+00:00

You kidding? I know so many men with SOs that have to "check in with the warden" to do anything but go to work and home. A ton of men consider their SO before themselves.

The only men that dont seem to care are those with enough options to replace said SO.

VermiciousKnidzz · 2017-08-16T16:07:06+00:00

if your decision affects someone else of course they should be considered. personally i lean on my SO for advice and thoughts.

theres a difference between having consideration for someone else and asking permission. ill grab drinks with friends after work and let her know/invite her but i wont ask for permission. same for the other way around.

if one of us were thinking about a decision that would involve relocating or something that would entail a long conversation about what we both want and what is best for us as a couple and individuals

WestsideMoonWalker · 2017-08-16T15:42:54+00:00

At this point, my girlfriend and I both make our major decisions together. Minor stuff doesn't really matter much. We usually communicate throughout the day and run most things by each other anyway, and tend to involve each other throughout our decision making processes since we both like to get outside input as well. It turns out we are very similar in that regard.

wtknight · 2017-08-16T15:23:17+00:00

I definitely do. I even sacrificed my own career once for what a woman wanted because I was afraid of losing her. That was a long time in the past though and now every important decision my wife and I make as a family is done through discussion and compromise.

Unabummer80 · 2017-08-16T16:11:15+00:00

I think men are more self interested than women and make decisions first and just hope their SOs are on board. Compare this to women where before making a decision, they consider how the decision could affect their loved ones.

If you're talking about a guy with a family then no. He'd have to figure out his sales pitch to his family.

DaThrowaway808 · 2017-08-16T18:34:59+00:00

I've seen just as many men and women do both, ranging from little decisions to big ones. It all has to do with the already established relationship dynamic and their own future time orientation.

In your own example, it's most likely because the man has a higher paying job and the woman has a more transitional job. Do you think a man would make the decision to move if his wife was a CEO? On the same token, if the man was a bartender and the wife was a CEO, then do you think the woman would spend the time to check in with the man if the decision needed to be decisive?

I also agree with the others who have said, using "checking in with the wife" as an excuse to buy time for decision making. As an introvert, I will select not to go to events I'm only partially interested in if certain extrovert friends will not be attending. I will use "checking in with my wife" as an excuse to buy time to see the responses of others.

bananakjones · 2017-08-16T19:47:47+00:00

Of course I consider my significant other when making decisions. To do otherwise would be absolutely selfish of me.

eliechallita · 2017-08-16T20:59:43+00:00

Depends on whether the decision is going to affect the SO or not.

No need to involve her when I'm deciding what to have for lunch, or spend trivial amounts of money, but I would involve her before making a major decision like switching jobs, moving, or handling a very large sum.

We're in a committed relationship and I expect this thing to last, so I wouldn't want to make decisions that would jeopardize that without talking it out with her, and she does the same with me.

On a more personal level, I usually seek out her advice on these decisions to begin with because I trust her judgment and appreciate a second opinion.

Tyler_Gatsby · 2017-08-16T15:34:31+00:00

I always consider others' needs above my own, historically to a fault. As I've grown, I do tend to look more for me now though. I may ask her opinion, or avoid it to just do what I want now.

LewisCross · 2017-08-16T16:47:23+00:00

On major decisions, yes.

On minor decisions, not much or not at all.

Yes:

--major purchases like new car, new appliance, spending lots of $ on a wardrobe, etc.

--where we'll live, moving, etc.

--taking any new job

This doesn't mean I ask permission; and it doesn't mean I defer. If there's a fundamental disagreement, we go with what I think. But I consider carefully Mrs. Cross' input.

No:

--what to eat for lunch.

--when to get up/go to bed.

--where to go for dinner/dates.

--how to do my job.

--how to conduct relationships with other family members from my family of origin/Mrs. Cross' family of origin.

--what TV shows I watch/should watch.

Merger-Arbitrage · 2017-08-17T03:59:14+00:00

If it can affect her in a meaningful way, then definitely? What the hell kind of question is that, seriously? Pretty much anyone in an LTR that's lasted will answer the same way.

GridReXX · 2017-08-18T02:21:16+00:00

Welp. I just took a new job in a new city thousands of miles away.

I'm not married and I don't have kids though. Yes I'm dating someone, but I took the opportunity precisely because I know when I am married with kids it won't be a feasible option.

Though my new coworker has a husband and children and they moved with her across the country as well.

I'm sure they discussed it in detail and it aligned with his goals as well.

Additionally I really haven't experienced male relatives having an attitude of "welp I got a new job someplace far the wife will have to deal." Usually either spouse pitches it to the other in a compelling way and they make a joint decision.

My only uncle who made moving decisions like that was in the military. And my aunt married him knowing they would have to pick and move all around the world whenever he got new base orders.

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Relegated_Interest · 2017-08-16T15:46:56+00:00

I don't have an SO, so no.

Bottom0ftheBarrel · 2017-08-16T16:10:09+00:00

I think that's generally been true but it's changing now that women are getting as career-oriented as men are.

despisedlove2 · 2017-08-17T02:59:09+00:00

I think men are more self interested than women and make decisions first and just hope their SOs are on board. Compare this to women where before making a decision, they consider how the decision could affect their loved ones.

You mean, like recreational divorce?

Entropy-7 · 2017-08-17T05:10:05+00:00

Regarding changing jobs and locations, there is a mutual self-interest involved because guys are more likely to be offered these sorts of promotions, and they tend to get a better boost in pay than what women are offered. In general, women do not seek out these opportunites.

Macheako · 2017-08-18T19:31:17+00:00

You're on the right track, but, it looks like you're only hitting the surface of "what's actually going on".

I personally understand it like this. Men, well, REAL Men lol, don't care about "image". That is, HOW the world around them sees them. They should care about getting shit done, and doing what they know is right, period. If you see someone getting hurt but helping them might cause people to like you less cause the person getting hurt isn't well liked.........what do you do? Me, I say "fuck those ass holes" and I would more than likely go and help the dude (if I thought it was the "right" thing to do). I don't give a shit how people perceive me. I am what the fuck I am and NOTHING someone fucking says with their pathetic ass opinion could change that.....nothing. The Truth stands after every man has fallen, and that's why I think for Men, the most important virtue is Truth.

Now with women, their most important virtue is Love, or, being bonded with those she cares about. Women have a MUCH harder time being disliked than men. No question. They HATE being looked down on. So women desperately want to keep their "image" among those they care about and those who care about them. So in order to keep those bonds women have to seek validation from the group before they go ahead with their plans. Where as, a man is solely concerned with "doing what's right for the group" which, as we ALL know, can sometimes be hard for everyone to fully understand or appreciate, so men aren't concerned with validation, they're concerned with doing what the fuck they set out to do and making SURE it gets done. They let their actions speak for themselves, while women usually have their words and commitment to staying bonded with the group do the speaking.

Or, more succinctly. Men generally only consider the Truth of what they are doing whereas Women consider the Feelings towards what they are doing. Each individual man has the ability to come to the Truth on his own, so he need not ask anyone, whereas I can't possibly know how someone would fee without first talking to them and asking. So this, I think, is partly why Men don't ask for permission but women do. Men are more interesting in keeping what they have built, while women are solely interested in keeping the relationships that they've built.

It's part a the reason WHY I think Men and Women go so great together. The Man worries about keeping the material shit in place so they can keep staying alive while the woman worries about maintaining all the relationships so that the man and woman have each other, and others, to share and enjoy this life they now get to experience as their basic material needs are met for their continuing survival. It's a beautiful thing. But we're making it uglier every year :(

WaterlillyWoman · 2017-08-19T08:48:51+00:00

I am not one that asks for permission. I mean why would my Fiancé be the one to decide? But I consider his input and heed his advise where it makes sense

Title	Do you consider your SO when making decisions or nah?
Author	Sunhappy_DC
Upvotes	3
Comments	93
Date	August 16, 2017 3:19 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6u2q0u/do_you_consider_your_so_when_making_decisions_or/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-consider-your-so-when-making-decisions-or.266440 https://theredarchive.com/post/266440

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