Would you ever date someone who said they are a "rape survivor"?

appencapn · 2016-01-16T03:32:36+00:00

I would be afraid of doing something potentially damaging. If I was in love with them it wouldn't matter but I'd be afraid of hurting them

heavenorhell2 · 2016-01-16T08:52:34+00:00

speaking as one, yes i was a child so like. if anyone is seriously going to judge me as a child for something i couldn't control i'd rather have them out of my life.

Startled_Butterfly · 2016-01-16T02:47:02+00:00

No.

Using the word 'survivor' indicates that rape is somehow something horrific, when in fact the bitch probably wanted it.

Oh, and since people here actually voice these opinions, I should clarify that I was being sarcastic.

exit_sandman · 2016-01-16T03:56:52+00:00

All the responses on this thread make me so happy. I'll be sure to mention my sexual abuse ASAP to ward off any assholes :D

EmpressofMars · 2016-01-16T03:34:17+00:00

Well of course! Why wouldn't I?

insurrecto · 2016-01-16T06:01:59+00:00

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2016-01-16T10:58:53+00:00

It wouldn't stop me from loving a woman.

user5577 · 2016-01-16T02:35:06+00:00

No.

Getting raped is a terrible thing and i feel bad for that person. Yet it is not my responsibility or obligation to make my own life harder by getting involved with that when I can get with the same type of womem who hasn't been raped.

wuboo · 2016-01-16T02:16:10+00:00

Errr are you asking about the wording or the event?

buartha · 2016-01-16T08:28:57+00:00

It wouldn't affect my desire to date someone. If anything, it's useful information to have near the start of a relationship, so I can understand why they would want to volunteer it quickly.

lauren_collins · 2016-01-16T03:23:39+00:00

its best to avoid relationships with people who have traumatic pasts, rape survivors, military vets, people who got abused, etc. its usually more trouble than its worth.

FreshFace77 · 2016-01-16T04:40:37+00:00

I have and I would again. It's not really a big deal in my experience. I even dated a girl that was gang raped and hit in the head with a base ball bat twice, causing her to pass out with a concussion, and the mri showed a brain injury. She still suffered from PTSD, but was one of the more fun women I've dated in a while.

The thing is, don't get too sucked into their trauma. They can handle it and they usually want to be snapped out of it, not have you cry and say you're sorry.

Edit: I don't think it's ever been put to me like "I'm a survivor of rape"

2016-01-16T02:32:40+00:00

I would have in the past, but now I'd be very careful. Like another poster said, only after enough vetting.

I believe that you can work out even extreme issues like the ones that come with trauma of rape. The problem is that in many cases even if you are considerate, she will blame you for not being considerate enough sooner or later. Not because you failed, but because she suffers, can't cope with it and needs someone to blame.

Or she might not be able to talk about it at all and you have no chance to make it work.

So I'd need to really know her as a person before I'd date her. Basically make sure that she is someone you can work out even extreme stuff with.

2016-01-16T03:01:31+00:00

Would you give your significant other cause to hide something like that?

Until we get time machines, we can't do anything about it. So, you can either accept that it has happened to some people, and a subset of those are up front about it so you can be prepared for its effects, or you can give them cause to hide it and have no idea why they seem to have PTSD. There's no way to be certain somebody has not been raped unless they have an intact hymen, because unless they're a virgin, it would require proving a negative.

2016-01-16T02:22:56+00:00

No, not dealing with that baggage

anacrassis · 2016-01-17T17:27:05+00:00

Yeah I dated a girl who was a victim of sexual assault. It was a non-issue. She was stable and we had great sex.

andrewisgood · 2016-01-16T15:44:47+00:00

Wow. The responses in this thread. From not liking the word "survivor" to just flat out not believing the person who probably told you after she was feeling closer and more comfortable with you. I guess when I dated a rape survivor I was told that after getting to know her and her feeling more comfortable with me.

But yeah, this is why people don't like PPD. They're having discussions with monsters.

wtknight · 2016-01-16T05:45:27+00:00

Sure, I could. If she was constantly talking about it, though, then this would make me very uneasy. I don't do hookups or FWB so that part of the question doesn't apply to me.

exit_sandman · 2016-01-16T08:52:26+00:00

If we're talking strictly about the wording, I wouldn't on the basis alone that a person who uses the term "rape survivor" is also the person who'd lecture me about the patriarchy or stuff like that.

If we're talking strictly about the timing, I also wouldn't on the basis alone that the person who does so thinks it's a good idea to ambush me with her past trauma (real or not) right off the bat. I once met a girl (sister of the friend) who thought it would be a good idea to inform me within minutes of meeting her for the first time that she had eating and anxiety disorders. Needless to say, she was also a total mess otherwise.

So removing these cases, this leaves women who behave more "normal" (if there is such a thing) about it. Well, in that case we have to separate the following cases.

She says she was raped but she's lying. Regardless of whether she actually smeared a guy for it or only fabricated it because she want to have some drama-story to tell, she's undatable, in the former case even a criminal. Sorry, but not sorry.
She genuinely thinks she was raped but she simply wasn't. That's just as bad as #1. Nope, sorry, but not sorry.
She actually was raped and carries the trauma around with her; and/or let's it define her identity by becoming a cornerstone of it or by kicking of her coming-to-jesus-experience (for example by becoming a feminist or ultra-religious or whatever). Nope, wouldn't want to date her either. Sorry, this time for real, but this doesn't change the outcome.
She actually was raped and managed to revert back to a normal person afterwards. This would be the only case where I'd consider a victim of rape as datable. But you can guess how common that is.

midnightvulpine · 2016-01-16T12:01:18+00:00

Being a rape survivor is less of a problem to me than how they deal with it. Because how they deal with their past is more of issue than the past itself. How they deal with it tells me who they are.

2016-01-16T02:28:51+00:00

it wouldn't stop me from dating them. however, i would be more careful with the relationship until i knew it was a sure thing. i wouldn't be surprised to find that gaining such a person's trust has more weight and attachment involved, so it's a thing that should be treated with care.

not into hookups but... i guess it depends on the person but i think hooking up would make me uncomfortable. even if i were into that, i likely wouldn't do it. whether it was their choice or not, i wouldn't want to proceed if there was even a chance that they were engaging in casual sex as a result of that experience. i'd feel like i was contributing or taking advantage of it somehow... nah. i couldn't.

2016-01-16T02:55:18+00:00

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Xemnas81 · 2016-01-16T03:58:40+00:00

The fact that she describes herself as a "survivor" of rape suggests that she's choosing her words in a way to make herself out to be a victim, and thus the kind of woman to expect to be triggered by us running out of milk. I don't know why she can't say she was raped and it was fucking horrible, or even that she was a victim of rape (because you know she was), or hell how I imagine most rape survivors to talk about it unless they have a shit-ton of therapy for PTSD; "I was…was…bursts into tears no, no, no…I'm sorry, I…chokes up" [can't say rape because it's too traumatic]. I'm not sure why the odd wording which sounds like she's an undercover rep for Feminspire.

It also somewhat implies that she thinks most people who are raped don't survive, that they get fucked until their blood vessels pop or something. (I know this occurs, but it's extremely rare, would take a sociopath and it's the kind of thing only ISIS would be capable of.)

Altogether I would likely attach some sort of meaning in my head to this wording which would be difficult to move and have to next her to avoid a false rape accusation. I just can't plausibly envision a woman saying "hello my attractive date, what a fine evening this, by the way I must inform you that you stand before a survivor of rape." Just…what? Too clinical.

Cyralea · 2016-01-16T03:54:22+00:00

Nope. Either she's telling the truth and has enormous baggage that undermines the most important part of the relationship, or she's lying about it for validation.

No thanks. Plenty of non-broken girls out there.

MorpheusGodOfDreams · 2016-01-16T04:13:59+00:00

No.

Let me rephrase that:

HELL NO!

Not only is she co-opting the word "survivor," but she was likely not actually physically raped as I define it. It was most likely not some random guy holding a knife to her throat, it was instead some college hookup that she regretted afterwards. And the guy is most likely not in jail, either. So she has let him continue to "rape" other women. I am not a trained therapist.

Also, someone who brings this up in conversation is both likely to get me into legal trouble, and has emotional issues herself, including low self esteem and a constant need for validation (although this would apply to many women).

she probably went on a sex spree afterwards in order to "reclaim her sexuality" or some other bullshit. She is also unlikely to be someone who believes in personal responsibility, and any question about the event will be met with accusations of "victim blaming." Finally, she is probably someone who is part of the religious cult that is feminism, and is thus not worth the trouble.

Unlike feminism's bullshit mythological statistics, here is a real one: 1 in 4 women in the US are on depression medication. Probably because being "empowered" and working for a corporation to spend money on other corporations does not fulfill them, and having children is "demeaning" (and don't tell me feminism is about choice, it is clearly not)

every girl has a rape story these days, and it has become a main part of women's anti-slut-defense right before sex, to elicit an emotional response. So I have applied abundance mentality and just left without a word, or I have agreed and amplified by saying something like "so you like it rough. got it." or "ooh, kinky." In most cases the AA works because the girl is not serious about the event, while in the more serious cases the follow up response tells me to leave.

alphaDork · 2016-01-16T04:09:46+00:00

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Reginleifer · 2016-01-16T03:23:42+00:00

Not even if they payed me.

Xemnas81 · 2016-01-16T02:23:33+00:00

It depends whether they are an SJW "rape survivor" or an someone who actually suffered a rape. The former 100% not the latter with proper vetting I'd consider it.

2016-01-17T01:23:47+00:00

If they were mentally stable and had their shit together, AND if they were seeking any necessary mental health treatment... then yes.

I'm not going to be someone's therapist, and I'm not looking to "fix" anybody. I've got too much of my own shit to deal with to be able to save a drowning person. Nothing against those with mental health issues, but I am not equipped to deal with them.

2016-01-17T05:14:00+00:00

Absolutely not, that is a abomidable crime but the emotional trauma is something no self respecting man would deal with.

2016-01-17T12:59:45+00:00

It depends if I believe her or not and how she is handling it.

If she actually were raped, and has bounced back to a full recovery, then I would. In fact, I would be impressed because I know that she has a good character.

If I don't fully believe her, and it seems like some type of story, then absolutely not.

heavenorhell2 · 2016-01-16T02:22:31+00:00

Personally, hell no, for both dating and plating. Unless we somehow knew each other really well before she told me about being raped, the type of girl who would bring it up falls into one of three categories.

1) She didn't really get raped and just uses her "survivor" status for attention and validation.

2)She got raped and she uses her survivor status for attention and validation. Which would be annoying regardless.

3) She got raped and it really fucked with her, she's still not entirely over it (I mean as "over it" as a rape victim can realistically be) and she's not in a good place psychologically.

2016-01-16T02:38:21+00:00

energyvolley · 2016-01-16T02:09:12+00:00

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OlBastard · 2016-01-16T03:51:56+00:00

Too much baggage. Plenty of bloopy white knights out there to rescue the soiled maiden.

despisedlove2 · 2016-01-16T13:58:24+00:00

I once did this, and I do not think that having been raped should be a disqualifier.

However, the big risk here is that the personality of the woman changes, at least temporarily. So, while you may be supportive as she recovers, she is unlikely to be the same person at the end of recovery as she was when with you (and needed you to feel more human and protected). That change in personality can end a relationship as she "snaps back".

If you are doing out of altruism, all the power to you. If you are doing it with a view to forming something stable with someone you have grown to love and feel protective about, best avoid it. It won't last.

Better be her friend. Don't cross the line.

Transmigratory · 2016-01-16T16:58:34+00:00

I wouldn't, personally.

SirNemesis · 2016-01-16T21:38:44+00:00

I wouldn't date someone who has had a traumatic experience like that unless they're prepared to move on and work out their issues in a short timeframe. I'm not here to clean up the mess caused by someone else. Supportive friendship is fine though as long as it isn't emotionally draining for me. Someone who wears their status of "rape survivor" on their sleeves is not likely to work out their issues in the immediate future.

Startled_Butterfly · 2016-01-16T02:23:47+00:00

Eh, I personally find the term kind of weird, unless they tried to kill you while you were being raped. To me "surviving" something should be saved for times when you almost died. Like I wouldn't call myself a rape survivor, I'd just say I've been raped.

2016-01-16T07:53:58+00:00

I certainly wouldn't if they used exactly that term: "rape survivor". That has the stench of leftist "rape is worse/equal to death" all over it.

2016-01-16T03:44:53+00:00

Only a hookup. As their rape claim Is likely false. On the off chance that it is real, they're far too damaged for a committed relationship.

PoopInMyBottom · 2016-01-16T03:53:39+00:00

I would never date a rape survivor. It is not worth getting involved with somebody who has mental health problems. It absolutely sucks for people in that situation, but that is a boundary I wouldn't cross.

Yes, I would hook up with them.

skinninja · 2016-01-16T03:27:29+00:00

is this something they mention over coffee? i mean, how would you even bring that up? why would you bring it up to someone new?

Equilibriun · 2016-01-16T06:47:09+00:00

Nope. No thanks. You at either full of shit, or broken as shit.

heavenorhell2 · 2016-01-16T05:03:02+00:00

Absolutely no way in hell.

Actual rape (where the woman is completely without blame) is actually quite rare. When it happens, it's horrific, and it damages a person permanently. The woman will no longer be a potential partner for any self-respecting man ever.

On the other hand, she would be great for a one night stand. But I wouldn't call her back.

dr_warlock · 2016-01-16T02:28:31+00:00

1) "Rape Survivor" is such PC bullshit. Having dick forced into an orifice designed for penis pentration is nowhere close to life threatening. It is the hitting or weapons that makes it so, and doesnt occur to the fatal degree in all but the most brutal of encounters. Psychologically damaging? Sure. Genital Bruising? Sure. Fatal? Don't exaggerate.

2) Any respectable man will avoid raped women 100% of the time for anything sexually related. Whether the claim is true or not is irrelevant.

If it's fake, definitely run. She's an attention whore willing to ruin a man's life for some validation either in the form of "poor me" or "i'm so hot, i need to hide because men will risk prison to get a shot at this."

If it's true, she is either fucked in the head and/or the rapist is the most dominant man to ever enter her life. You cant out-dominate a rapist. It's going to be in her mind forever.

I don't agree with the practice or with religion, but this is why some religions do honor killings in these cases. She is not a viable candidate for anyone with self-respect. She's ruined. It doesnt have to be her fault, for it to matter. Definitely not ltr material.

If she needs help though, help should be provided just like any other patient. She's not a bad person, just never have sex with her.

edit: changed my mind. If she has no appraent problems, she'd be okay for a bang or two. Just never ltr, and always, dont marry. Choose a woman without a traumatic past.

Title	Would you ever date someone who said they are a "rape survivor"?
Author	gavinok
Upvotes	7
Comments	256
Date	January 16, 2016 2:07 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/416cvl/would_you_ever_date_someone_who_said_they_are_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-you-ever-date-someone-who-said-they-are-a.276913 https://theredarchive.com/post/276913

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