There's no downsides to being picky for the majority of women

cxj · 2016-12-27T06:56:03+00:00

I want to make it clear that I don't think women (or anyone) are in control of how picky they are, or who they are attracted to. No one can be blamed for their lack of attraction to someone. However, the obvious downside of being picky is that there are less options, and therefore less chance of them being in a relationship with someone they are actually attracted to, which is important for most people's happiness.

If women somehow were less picky, meaning they were actually attracted to a larger pool of men, they would have a much easier time romantically because there would be more options that make them happy.

GlassWormm · 2016-12-27T08:21:21+00:00

As others have said, there i one downside: The biological clock. Women have a time limit that men just don't have.

Also, competition is real. And the more picky they are, the longer it takes for them to find a partner. And good partners go fast.

Those who hold out for Mr. Perfect, or vastly overestimate their value might find that all the "Mr. Almost-Perfect" are already taken by the time she realizes that Mr. Perfect isn't coming.

Other than that, i agree. They are picky and choosy because they can and if the roles were reversed then men would do the exact same.

throwinout · 2016-12-27T06:09:49+00:00

While I mostly agree with you, the one major exception to be to those women who are picky and wait too long and end up alone even though they don't want to be. I know a couple of women at work like this, and believe me I hear them complaining about it constantly. The older ones can't even afford to be picky anymore, and complain about that. As the proportion of beta males continually increases, more and more women will find themselves in this situation.

ContrarianZ · 2016-12-27T11:14:09+00:00

Imagine you are shopping to finance a car.

When you are too picky you tell yourself that you won't settle for anything less than a Lamborghini. No dealer is willing to sell you one though. The best they can offer you is a Corvette. You decide to hold out and wait for the dealer who will offer you a Lamborghini. As time goes on, life gets rough, your credit gets worse and you tell yourself, Ok, the Corvette isn't too bad, I'll go for that. But now the best the dealers are willing to give you is a Camry. You decide to hold out again and the same thing happens, your credit gets worse and you repeat the same cycle until you realize that now the only thing you can finance is a used 98 Civic with tons of mileage.

That is the disadvantage of being too picky, and too many women (and men) go down this road.

Maybe you could have never gotten the Lamborghini of your dreams. If you had been smart though, you would have went for the Corvette which is almost as nice, certainly more so than the 98 Civic or no car at all.

DashneDK2 · 2016-12-27T09:22:46+00:00

Women being picky is part of our evolutionary past. All creatures which practise sexual reproduction have a female gender which is more picky. We want women to be picky. It's in the best interest of our species.

Although with moderation of course. Women can be so picky they end up with no chair at all when the music stops.

5th_Law_of_Robotics · 2016-12-27T12:03:13+00:00

The extremely picky ones end up writing bitter articles in their late thirties and onward about how there are "no good men left" because all the men their age are either married or dating younger. And younger men are either dating younger women or don't have enough money to be considered husband material. And older men are.... Married or dating younger...

SkinnySweaty · 2016-12-27T20:25:39+00:00

Reading this thread is amazing.

RP guys really think that women should just settle for low SMV guys because...? Jump on that hamster wheel!

The fact that settling for a guy you're not really attracted to is a recipe for a shitty marriage full of dead bedrooms and exactly the kind of things RP hates. Setting yourself up for failure here, guys!

gavinok · 2016-12-27T07:56:19+00:00

Disagree

Generally what I have seen is that when a girl is too picky and goes above her league, she gets to sleep with the guy but he doesn't pay her any attention, no calls/late texts, barely available.

From what I have seen, most girls aren't happy with this.

ThorLives · 2016-12-27T07:16:58+00:00

I'm wondering about the premise of this post.

Too all the guys who say that if they were women they'd be less picky

Guys say that? I don't know if I've seen it. I do know that men will complain about how picky women are, but that's a totally different thing than saying that they would be less picky if they were in the same situation. I think the issue here is not that women are morally wrong, but the issue is that the average women have more power in the dating marketplace than the average man, and that leads to men having the short end of the stick, and having the short end of the stick is a shitty position to be in, and that leads to complaining about it.

i think you don't realize that to the majority of women there's no downsides to being picky.

Yes, because the sexual marketplace is tipped in women's favor. Admittedly, women can overplay their hand by aiming too high and believing she should hold-out and be able to get the guy that they believe they should get, even though (in reality) that guy is going to go for someone better than her. Although, I think you've acknowledged that when you say, "There's a few cases where they get left out but if even then they don't lower their standards it's because they'd rather stay lonely."

darkmoon09 · 2016-12-27T08:56:18+00:00

I would argue that while being picky may not have any downsides for any one particular woman, there are downsides on a wider social scale. Women being picky creates a surplus of men who are left behind in the dating market, these guys end up having to find other means of self-fulfillment and actualization, the problem is that not all of of them are having an easy time dealing with it - far from it - indeed one could argue that male angst and frustration is a direct source of the problems we have as a society: men who feel like they have nothing to live for and nothing to look forward to, nothing to motivate them to get up everyday and work a 9-5 and keep the cogwheels of society turning. When enough men decide that they don't owe anything to a society that easily discards them like trash, they opt out, and this creates problems. You now have a bunch of pent up, angry men who have nothing to do, some will become delinquents and commit crime (including harming women), others will just give up on themselves and become homeless or strung out on drugs, others will simply end their lives. Society will have to foot the bill for these guys somehow.

So while women may feel like the world is their oyster, their pickiness creates problems for society as a whole and men are bearing the brunt of women's pickiness. I know it's hard for women to empathize with men, after all they're all just dicks, right? But I think it would behoove women to at least be aware of how their actions collectively harm men and by extension society at large.

anitapk · 2016-12-27T09:12:32+00:00

I always laugh when I see this kinds of arguments "what do I as a woman win by doing this". Let me paraphrase this, and crush some of the favorite arguments by feminists "what do I as a man win by alienating my male friends in order to make our hobby more inclusive to women?" "What do I as a man win by listening more to the female perspective?". Funny how equality always seems to be something that men should suffer.

mrcs84usn · 2016-12-27T09:23:07+00:00

I think the biggest downside is the reality of whether or not the men that check all the boxes of these women's standards are actually interested in these women. It's one of the reasons why I was so put off by 50 Shades of Grey. I don't see a 27 year old business tycoon is infatuated with a Plain Jane.

InformalCriticism · 2016-12-27T09:37:26+00:00

No downside

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GuitarsAreGettingOld · 2016-12-27T18:47:13+00:00

Well, "being spoiled" does seem to be a thing. And it is bad for women who want to have a family and kids.

I know enough women who have hooked up above their league for years with guys who wouldn't commit to them and it hurts the relationship when they finally get into one.

They just can't appreciate a 7.5 guy the way a woman who hasn't hooked up with 9s can.

Don't get me started on 30+ women.

Being picky really hurts them, believe me.

Yeah, you say that it only hurts women who get left out. In my opinion there are more women who get left out than you think.

I meet enough women who desperately want to have a family and kids but can't understand that they need to lower their standards. They have a completely skewed picture of themselves because having high standards never hurt their success when they weren't looking for a man who'd qualify as a husband and father.

Being picky is great as long as you can afford it. But many women really miss the opportunity to find the perfect guy at the right time because they have been spoiled.

czerdec · 2016-12-27T19:03:55+00:00

The price is paid by the offspring. If the woman waits too long to reproduce, the chances of the child being born with a serious disease or disability multiplies.

Also, TRP says that women often get to date above their SMV, because the guy they get is just settling for a mediocre woman for regular sexings. This would lead to an increased danger of being abandoned.

Whatever you think about the ugly guys, they tend not to cheat.

SSYYssyySY · 2016-12-27T21:26:13+00:00

I'm picky as a dude. Shit, on Tinder I literally have 3 requirements: No LTRs, <145 lbs, no fuckin cam girls ffs. Message me. No pics of you from a a 70 degree angle from your eyeline, fatty.

I get like 25 matches a week, but to be fair my haircut is pretty suave. O yeah, and I do that thing where I have shirtless pics, ya know, they shit girls "hate" yet flock too...

BPremium · 2016-12-28T16:57:21+00:00

most men are super desperate. its not a hard concept to grasp. thats the answer for why men are marrying someone they dont want.

Subway_Bernie_Goetz · 2017-01-01T22:08:36+00:00

Nothing wrong with pickiness. A lot of the problems that RPers bitch about are how women aren't picky enough. It's the whole bad boy thing. A lot of women are turned on by bad men. Violent men, even. I think we would all prefer it if women were just into good looking, charming, successful guys.

Also, the whole CC phenomenon that RPers bitch about is largely about how women aren't picky- they sleep with tons of guys when they are young. Or they just aren't picky about things that they should be picky about, like whether a guy is commitment-worthy. CC riders might not be indiscriminate when it comes to the looks or game of the guys they sleep with, but otherwise they are sleeping with many different guys indiscriminately.

Archibald_Andino · 2017-02-19T15:27:55+00:00

Molly Ringwald just had to have Jake Ryan. She was alone and miserable. Meanwhile, the entire time, Anthony Michael Hall was right in front of her the whole time, waiting to worship her. The downside is that being miserable isn't a better choice than being with someone who can make you happy.

The part about criticizing women for this "picky" stuff is when it's for things that really shouldn't matter as much such has, say she's 5'2" and meets an otherwise great guy, but he is shot down because he's "only" 5'9" and she refuses to consider men under six feet. "I don't want to settle. I can't help who I'm attracted to". It's this mindset that frustrates men.

[deleted] · 2016-12-27T06:25:19+00:00

[permanently deleted]

wub1234 · 2016-12-27T06:49:38+00:00

There are no downsides to being picky.

Please see the following scene.

Title	There's no downsides to being picky for the majority of women
Author	anitapk
Upvotes	23
Comments	298
Date	December 27, 2016 6:06 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5ki86t/theres_no_downsides_to_being_picky_for_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/theres-no-downsides-to-being-picky-for-the.271026 https://theredarchive.com/post/271026

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