What advice would you give a 30 year old newly single woman to attract a good mate?

Barely-moral · 2020-06-05T15:04:16+00:00

Know exactly what you want. Know your priorities. Know which priority comes first.

Know yourself. Know your own value.

Make decisions based on that.

Chances are, you are on a time limit because the longer you wait the less chances you have to attract a good mate. For that reason you should know what you are after and what you are working with first.

TheGirlGetter9000 · 2020-06-05T16:12:36+00:00

Make sure you look as good as you possibly can

Be willing to settle compared to what your expectations are (because clearly they haven't been met in years) and don't treat the guy negatively just because he doesn't live up to, again, the expectations that nobody else met either.

bobless_jum · 2020-06-05T14:56:24+00:00

Move to a city with far more single men than single women and ask for whatever you want. Here's a convenient map.

NUE4T9x · 2020-06-05T15:09:32+00:00

Understand yourself well enough that know and can articulate your values, how these would manifest in a guy, and what sort of relationship is acceptable.
And if you have disappointments in the past, understand why you let yourself be misled.
Therapy.
Diet and exercise.
Tasteful beauty/fashion
When you have a clear realistic idea about the sort of guy you can have a relationship, you might need to adjust your lifestyle to expose yourself in a way that you become exposed and attracted to these sorts of guys.

red_troll · 2020-06-05T17:23:17+00:00

Take care of your physical appearance
Be smart and educated
Be modest, kind and supportive

reluctantly_red · 2020-06-05T18:01:11+00:00

If you don't already have a good education and a good career that needs to be your first priority. Quality guys want a woman who is a full partner.

skystar86 · 2020-06-05T21:52:53+00:00

Lower your age by 5 years in the profile. Voila, the wall is gone.

LowCreddit · 2020-06-05T19:39:56+00:00

If you want my real advice, you need to learn how to be happy yourself. Most women depend on others to make them happy. If you can learn to be happy, then you can be happy with more men. Most women I know who have issues dating in their 30's are constantly complaining that their man isn't making them happy. Both men and women need to strive to have their partners add to their lives instead of being their lives.

perv_alert93 · 2020-06-05T16:54:06+00:00

[deleted]

wizard_down_there · 2020-06-05T19:14:33+00:00

Just exist and pick the better options that present themself.

Women don't have a quantity or quality issue. They have a problem where they pick the option that feels good. Then these women wonder why they're in shitty relationships and get treated shitty.

When a woman is in a shitty relationship it's not an accident. It's because she actually likes it. DON'T BE THAT WOMAN

Cobra_x30 · 2020-06-05T20:15:33+00:00

My advice is this. You can have the best gear and most expensive bait in the world, but if you are fishing in the wrong lake you won’t catch anything you want.

Good looking women have no issues attracting men. The key is to figure out where the men you want will be at... and then be there too.

If you run to the apps like most folks... it’s like sifting through a sewer and your not going to be able to do it without getting yourself dirty.

SherbertBacon · 2020-06-05T20:34:11+00:00

Many of the most attractive women I've dated have been just before or just over thirty. They had these things in common:

Took really good care of themselves. For men and women, 30 is often the "fork in the road" for people who were just naturally attractive and those who got that way from looking after themselves. Metabolisms slow down, sun damage sets in. After 30 is where you can meet two people the same age but they may look 10 or more years apart.
They know what they want in life and have the drive to go after it. I've known for years, I expect someone my age or slightly older to know it too. Existential crises and unresolved baggage is reserved for singledom. Own that you want to be a wife and a mother. I want to be a husband and a father, and anyone who isn't enthused about those things with the right person (not just the "most available") will have me leaving.
Have the maturity to not play games. Flakiness, feigning "busyness," poor communication, lukewarm attitudes are too childish for me. If you like me and I like you, let's be direct about it and date as adults. If not—or if I even suspect not—I move on quickly.
Filter hard. I filter hard, she should too. Have the self-awareness to detect bullshit quickly and move on. It signals to me she has self-respect and is serious about finding a good mate. It also saves her precious time and needless heartbreak from losers.
Have something interesting going on in their life. Muay Thai, dance classes, yoga, doing inner work, travel.... something. Make your life bigger than just drinks w/ friends and "settling down." It tells me you aren't just looking to check another box in your life story and bring something of quality to our time together.

2020-06-07T07:06:50+00:00

Most of the men on this forum ain't shit so you shouldn't listen to them.

I'm not trying to shame anyone but you can tell a lot of guys on this subreddit hate women because of things that happened in their past and are just here to bash them, or are straight up lying about how successful they are with women, probably to make themselves feel better in some weird way related to their own ego.

It is what it is.

All you can do is find someone that makes you happy, evaluate them, don't be a slut and start double dick clutching, keep your guard up to make sure he isn't trying to pump and dump you, and the rest of it is luck.

You can't force anything, and you have to be willing to compromise.

Also, stay within your league. A lot of people get burned out and "hate" dating because they think they should have a partner that's better than them. So their dating life turns into constantly being rejected because they're shooting too high. If you stay within your league you're much more likely to find someone that is on the same wavelength as yourself.

Finally, if you're educated, in shape, and decently attractive 30 isn't going to be a major red flag if you're dating normal men. Yeah, we like younger women. But, if you have your shit together you'll find a good dude, just don't go for one that is still in his hookup stage.

RedPill_is_a_cult · 2020-06-05T15:46:05+00:00

Lead with your values, and examine whether those values are condusive to attracting the kind of person you want, and getting/maintaining the kind of relationship you want.

Self improvement should always be done because you love yourself, not because you're trying to reach a goal so that you can love yourself.

Don't succumb to sunk cost fallacy.

staypositivebrad · 2020-06-05T18:08:16+00:00

The only way you're at a disadvantage is if you have a child

BSGTJ10 · 2020-06-05T20:00:02+00:00

Well, first figure out what "good" means to you. Second figure out if you can realistically expect that "good" mate. If you can't, either improve yourself or be more realistic about your prospects. Perhaps both if needed.

Honestly though, it ain't hard to find a good guy, though again that depends on your definition of good. I think the key thing above all else is to think long term. Following your sexual attraction first and foremost is usually a recipe for disaster or meaningless short-term flings.

Notsonewguy7 · 2020-06-06T20:08:47+00:00

It should go without saying and you probably already know this but don't get a face tattoo.

Jimmy-Turnchapel · 2020-06-08T01:05:44+00:00

If he’s got manners don’t tell him you spent your teens chasing drug dealers.

perv_alert93 · 2020-06-05T15:06:42+00:00

[deleted]

ExoticTown · 2020-06-05T15:25:19+00:00

[deleted]

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Aaren_Augustine · 2020-06-05T15:49:37+00:00

How did your last relationship end?

perv_alert93 · 2020-06-05T18:17:35+00:00

take pen and paper, or a word processor

Write down all the qualities that you want in a guy, from superfluous to important, the more detailed the better. Keep piling them up, if it helps also add pics of people who see around the internet as "types" famous or otherwise.

take your time, one hour here and there, for about 1 week. It can be a list, or - better - a list of lists (character list, physique list, career list, intangible list..... etc...)

once you're done, read it to yourself aloud. Visualize the type of guy you want.

Once you have a clear picture in your mind, do the same exercise for the type of women this guy would be attracted to.

Then compare this type of woman to yourself: do you and this woman are a match? if no... you could be(come) that woman or go back to the drafting board about you ideal mate till you have everything/everybody aligned.

I once told that to an acquaintance of mine and she told me: "Fuck you, I'm not going to change".

dylang92 · 2020-06-05T18:23:11+00:00

Know what you want, but also understand that you may have to settle in a few spots depending on your requirements. Be realistic, but that doesn’t mean you won’t have any sort of options and need to date the biggest incel tier looks guy who works as a day laborer. Play the field, see what you can attract. Are the men of your highest standards looking to LTR and wife you up? No? Start changing them until you can find a happy medium. Or alternatively you are free you to wait, really just do whatever you want

redditthrowaway1478 · 2020-06-05T21:41:33+00:00

How long since you were last single and dating?

The dating environment might be substantially different from how you remember

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-06-05T22:20:54+00:00

Be in relatively good shape
KNOW WHAT YOU WANT/WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR
BE INDEPENDENT (Know how to cook and clean up after yourself, have your shit together as much as possible, etc.)
BE MENTALLY STABLE AND MATURE
BE DRUG AND DISEASE-FREE
No prior history of infidelity (Cheaters gonna cheat)

Everything in caps, bold and italicized are crucial. Italicized only is still important but there may be room for forgiveness.

daddysgotanew · 2020-06-05T22:39:01+00:00

Be realistic. None of this “I know what I deserve” and “it’s gonna take someone sweeping me off my feet” crap. Most 30 year old men are getting jaded, and the ones you’ll be attracted to have a lot of experience.

SeemedGood · 2020-06-06T00:21:07+00:00

Depends on what you consider a “good match.”

If by “good match” you mean a good man:

Be kind, curious, thoughtful.

Be introspective, objectively self observant, and self critical.

Be able to appreciate him for his being without regard to his potential utility to you.

2020-06-06T01:55:28+00:00

Go learn live on your own with no special treatment.

Physiologist21 · 2020-06-06T02:55:09+00:00

I have no idea what you want, but here is an easy starter.

a) Don't be fat

b) Don't be miserable

c) Cultivate some knowledge/talent/skill

Enjoy.

TechnicalMight0 · 2020-06-06T03:05:21+00:00

Be realistic (take a good look at what your real dealbreakers are what are just preferences), judge each man on his own merits (he is not your ex), and ask male relatives/friends you trust to vet him for you.

SteveSan82 · 2020-06-06T07:32:23+00:00

What kind of men do you like? What is your goal?

Have bad habits? Drop them. Join a gym, learn to cook and clean if you don’t know already. Develop a pleasant character. A man worth having won’t be interestEd in a woman who doesn’t fit any of this.

Don’t treat sex like a commodity. Understand men cannot understand women speak, you have to be direct or he won’t know what you are trying to say.

angry_ogunsoto · 2020-06-06T20:56:35+00:00

It depends on what you consider a good mate and at what point you are in life now

darksoldierk · 2020-06-08T23:42:16+00:00

Single due to what? SHe got divorced or her husband died in a war or car accident or something? That's key.

If she got divorced, there is no advice to give. She won't find a good man, because most good men don't want anything to do with a divorced 30 year old, and her child. Most good men are smart, and smart men don't spend their time, effort and earnings supporting someone else' child, unless they adopt a child that biologically belongs to neither themselves or their partner.

If she's a widow, then she can definitely find a good man as long as she is good looking and as long as she shows that she will show the man as much attention as a single woman instead of indicating that her attention will primarily be towards the child. It'll be more work for her, but that's what it is. She needs to remember that when she had the kid with the father, that initial stage of each person giving their attention to the other was mostly over, so each person could focus their attention on the child, but when you get into a new relationship, despite being a parent, she's still expected to show the same amount of attention to the man as she would if she didn't have a kid.

bobless_jum · 2020-06-05T15:12:23+00:00

[deleted]

perv_alert93 · 2020-06-05T15:13:12+00:00

[removed]

AngelFire_3_14156 · 2020-06-05T15:15:59+00:00

My advice is to ask on r/RedPillWomen

M4sterDis4ster · 2020-06-05T15:16:16+00:00

Vast majority of good mates are taken by early 30s.

The ones that are left probably date women in late 20s.

Be prepared to drop standards.

loke2dabrain · 2020-06-05T15:20:57+00:00

Wear lots of make up n never show your face without it

Workaholiconew · 2020-06-05T15:30:51+00:00

Ppd is not the place to look for advice. But to discuss ideas. But I will take the bait.

take care of your appearance.(duh)
do some exercise at least weekly. (Women seem healthier if they do some exercise)
go make a course on something men care about (when the virus subdue). Ex. Robotics, data analysis, engineering, programming, finance, economics, etc. In order to get a partner/learning together.
avoid showing signs of mental lack of health i.e. be reasonable, (I said reasonable, not devoid of emotion or fake, just do not bring up drama or be the drama)
avoid being a burden/bother, and direcly show you are trying your best to not be a bother/burden. Like saying "I do not like to be a burden/bother, so I will pay" and actually pay, (faking concern is worse than no concern at all)
avoid showing or dwelling in ideologies ex. Feminism, christianism, islan, leftism, socialism, conservatism etc.
be clear in what you want and how you want things... in the right time. The moment to say "I want marriage and kids with you" is at lowest in 6th week of relationship. Not in your tinder profile.

SeasonedRP · 2020-06-05T16:45:08+00:00

Be wary of men who aren't settled, career-wise, and be on the lookout for men trying to take advantage of you financially. I'd limit your search to men whose income/assets are comparable to or greater than yours. I've had several women tell me about men who look good on the surface but whose intent is to use women for money. Two of them were taken for significant sums of money, and these aren't stupid women. They are both quite accomplished professionally, and I never would have expected something like that to happen to them. These men sense which women are eager for a relationship and know how to charm them.

Attracting men shouldn't be difficult. Find out early on if your priorities are the same about kids so neither of you waste your time. And remember that well placed compliments (don't go overboard) give men a big ego boost and make them want your company.

iceicle999 · 2020-06-05T16:48:34+00:00

Be a decent normal woman and ignore everything you've seen on reddit, fem blogs, any awful shithole websites you've been to. You're not going to find a decent guy by being mean to men and boasting about how foul and promiscuous you are. Men who are actually men at the very least want some value in a woman. They want to know that you are worth their time and that you will be a net positive to their lives. Now, that comes in many forms. The internet likes to whine that too many men are conservative and rigid (even though western men are pretty much the exact opposite of that, but anyway), but it won't benefit you to join the woe is me group. Find a guy you like, scope him out, see how you can be a net positive for his life.

MrHerbSherman · 2020-06-05T15:16:00+00:00

Work on your personality and fitness

Don’t be a bitch
learn to count your macros
be highly active, socially and physically

This is basic advice if you aren’t there yet work on the basics before trying to move up to any sort of higher level

perv_alert93 · 2020-06-05T16:28:45+00:00

[deleted]

Joey_Lopez · 2020-06-05T14:56:29+00:00

Be pleasant and grab a man fast before you get any older. Also make sure you are the pretty one in the relationship. Giving good head is always a good thing that would make a man want to stay.

wowthrway · 2020-06-05T15:17:35+00:00

Depends on her standards. What constitutes a good mate? A lot of women in their 30s still keep their standards super high, and I understand you won't settle for low value men but you'll also pick apart the guy that looks average, has good character and that isnt rich but makes enough money. Honestly though, I think men need to constantly upgrade themselves, eventually they could be borderline hvm and they won't be looking for a 30+ year old woman to date. I suppose it's best to look for the average guy but one that has potential and the want to become a hvm.

Only-Eagle · 2020-06-05T15:31:01+00:00

Get a gym membership, a good diet, and makeup game. A single woman @ 30 is going to have to work twice as hard to be as pretty as early 20s women who can literally do nothing and still look good. But an early 30s woman can still be a catch for a high value guy.

Having your own place is also really important for early dating stages vs living with parents or roommates.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-06-05T18:35:20+00:00

Stay thin, take care of yourself, dress well, learn to say no, keep your standards, don't be bitter and confrontational.

That was universal advice that works for everyone.

Now, based on the average over thirty harpy that comes complaining to reddit, my next advice is:

Do not reduce men to candidates that must fill up a checklist of traits. You will end up alone if you do.

redditthrowaway1478 · 2020-06-05T21:47:53+00:00

OP it’s interesting that according to your post history, only 2 months ago you were 26.

FeniZio94 · 2020-06-06T05:15:00+00:00

Well tbh... if you've already rode the CC AND DIVORCED.... there is really not much you can do to improve your situation....

It all depends about context

sparklingscott · 2020-06-09T19:16:25+00:00

Find t he fountain of youth

Title	What advice would you give a 30 year old newly single woman to attract a good mate?
Author	perv_alert93
Upvotes	5
Comments	178
Date	June 5, 2020 2:39 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/gx5sks/what_advice_would_you_give_a_30_year_old_newly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-advice-would-you-give-a-30-year-old-newly.671269 https://theredarchive.com/post/671269

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