659,329 posts

My son died. No will to live

by throwawaybjjj2324 | February 17, 2020 | askTRP


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Hey guys, I'm one of the older redpillers here (45M). My son was 16 and he was murdered several days ago.

I've never felt this much pain before. I feel so much rage and sadness. I feel utterly useless. All I do is cry all day and stay in bed, don't eat anything.I've completely lost the will to live. I don't even understand the concept of frame anymore, because I feel like my reality is broken down. I just feel like an empty shell. What do I do

Edit - there's so many responses here. Fuck. Im immensely grateful for this community ❤

Post Information
Title My son died. No will to live
Author throwawaybjjj2324
Upvotes 834
Comments 151
Date 17 February 2020 09:51 AM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/337678
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/f56j1y/my_son_died_no_will_to_live/
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[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (1 child) | Copy

All hands on deck. Surround yourself with friends and family and don't be afraid to lean on them for, well, everything right now. Not being alone for a while may help to divert your attention so you can't think about what happened. This is one of those situations where all that matters is just getting through it. Don't be afraid to talk to pros as well.

[–]theUnBannableHulk337 points338 points  (3 children) | Copy

Hey man.

Whatever we say can only help you so much. If you would like to talk about it feel free to PM.

Loss of a child is never easy, and few of us can understand that. Please don’t be down on yourself. Don’t worry about frame etc right now

Take some time out by yourself and process your grief man. Don’t think about the end man, think about the good times and let that be your memory of him.

Just hang in there brother.

[–]throwawaybjjj2324[S] 159 points160 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks bro, i will PM you later on if that's ok.

[–]theUnBannableHulk94 points95 points  (0 children) | Copy

Anytime brother

[–]LazerSpin24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy

My man hope you have the resces because you need grief counseling. Not just a therapist, but a grief counselor. That’s an actual niche that people specialize in. Please look into that.

Also please do whatever it takes to stay away from alcohol or drugs as a means of dulling the pain. Religion, spending lots of money, traveling - whatever it takes to keep yourself from hitting the bottle.

We can’t tell you that the pain will ever get better, but you can and will find a system of living and moving forward after such a tremendous loss.

[–]xandrewsxano465 points466 points  (3 children) | Copy

Oh my god. Fuck TRP and fuck frame, that doesn’t play any role in your situation right now. Grieve and take all the time you need. Please get help and be willing to accept it from those offering it to you.

I really hope from the bottom of my heart that someone is taking care of you.

Please don’t lose your will to live. Your son wouldn’t want you to.

[–]holyrasta45 points46 points  (0 children) | Copy

My condolences.

[–]QuinlanBothese0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You don't get the importance of Frame and all the other people who say similar shit do not aswell. Now the actually USEFUL ADVISE: Frame is your view on reality, if you hold frame you will move on to achieve your aspirations unobstructed.

Don't let anything get in your way man, Kill the guy who murdered your son and move on. Time will make it easier but I strongly recommend getting revenge ,you will feel better. You will regret not doing anything about this. At least I would.

[–]lolomotif12125 points126 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you don't live to remember your son, who will? He would never want you to take your own life over this, you need to live and keep him alive in memory. Dont be hard on yourself and forget the rules for now.

[–]RPNorvell[M] 347 points348 points  (0 children) | Copy

Can't even imagine the pain.

A son just becoming a man.

There are no words, there is no fix.

Nobody should have to put their child in the ground.

Celebrate the life he had.

Take care of your family.

I'm sorry, brother.

[–]halleluiaiaia9292186 points187 points  (2 children) | Copy

See a therapist.. 100%. Someone who specialises in this..

If you dont do it, you wont get out of this loop

[–]__Archaeus__15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hi-Jacking this comment so he sees it:

Please listen to this evolutionary psychologists podcast episode about grief, and then maybe call him and have a phone consultation. I have never listen to any psychologist that understands the human mind as much as this guy.


(I hope the link stays up)

All the best

[–]gottapaythetrollstol78 points79 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hey man the red pill is just a awareness men use. Forget that right now,mourn brother. Do whatever you have to. I don’t know you at all but I feel for you and I send you my deepest condolences.

[–]Sergelano77 points78 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck TRP and frame that shit doesn't matter now.

I can't imagine the pain. But this is life man, anything can happen to anyone anytime. No guarantee that we will see tomorrow.

But you gotta stay strong man. If you don't live to remember your son, who will?

[–]Annapolis_Silence75 points76 points  (4 children) | Copy

I can't imagine the anguish and heartache you are in. God bless you and keep you.

[–]throwawaybjjj2324[S] 62 points63 points  (3 children) | Copy

Thank you. i am already planning to seek psychiatric help, but i will also pray. Faith is something that is very important to me and it's times like this it Is being tested.

[–]IbahBar11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Be kind and nice to yourself.

[–]Winterfuzz7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. Pray, connect with the divine, find your purpose. I am so sorry brother. I will keep you and him in my thoughts and I hope you will be able to find peace. Get help if you need it, thank you for sharing and making me realize that my problems are not that big of a deal, you’ve affected a soul today by sharing. Thank you.

[–]DatingCoach1112 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Former atheist here. I didn’t believe in God until one of the darkest moments in my life, which wasn’t nearly as bad as yours, but I discovered him either way. Your son would never have wanted you to take your life. Live for him.

[–]Jacked5parrow23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy

Allow yourself to grieve dude. You will come out stronger. I don’t know if you have any other children but allow yourself to go through your emotions. Forget the whole “never let your partner see you cry” bullshit.

I won’t lie to you, things won’t be the same and might not “get better” as some would say. But tomorrow will come. And the next day, and many more after that. Your life doesn’t stop and neither should you.

So take your time to mourn your loss and begin the acceptance of it. Althea shortly after be the man your son would’ve wanted and needed. And be the man your family needs, and be whoever you need to be for yourself.

I’m cheering for you man, make us proud.

[–]nightdecoder20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have sons too, i still have them. I can imagine how harsh losing our son, and neither it was "normal" death.

You must keep socializing no matter how difficult it will be, seek support from your families, colleges, new ppl. Life must go on brother, keep breathing and be stronger day by day

[–]KidknappedHerRaptor13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was raised by a single mom. She was 44 when she was murdered. I was 20 at the time. Now 26.

I still feel this way years later. I took it like a champ, but the biggest problem I've had is not having anything to move on to after things ran their course.

Don't ask yourself why. It's a senseless act.

Do you have any other family? Hows your support system?

I still struggle with the will to live, but I'm on my own with no family or friends day to day. I feel like that would all change if the right people just walked into my life.

You just have to keep going. As long as you're alive there's hope.

Self-care is the hardest thing, just having the energy to do all the tedious little things. But those will make the biggest difference in your mood and your opportunity.

I'm still trying to heal. I'm still working on things. But the most important thing is to take care of yourself and put yourself out there to gain, keep, and maintain meaningful relationships. Everything we do is about people.

You're going to have plenty of days you lose the battle for your mental state, and that's okay. Plenty of days you just want to be alone, or you're pissed off or sad. Too depressed to get out of bed.

Just don't have any more of those days than you need, try not to make it habit. If you're feeling okay or motivated, or even if you're feeling shitty but can tough it out, act on that in the moment. Gain momentum towards healing.

[–]masterduelistky11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can’t imagine what you’re going through. But you’re in my prayers, nobody deserves anything like this.

[–]jrterry196910 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

Deepest condolences. I have nothing to say to ease your pain but for what it is worth, I felt the enormous pain of the tragic loss of a close family member when my brother committed suicide.

For me, it did get better over time. The pain and loss never went away but in time it became less all consuming and I could function again.

You son would want you to someday be able to pick up the pieces of your broken life and put them back together and experience happiness again.

It may not seem like it now, but in time you will move forward and gain a measure of peace and happiness, without ever forgetting or dishonoring your son’s life.

[–]PhaedrusHunt5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's been 20 years since I lost my sister to suicided, and every now and then it hits me so hard it's like I just heard the news again.

[–]jrterry19694 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Same. I can only imagine losing a son or daughter would be that much worse.

[–]manu_gd10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm sorry for your loss.

[–]DWS33_10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

not even gonna lie reading this/pondering on this made my eyes get watery.

I know it may not mean much, but i am so sorry this happened to you. I truly hope one day this pain doesn’t hurt you as much man. i feel so sorry.

maybe see a therapist? make sure you talk to somebody man. don’t just be alone during this time.

[–]BritishHumourOnly10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m sorry for your loss, stay strong brother.

[–]Vouch33r8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Feel free to grieve. Yesterday I was reading about some bullshit philosophy and there was a quote 'it' s okay to not feel okay'. Be there for your wife, if you have one, she suffers just as much.

My condolences.

[–]Gtrplyr38389 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m sorry. This is the worst that can happen in life. Thoughts and prayers are with you. Don’t run away from your grief.

[–]thetotalpackage78 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

I didn't write this, but it will help:

Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

[–]PoonBuffet0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This copypasta seems to get posted 1000x a day on Reddit

[–]thetotalpackage70 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe, but if it helps the guy, who cares. the first thing I wrote was “I didn’t write this.”

[–]jackandjill226 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow. There are no words man. No parent should have to bury their child. I'm so sorry.

[–]GratitudeDispassion12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’m so so sorry to hear that.

This is a suggestion entirely from left field, but there is a documentary on Netflix called ‘The Pharmacist’, which is centred on the journey of a father who lost his son to a murder. Whether you watch it now or later on down your path, it may make you feel like somebody understands and show you how that father had dealt with it.

We are here for you.

[–]PhaedrusHunt2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I just saw that. Dan Schneider is one extraordinary individual. One hell of a man.

[–]vintageBiscuit6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Won’t pretend I have a perfect grasp on what’s being explained in this video, or that it would fix everything.

Just give stoicism a try: https://youtu.be/GW7LTPBzoDw

Unfortunately show must go on. Good luck.

[–]Senior Contributoradam-l4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm so sorry for your loss, bro... I can't fathom how hard this is for you.

Hang on, and make use of the support from your friends and family to go through your first grief phase. No one can carry this alone.

It's ok to feel disoriented. Hang on.

[–]Numero344 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do what you can to honour his memory.

What kind of life did he have in mind for himself? Maybe start a scholarship or something.

Sorry for your loss.

[–]Gawernator5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just reading your message, I weep for you. All you can do is stay positive and work through those emotions. Take care

[–]Bartmajster3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm very sorry for your loss. What you need is probably beyond TRP unless there is a wife in the picture that needs your consolation. If there is I would advise putting a mask on and taking it off when you are alone or with a friend. Women are more emotional so it hits them even harder, if that's even possible given how awful what happened is. All the shit tests etc. are actually about moments like this, when she actually needs you.

If not just let it out. The more you mourn and cry the less of those awful emotions will be left to go through your head and stomach every day.

Something I did in time of extreme pain was to submerge my head underwater and scream as loud as I could. Temporary reliefs (that don't include drugs) at least give you clearer head to deal with your emotions and process them.

Don't forget about simple daily routines, especially eating. Fasting for periods longer than 12 hours will cause adrenaline increase which may significantly amplify your negative feelings.

I hope you get better soon, brother.

[–]Morjumba14 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuckin terrible man, life just doesnt make sense sometimes... Do your best to stay strong.

[–]billy_bob_woodcock4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

No big decisions or actions now, you're in recovery mode now and will be there for a while.

"This too shell pass".

[–]Self-honest3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

With all of these sensitive and caring responses, I will offer up a challenge.

See this as the great challenge of your life - because it is. See this challenge as the legacy of your son. Find peace in the pain. Know that he did not live and die in vain, because you will live a great life in his honor. Live the life he would be proud to see you live.

All that said, I am deeply sorry for your loss. It is one of the worst things in the entire world to have to face down. But face it the fuck down - in honor of your son.

[–]Nastynatee4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck... my/our condolences buddy. I'll be logistical as I've experienced something similar. 1. Stay moving, whatever your routine was before this, keep doing it, dont stop. Keep lifting, working, etc. 2. Stay social, stay close to family and friends and would def go to a support group locally weekly for a while, they help immensely. 3. Eat (force yourself if need be) 4. Sleep 5. Journal, write out how your feeling, it helps 6. No getting fucked up, substances will prolong the grieving process. 7. Fuck girls when your ready

I know much of this is common sense for someone your age (I'm only in my 30s) but I did go through an event very similar plus I'm a recovered junky so I know 1st hand all of those things listed will help normalize things again. Life is always balanced, keep doing right by yourself and others and the universe will see to it that it balances this pain out with something positive. Good luck buddy

[–]SpecialSpnk2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Surround yourself with people you love. That is horrible and sad to hear. Most importantly your son would want you to be happy and healthy. I suggest you make a strong connection with whatever you believe in. Prayer has changed my life for the better. Maybe find a support group that shares a somewhat similar experience. Much love brother.

[–]Karmanger2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't let anyone make you feel ashamed for grieving. If anyone gives you a hard time or complains about you mourning.... Separate yourself from that toxic person. They do not have any empthay for you.

[–]robetyarg2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Seek professional help to sort out your feelings and thoughts, and please don't be afraid to reach out to loved ones for comfort. As others have said, my PMs are open as well if you wanna talk. I'm so sorry.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can’t imagine the loss you are feeling now. Find a specialist in the mental heath field to get you through this horrific time.

My Father in Law committed suicide last year on my Birthday. It has been a horrible fallout for the family and the pain remains. I am not trying to compare pains, merely offering some advice as there is others that need you too buddy.

[–]Rikvidr2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry for your loss brother.

[–]furcryingoutloud2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

There is nothing anyone can say to make this any better. I'm sorry you have to go through this. If you can find a therapist to help you work through the pain, do so.

As for finding a reason to continue, you will. Even if it's plain curiosity, the very same thing that keeps me going, you will find something. Anything. Find strength in celebrating the time you had with your son.

It's going to take time, time that you should not be trying to shorten. I wish you luck man, and strength.

[–]isthisalreadyused2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Like others have said, forget about frame, it doesn't matter in the least right now. Do your best to support your loved ones that are also feeling grief, and take it day by day.

I'm no expert in this so those are my thoughts. Either way, my sincerest condolences brother

[–]z2a1-92 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sincere condolences stay strong brother

[–]InsidiousCurve2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wishing you the strength to continue on and celebrate his life.

[–]RiptideRookie2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Men are allowed to grieve, men are allowed to feel unimaginable sadness and pain. What you are experiencing is normal. We understand and support you. We are all human. There is no shame in grief.

This is unrelated but I hope some comedy might help a bit, it did when my grandfather who raised me like a son died. Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec has a great quote: Crying is allowed at funerals and the Grand Canyon.

[–]Snappybrowneyes2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am so very sorry for your loss!! ❤️

[–]tallbosnian2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My deepest condolences.

[–]redpilledfox2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Seek therapy to overcome the pain and live in his name. My condolences.

[–]rockemsockemlostem2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine your pain but I just want you to know you aren't alone. Even if it is some anonymous internet strangers, you aren't alone.

[–]Per_Horses62 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Damn man. I’m so sorry for your loss. He was so young. So much life left in him to live. God bless you and your family.

Take a break my friend. From social media and everything. Eventually things do get better. It will take time, After your break continue your purpose and goals. Do it for not only you but for him. I’m sure he’d love that. You got this extra drive in you my friend to accomplish whatever it is you want to accomplish. Stay strong. This community is always here for you man. Sorry for your loss again.

[–]Huntbutt2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fucking brutal man.

:( Hang in there

[–]Wiindu222 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm so sorry to hear that, pm me if you want to chat.

[–]Lateralanouncer2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just reading your loss hurts. I’m so sorry for your loss.

[–]Sebs822 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My condolences

[–]IrvineKafka2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

What you are going through is my greatest fear realised.

Take it moment to moment. Day by day.

You are allowed to grieve. Find support. Do whatever you can to let out the pain... Tears, writing, screaming, martial arts/hitting a bag - whatever it takes.

My heart goes out to you.

[–]HumbleTrees2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Firstly I am deeply sorry for your loss. The rest of this may be either within your grasp or outside of it, but I am going to write this up hoping that it may help you.

If you saw the nature of the universe for what it truly is, death becomes easier to come to terms with. Your son was never 'seperate' from the connected whole that is the universe. He was an expression of the whole and has now returned to it. As Alan Watts says, "We do not come into this world, we come out of it, as leaves from a tree. As the ocean waves the universe 'peoples'." What this means is that life is a temporary expression of a far more complex process. Our view of disconnected pieces (people) is a false view of the true nature of life and the universe. Please read Alan Watts book "the taboo of knowing who you are". It's a short read but has beautiful pieces on life, death, and the nature of things. This will help reframe your view. The suffering will still be tough but a small reframe will ease things and hopefully show you that your son is still alive as part of the whole.

Another quote I love comes from Terry Pratchett:

"No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away, until the clock wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested. The span of someone's life is only the core of their actual existence." -

When you truly think about it, we do not mourn for the state a person is in before they are born. Why then do we mourn their death when they return to that same place?

Perhaps it helps you to think of your son having returned to where he was before he was born. Back into the reservoir of endless potential.

I hope this helps in whichever tint way it might.

[–]bakachelera2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Forget about redpill and frame and everything about acting strong. Its time for getting help from friends and family. Hell you can even go to live with your parents for some days just so you don't be alone a lot. Put all of this trp stuff aside and mourn your child. Its even expected of a man to do so, your social status is going to be ok dude don't worry about it for now.

[–]RedLegendx5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ok, I know me saying to stay calm and relax is kinda bullshit but you have to somewhat control yourself.

It’s okay to grief, it’s a must, especially with what you’re going through, I suggest you get a psychologist or someone that can deal with these kind of scenarios because this goes beyond what askTRP can help with, or TRP in general.

[–]Nergaal3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Grief is normal.

[–]throwawaypain3451 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

our deepest condolences, don't try to bottle it in, see a therapist ASAP...

[–]Non-Cookie-cutter1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Can't imagine how bad you feel, all i can say is hang in there man. Visit a therapist or talk to some close friends/family, it may help you.

[–]Edwoodz31 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck all that frame and RP bullshit. You need to take time and mourn your son.

I am so sorry for your loss. Truly. May he Rest In Peace.

I pray you find the willpower to return to your full life after the time taken for grief.

If you ever need someone to reach out to, for a vent, please reach out to me. Sometimes the ear of a stranger is a great sponge for frustration.

[–]peacemakerzzz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m sorry for your loss brother. This goes beyond seeing the forest for the trees that is TRP. I’m in no position to give advice but if it helps, your friends and family are there to grieve with you. We are human after all. Write some shit. Write your emotions. Do something. To beat this at least half heartedly, uplifting your endorphins can surely help.

[–]sicoks1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m so sorry man, this isn’t trp thing, it’s a whole lot bigger, take care of yourself and come back stronger

[–]Savaaage1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Let it be known that I feel for you. Sorry for your loss. Loss of your own blood is unimaginable pain. Also feel free to talk.

[–]ConsciouslyLost1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm sorry for your loss brother.

[–]jailbreaker0101 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Condolences, man! You can reach out to me for a talk anytime you feel like it.

I also recommend you take time to grief and talk to a therapist.

Hugs, brother .. you are stronger than this!

[–]KettleLogic1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry for your loss. You just gotta' keep on waking up. Time will heal but scars are with you til the end. The alternative would be not remembering him so even then scars can have their place.

Take some time. Talk it out. Meditate. Fuck frame do whatever you need to heal.

[–]niceguyputin1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am very sorry for your loss, Sir.

Idk if I have the right to say this, but the guilty MUST be punished. Please, take care.

[–]thesoloronin1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t have a son yet, but that certainly is the worst phase someone can go thru. Fuck that frame shit for the moment fellow brother! Pause for a moment in life and grief for your son. And if you need your tribe of men to be there for you, hit them up. And if WE are your tribe of men here, then so be it. You can pull thru this! Your son will forever live in the good times y’all had. Just have to hang in there buddy.

I’m so so sorry for your loss.

[–]theredfinance1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I do not know if it helps, but I have read that many parents who lost a child find meaning and purpose by trying to stop/diminish the cause which led to their kid death.

Maybe this could be a reason to hang on? Fight so others won't have to be put in the same spot as you.

I am really sorry for your loss

[–]webgar8051 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My deepest condolences to you and your family. Do you mind sharing details of what happened?

[–]Gandalf321 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm here for you brother.

[–]alleyteris1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm sorry for your loss man, I can't imagine how hard it is, but stay strong and seek psychiatric help, I don't know if you have other children and or a wife but if there are, you will need to be strong and supporting for them too

[–]youcantdenythat1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

A co worker lost his son a couple of years ago, he died in his sleep with no explanation of how. I also have a son and can't imagine what you guys are going through and know that there isn't anything I can say to help. I can tell you my co-worker was devastated for over a year and now seems to be getting things back on track. He goes on vacations with his wife, talks about his hobbies, etc. There isn't much you can do at this point but go on and know that he would want you to live the best life you can.

[–]third3y3guy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

May you be comforted by the outpouring of love surrounding you.

[–]chrisindub1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you are in any way religious, that may offer some help. If you have other children, focus on them.

[–]SeasonedRP1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My condolences for your loss. I have a son about that age and can't imagine the grief you must be experiencing. What you have to do is keep living. The hurt won't go away but you'll be able to manage it better with time. I know a woman whose son was murdered about a year ago, and she went through, and still has, the kind of pain you are experiencing. She's doing a lot better now, though, than she was a year ago, and I bet you will have the same experience.

[–]Velebit1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My grandma was one of 8 kids. Only 5 reached adulthood and then 2 of her brothers died in war. She was the last one to live and died of saddness a few months after my grandpa died. She was in good health though before he died and spent last 5 years taking care of him who was demented. Back then parents didn't even name their kids until they were 3 so that when they die they don't tragedize over it.

I know it seems unconventional, but maybe try to read ancient literature of how people dealt with it back when death was everywhere and most kids didn't reach adulthood. Stoicism is somewhere near those lines of thought but there are also other Greek tragic focus of philosophy.

[–]RPSum1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nothing makes this better, though time dulls the pain. You'll have to live for 2 now.

[–]purplestuff111 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am so sorry. Nothing you find on any website is going to make you feel better. Now is the time for you to see friends, family, a therapist, anyone who you can confide in. Not going to sugarcoat it and say you'll be able to go back to the way you were before because you can't. All you can do is remember him fondly and try and live for him one minute at a time.

[–]SalesAficionado1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm sorry man, I'm really sorry for your loss my brother.

[–]moresmarterthanyou1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So sorry for your loss, sending my Love

[–]PhaedrusHunt1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

When I was 21 my sister committed suicide and it wrecked me.

But watching the effect on my mom was just...

I have two kids and I can only imagine what it's like.

I'm really sorry man.

There's already plenty of good advice here-- I'm not going to pile on more advice, but I'm very sympathetic to your situation

What you're feeling is completely natural. If you felt okay right now, what kind of a person would you be anyway?

Peace be on you, brother.

[–]woodencrown1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So sorry to hear this

[–]Folknust1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus fucking Christ. My condolences, friend. Be stoic, and don’t let your son’s death mean nothing.

[–]_Ulan_1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Go. Talk. To. A. Doctor. Don't stay alone in this.

[–]rogerramjetz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm so sorry for your unfathomable loss.

Fuck all the "rules" and look after yourself. Be kind and patient to you.

Deepest condolences. My thoughts are with you.

[–]SheriffBart421 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nothing can prepare you for sudden losses as these. Although this is why I think all men should read the Stoics to have a proper view of our existence on earth. As a new father myself, all of my condolences go out to you. My mother was murdered when I was 8. If there's one thing that I can pass on....it's that the anger can survive even longer than the sadness. I saw it with my brother and grandmother.

The sadness will come and go. But the anger can persist. If you don't find a way to disassociate your anger from this horrible event, it can eat you alive. Find a way to leave it behind when you feel ready. Easier said than done, I know. Take your time with your emotions. No timetable.

[–]1DubbleFUPAwitCheez1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's awful. My condolences.

Ed. Thinking and coming back to this later, one of the main reasons to have "frame" is to make sure you don't get taken advantage of and to get the best out of a given scenario. If someone you know is trying to take advantage of you or get some sort of power over you during this situation you have a pretty clear sign that they don't need to be a part of your life.

[–]FlowFreal1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck man.

No one deserves that pain. I’m only 24 so don’t have much life experience but forget trp and frame right now, go talk with family and your loved ones. But we’re of course here if you need us.

PM if you need a buddy to talk to. Sorry brother.

Can’t imagine what you’re going through.

[–]Idontlikekarmawhores1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t know if you are a believer or not, but in times like this I can only suggest you that you attend some church near you. I would not want to be in your shoes man, you have my most profound condolences. This pain is the worst a man can feel, i think I talk for all us when I say, we are here for you and you can talk to us if you need. God give you peace in these times.

[–]anish7141 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

From a practical sense, go for a walk, in the sun. Or in some woods. I don't know how to help you grieve. My father passed at a relative young age few years back and the pain I felt was like nothing else. 5 years later, I still grieve. And that was my father, and he lived 2/3rds of a full life.

I can only feel the pain you feel for your son. It does get easier, but it never will be easy.

Do go somewhere where you are not reminded of of your sun. A bit of physical activity with some sunshine, and change of scenery can help your mood.

[–]ProFriendZoner1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get to a grief counselor pronto and don't fuck around with excuses.

Keep in mind some people will distance themselves from you, not that they don't care, they just don't know what to do.

Some may say some really callous things.

But you have to process the grief. Giving up doesn't work, making excuses doesn't work, holding it in doesn't work.

You went through one of the most stressful things a person can ever go through and you're not going to be able to handle this alone.

Others have been where you are. There are grief groups out there but first hit the Grief Counselors.

I'm not alone in saying that my heart is breaking for what you are going through.

Please keep us updated on your progress.

[–]MeRobot_90001 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hello brother. I hope that my few words can help you. I am not able to fathom the loss of my son, and with that, all I can offer is someone to talk to. Please feel free to message me at any time, even to vent or just tell me about your day. I would be more than happy just to listen to what you have to say. Losing your son is something you won't ever forget, and Im certain you wouldn't want to forget it either

Please seek professional help, online we can only do so much, and it's far less than any professional could do for you in person. Your son would want the best for you, he wants you to be strong, and he wants you to live the best life you possibly can. Do your best to avoid doing anything that could affect your future. Please take the time to feel exactly how you feel now, feel it to heal it.

We are all here for you, you surely are a stronger person than me. Please speak to us more often.

Stay strong brother.

[–]J-Unleashed1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck, dude. My sincerest condolences. I wish I knew what to say to help you retrieve your will to live, but my inbox is open if you want to vent. All the best, dude!

[–]psychodynamic11 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Everything that you are going through is an understandable response to something incomprehensible. The advice here is on point: Find a grief counselor ASAP to help you through this. Full disclosure, I'm a psychotherapist and grief counselor and worked in hospice/pediatric hospice and palliative care. I've seen more than my fair share of children die and it's the worst thing that you will ever face. Now it's your job to honor your son's memory and get the help that you need. We don't get through these things alone and you're courageous for sharing your experience with us here. You will get through this, just not by yourself.

TL;DR: Get to a grief counselor. Honor your son and don't do this alone.

[–]sniper19051 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

From your account, even tho it’s a throwaway you may like BJJ. That could help, however you first must grieve and mourn. Do that, that is the first hump you must get passed over.

[–]janaheyiloveyou1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Whatever you do.. Its okay to cry.. Anger and crying really helps... Dont hold tears in just to feel like a man.. Its a natural human function to calm your nervous system...

[–]talentedmagick21 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

As someone who is only 20 years old, it is impossible for me to fathom how this could affect someone. However, I have been plagued by mental illness for a while now (Suicidal thoughts, anxiety, and BPD). I'm trying to get my life back on track so I can graduate college and surpass my current demons. If you need someone to message you can PM me. Also, I recommend counseling. You need to find the right person to talk to, but having someone that I can actually vent to without judgement is one of the most therapeutic things for my situation. We can get through this. It will be a difficult journey, but I believe in you.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh my God. Worst nightmare come true. I have a daughter and I can only imagine your agony and pain.

I wish you all the strength you need to go through this.

Should you need a stranger to listen, just message me.

[–]vadim21211 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My condolences

[–]Wrath_of_Trump1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's a bottomless pit feeling when someone you saw everyday is gone forever. It's going to feel that way for years, it may never "go away." You don't need to worry about "frame" or "red pill," you need to be with people who care about you. Nobody is going to judge you for mourning the loss of your child, ffs. There is nothing you "should do" except keep living through these rawest of days until you've built a resistance to being sad all the time. It could take a long time, you don't want to force it. There's no pill to take for this one.

[–]timmehthekid1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I am sorry for your loss. I wish you strength and resolve. Overcoming this will be one of the greatest challenges of your life...and the greatest builder when you will persevere.

If you can, open up to people and welcome their condolences. Express, feel and let the pain out. Do not, please, touch any substances.

When you’re ready, read Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat (Amazon, Free). The author, likewise, has lost his boy to a completely accidental medical error. The framework he describes in the book has helped him overcome this tragedy.

[–]NoFaithInThisSub1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My warmest condolences to you. I do not know what you are going thru, I... we are all sorry to hear that.

[–]Zeplikes1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Please do not do anything rash during this rough time. You will get through it no matter how tragic. Seek help through family and friends if possible and get yourself into some grievance counseling ASAP. Very sorry for your loss.

[–]3xchar1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm so sorry this happened. I can't imagine the pain. Please just give yourself some time to grieve. If you can get around family and friends. Don't lose will. Make small baby steps to eat and drink.

If you need to talk about anything do not hesitate to message me. I really mean this. We love you man

[–]Sqtlol1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Vent to somebody. Anybody, all that you need. Cry your heart out. Forget everything RP for now. Time heals even the deepest wounds.

You’ll get through this stronger, and im 100% certain you’ll honor your sons memory by being the absolute best version of yourself.

Stay strong my brother, im terribly sorry for your loss.

[–]Thatjuansailor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

To be honest, You probably have more life Wisdom than me since you are twice my age. But, it doesn’t hurt for me to put input. I have studied psychology and philosophy very deeply with obsession. I think the best thing to do is to give yourself time and get rid of technology and social media. Go for a walk, find your true values again & your life mission. What did you learn from this? How can you continue on? What control do you have to change your path? Helping others? Helping the people who commit these crimes? Can you still find meaning? Can you make a decision to act towards something that will beneficial? I’m so sorry, you will get back up. But don’t stay there, it’s too dark brother

[–]zuhal931 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

While you're in bed, maybe listen to some of the early men's movement stuff. While not "red pilled" in any classic sense, and often pretty cheesy, it can help to re-establish the context for the greater work that all of us men are called to.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFGf8Zmi-9Q for example

[–]Nomfwic1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My condolences brother.

[–]Nightwolf8281 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm overwhelmed by the amount of support for this man. There are still good people left in the world. Keep fighting brothers!!!!!!!!

[–]apoc20501 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm sorry dude.

[–]dadfrombrad1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Kill the motherfucker who did it

[–]battmaker4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

The world is full of death and because of that you need faith. I’m so sorry.

[–]cfbovernfl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How do you know he needs faith? Faith is is in essence relying on something intangible as a mere placebo.

[–]WiterS21 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you have more children, then get your shit together. You cannot fail them.

if you are married, she will definitely lose respect and love for you breaking down.

If you do not have more children, then make new ones. Having a single one is a bad bet on life.

If your woman doesn't want to have more children, get a younger one. She can choose for herself, but she can't choose for you.

[–]treehauz2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Im so sorry :(. I understand your pain. I want to share another perspective.

Death is not the end, reincarnation is real. People remember their past lives and it is known fact now. There are babies which speak words from past life language or there are kids which remember their past lives and ask their families about where their wives and kids are at randomly.

This was going to happen and you have something to learn from it. Both you and people around you had to go through this. It is a harsh experience but its how life is. It is raw and primitive.

Before coming to this life, your higher self knew that this was going to happen and you knew you had to go through this. Its teaching you a lesson i cant tell what. Stay sane and don’t think of death as the end. Life is about cycles, another cycle will begin for your baby. It’s not the end.

I hope this makes you feel a little better. Stay strong brother.

[–]lakerfanforlife0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My condolences, I am so sorry for your loss, may he rest in peace, please stay strong, and please feel free to PM if you need to talk

[–]skippwiggins0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t know you but I’ll give you my love and my prayers.. I’m so sorry. Carry on FOR your son, in his memory make him proud. We’re here for you brother.

[–]Fiendorfoes0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t have much experience in a situation like this, but that pain I do know the empty ache. Try and reach out even if it’s online, find others in your similar situation and reach out to them! Nothing you can do good or bad will make the outcome any different, so choose to do the better thing and live now for you!

[–]MakoShark930 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is probably the most serious post I've ever seen on here. Stay strong, brother.

[–]veggieclouds900 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You need to get better that is priority. You are depressed at the moment and rightfully so. I am also a father and I cannot imagine what you are going through right now.

This is an extremely painful time in your life. Lean on your loved ones. Take it one step at a time. Crawl, walk, run when time permits. Everyday just take it slow.

Avoid alcohol at all costs... it will only make the situation worse, as tempting as it sounds to get drunk.

If you need someone to talk to brother I am here. I will PM you to see how you are doing.

[–]shadowentityrising0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hey brother, my condolences heavily that's more than awful its universe shattering. You don't state if you are married or if you have other children, I understand though because your mind must be hugely fogged right now. Don't take your own life whatever you do, your son wouldn't want it watching from above. It's easy for me to say this because I'm not you, and doing it will be much harder. Narrow down your time frame and focus on getting through the next hour day to day. Try be the one your immediate family can lean on, try to take the responsibility of keeping everyone else's chins up, it sounds like I'm a jackass but as a father this is your purpose right now. Get through each hour, then each day.... Look no further forward than that. You need your closest pals by your side aswell, lean on them in private away from your immediate family, cry, tell them your feelings let it all out. Then try be as solid as you can for your family, I sincerely hope the police solve the murder and bring the peice of shit to justice although that won't stop the pain, it may give your direct family a sense of closure to the trauma. Meditation and lifting can help your focus right now along with pounding the shit out of a punchbag. Stay strong brother you can do this.

[–]HurricaneHugues0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No matter what you do, you will not get your son back. If your son was in your shoes and the situation was reversed, what would you want him to do? Write that down in your comment to me.

Don't lose yourself. Drop on the floor right now and give me 25 push ups. Stay active and stay fit. Don't let grief ruin you. Life will go on.

[–]amphix3390 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm 19 and I don't know the relationship you had with your son but I just want to say you were probably his biggest hero. I look up to my dad in many ways and I'm sure you were the same for him.

I hope the pain will fade but the good memories stay. Take care of yourself brother.

[–]classicrando0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


about a man in a similar situation, no one has answers to these things.

I try to just do basic tasks and not think about the future or the past.

[–]RStonePT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I hope you have a good support network, I assume your wife will not be good at it though, letting her be that will be disappointing, so don't bother.

Technically, people will be looking at you to for support.

If you're on twitter, reach out to @TheRealLeejo and tell him I sent you. He just lost a large part of his family and will be the best source of information for you right now.

[–]TheProducer_Boom0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry to hear about your loss.

I lost my older son 18 months ago, there is nothing that anybody can say to you that will make things better. how can anybody understand the pain a father has to go thru by loosing his most loved person in the world? is just incomprehensible.

Nobody is really prepared for this moment, is almost the reverse experience of seeing your son born. What i tell myself is that he just didn't belong to this world, he was always so different and quirky almost as if heaven just loaned us him for a short time and of course you don't want that time to be so short and the departure to be so sudden, but i know he had to return home and I feel that he is in good hands now. (I am a believer in God).

I hope you understand and is probably too early for you to accept this but your son wants you to be brave as he is looking up to you to be strong and cherish every moment and memory you had with him, I know your son was too young to leave this world, my son died at 9 and i would give anything in this world to have him even for one more day. but i know is not possible. He probably left a deep cut in your heart and the void is hard to bear. I felt the same for several months after he passed.

recovery from this is not easy but you will always have him in your heart, let his memory be the inspiration that helps you move forward and to a better place, his spirit is always with you, and he wants you to acknowledge that his passion for life and the way he smiled will always be in you. You have all the right to be angry, sad and you should mourn his departure, just don't take it to a dark place, but be grateful for having the opportunity to share 16 years of your life with such an amazing soul.

God Bless you and your Son.

[–]swimminginblue0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stay strong, praying for you

[–]wholewheatdirtydog0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm so so sorry for your loss my friend. Your son was not much younger than myself. I suggest you ignore the redpill for now and surround yourself with family and friends. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk to someone.

I pray for you and your family during this tough time.

Stay strong.

[–]AbysswalkerGuts0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Avenge him.

[–]420BJsGamble0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Let this emotion out. The more you suppress the worse you’ll feel. Lean on friends and family during this trying time. We’re here for you.

You have a lot to be proud of and a lot to live for. I’d look for groups / others that have gone through the same thing as you and read / talk to them.

[–]slamdunktiger860 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hey brother, I’m sorry to hear about this devastation.

If you ever want to chat, anytime.

When I went through a loss, an old friend told me, some things you’re not meant to get over.

That really helped me.

Take care brometheus

[–]rebirthandrecover0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I know I’m late - I’m so sorry for your loss, words can’t describe how terrible that situation is and I hope you find peace. Whatever you do, do not hide your feelings in a bottle. That will only guarantee more problems for you and the people around you. As painful as this is, please allow yourself to feel it. If you turn to drugs/alcohol now, you will only delay those feelings coming back. Stay safe and healthy ❤️

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy


[–]edwardcaptain22-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Go listen to “See you again”, “summertime sadness”, “here’s to you”, May your baby boy Rest In Peace

[–]AceMav21-5 points-4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hold frame & lift. Fr though I’d probably go see a grief counselor

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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