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HoneyBouquet
[–][deleted] 275 points276 points277 points 6 years ago (24 children) | Copy Link
I recently left a guy on read for offering me a "park date" for our first date. My gay friend thought it sounded sweet. What he/other men don't understand is yeah, if I was planning a park date it would be sweet bc it would look like this ^^^ What the average man means by "park date" is getting you to meet them so they can start asking for sex and hopefully wear you down by the end of the free date.
[–]VioletRomanticFDS Newbie216 points217 points218 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I've planned dates like this before, and done right they are soooo romantic. But you're right. Most dudes want to walk around a poorly lit park full of mosquitos on a Tuesday night.
[–][deleted] 42 points43 points44 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
yup exactly
[–]ErikaNaumannFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's oddly specific, and I love it 😁
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
😂 best comment.
[–]redfarmmmmmFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Same here. One guy suggested we could do walk date. Remember guys treat prostitutes better than normal girls they find on tinder as they pay for the hookers.
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They also pay for premium services to find girls but won’t buy those girls dinner 🥱
[–]Elisa_LaViudaNegraFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I encouraged a friend of mine to cut off a dude who vacillated between taking 12+ hours to respond to her texts, and subtly trying to push the boundaries she instated to keep her safe. He tried to change an outdoor picnic to an indoor one. He kept changing the subject when she said she wanted to talk on the phone before making plans to meet up. He gave her the impression that he expected her to cook and bring all the food and supplies needed for said picnic, and she still had to tell him what to go to the store to get when she disavowed him of this notion. He left her on read when she asked for confirmation.
I told her that if this is how he’s acting and making her feel in the VERY beginning, when he’s supposed to be on absolute best behavior, it’s only going to get worse from here. Thankfully she cut him off, only for him to make a passive aggressive jab at her for taking a few hours to respond when he took AN ENTIRE DAY to respond to her questions about logistics the day before their plans.
I just-
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes! I have had this experience many, many times. Fds has helped me a lot w boundary setting. I remind myself “this is the best he will ever treat me—is that enough?”
Usually that’s enough for me to block and move on. If he’s not a prize now, he won’t be a prize later.
[–]ImPiqued1111111FDS Newbie40 points41 points42 points 6 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
I was recently offered a picnic park date with wine and fine cheese, that sort of thing. I was kind of like, hmmm, I don't know though, even with social distancing, there's still a pandemic and I'd rather just wait until that's not a thing anymore.
So I gave him a maybe. I'm kind of torn, I mean honestly that's a better offer than going to a place with a lot of other people, and he wasn't trying to show up empty handed. But on the other hand, if you're trying to meet someone during a pandemic, are you really HV? But on the other other hand, I don't get the sense this is going away any time soon. Like, at least a year or more.
So I just said I'd think about it and left it at that. Otherwise, this man had been displaying HV behaviors and wasn't being pushy. So I don't really know what to make of it.
[–][deleted] 35 points36 points37 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Yeah that one is hard. I'm so picky about first dates mostly bc you never know when the guy is just gonna hammer you with requests for sex the whole time and it's very uncomfortable and exhausting.
[–]ImPiqued1111111FDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yeah. Most dudes are a clear hard pass, but I actually liked this one. He made interesting conversation, and for example when I asked him if he had my preferred app, he didn't but said he would download it without me even asking him to. And then actually proceeded to do it. Like, I just appreciate stuff like that. The opposite of "I shouldn't have to ask".
[–][deleted] 67 points68 points69 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
oh that is nice. Yesterday i sent this guy a 40 second video I had made for social media for work, since explaining my job is kind of hard to do. He got offended! And freaked out that he's not on a dating app to "watch girls' social media videos". I wasn't even in the video?
So then he went on a diatribe about how awful social media is so i started asking some follow up questions. Sure enough, he's a redditor. Which apparently isn't social media. Sure enough, he's a porn addict. Which apparently isn't "watching videos of girls". I see your priorities dude. BYE.
[–]ImPiqued1111111FDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Jeez! Usually scrotes are begging for more photos, and you gave him a whole ass video you made.
It's so funny you gleaned he's a reddit user. There was a post on here a few days ago saying that if he's a reddit user, he should get the boot. Lol!
[–][deleted] 25 points26 points27 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
He just seemed like a misogynist 🤷♀️ what a coincidence
[–]ImPiqued1111111FDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good riddance!
[–]Alma00019FDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I don't think a man asking for a date in a pandemic is necessarily LV. ESPECIALLY if he suggested a picnic date, with fine wine and cheese.
Honestly, people run the gamut regarding the virus. Some take it super seriously and lock themselves in, others don't think it's as big of a deal as the media is making it out to be. To be honest, when you look at the numbers, if you're not in an at-risk group, it does seem very unlikely that you would have complications from it, much less die.
But it is a personal choice. My point is, I don't think it's fair or wise to say all men who aren't locking themselves in for the next year+ are low value.
Also, I think a lot of this is case by case basis. Is he going out and mingling with tons of people all the time? If so, then pass. But if he is generally careful and mindful, but wants to meet you in an open space like park with a picnic, then that's different.
And, to be totally honest and brutal, if a guy is SO terrified that he refuses to stick his nose out his front door for 18 or months.... well, I don't know, that's a bit of a turnoff for me and seems a little LV to me. (Unless he is in an at-risk group or is taking care of someone in an at-risk group).
[–]ImPiqued1111111FDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Hey, I appreciate your thoughts on this.
The other thing I was realizing is that while, I think this was probably the best suggestion he could come up with under the current circumstances, I actually don't want to do a first date at a picnic in the summer. I am heat intolerant and I would probably just be miserable, and not able to put my best foot forward nor be at ease around someone new. This is obviously a me problem and not a him problem. I don't really know what the answer is, though.
[–]Alma00019FDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
I totally get you and honestly I'm a bit like you in that regard. If it's someone I already know, that's different, but I don't know how much I'd be looking forward to a date outdoors in a park when it's really hot with someone I don't know. I do think it is more of a "you" issue and not a him issue. Not that it's an "issue" as in there's something wrong with you; it's just preference that is totally legitimate.
If meeting someone at all is a hard pass for you because of the pandemic, then.... it looks like you won't be meeting anyone any time soon, and you should make that known sooner or later? Are you open to zoom/skype dates?
Are you open to meeting someone for coffee or in outdoor seating, when it's cooler (maybe in the evening or if there's an area where you live with like an outdoor mall that has outdoor seating and either fans or mist)? Does where you live have a body of water like a river, lake, or even the ocean where temperatures are generally cooler?
Coffee dates are a no-no here but the pandemic does screw things up. I actually have found it difficult sometimes to determine if a guy is saying "let's grab coffee and maybe take a socially distanced walk to get to know each other" just because of the pandemic, or if he'd ask for a coffee date even without a pandemic.
I had one guy suggest coffee, this was when everything was closed except for take out. At that point, it was hard to know if that was LV behavior or just the pandemic. But as soon as restaurants opened, he suggested dinner at a very nice restaurant with outdoor seating.
At the end of the day, most people are going to want to meet the person they are interested in sooner rather than later, and they will naturally try to figure out ways to make that happen.
I think if this guy is planning a picnic with fine wine and cheese, he is putting in the effort (at least now) and cares about impressing you. So maybe talk to him, tell him your concerns. I don't know how wise it is to start telling him about all your medical issues and intolerances etc, but maybe there is a casual way to say that you're heat intolerant or that you can't be out in the sun too long or something, or say something about maybe meeting up in cooler circumstances.
But this guy sounds like a good guy and like he's really interested in you and willing to put in the effort. Honestly, a picnic with nice wine and cheese probably takes more effort and definitely more planning than a dinner at a nice restaurant. With a restaurant you just roll in, plop down, and order what you want. Here, he has to pick out the cheeses, make sure they all compliment each other but aren't redundant, select the wine that will go with the cheese, choose the accoutrements, etc.
[–]ImPiqued1111111FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You bring up some really good points. Honestly, I had just resigned myself to not meeting anyone anytime soon because of the pandemic. I've been chatting with men on OLD largely out of boredom, but also to honestly keep myself open to the possibility of encountering somebody worthwhile there and maybe getting to know them or whatever.
Expectations very low, but I actually did like this guy and did consider meeting him. So now I'm conflicted, especially because of how things are in the U.S., it seems like we're going to be in this weird limbo for quite some time. So how to handle that is something to contend with in general, dating or not.
I'm not really near a body of water substantial enough to cool down the temperature. But it does get cooler at night. Your idea of something outdoors in the evening, maybe a patio drink date is something to consider.
I do agree he was trying to make an effort with the picnic. If it wasn't hot out, the wine/cheese thing is classy and something I'd enjoy a lot, so I'll give him credit for that. Also, respectful in that he tried to come up with something pandemic-appropriate.
Good thoughts, thanks so much.
[–]Alma00019FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah, this pandemic is just making making everything weird. :( I also joined not having too many expectations. Good luck! Hope things work out well with him. :)
[–]ImPiqued1111111FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you kindly!
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Apprentice0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep.
[–][deleted] 99 points100 points101 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Half?!?! Half of us are getting this?!?? I think she means 98% of women have never gotten this!
[–]noavocadoshereFDS Newbie54 points55 points56 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
if a man ever proposed a picnic date to me and actually did most of the planning and labor, i'd probably flat-line. even if we get this, it's usually up to the woman to prepare the food, bring beverages and snacks (along w. cutlery, glasses and insulated carriers/coolers) and provide the blanket. all out of her pocket. the most a man might contribute is a dusty j from his shorts and a transit card with enough to get y'all there. at that point, you're taking him on the picnic 😫
[–]Elisa_LaViudaNegraFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Absolutely. I have an anecdote farther up thread of this happening to a friend. The nerve.
[–]throwawayathrowaway0FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
On top of that, you bet your ass the women would be lugging half the shit to the location she had to pick out as well because "equality."
[–]Incredible_AlligatorFDS Newbie93 points94 points95 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I've never gotten anything near as nice as this from any man I've ever dated. Even the good one.
Honestly, this was most likely made/set up by a woman.
[–]SslimReaperrFDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This was 100000% set up by a talented woman
[–][deleted] 270 points271 points272 points 6 years ago (29 children) | Copy Link
Women don't even get flowers these days.
[–]MissKinkykittykatFDS Newbie179 points180 points181 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I love flowers. Bought some for my window then proceeded to walk home with my ex (then bf).
Teenage girls: omg, I wish my bf bought me flowers!
Me: So I do....
He had an absolute meltdown for the unacceptable humiliation I'd put him through publicly. Still never bought me flowers until I broke up with him.
[–]HoneyBouquetFDS Apprentice[S] 99 points100 points101 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
This reminds me of the time I had to pick up my sister's bouquet of roses for her registry.
Me and NVM ex went into a lift with a woman and her boyfriend. She squealed at the sight of the bouquet and said "Look they are younger than us and he gets her flowers!". The man said to my NVM ex "You're a good lad. Keep it up."
We went into the hotel room and laughed about it. He said it was so funny we pranked the couple.
Now I think back, it was just sad as he never got me flowers in the 10 months I dated him.
I did though once. I got him a beautiful bouquet - https://imgur.com/a/Y658LLj and surprised him at his office. I remember one of the guys at the office I was working at said "Wow he is so lucky to have you."
The irony was my narc NVM ex raped me months later and dumped me. So much for kindness.
[–]KimpracticalFDS Newbie35 points36 points37 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m really sorry. That’s similar to what happened with me and my ex. I’ve been in therapy last year and a half and it has really helped! But yea you deserve so much better than that
[–]Alma00019FDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
the fact that he thought it was funny the couple mistakenly thought he had gotten you flowers says it all.
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oh my gosh I am so sorry this happened to you. I’m so glad he’s your ex, and I hope you’re doing ok now.
[–]HoneyBouquetFDS Apprentice[S] 9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you sis. Yes I am doing much better now. I had to file a police report in Feb for action fraud and harassment.
I was in denial for quite some time. I did my research about emotional abuse and narcissism.
I knew there was something wrong when the break up so I googled the difference between a normal break up and a discard. I found FDS in May and it has changed my life. ❤❤
[–]FluffandRaincloudsRuthless Strategist52 points53 points54 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This shows he knew he should have been buying you flowers, and didn't 🙄
[–]Capable_OkraFDS Newbie111 points112 points113 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I recently bought my friend flowers after she suffered a miscarriage because I knew her husband wouldn't do anything like that.
[–][deleted] 60 points61 points62 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thats so sad, at least she has you as a friend.
[–]HoneyBouquetFDS Apprentice[S] 35 points36 points37 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Thank you for showing her care and love in such a difficult time.
[–]ShieldMaidenLagerthaFDS Apprentice24 points25 points26 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You’re a good friend.
[–]RamenUndergraduateFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're an amazing friend 😭💕
[–]FitncurlyFDS Apprentice5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That breaks my heart for her
[–]diva4lisiaFDS Newbie42 points43 points44 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
My low value exes always bought flowers when they were in the dog house. Never anything special. Just your run of the mill grocery store bouquet. I've always wanted to be with someone who buys me jewelry and flower arrangements from a florist. I'm not going to hold my breath for that though and will continue to buy my own as I have been.
[–]MuffinSongsFDS Disciple23 points24 points25 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I took one bouquet and fn tossed it at the yard during a fight with my ex. That’s a real statement piece for the neighbors to see. I do like flowers for many reasons. They can make men look good and in the right circumstances make them look like trash.
[–]FitncurlyFDS Apprentice14 points15 points16 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I said that once years ago to my husband—that I didn’t like getting flowers because he only got them for me when he upset me and so they had a negative association even though I LOVE plants and flowers so it sucked. I only had to say it once and he made a point to get me flowers for all sorts of random occasions (and on special occasions from nice florists) from then onwards. I have a random bouquet on my dresser now ☺️. A man who cares and loves will listen and want to send the right message. Vet and never settle. I hope you can find a guy who realizes your worth and buys you all the lovely jewelry and flowers you’d like 🙂 (speaking of which, he ordered me some nice earrings last night—-I gotta go hug the guy). The dusty dudes want you to believe you’re “asking too much” or whatever—they just want you to be an attainable target. Aim high always and believe to achieve!
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes! I was about to say exactly this with my comment above!!! My ex LVM used to get them when he had done something bad (sometimes I knew he had, sometimes I suspected), and they were just $2 from the hardware store. Not that price matters a lot.
But the new guy I’m seeing bought me flowers the other day, just because. They were my favourite type too. It was a nice surprise! Still early days yet, but I’m enjoying it while I can.
[–]SunflowerinVirgo0903FDS Apprentice21 points22 points23 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My ex told me I guess I never really think of it, because flowers personally do nothing for me. He brought flowers to my job one time obviously just to keep me thinking he cared after i complained.
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Apprentice14 points15 points16 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah same. He sent flowers with a card that read " love you." By that time, I wanted him GONE. It actually made me sick. God forbid he used the pronoun "I." He was performing, and I didn't care.
[–]Elisa_LaViudaNegraFDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I sent my mom flowers for her birthday one year because I couldn’t go see her. She posted them on Facebook and said, “This is the first time I’ve gotten flowers in 30 years!” She has been married to her husband, my father, for well over 30 years. That bummed me the hell out. My mom is a living, breathing angel and deserves flowers every day. Only in adulthood have I realized what an utterly shite husband he’s been and continues to be to her, and it makes it really hard for me to want to foster a better relationship with him.
[–]asimovessFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
One time, some organization at my school sold roses for International Women's Day. I specifically asked my ex to buy me one, even led him to the table where they were selling them. He said he will not buy one for me. Later on, he jokingly said that he would do it once I'm not paying attention as a surprise so I let it slide and gave him space and time to do it. I waited for a week and there was no rose, ever. It was only $3. I could get it myself easily but I just wanted to feel special on that day.
Edit: And I never brought it up because I didn't want to be high maintenance and difficult 🤦♀️
[–]throwawayathrowaway0FDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've told past partners that I don't like flowers (as a pickme/cool girl) when in reality, I actually do. I just don't need them all the time or for every special occasion. I also like the thought of being gifted a potted plant/flower/vegetable, too.
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I got flowers the other day as a total surprise! He even remembered my favourite type which was nice. It’s still early days so I’m not counting my blessings yet ha ha, but enjoying it for now.
[–]sbrooks0709FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I hate cut flowers because I think they're wastful (but it's cool for other people that like them - they just aren't for me), so my husband struggled to figure out another option. So now he gets me rocks. I'm a geologist so this is an acceptable trade. Lol
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thats so sweet! Really, having our partner just take notice of our interests and treat us based on that is something we would all really appreciate, but seems to be too difficult for most men to comprehend. My boyfriend buys me vegan candies and treats he finds because he knows I love that kind of stuff and it shows he put in a little effort. Its not hard, they just have to care.
[–]BetterToBeLonelyFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I love this! I picture you having a crazy shelf full of minerals.
[–]sbrooks0709FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have soooo many, lol
[–]enharmoniaFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've been dating men for 13 years and have never received flowers
[–]girludontbringhomeFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have never received flowers or even a gift from a guy, but I have gotten my exes gifts. It sucks. Luckily I have a mom and best friend that absolutely adore me and get me things all the time (and I do the same for them). It will be honestly hard to find a man that spoils me more than them!
[–]PokemonBreederAJFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Half?? I think most unfortunately.
[–]PasdepromessesFDS Disciple36 points37 points38 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
I got this kind of treatment from my LVM ex fiance. Three months in he surprised me with a weekend getaway. Only at the airport I found out that we were going to see my favorite piece of art that I always wanted to see (but was in another country). My NVM ex at least got me flowers every week, cooked for me and took me on extremely romantic dates.
To be fair, even the NVM or LVM at least added something to my life. Good company, flowers, romantic and thoughtful dates, weekend getaways, acts of service, a lot of good sex or a combination of these.
They were still N/LVM, but can you imagine being with a N/LVM that has horrible behavior in one or more area's and doesn't even add some of these things to your life?
Moral of the story is: don't think that guys who display this kind of behavior are automatically HVM. They might still cheat, be misogynistic, abusive, emotionally unavailable or emotionally immature.
[–]Alma00019FDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
What made him LVM/NVM?
[–]PasdepromessesFDS Disciple25 points26 points27 points 6 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
Fiancé cheated on me when I was tending to my terminally ill dad while working a full time job. Although I was still entertaining him, he felt like he didn’t get enough attention and had to step it up a bit with the chores. He also was afraid that our life would change into less fun after getting the children he was pushing for. I dumped him.
The NVM boyfriend actually looked perfect from the outside but had a lot of suppressed anger. He would resent me but not let me know, and would punish me with no sex. He would tell me he had a lot of stress from his research (professor at uni) so I’d believe that was the reason. After I went of my sleeping meds I found out he would have sex with me when I was asleep (very deep sleeper). Got abusive when I confronted him. Obviously I dumped him and got different locks on my doors.
Edit: a sentence.
Edit2: there were warning signs but they were so tiny and drowned out by all the ‘good stuff’ and grand gestures, that the old me brushed it aside. Be very aware of orange flags and stop, look and listen before you progress the relationship!
[–]Alma00019FDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Oh my god!!!!
I'm so sorry about both of those relationships, especially your NVM ex. Did you ever press charges? What a POS, both of them.
[–]PasdepromessesFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Unfortunately no. At that point in my life I wasn’t really aware what that really meant, I only knew that I didn’t feel safe and had to get out.
Yeah, both really shitty. The NV boyfriend showed his real self after 6 months. He could not keep it up any longer.
The ex fiancé dropped a few orange/red flags before but nothing that would indicate this mindset at all. When he cheated after 2 years, it felt very out of character and I couldn’t believe it at all at that moment till I saw pictures with my own eyes. Till this day he keeps insisting it was cold feet that made him temporarily (4 weeks of the affair) go insane. It blew up when he told her he made a mistake and chose me, she contacted me and showed me pictures and WhatsApp screenshots. He actually had visited her in another country where she was working atm and during that time he had been whatsapping and calling me and sending pictures of the touristy things he was doing. This kind of level of deceit really scared me. It made me think about the relationship and I made a list of behaviour that was not signaling love, care, trust or respect for even a tiny fraction. This made me come to the conclusion that it really was something that was wrong with him. Not emotionally mature, not good with expressing himself in a constructive way and some entitlement. I moved out and he did go to therapy but for me it was too late. Couldn’t overlook and definitely could not built on this relationship anymore financially, practically or emotionally. I gave that energy to myself.
This I why I now understand why FDS and vetting is so important. I worked on myself a lot and this is imo the most important. Because now that I’m emotionally way more healthy myself (I sought professional help for support with my grief for my dad and I took the opportunity to also work past older trauma and work on my self worth), I understand that the little flags that were present might have felt like orange to me, but were actually red most of the time.
When you level up as FDS teaches, vetting will go more natural because you will have a different mindset. Because of this, you will recognise behaviour for what it is from the start and that helps you immensely during the vetting process. If that’s not enough we also have the guidelines.
Edit2: I got a little bit side tracked. But these guys actually put in a lot of ‘effort’ with acts of service, romantic dates and expensive surprise trips, etc. He also was very supportive of growth. Pushed me to get my drivers license and a way better job. But don’t let it fool you. If they’re only considerate in most areas but not in every area, something is up. At that point it’s not a character trait, but something they choose to do because they like to do it for whatever reason. My ex fiancé for example only went to the hospital to visit my father with me once. In almost 6 months. That is weird right? In that same period, he flew me to London for a surprise weekend with a fancy dinner with champagne, Christmas shopping and a Christmas fair. They pick and choose the areas they want to be awesome in.
[–]Alma00019FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm so so sorry that you had to go through that. Thank you for sharing your experiences and what you learned. I'll definitely try to apply it to my dating! I'm still new at this. And yeah, it's easy to think that a guy who takes you out on thoughtful dates and is supportive of your career is a HVM. But you still need to look at indications of deeper/better-hidden traits.
[–]PasdepromessesFDS Disciple0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? And you’re welcome. ☺️
[–]throwawayathrowaway0FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Feeling this one.
[–]Maleficent_Youth_175Pickmeisha™️27 points28 points29 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Only half?
[–]PinkestMangoFDS Apprentice49 points50 points51 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Half is a lot. I don't think most women will ever see this.
[–]Maleficent_Youth_175Pickmeisha™️12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's what I'm saying.
[–]suspended_animation_FDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I hate flowers now. My psychotic ex used to buy me flowers regularly except he ignored my birthday. Only Valintine's day and whenever he felt he was planning to rape me. I would try to communicate to him about how badly he treated me. He said "Am I really an asshole? I buy you these nice flowers and gifts." Before leaving him, I figured out that whenever he gifted me, it meant I was about to be punished.
Another instance was a man staying at my hotel where I worked. He was creepy to every woman on the premise including me. We HAD to be polite and cordial to him no matter what. It sucked. He would ask me if I was single. I was doing dishes in the kitchen at the time and wrapping up my shift. I honestly slipped out that I was uncomfortably as he was looking for a ring. He forced me to ask him what his name was before finally leaving me alone. The next day, I was inspecting rooms until I was called to the desk. My coworker said there were flowers for me at the desk. I went to the lobby to check. There they were with a box of chocolates from him. My boss had to pretend that she thought he had them delivered to the front desk staff and thanked him. She lied to him, saying she thought the flowers were for them and that actually I was already married. What a scary ordeal. Sorry for the hijack. I never talked about it
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Apprentice9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Horrible. Sorry.
I have a weird thing about flowers too. Just because he gets them doesn't make him a hero whose mistakes are erased.
[–]suspended_animation_FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Exactly.. I never thought something like flowers would make me uneasy
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
These fucking guys...
[–]HoneyBouquetFDS Apprentice[S] 82 points83 points84 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
That picture demonstrates that thoughtful dates don't have to be expensive. That man has probably set it up beforehand for his lady. Fairy lights cost a couple of pounds. Those lanterns you could get for 10 pound and under. The cushions you can get for 15 pounds and under. Food could be home cooked. The view by the beach would be researched beforehand. A good bouquet can cost about 30 pounds.
After being with a NVM, I realised how much effort a man can give you if he truly cares. I've spoken about my dickhead ex but today I'd like to talk about a potential HVM.
I actually met a really respectful guy a month after my break up, and we liked each other a lot. Unfortunately, he was of a different religion so we parted ways. I am Muslim and he was Christian.
However:
🟢He would wait to have sex until marriage if it was what the woman wanted.
🟢He did not talk about sex or bring up sex.
🟢 He thought all women were beautiful and did not watch porn.
🟢If he was in a relationship, the woman would be his #1 priority. He would put aside time and money for her. He was well established and a CEO but knew the importance of having an amazing woman in his life.
🟢He took care of his physical appearance and worked out regularly.
🟢He thought planning thoughtful dates and giving cute gifts to someone he was dating was expected.
🟢He never would want the woman he was dating to pay for anything.
🟢He dated for the long term. He would not casually date or sleep around. The next girlfriend he would have would be his wife.
To Mr S, you will make a woman very happy!
[–]sweetpotatocupcakeFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Love hearing about the high value guys out there!
I'd fucking pass out if a guy surprised me with this magical date. And guess what? It's not overly pricey or complicated. Just goes to show that a HVW wants some thoughtfulness.
[–]SuchBarracudaFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I make it very clear, I do not eat outside... flies and mosquitos are pests not free appetizers
[–]HowslapFDS Disciple1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
😂😂😂 I'm weakkkk
[–]beautiful-life-aheadFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow, this is so beautiful. I want to wait for this.
[–]lluviaazulFDS Apprentice5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Picnics are very nice but I would only do that when I’m in relationship. Not as a first date since it probably would be so low effort
[–]Struggleis4realFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow reading the comments makes me sad that many have not experienced some form of a picnic date.
I had two different guys set up a “first date” picnic, in popular scenic areas in my city, complete with basket, wine, cheese, sandwiches, dessert, blanket, cups etc. Both have asked me what I’m comfortable eating and if I was allergic to anything, and prepared accordingly. I think the gesture was nice and thought out, and still loads better than what LVM offer on the daily. One became my now-ex, and another just didn’t work out.
[–]bootyandthebeetFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Where I live there’s small businesses that you pay to set this up for you before your date, you can pick the park you want to go to. Ive seen it around my city. I remember telling my LVM-ex how cute that is and what a great date that would be. He said we would do it “one day” - probably meaning I would have to be the one to a) remind him about it b) contact the place and set it up 🤦🏻♀️
[–]heresalemon0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I can’t imagine a man putting this scene together. The pattern/texture mixing? No way.
He made a nest! Wow!
[–]BetterToBeLonelyFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As if any guy would create such a well appointed picnic. Nice hurricane lanterns and matching throw pillows? Nah, just a musty old sleeping bag and a bag of chips.
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