Your boundaries should be nonnegotiable

sunnyxbaby · 2020-08-07T19:25:08+00:00

Learned this the hard way by allowing a former best friend to come back into my life after she apologized. She ended up trying to fuck up my marriage ON CHRISTMAS EVE, two weeks before our baby was due. Needless to say, that was the end of that.

Pasdepromesses · 2020-08-07T21:16:36+00:00

Don't allow people who disrespect you to stay in your life, even if they apologize. You're teaching them they can treat you badly and still have you.

This is the reason that I will never, under no circumstance, forgive a cheater or abuser.

FodderFigureIllushun · 2020-08-07T18:26:07+00:00

I needed to read this!

Gourmay · 2020-08-07T21:43:06+00:00

Can’t thank this sub enough for repeatedly making this point (and others about being treated with respect). For many of us (for example those of us who grew up with narc parents and didn’t see healthy relationships) it’s a work in progress and just seeing this message again and again since I subbed had helped.

like_onomatopoeia · 2020-08-07T22:13:46+00:00

I really needed to read this. My LV ex came back into my life recently and asked to fly me out, I said I was busy with work & I got called all types of names. Block & delete... go waste someone else’s time.

Lightbeing999 · 2020-08-07T22:58:14+00:00

Yes, this is so important! I’m finally learning this lesson.

I was always taught to be kind and polite, but I’ve learned the hard way that everyone doesn’t deserve that treatment automatically. They have to earn it.

Being kind to people who violated my boundaries ultimately hurts me all over again. I’m now working to rebuild my relationship with myself after trusting too many toxic people.

Be kind to yourself first!

lm851505 · 2020-08-07T21:22:01+00:00

Thank you so much for this. Recently a man from my past has tried to worm his way back in. He started doing the same shit as before and I finally had the courage to tell him to beat it but I’ve had doubt in my mind ever since. This post helped to remind me that my self respect and sanity is paramount. He has my forgiveness 100% but I can’t compromise myself again.

jgsjgs5 · 2020-08-07T19:49:34+00:00

In the wise words of Hayley Williams “forgiving is not forgetting.”

I am down for forgiveness and moving on and not holding onto anger, but I will not forget how I was treated, and I won’t allow myself to be in the position to continue to be disrespected.

2020-08-07T21:23:19+00:00

When you right, you right. #neveragain

princessofthekingdom · 2020-08-07T17:05:13+00:00

On Goddess!

2020-08-07T19:52:34+00:00

I wish I didn’t have to come to this same exact conclusion the hard way. The nvm exes that I tried to give a 2nd chance to never changed their behavior afterwards. I used to be such a fucking clown lol

shiftgearautomatic · 2020-08-07T20:42:10+00:00

I’m one of the people who doesn’t do this. I’ve tried before to more effectively cut people off, but because I don’t have enough healthy friendships I end up going back to avoid being isolated (to be clear staying in touch / being close friends with people who have disrespected me or exes, not actually continuing a relationship).

Is it recommended to move on from these friendships/exes and then build up your social circle with new people, or build up your social circle first and then move on from these friendships?

thaiteabbys · 2020-08-08T04:37:28+00:00

Literally just texted an ex friend that I said I was done with, should’ve seen this before 🤦🏻‍♀️

the dude decided he wanted to “take a break” from talking to me (two months) and in that time I decided his beliefs and stance on some topics didn’t align with mine or what was right , so I said “bye”. I’ve actually gotten better in the past year with knowing my worth, not wasting my time and energy, and putting boundaries into place. And cutting off people.

But out of the blue, he texts me and says “hey” and ask how I am. The whole conversation we talked about his failed Tinder date (there was another girl before but I guess it didn’t work out). They were supposed to go on a date but it turns out he got ghosted by her. He said he got attached after two weeks of talking to her 🤡🥴

So I learned that guys only come back when they’re bored, want something from you, don’t have anyone else to talk to, and when they want someone to listen to them and be their emotional support. Which I’ve done my fair share of that in the past years and I’m done with it. Told myself I wouldn’t do it but here I am.

Smh. I’m pretty sure he only texted me back after he was “done with his break of not talking to me” and after the two Tinder girls left him and he wanted someone to listen to him. Feels great🙂

I’m going to grey rock him soon.

sleepingbeauty212 · 2020-08-07T22:18:40+00:00

I recently experienced being clowned in this way and I went ballistic. I called them a billion times and tried to save face and apologise even for things that weren't my fault.

How do I recover from the embarrassment?

Momcella · 2020-08-08T06:49:17+00:00

I needed to read this. I've been thinking about an old friend who ghosted me after a long friendship, apologized many years later, I ended up ghosting her after a rude text response when I needed her help. Did I do the right thing? has been going through my mind for around two years. After reading this, I'm convinced it was for the best. Thank you for putting my mind at ease. Having boundaries will cost you friendships, in return gain some self worth.

plummyjellyfish · 2020-08-08T11:19:33+00:00

In a similar vein, I think I developed my views on relationships, feminism and self-improvement from watching my dad.

He was emotionally absent all the time, because he was too busy chasing women - these women were LVWs, no question (my dad unfortunately is LVM, the needy, clingy, weak variety). One of them even used to beat the crap out of her kids and my dad did nothing about it, for example. Anyway long story short, my dad eventually decided parenting was interfering with his ongoing quest for love, so he left the country and slowly cut off contact with me.

Having seen LVM and LVW behaviour at a young age made me aware of what NOT to do in life. As a teen, I realised I didn't want the 'annual phone call' from my dad anymore, because it just reminded me of how I'd been rejected/wasn't worth his time, so I cut off contact with him. Sometimes I get asked if I want to reconcile one day, my answer is no. In my opinion there are absolutely situations where reconciliation is impossible. The trust and respect have completely gone. Better for your mental health to stay far away and re-focus the trauma into something productive, use it to drive you forward.

bloomin12 · 2020-08-07T18:30:48+00:00

Then why do some people go back with their ex’s? I don’t get it

stg21987 · 2020-08-07T21:52:34+00:00

Yes for boundaries! My ex roommate whom I fell in love with (we fooled around some and lived together for 5 years) left me at the end of December for his now girlfriend. Anywho one of my boundaries for myself was to not meet her despite his efforts to try to get me to. Also to not put up with him talking about her in my presence. He acted like he didn’t know my feelings for him were as deep as they were and insisted that he did nothing to lead me on or make me assume he wanted more from me than just a friendship. It hurt a lot and still does to have lost him, but setting those boundaries really helped me to heal and not hurt as bad.

kaitybubbly · 2020-08-08T02:34:39+00:00

Definitely need to remind myself of this when past toxic friendships inevitably come crawling back into my life. Not disrespecting myself anymore by putting myself through that again!

GretaTheBeeotch · 2020-08-07T21:11:19+00:00

Thank you

cece188 · 2020-08-07T23:15:09+00:00

Wow I really needed to hear this lol

dramaakween · 2020-08-07T23:43:25+00:00

could not be said any better.

euphemiarose · 2020-08-08T01:09:25+00:00

Really needed this right now

prizebeansprout · 2020-08-08T02:28:57+00:00

printing this out and stapling it to my head. forgiveness is a joke.

yalllove · 2020-08-08T03:51:45+00:00

Forgiveness doesn’t mean staying in a bad situation.

chorussaurus · 2020-08-08T16:47:44+00:00

This is exactly what I needed today.

baldheadedo · 2020-08-10T00:37:59+00:00

People conflate forgiveness with being a doormat. Forgiveness is letting go of anger towards a person. You letting them back into your life is just you being desperate 🤷🏻‍♀️

Title	Your boundaries should be nonnegotiable
Author	sourrolls
Upvotes	2390
Comments	70
Date	August 7, 2020 4:44 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i5h8db/your_boundaries_should_be_nonnegotiable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/your-boundaries-should-be-nonnegotiable.722743 https://theredarchive.com/post/722743

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