Men: do you feel in any way connected/bonded to the women you sleep with?

barbodelli · 2020-01-21T17:47:53+00:00

Sometimes yes. Sometimes no.

Sex can greatly strengthen a healthy relationship. But if the relationship sucks having sex is probably not going to fix it. Unless the lack of sex is the catalyst for the problem.

ieatassonfirstdate · 2020-01-21T17:36:23+00:00

petrichordium · 2020-01-21T17:48:59+00:00

Absolutely! Well, it can happen. The trouble is one of the things you learn is that much of this is just “new relationship energy” and it’s dangerous to mistake this entirely for something different. NRE is a BONDING feeling, it doesn’t mean you are BONDED.

Also I’ve totally had that feeling for random hookers and NOT had that feeling for women i pursued normally. Basically that feeling is a really good feeling, but so are party drugs. When you’re on molly it doesn’t mean much more than you being on molly. It doesn’t mean you’ll feel that way forever. Similarly, when you just started having sex with someone it’s a good idea to shut off most of the grand stuff you think about what it means for the rest of your life bc sometimes it just means that girl is GREAT at sex

CHAD_TDK · 2020-01-21T17:57:18+00:00

When you say

Men: do you feel in any way connected/bonded to the women you sleep with?

and then

I know that for me and a whole lot of women, sex is a very bonding experience. Deeply intimate, passionate, and intense- you just want to become one with the person and never wash their scent off. Do men feel these same emotions?

those are 2 different questions. Overlapping? sure! Similar? maybe. Alas, different that require different answers.

Q1: Men: do you feel in any way connected/bonded to the women you sleep with?

A.: Yes

Q2: I know that for me and a whole lot of women, sex is a very bonding experience. Deeply intimate, passionate, and intense- you just want to become one with the person and never wash their scent off. Do men feel these same emotions?

A.: No, especially because of:

and never wash their scent off

and

Do men feel these same emotions?

wtknight · 2020-01-21T18:51:44+00:00

Yes, I definitely do. This is why I don’t enjoy casual sex at all, which seems to be a very atypical view for a man to have.

Tyler_Gatsby · 2020-01-21T17:51:56+00:00

Yes, to some degree with evey woman I have sex with enough, or long enough. Some immediately, like we just have a natural chemistry to where we just flow together, and the passion overtakes all the awkwardness. My favorite sex is like the multiple times in sex. Where you've established a level of comfort with each other, and what to expect, how you move, etc.

Edit: It causes a problem, and is why I have such a hard time with casual sex. Hot sex and passion quickly and easily makes me crave more, and wanting it more intense, try and push it to another level, and I get hooked on that with her.

thedeadpill · 2020-01-21T17:58:30+00:00

Most of the time, especially if it becomes a regular thing. A ONS I'll get over pretty quick. A fling for a couple of months will make me really sad for a lot longer.

WGttDS · 2020-01-21T18:05:06+00:00

If I'm interested in her, sex will heighten that. If I'm not, it won't. So, sometimes?

MuleFool42 · 2020-01-21T18:11:26+00:00

Yes, which is why one night stands were never a good choice for me.

newyearzz2020 · 2020-01-21T18:31:34+00:00

Yes, I tend to fall in love quick if she’s a post sex cuddler. Like super quick

SpectacularSociety · 2020-01-21T18:49:57+00:00

I don't think I would be comfortable with sleeping with anyone I hadn't bonded with to at least some extent before. I need to feel safe to open up sexually.

PMmeareasontolive · 2020-01-21T19:00:06+00:00

Yes and no. Sex is its own independent drive. It can be used to deepen a relationship. If you are in a relationship with someone you are sexually compatible with it's like having a magic spell cast over you.

But the sex drive also functions independently as an incredibly strong motivator, sort of a drug. When it is in control than whom you have sex with is less crucial than the fact of having sex. You might have gratitude afterward but not necessarily feel a deep connection.

In a relationship you can harness that power and make it an imprinting thing. Like a Pavlovian imprinting of your partner with sexual excitement and pleasure.

"...and never wash their scent off."

Yup. The very first time I was in love I went down on her in the morning and left right after without washing my face. Her juices dried on my face leaving a white efflorescence that I didn't realize was there til noon. Loved it but now I wash up after.

edit: ^if that isn't love, I don't know what is.

ToraChan23 · 2020-01-21T19:15:06+00:00

No.

Sex is easy to give and to get. I would feel more connected/bonded with someone I could share specific moments and memories with that took work to build and experience.

I don't remember all the sex I had with different women, but I would never forget special experiences I've had with them.

FairAnalyst · 2020-01-21T20:10:56+00:00

The only men that don't bond with women they're sleeping with is men who constantly have new partners. I reached this point when I was younger and sleeping with 2-3 new girls / week for around 6 months.

Men with high n-counts can regain their bonding emotions if they abstain from dating for awhile.

So basically guys who broke their pair bonding brain are only that way if they're actively with new girls, not if they've had high N counts from past encounters.

NPC55 · 2020-01-22T06:25:00+00:00

Yes, at least I have with every woman I have had sex with so far in my life. I personally love the deep pre/post sex cuddle convo's.

king_of_red_alphas · 2020-01-22T10:57:25+00:00

Most of the time yes, which is one of the reasons I find the 90 day thing shitty. I feel like physically bonding with somebody you like sooner rather than later sets you up for less game playing / more warm feelings up front.

corey_trevorson · 2020-01-21T17:31:29+00:00

I definitely feel this way. I've had sex with girls I wasn't into emotionally but I've generally left that behind because I really like the bonding aspect of sex. Maybe I'm just an uncommon dude lol

Joey_Lopez · 2020-01-21T17:41:51+00:00

I do but I had to hide it a lot to not come off as "needy".

noNooodleArms · 2020-01-21T18:24:06+00:00

Yes, for fuck's sake. Jesus. We're not fucking robots.

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blackedoutfast · 2020-01-21T17:49:34+00:00

sometimes. definitely not always tho

TheJim66 · 2020-01-21T18:03:43+00:00

Nope.If I want to detach I can completely detach

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-01-21T18:53:32+00:00

Very much so

Doctor_Between · 2020-01-21T19:13:02+00:00

If I want to have sex with you, yeah, I feel a bond. That's just how I operate. As time goes on, I am learning to be a lot meaner to prevent myself from bonding with the wrong women.

MuscleT · 2020-01-21T19:23:25+00:00

Absolutely and that’s the goal.

But if the sex is bad or it’s a bad relationship match, no bonding, and no cuddle sesh it’s not that hard.

If a guy appears to not be bonding, then it’s not a good relationship match for any number of reasons.

Dmaned11123 · 2020-01-21T19:28:17+00:00

So this may be coming from an atypical guy (I found the love of my life after only a few tries on the dating scene) but, Yes we do bond during sex.

However, sex is not the most important bonding mechanism for a guy usually.

It feels fantastic and it triggers a kind of "protective" reflex in a guy but this doesn't last very long afterwords. (Maybe a few hours for some maybe a day for others).

Bonding for a man can be much more intense during less intimate activities.

A good example is if you get to the point where a guy starts making himself vulnerable to you. For me (at least) this is the thing that caused me to bond so strongly with my fiance. Not only are they opening themselves up and sharing their experiences, they are quite literally telling you that they trust you with what they consider to be important "classified" information.

Classified is the best word I could think of in this sense because there's information a man will never share with anyone other than a few well trusted people MAYBE 2 or 3 tops.

To you women out there, I'm sorry if we don't express how important certain information is to us. If you blow the information off, don't listen, or respond negatively it will deeply impact the trust we have with you and any future bonding will be hard to coax out of us.

If you think you've made it to the he shares everything with me stage you need to ask yourself if anything he tells you puts him in a vulnerable position. If so, congratulations!

Are there things that were off limits during conversations earlier in your relationship that he now openly talks about? If so, congratulations!

Men don't bond through sex as much as women do. Keep this in mine when you talk to your man.

reluctantly_red · 2020-01-21T20:35:06+00:00

The act itself doesn't create a bond. However, the setting creates an opportunity for intimacy and communication that can lead to bond formation.

rus9384 · 2020-01-21T20:38:34+00:00

Yes. But that does not mean I do not want to sleep with other women.

2020-01-21T20:52:40+00:00

Not necessarily. Replace "Sex" with "Making Out" and if that OP seems way too emotionally needy, that's how sex is for a lot of people.

Ideally you want to meet someone who you do have an emotional bond with, sex alone doesn't do that.

I get the impression people asking these questions and the men responding yes are VERY young and inexperienced.

akihonj · 2020-01-21T21:32:43+00:00

It depends on the relationship itself. If it's just a one night stand and we both know it's going nowhere then it's just to search an itch.

If you're with somebody for whom you feel like there's a good connection then yeah it certainly can have that effect, it's a biological imperative though and something we'll studied by professionals who know that dopamine and serotonin are released during and after which are both known hormones that cause that connected feeling.

Gravel_Roads · 2020-01-21T21:53:23+00:00

Only the ones I was already feeling rapport with before we had sex. It can make you feel closeER, but if there was nothing there beforehand there probably won’t be afterwards.

darudeboysandstorm · 2020-01-21T21:55:53+00:00

If I like them sure, just because I have sex with someone doesnt mean I really like them though.

Sex is no where near the top of the list of things that make me feel close to someone. Although I could see that changing if we were having sex to create a kid.

IMO sex without procreate is just like sport, its fun. People act like fucking is a big deal but it really aint.

hammerhaunts · 2020-01-21T22:50:15+00:00

WhiteningMcClean · 2020-01-21T22:52:04+00:00

No. I got into hookup culture before ever having a relationship so sex and bonding are very separate in my mind. If I catch any feelings it happens outside the bedroom.

Same-Bad · 2020-01-22T00:26:03+00:00

I haven't "slept" with anyone in years. 99.9% of the time we fuck and then she leaves.

MubutuDeezNuts · 2020-01-22T02:01:00+00:00

Only if we do stuff outside it. Any dude who bonds from sex alone is fem-brained

CentralAdmin · 2020-01-22T02:33:26+00:00

Of course! If you've ever heard how men talk about women's bodies, there's a lot of wanting to bond on a physical level, but it's very emotionally driven. He feels joy, acceptance, lust and sometimes even relief. Everytime he thinks about her he gets a small dopamine rush. Seeing her naked is like his life's goal. Why else would so many men be angry they're not getting enough sex or at least female interest?

To be clear OP, the connection happens a little later. The sex is the primary goal. Men will tend to feel deeper emotional connections and bonding after a while of sleeping together.

Vynxe-Vainglory · 2020-01-22T04:47:05+00:00

Depends how affectionate they are. Upon reflection, this seems to be the main factor.

If she wants a feeling of closeness, it will be obvious through the type of affection she enacts. I’m generally willing to reciprocate and amplify; and this vibe helps in bonding for sure.

abaxeron · 2020-01-22T12:53:12+00:00

Do men feel these same emotions?

Me personally, Yes, and I see it as huge vulnerability. One of the reasons why I don't plan to ever date again (essentially, I compare this "bonding" to drug addiction, and conclude that I'd rather stay clean).

But I also know guys who have no problem cheating on their wives, mothers of their children, even if they did everything in their power to stay in good shape after giving birth. This is unimaginable for me.

GibsonL6 · 2020-01-22T17:14:51+00:00

I mean, I haven't yet. I hope for the day that actually happens because I'm a beta boy hopeless romantic at heart. But for now, sex has nothing to do with my "connection" to a person.

joesmithasdf · 2020-01-22T17:43:50+00:00

Sometimes. Half of the time, sex in itself isn’t spectacular anyway, some people just aren’t compatible. I’ve leaned to get over it fast.

decoy88 · 2020-01-22T23:45:32+00:00

Any sex? With any woman?

No.

Sex is like tennis to me.

Or a nice dinner. It’s all about the person you’re sharing the experience with that determines the point. I couldn’t have my feelings changed over a physical act.

gypsyismylover · 2020-01-23T15:40:48+00:00

Almost never no but I'm also largely asexual so I'm exactly helpful here

GMonedi123 · 2020-01-24T00:20:35+00:00

In my experience I fell in love just after some time not after first time we had sex. But sometimes sex=love for me. I feel love almost always when si am having sex. But only sometimes i feel love when not having sex

TheKarmicWoosh2 · 2020-01-21T17:38:44+00:00

Not necessarily. I've had sex with Women I could not bond with but much prefer sex with Women I care about.

RahLyt · 2020-01-21T17:34:30+00:00

Not to every women, maybe not as deep as you're describing but sure.

PapaPinyun · 2020-01-21T17:47:16+00:00

Seems like you are describing a sensation associated with a desire to be impregnated by; no equivalent sensation has ever existed for me as a guy. I understand the connection part as a matter of trust bc my genitals are vulnerable, exposed, valuable and sensitive and a total stranger registers to me as a threat to them until they demonstrate otherwise.

TheColdestHand · 2020-01-21T18:02:02+00:00

Well, I’ve never slept around: being good looking and tall I’ve never felt the need to,nor have I wanted to - most women are ugly.

Also, I’m well endowed, so I’ve always thought ‘not just anyone can have it’. For these reasons, and to answer your question: no. FWB (who are actually friends and nice people) or a SO.

Redslif · 2020-01-21T18:21:46+00:00

I'm shocked to see men here saying "Yes". Who are these men?

I'll gladly have sex with a woman that i absolutely hate. Just having sex isn't going to make me like her.

Sex alone is not a bonding experience. I want most women to get the fuck out of my presence as soon as i nut. What makes me bond with a woman and continue to care about her are her other qualities.

Workaholiconew · 2020-01-21T17:54:01+00:00

do you feel in any way connected/bonded to the women you sleep with?

Yeah, of course we do. Our primary way of bonding with the opposite sex is by sex. We feel bonding to whomever we have sex with, that is why most are wary of oneitis by sex.

Do men feel these same emotions?

Yes, we do, but again, sex is the main dish, the thing which we live for. the bonding is comparatively a small improvement to a fulfilling experience. If sex is a full course meal to satiate starvation, the bonding is like a small dessert.

PapaPinyun · 2020-01-21T17:54:58+00:00

No. But it's taken some work to get to this mindset. A true abundance mentality makes it difficult to confine your emotional attachment to one person.

Eastuss · 2020-01-22T09:14:03+00:00

No. Emotions happen before the sex happen. I bond more easily with women I'm attracted to and with who there's physical contact, that's about it.

Whisper · 2020-01-24T16:45:06+00:00

Some men do, some don't.

But for the ones that do, this is not a consequence of sex in particular.

Title	Men: do you feel in any way connected/bonded to the women you sleep with?
Author	Tornapart96
Upvotes	12
Comments	79
Date	January 21, 2020 5:23 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/erxv4g/men_do_you_feel_in_any_way_connectedbonded_to_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-do-you-feel-in-any-way-connectedbonded-to-the.312704 https://theredarchive.com/post/312704

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