I’ve run into some variation of this issue with every boyfriend I’ve ever had.

They pursue me because they have a preference for my “type” and are stimulated by the way I dress/look/act. But once they “have” me they suddenly want me to stop dressing/acting/looking the way that attracted them in the first place. They still want to check out other women of the same type when they pass us on the street. They still want to follow instagrams with that type of woman. That type of woman is clearly still a object of desire, but for some reason they no longer want the woman they’re committed to conform to their archetypal fantasy woman.

With my current boyfriend for example: he LOVES women to wear a certain item of clothing that I happen to have a lot of in my wardrobe. I was wearing this type of item when we met. I wore this type of clothing throughout our dating phase and honeymoon phase, and he enjoyed it. We’re now a happy couple, living together, talking about marriage someday, basically the picture of modern domestic bliss. All of the sudden he doesn’t want me to wear that type of clothing anymore. In fact a lot of what I wear makes him “uncomfortable” now. I ask him if he thinks I look different, does it suddenly look bad on me? He says no, it’s looks great but it’s “too much” when we’re out and about. it’s certainly not “too much” when he sees it on other girls when we’re out and about...I want to be an object of his desire still, and it’s weird that I’m the woman he’s chosen to be monogamous with and he doesn’t want me to wear things that admittedly turn him on.

This is like the 5th time I’ve encountered this. What is this?