Ladies: Do you feel men are too sexual in dating?

imasapien · 2020-02-20T20:57:29+00:00

So my theory is men are overtly sexual if it’s a “Hail Mary” — like either it’s a girl who is lower value that he just wants to bone, or it’s a girl he’s tried with but who hasn’t been that interested, so it’s his final try.

For girls that men perceive as high value, they don’t send this kind of stuff because they don’t want to “fuck it up”

I match with a lot of men and almost never get creepy sexual messages from them. The guys that DO send me that stuff are guys I’ve rejected or didn’t match with in first place (that then found my SM profiles and DMd me).

OmarNBradley · 2020-02-20T20:39:59+00:00

They do it too overtly. There are ways to flirt and tease without being like "hey bitch here's my penis" on message 3.

Men have to find that middle ground between coming off as a slavering public masturbator, and asexual. Easier said than done.

That being said, men on OLD are probably looking for low-investment sex. They don't really care who the woman is or what she's about, he just wants someone to sit on his weiner with the minimum investment of time and effort on his part.

brokegradstudent_93 · 2020-02-20T20:28:51+00:00

I have had several men harass me because I didn’t wanna go to their place 20 minutes after matching with them. I told them maybe after we message for a few days and go on a date. They blew the hell up accusing me of being horrible things. All because they expected sex right away. So yes. Men on the internet and dating apps are way too sexual. Hell I can post on anonymous apps just implying I’m a woman and I’ll get tons of dms from all over, even when I haven’t posted any pictures.

Sophiatab · 2020-02-21T00:30:40+00:00

Absolutely. Men are always complaining they can't find good women to be in relationships with. Well, good women don't want to be propositioned for casual sex twenty minutes into meeting someone.

Maybelowsmv · 2020-02-20T20:24:12+00:00

When I was using OLD, I’d say about 50% said something sexual in the first 24 hours.

Some were in the first few messages.

So after weeding out the guys who couldn’t wait to talk about their peen in the first few moments, then the next challenge was weeding through the guys who expected sex on the first date. I had been negged, teased, even cornered, when I didn’t put out. One time in my twenties I was followed home. I have a very, very tough time believing that men care about other things than sex after these experiences.

Even after marriage, I’m approached in public and asked out by random dudes out in the world. At least one wasn’t deterred when I flashed my rings in front of his face. Yes, men are overly sexual all the time, everywhere.

Maybelowsmv · 2020-02-20T20:28:39+00:00

Well duh. Tinder is a hookup app so I'm not surprised by it... but God, does it actually WORK for men ???

I got blocked by a guy after I told him that his low effort behaviour won't work on me lol. (He tried to change a 2 min convo into one where he somehow expected me to fuck him that very night)

SunflowerBurst · 2020-02-20T20:18:23+00:00

Most women do not want to be used impersonally for sex, that is what they object to, even if they are casually hooking up it should feel personal.

Whiteliesmatter1 · 2020-02-20T20:45:54+00:00

Related anecdote: I was dating a woman who wanted to have a threesome with a woman. (Or so I thought, but I later found out it was most likely just a ploy to get her ego massaged and throw something in my face).

She told me to watch. She would match with almost everyone, then if she thought one was hot, just be straight up “hey nice tits, wanna fuck” or something along those lines. They were all like “sure, when and where?”

Whether or not those lines come across as creepy depends a lot on who you are. I have seen them work first hand. But it doesn’t mean YOU can do that.

Orange_Paisley · 2020-02-20T21:09:22+00:00

Yes, men get too sexual before a dating relationship is established, including sending dick pics or "dtf?" messages before I even know your name.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2020-02-21T03:27:20+00:00

Too much sexual, not enough seducing. Overt male sexuality is disgusting unless I like him.

findingfemininity · 2020-02-20T20:46:50+00:00

Yes. I'm someone who sleeps with people on the first few dates and even I had to roll my eyes on some of the cringe-inducing pickup lines guys would try on dating apps. And there were the men who'd straight up ask "DTF" with no context or conversation.

I don't know why some men think women will just come over and fuck them if they matched on an app. Even the sluttiest, most highly sociosexual women I know still need to meet the guy face to face first. If you want sex with absolutely 0 effort on your part try Grindr.

41013 · 2020-02-20T21:58:24+00:00

Yeah

We know you have a dick just like every other dude.

It isn’t special, and it’s not why we swiped on you.

atlantisasalover · 2020-02-20T22:20:15+00:00

Yes, so I stopped using tinder and bumble. But all the guys I talk to are young and around my age so I guess I shouldn't expect any less. Also have a dude that claims I'm playing games or acting difficult when his first date idea was to book a room for valentines day, which I hard passed because what the fuck.

mandoa_sky · 2020-02-20T22:55:52+00:00

yes.

i've had several dtf messages without even the courtesy of a "hello" first

phlegmdawg · 2020-02-21T08:39:10+00:00

A lot of men are too sexual too soon. It’s a welcome thing after a rapport has been established. But right after matching and before we’ve even met in real life? No thanks.

87AudreyHorne · 2020-02-21T09:13:34+00:00

I'm maybe weird but I dont get talking about sex in a context that doesnt lead to sex (aside from theoretical talk). I dont get sexting and all that. It seems kind of fake to me. I can only do it as a joke. Compliments are ok though but I like a more subtle and polite type of men. I'm a bit of a prude that way.

azngirl7689 · 2020-02-21T13:09:10+00:00

Honestly, yes. Sex is important in dating but not to the level they claim. And they wonder why they end up with crazy chicks on occasion.

AutoModerator · 2020-02-20T20:13:33+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Female_urinary_maze · 2020-02-21T07:51:15+00:00

It's not even just a dating problem because no dating has to occur before the creeper gets creeping.

Dudes like that haven't even started dating a woman or established any kind of rapport and understanding of boundaries before they start spamming her with thirsty shit and unsolicited dick pics.

A woman doesn't even have to be seeking a partner on a dating site to attract that kind of unwanted sexual attention. Make a Fetlife profile to find events in your area? You unsurprisingly get creepers. Have a Facebook where your profile picture is a picture of your face? You get creepers too. Even if you're a sixteen year old girl running a support group on Kik for people with suicidal thoughts (which by the way was not advisable) you still get fucking creepers.

I don't think that those dudes are a very large portion of the male population, but they do really effect women's experiences of online dating and the internet as a whole.

WicGoingAnonymous · 2020-02-20T20:19:28+00:00

Yes

And I'm saying that as someone that's usually looking for FWB.

richlad · 2020-02-21T01:47:33+00:00

It's way to filter out women who just want sex and use tinder app as "harem of men".

If you agree to sex with a stranger, there is no incentive for a man to put efforts who wants a serious girlfriend.

slavicgypsygirl · 2020-02-21T04:55:16+00:00

I am only on one dating app that I had to be verified for & rarely use bc of dm's I receive on instagram

Most people who dm myself & other girls on it aren't sexual bc they have an image to protect

Title	Ladies: Do you feel men are too sexual in dating?
Author	Extension-Effective
Upvotes	24
Comments	97
Date	February 20, 2020 8:13 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/f6yxjh/ladies_do_you_feel_men_are_too_sexual_in_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/ladies-do-you-feel-men-are-too-sexual-in-dating.338505 https://theredarchive.com/post/338505

Comments