Men who wear the "I tell truth, take it or leave it, I dont care if you dont like it!!!" badge. Honest or emotionally immature?

UpbeatIncubator · 2020-05-26T11:00:25+00:00

Be honest about them in some way and see how quickly that claim implodes lol

Maisiebr · 2020-05-26T11:34:28+00:00

[deleted]

PsychologicalBeat2 · 2020-05-26T10:53:06+00:00

Men like that sound like a 14 year old edgelord. Hard pass

Ngwanuza · 2020-05-26T11:03:25+00:00

Also people who pride themselves on "telling the brutal truth" often translate as people who enjoy hurting others with their words...its sick and seriously shallow, to take pride in such a counterproductive past time. Definately immature and misplaced sanctimony

Sage_Planter · 2020-05-26T11:17:17+00:00

Both: honest and emotionally immature.

Anyone who uses the "I'm just a straight talker telling it how it is" line lacks emotional intelligence and tact. It's just an excuse to be an inconsiderate asshole. Any message can be adapted to be kinder and more understanding to the recipient, but those types don't want to make any effort to do it. I've known men and women who are like this, and they're all just assholes. Whenever they're called out, it's "oh, this is just who I am blah blah blah" instead of being like "huh, this could be an area for personal improvement." There's times where a more blunt approach is needed, but 99% of the time, there's a better way to approach the conversation.

Maisiebr · 2020-05-26T11:39:30+00:00

Honesty without tact is just cruelty.

Nifteroni-and-Cheese · 2020-05-26T16:32:05+00:00

Aristotle considered tactless honesty a vice, along with habitual lying. Like with all traits, he argues that there is a golden mean where virtue lies, someone who is truthful without giving up on modesty, temperance, or friendliness to do so. (link to a table of Aristotle’s virtues and vices)

The deontological idea that there are certain rules and one of them is “never lie” is just one way of looking at ethics, and one that followers of virtue ethics (like myself) take issue with. If you lived in a nazi occupied city and knew where a Jewish family was hiding, would it be ethical to tell the truth to the nazis when asked? Most people would argue that the ethical thing to do is to hide the truth, regardless of if you tell an outright lie or manage to manipulate words so as not to technically lie. This is just one of many, MANY examples of why rules like “I always tell the truth” can lead to unethical behavior.

Even consequential ethics, another school I don’t personally agree with, has a more nuanced view of this. If the consequences of the truth are worse than those of a lie, then utilitarian or consequential philosophers would argue that it’s better to lie in that situation. I don’t necessarily agree with this, sometimes the consequences of the truth are worth it (coming out as gay, reporting sexual assault, admitting you were wrong) but individual circumstances differ and it’s the job of individuals to balance their value of honesty with their other values.

My point is, not only is he a dick, he has a very underwhelming understanding of the ethics of truth for a philosophy major. 100% not worth your time.

YesNoMaybe87 · 2020-05-26T11:16:47+00:00

The great thing about these craptastical pics used on OLD (assuming that’s where you met him) is that it’s an instant giveaway that he’s an asshole and it would be a hard no from me. Huge red flag saying “I’m going to treat you like shit, but’s it’s okay because I’m so honest!” No.

Kekekeke7777 · 2020-05-26T10:57:12+00:00

These tend to be the same men who believe there’s “reverse racism” and that “everyone’s too PC nowadays.” They know they will deter more women if they come right out and say they hate all POC and women so they try and make it cutesy like with the drawing you mentioned or they call themselves “witty” or “fluent in sarcasm” or even “comedians.” Ew he’s dating a woman who’s around the same age as his students. Also male philosophy majors can be “ 🗣️ the woOoOoooOoorst.” My friend’s little brother (like 16) is the biggest know-it-all mansplainer and his career ambition is to be “a philosopher.” So these guys use a legit field of study to try and make others think what they already believe about themselves- that they’re some “high thinking” minority and that everyone else are mundane creatures with only earthly drives.

zombiessalad · 2020-05-26T12:17:03+00:00

My roommate was like this, she lacked so much empathy. I think it boils down to a lack of empathy and narcissism. Going off on first thoughts and judgements in a situation instead of thinking of other perspectives and using your brain just a little bit more to realize hey maybe I might sometimes be in the wrong, or maybe my lack of experience in this one subject or issue makes it more difficult for me the understand... just a guess though. I am no psychologist by any means lol!

Lavender_flow · 2020-05-26T13:14:31+00:00

Send his online dating profile to his girlfriend.

cherrypepsilvr · 2020-05-26T12:47:37+00:00

I don't know whether it's emotional immaturity or not, but it's definitely assholery and some lack of intelligence.

Intelligent, reasonable people are open to the fact that sometimes they will be wrong, that sometimes you have to pick your battles and sometimes your opinion just isn't important.

For example, someone who "tells it like it is" might say, "You look fat in that dress. I'm just being truthful, it's not my fault you're upset." Ok, maybe she does look fat in the dress, but an intelligent reasonable person knows that their own opinion isn't the most important thing in that scenario - they know to keep their opinions to themselves where appropriate. They also know their opinion isn't the objective truth.

anitachip · 2020-05-26T13:22:16+00:00

I saw a post/quote once that said "Honesty without kindness is cruel. Kindness without honesty is a lie." (While I personally struggled with the latter,) I've dated so many people that were the former. I view it as a sign of emotional immaturity if they do not know how to be sensitive enough to navigate other people's feelings and interpersonal relationships in general that they think their opinion is the only thing that matters.

2020-05-26T20:08:48+00:00

Philosophy major.

Strike one

Works as a teacher at a community college.

Two

One of his pictures is the stick figure meme

You're out

ninetiesbaby16 · 2020-05-26T11:49:22+00:00

Yikes philosophy major tells you all you need to know...also if anyone has to claim they’re honest or nice or whatever it means they’re the opposite

djfrankenjuice · 2020-05-26T12:33:47+00:00

There’s a difference between telling the truth and being callus to the effect you have on others

I was taught you always apologize for hurting someone’s feelings, because (all else being equal) you didn’t intend to hurt their feelings. Whatever you said, whether or not it was true, is a completely separate issue.

Yes, I would cut and bail quickly on someone who is more concerned about bEiNg tRuThFuL than demonstrating any empathy in their interpersonal relationships. It is emotionally immature. It is a zero-sum game approach to relationships (and honesty and empathy). Honesty and empathy can co-exist. (How many tv shows have a character concerned to tell their friend something because it might hurt their feelings??? The internal conflict is normal.)

It’s also worth noting that, while occasionally you may have to tell a person a truth that hurts their feelings, you need not say every “truth” that crosses your mind. People who taut this “brutal honesty” as a main character trait are generally saying every cruel thought they have as an “honest truth!”

rinabean · 2020-05-26T15:30:34+00:00

Very bad sign. Worse than immature. Kind of honest (but he's clearly not actually honest! How awful that he considers himself an honest person when he's a cheater!)

If you don't give a shit about hurting other people, that's called cruelty.

I consider myself a fairly blunt person. If I think someone needs to hear a harsh truth, I'm concerned about being too harsh. I'm trying to help them! I definitely give a shit about them and their feelings or I wouldn't be saying it.

I wonder if that woman was a student of his? Ugh!

2020-05-26T16:06:10+00:00

Oh shit, a philosophy major, RUN. Prepare for bloviating monologues regarding Nietzsche until your ears bleed.

LunarCannons · 2020-05-26T14:49:28+00:00

John would tell the truth to his girlfriend then, right?

People who go out of the way to say they “tell it like it is.” Really mean that they have difficulty understanding the difference between opinion and fact. They think every single thought they have is more important than anyone else’s.

savagecarebear2 · 2020-05-26T16:20:10+00:00

Stuff like that usually means they’re emotionally stunted, rude, and unable to take responsibility for their shitty behavior. Instead, they’ll gaslight the people they hurt into believing THEY’RE the problem for being sensitive. Nah bro, you’re just a dickwad.

2020-05-26T13:40:36+00:00

They just like being jerks.

greatcathy · 2020-05-26T14:20:55+00:00

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theonion.com/guy-in-philosophy-class-needs-to-shut-the-fuck-up-1819568055/amp

mercybenelli · 2020-05-26T16:31:08+00:00

I’m a very blunt person. If you ask me something, I won’t lie to you. Hell, my family’s motto is that you don’t want to know something, you shouldn’t ask me. However, I don’t walk around, proudly telling everyone how blunt and brutally honest I am, and when I have to be “brutally honest”, I find the nicest way to put it. If you can’t do that (AKA refuse to do it because you revel in being nasty), you’re an immature asshole.

radical__daphne · 2020-05-26T16:48:28+00:00

Emotional abuser and asshole who wants you to either swallow it quietly or fuck off.

penelopekitty · 2020-05-26T21:23:53+00:00

I hope you saved screenshots of your conversation so you can be honest with his girlfriend.

potatodreamspablo · 2020-05-26T22:40:39+00:00

Huge red flag! Any idiot can say whatever they think whenever they like. Lacking tact is not something to show off about!

greatcathy · 2020-05-27T00:10:57+00:00

Academic here. 24 y.o. gf was probably his student. He felt he should be "honest" about his attraction to her.

meecy166 · 2020-05-26T11:52:54+00:00

I had no idea that was possible lol, I’ve always thought both things contradict each other, a truthful man 😂

chungkingxbricks · 2020-05-26T17:28:30+00:00

Usually narcissists. Their truth is only their opinion but to them it is FACT. You can’t win with those people. Ain’t worth trying. No contact!

Rdrses · 2020-05-26T19:33:44+00:00

It's usually just justification for them being inconsiderate assholes and not having to consider the effect of their words and actions. Sure honesty is good, but that isn't what this is really about. Bet you anything they don't like that same flavor of honesty directed at them. They don't want to hear that it's just a cover for flagrant assholery lmao

KaLona9 · 2020-05-26T21:48:35+00:00

Talked about this with my boyfriend and we both agree this is a sign of an immature person. Him especially, since he says he used to be that person when he was younger. According to him it's a def sign of immaturity and also close-mindedness, as the person never considers the possibility that what they think is an honest opinion is not necessarily the truth. I myself never thought of that (just thought this is a sign of tactlessness) but I think what he says sounds right.

level_up_always · 2020-05-27T00:15:34+00:00

Bullet dodged. Yeah, you can tell the truth and still have tact. It's called etiquette.

But the first red flag was being a philosophy major lol. Biggest self righteous douche turds on the planet. Love to mentally masturbate and hear themselves talk. Truly insufferable.

CassieGreen85 · 2020-05-27T03:22:56+00:00

After experiencing how actually respectful, healthy relationships should be among friends (which is really how all relationships should be, really), I can tell with 100% confidence the "just telling it how it is" crowd uses this as an excuse to be huge assholes and not call themselves assholes.

If you really care for that person, you can tell them all the unsavory truths in a direct yet respectful manner. Your message doesn't matter at all if you're being a huge dick about it.

OrchidLion · 2020-05-27T09:19:18+00:00

Males like that are always gonna be emotionally abusive and then say theyre honest and truthful.

My ex was like this and he destroyed my self esteem.

Time_Barracuda · 2020-05-27T20:26:23+00:00

"Brutal honesty" is a smokescreen for bullying 100% of the time.

PoorPlainObscure · 2020-05-29T07:28:19+00:00

Majoring in philosophy is a red flag in my experience. They seem to always be insufferable to be around.

CazixM · 2020-05-26T11:05:40+00:00

Well I’ve had an issue with “honest” people... the ones who promote it constantly seem to have to remind themselves, as well as others that they’re “honest” which I’ve found 9/10 isn’t the case. So for sure emotionally immature, and just there to slightly singe others around them to feel better about themselves.

Personally I’ve always had an issue with tact, probably had to do with the cutthroat criticism I had growing up, so sugar coating things isn’t my strong suit.. However I’m not out here trying to ruin people’s day. Which I constantly see the “I tell it how is” crew doing.

why_so_sexy_ · 2020-05-26T14:18:43+00:00

I think that most times it’s just an excuse to be an asshole. Mask it as the truth and who needs to apologize for it? 🤷‍♀️

whoopeedoodlebug · 2020-05-26T14:52:41+00:00

Here’s the thing with that, everyone should tell the truth. Honesty is not a bonus it is an expectation.

When you see these tags that are “I tell the truth I’m special” it’s usually coded language for “when I am an asshole you must accept me because I am being honest and my honesty is objective so you cannot disagree with me.”

So yes MAJOR RED FLAG.

Basem3nt · 2020-05-26T16:40:12+00:00

You can tell it like it is without being a disrespectful asswhipe but many people can’t comprehend that fact lmao

YgirlYB · 2020-05-26T17:36:19+00:00

Put it this way, I've never met anyone who says this, can dish it out, and actually take it too. If anyone tries this "honesty" with them, they're shocked and offended.

NoThisIs-Patrick · 2020-05-26T20:10:01+00:00

It's immature. These are the guys who think they're always right and that their way is the only way. And even if that is a huge personality trait of theirs, why do they need to announce it like that? An actual 'honesty is the best policy' person isn't going to be such a prick about it.

I'm not giving one of those dudes a chance ever again, so as soon as a guy says that to me it's an instant dump. I really don't care what anyone else thinks about me, so some douche who thinks his 'truth' is important enough to announce it like it's a personality trait isn't going to be a good match for me anyway.

Title	Men who wear the "I tell truth, take it or leave it, I dont care if you dont like it!!!" badge. Honest or emotionally immature?
Author	savannahm89
Upvotes	154
Comments	68
Date	May 26, 2020 10:47 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gquqg4/men_who_wear_the_i_tell_truth_take_it_or_leave_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/men-who-wear-the-i-tell-truth-take-it-or-leave-it.675137 https://theredarchive.com/post/675137

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