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supremelyparanoid
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]dancedance_83 157 points158 points159 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Same if you’re 17 and he is 25. Walk away, walk away...
[–]meowmix-meowmeowFDS Newbie 650 points651 points652 points 3 years ago* (30 children) | Copy Link
My parents really let me down on this one. They let me date and enabled a relationship with an 18 year old, when I was 13. The relationship led me to believe that sex = love and messed me up in so many ways. Now that I have daughters of my own, the fact my parents let this happen and drove me the 1 hour it took to get to his place seems even more insane.
[–]McccyFDS Apprentice 306 points307 points308 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Sis what. I can't believe that did this to you, they supposed to protect you from these situations-
[–]meowmix-meowmeowFDS Newbie 214 points215 points216 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I really don't know what they were thinking. They definitely did not act like parents once I got old enough to take care of myself. I could do whatever I wanted with no consequence as long as I went to school and didn't destroy the house. I used to say I turned out fine, but I finally stopped lying to myself. On a positive note, it's shown me how to be a better parent and not let my trauma affect my children's upbringing.
[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie 68 points69 points70 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Some parents are really strict and their kids feel traumatized by that. I was raised by very strict parents. So I hid everything from them. And ran away and rebelled like crazy and got in all kinds of trouble. I consequently was more permissive, like your parents were. I let my kids friends hang around the house all the time and realized that some were going to be older, and some I was going to really have to keep an eye on.
[–]meowmix-meowmeowFDS Newbie 40 points41 points42 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree that strict parenting can cause trauma and rebellion. I think being permissive is fine so long as the parent is still actively trying to guide their children to make the right choices.
[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple 17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel this deeply. I "joke" that I was raised by wolves, having a mother who figured we were born who we were and she didn't need to do much else but keep us alive. It takes a long time to recognize the damage, let alone remedy it. I'm so happy to see that you recognized that neglect for what it was and turned that around! I went the route of never having kids, which may be making this even more difficult for me to work through.
[–]pickledpiFDS Newbie 15 points16 points17 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Trauma is a mf and first step to ending the cycle is recognizing it.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]cupittycakesFDS Newbie 26 points27 points28 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
JFC that's an insane burden to put on you
[–]meowmix-meowmeowFDS Newbie 24 points25 points26 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm so sorry you went through that. I can't imagine what goes through someone's mind to allow that to happen to their kid, especially under their roof where they have all the control.
[–][deleted] 72 points73 points74 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
with an 18 year old, when I was 13
Wait, that's illegal :0
[–]CarpedictumFDS Newbie 45 points46 points47 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Unfortunately, dating isn’t. And some parents are delusional about what their kids are doing.
It should be illegal though, surely they could legislate against grooming.
[–]moonartemis1989FDS Newbie 64 points65 points66 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
the fact that they let this happen and drove me the 1 hour it took to get to his place seems even more insane.
your parents?
[–]meowmix-meowmeowFDS Newbie 37 points38 points39 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yup.
[–]moonartemis1989FDS Newbie 29 points30 points31 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
im sorry , u had to go through that
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice 61 points62 points63 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Same. I was 15 and he was 20.
[–][deleted] 26 points27 points28 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Me too! I'm so glad I'm not alone. Thinking back on it makes me sick....
[–]meowmix-meowmeowFDS Newbie 19 points20 points21 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Same. At the time, I didn't really think anything of it. I was just happy to have a boyfriend.
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice 41 points42 points43 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I knew it was weird and needed out of my abusive family dynamic so badly I didn’t care.
But then the first time we had sex I said “I’m not sure” and he penetrated me anyway. When I brought it up later he cried and asked me if I thought he was a rapist. I was 15. I said of course not while my brain screamed “is that not exactly what rape is?”
Eventually I moved in with my grandmother 2 hours away just to get away from him.
[–]berrylikeovaFDS Apprentice 14 points15 points16 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s not your fault.
[–]MonstermagnetmaryeFDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Also same 16 and 26. :-/
[–]x_LiMi_xFDS Newbie 54 points55 points56 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My parents encouraged me to date a guy when I was 15, he was 24. They'd leave me alone with him in bedrooms constantly, which thinking about now, is a bit weird (at the time wasn't). He'd kiss me pretty violently and tell me about sex during the months we dated. At the time it all felt normal, because I was 15, I'm confident that he knew it wasn't, though.
(I accidently put this in chat first, didn't notice the thread)
[–]novahexFDS Newbie 12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same, I dated a 19/20 yr old when I had just turned 14. Two actually, first one drugged me and took my virginity, second I was with for years. All of highschool in fact. My parents knew, supported it, and actively encouraged it by letting him spend the night regularly. Messed me up too. I'm not even a parent and I don't understand how they thought that was ok. He gave me drugs and alcohol, manipulated and groomed me, even threatened suicide when I broke up with him (and I stupidly took him back for a bit before getting out, but the years of that shitty relationship led me right to another toxic LV man who abused me). I'm 27 now and still trying to unlearn all the bullshit I was taught to take from men. I blamed myself for years for being so stupid, so I know if I ever have kids of my own I will fiercely protect them from this shit, and teach them to protect themselves for when they're older and I'm not there.
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
In my country, you wouldn't even be considered to be able consent at all at 13. This is by definition sadutory r*pe. I am very sorry this happened to you and I'm sorry for everyone of you who had similar expiriences.
[–]CynicalSucculentFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My parents did the same thing.
[–]evaporativeFDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Do you still speak to your parents?
[–]meowmix-meowmeowFDS Newbie 19 points20 points21 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I actually still talk to my dad. My mom died when I was 16 and shortly after I moved a few hours away by myself. We didn't talk much until a couple years ago. He stopped drinking and became a whole new person and is actually very supportive and understanding now, but I also live 10 hours away now and never see him. So for now, having him in my life doesn't impact me in a negative way.
Also -- I apologize for the horrible grammar. English is not my first language and I only recently started learning proper grammar.
[–]DomhnallTrumpet 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children) | Copy Link
But didn't you want it?
Did they force you to get in the car?
Why didn't you end the relationship?
At 1 hours apart this should've been pretty easy to do?
[–]weekend111FDS Newbie 460 points461 points462 points 3 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
It’s not about maturity. Older guys prey on younger girls because they have weaker personal boundaries. You don’t really learn to assert yourself in this society until about 25 (aka, the wall).
[–]supremelyparanoidFDS Apprentice[S] 229 points230 points231 points 3 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
Took me much longer than 25 to assert myself unfortunately
[–]_fuyumiFDS Newbie 68 points69 points70 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I think universally, it's 30. 25, your brain has just finished developing, and you're still having formative experiences. I watch 90 Day Fiancé and my theory hasn't been incorrect yet. All the women under 30 will accept any kind of bullshit treatment, whereas the 30 and over are more likely to tell people they don't care what they think and to go fuck themselves.
[–]confatulationsFDS Newbie 24 points25 points26 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Can confirm. I’m in my early thirties and I feel like I only just figured out how to do this.
[–]weekend111FDS Newbie 104 points105 points106 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As long as you’ve learned, sister!
Have a ghost hug, you can’t physically feel it, but it’s there!
[–]Platipus6166 points 3 years ago* [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
So.. women's boundaries are the wall that makes us undesirable to men? perfect.
[–]BovvsetteFDS Disciple 158 points159 points160 points 3 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Yep. ”The wall” was actually built to protect us from them and all the trash flying over from their junkyards. Since they can't get through anymore, they're shouting ”sour grapes” and that we're ugly and dying anyway if we dare not please and pander to them anymore. They are the ones outside clawing and crashing into that wall but are trying to project that despair onto us. So they go grooming and preying on little naive girls instead, since their pink fairytale goggles make them believe the best in people and they haven't learned how to say ”no, thank you” yet. Until brick by brick they start building their own walls too.
[–][deleted] 76 points77 points78 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
They are the ones outside clawing and crashing into that wall but are trying to project that despair onto us.
That is so true! I see women of all ages still desired by men. Even in my own family there are plenty of cases when a woman had a divorce and found a new, better man in her 50's. It took them long to divorce their lvm, because of that fear they will never find someone else, but when they overcame it, they never looked back.
[–]dancedance_83 23 points24 points25 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
The wall?
[–]_fuyumiFDS Newbie 47 points48 points49 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The point at which women become universally undesirable to men. Either 25 or 30 years of age, depending on how much of a pedo the incel is.
[–]moonartemis1989FDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
oh in my society its 30
[–][deleted] 18 points19 points20 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Kids don't even know they can or SHOULD have boundaries. Most don't even know what boundaries look like.
Parents, educate your kids please! Life won't do it for you.
[–]TruthlandFDS Newbie 220 points221 points222 points 3 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
it breaks my heart to see 14 yr old girls with relationship issues adult women have!! 14 yr old has no business dating. Society needs to stop normalizing these teeny bopper relationships.
[–]StarfishSabbaticalPickmeisha™️ 95 points96 points97 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's right and it starts young. Do not allow people to tease your children...girls OR boys...about boyfriends and girlfriends as elementary students or pre-school...or I've even seen it directed at infants! It normalizes early dating for kids. It sends them the signal that they should be interested in the other sex romantically and they internalize that message very well long before they even understand it. By the time they get to middle school and start noticing each other, they are primed to want to start "dating".
[–]moonartemis1989FDS Newbie 44 points45 points46 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
yeah its really nothing and nobody knows shit at that age lmao
[–]noavocadoshereFDS Newbie 90 points91 points92 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
holding hands, going out on actual planned dates (or group dates) with curfews, getting those drug store bears with a frilly heart, going to school dances together...this kind of relationship is the only teeny bopper relationships i'd endorse, with a huge emphasis on still focusing on your personal development, schoolwork, hobbies and friends before a boy and rejecting dating altogether if you truly don't want to. why is a 14 year old worrying about "netflix and chill"ing? we need to push back against this culture, not only for us but for the younger girls who look to us to set an example.
[–]huevos_and_whiskeyFDS Newbie 23 points24 points25 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I was 14 when I lost my virginity / was raped. He was my 4th boyfriend, having started dating when I was 11.
I wish much better for future generations. Let kids be kids!
[–][deleted] 71 points72 points73 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
When I was 15/16, I took some summer classes at a community college to get some extra credit while I was still in high school. I took a class about jazz music and a guy who was 21 (who openly knew I was 15) would not stop flirting with me. At the time, I thought it wasn't a big age gap and I thought he was cool. He even invited to drive me to his apartment so we could hang out. The professor, who I thought was a mean, bitchy woman at the time, literally pulled him aside after class one time and told him that she'd call the cops on him if he ever did something to me. He left me alone after that (thank god). Looking back, I'm extremely thankful for her interference! She saved me for so much trauma that could have happened.
[–]saggy_lemons1FDS Newbie 43 points44 points45 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She came in clutch 😍😍😍
[–]cyborgbunny01FDS Newbie 63 points64 points65 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
i wish someone told me this when i was younger. :(
when i was 15, this 22 year old guy pressured me into a relationship with him and i was scared to say no. still traumatized by that experience.
[–]Betty_BottleFDS Newbie 151 points152 points153 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I lost my virginity at 16 to a 19 year old.
My best friend at the time lost hers at 15 on holiday to the 25 year old coach driver.
When I was 17 I was groomed by a 28 year old. He was a teacher (not mine)
One guy I was casually seeing broke it off with me and started dating a 16 year old when he was 27.
Another ex took the virginity of a barely 18 year old when he was 32.
They are not men, they are predators.
[–][deleted] 76 points77 points78 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
They are men.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 41 points42 points43 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wish someone slapped some sense into me when I was 15 with a 21 year old 🤦🏾♀️
[–][deleted] 74 points75 points76 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
When I was 14 I got seduced by a 17 year old dude who thought female sexuality was sinful and also blamed victims of rape for what happened to them. I was stupid enough to forgive him all of this. If I found him by accident now I would feel like punching him in the face.
[–]JaneD-ohFDS Newbie 32 points33 points34 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Years ago a girl I had used to babysit got involved with a 21 year old drug addict when she was a teenager. She was beautiful, young and naive and easily preyed on by this man. He just sucked her right into his fucked up little life and not long after she was also on drugs. (I'm talking heroin, not weed.) I tried talking to her so many times and in so many ways and so did her mother but she wasn't hearing it, he had his claws in her. So I went to the police, one particular officer I knew well enough. I went to him at least 6 times over the course of that summer and told him everything I could about their whereabouts and what they were doing. I got the guy in trouble, he ended up charged with risk of injury to a minor, some drug charges and distribution of alcohol to minors and violation of probation, if I recall correctly. He went away to jail and she got sober with the help of her family.
[–]ScalesHaveFallen6 points 3 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
You are a damned good egg
[–]JaneD-ohFDS Newbie 11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you! I did what needed to be done.
[–]No_Kitchen4411Throwaway Account 29 points30 points31 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
When I was 14, I went to volleyball camp. I will always remember that first day, when I got to go to lunch with the "cool kids".
This "cool" pretty girl complained about the soda and explained to us that her throat tasted like cum because she gave her 18 yr old boyfriend a blow job. I hadn't even known what a blow job was, and was awed when she described in detail the flavor of it, and all the "tricks" her older bf had taught her.
I remember feeling envy, and although I thought this "cum" was gross, I listened attentively so I'd know how to do the cool stuff when I got a boyfriend. Girls are taught so young to always be the pleasers, thank you FDS for teaching me better.
[–]supremelyparanoidFDS Apprentice[S] 15 points16 points17 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel so disgusted
[–]popsthrowsupFDS Newbie 31 points32 points33 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Skai Jackson an 18yr old actress who has been in the spotlight since she was a child; pretty sure on Disney or Nick, replied to a tweet of a 30yr old man who was confused why he can’t find her “a model body” 18yr old attractive, even saying he’d “knock the adolescence out her pussy”
Her response was “what could you... an 30yr old... have in common with an 18yr old?”
People are in there defending him to her like “I mean I don’t think it’s an age thing .. attractive is attractive, you are of consenting age” blah blah blah
Like why do men feel the need to fight for their right to sexualize teenagers
[–][deleted] 27 points28 points29 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
When I was 15 I went to summer camp and there was this 19 year old guy preying on the girls ages 13-15. I thought that he wanted to be friends but turns out he was having sex with one of the girls as a CAMP COUNSELLOR. So gross. That same year a guy who was 20 started texting me and again I assumed that he wanted to be friends. We never hung out or did anything. But I don’t know what he wanted. Now I realized that I could have been groomed. It makes me so mad when people say “but girls mature faster”. Notice how it only applies when creepy old men want access to under age girls? It doesn’t apply when they want positions of leadership. I can’t believe that this is normalized in our society.
[–]elilove1 26 points27 points28 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
When I was 16 I used to think that the 24 year old guys dating my 16 year old friends were pretty weird but thought maybe I just wasn’t mature enough to get it. Nope! They were just creeps...
[–]gibgerbabymummyFDS Apprentice 23 points24 points25 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I used to bunk off school to go see my 25 year old boyfriend..at 15. He was a investment banker in London, I wrote his name all over my school planner. So gross. My eldest child is almost 14 and that makes me feel ill.
[–][deleted] 107 points108 points109 points 3 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
I had similar experiences in 17/21 and 19/22 relationships. Super predatory/abusive. Anything over 2 years age difference until you’re closer to your mid-twenties, is a red flag. 3-4 years is a huge difference in life experience when you’re younger.
[–]moonartemis1989FDS Newbie 66 points67 points68 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
yes , this is so true. it makes me want to bang my head against a wall when women are like age is just a number like no bitch its not.
[–]_fuyumiFDS Newbie 15 points16 points17 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Even 22 and 25. One just finished college, and the other's been in the real world for THREE years (assuming they're college educated. If they're both not, that kind of evens the playing field).
[–]KaisaIlonaFDS Newbie 6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
17/21 is weird because on is still a minor but I think 19/22 is fine. I mean they're probably at the same point in life starting work/going to college. Sorry your relationship was abusive but I feel like that isn't the case with everyone and it's usually an okay age gap.
[–]missangel89FDS Newbie 21 points22 points23 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I actually think 19/22 is a "stage of life" age gap that I can't ignore. 22 is usually when someone graduated college already and is working, 19 is like end of freshman year/sophomore year. Lots of growth occurs every single year in your late teens through twenties.
When I was 22 I had my first real job, and was really not interested in freshmen or sophomore babies lol
[–]MarriedWithPizzaFDS Disciple 18 points19 points20 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
You know what, you’re right! When I was 20 I had this one 18 year old boy at the gym that really really liked me, we had similar friends at our volleyball league, and everyone said the difference in age was so small, he was about to turn 19, so why didn’t I give him a chance. He was adorable but he was such a CHILD in my eyes! I couldn’t even comprehend the idea of dating someone that was 18. And I was only 20. The more I think about it, the weirder it gets. I am sure there are cases where a 22 years old getting together with a 19 has no predatory reasoning behind it. But I believe that’s probably like 1 out of 10 cases. Also, we should definitely normalize dating someone near your age range for men, just like we do it for women. Also remember ladies, it has been shown that women married to older and younger men, the bigger the age gap, the shorter their lifespan.
[–]throwaway23004345FDS Newbie 31 points32 points33 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It’s not about the number of years (like 3 in this case) it’s about the specific age and where you are in life. There are miles between 19/22. A 19 year old isn’t a graduate yet, hasn’t traveled much, hasn’t read much or really learned about themselves etc. >22 men are working and establishing their finances etc. and besides you shouldn’t have much in common with a teen anyway. Now if this was 30-33 then that would be different
[–]MarriedWithPizzaFDS Disciple 13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
So I will say that is not the case for everyone. At 19 I had moved out of countries three times. Lived in 6 different states in the USA after I decided to have settled down here, traveled to 13 different countries and lived on my own by 18. I don’t think I have ever met a men at their 22 working with their finances put together, and I had seen the world a lot more than your 22 year old American men. They are not even juniors in college, yet and they are probably still going to bars at 22, cause they finally became legal to drink. I think it really depends on the person in an age difference between 19/22... I do think that’s the maximum age difference you can go before being sketchy. By 23, you are already borderline an actual adult and you know you need to get your life together.
[–]_fuyumiFDS Newbie 18 points19 points20 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My next door neighbor was 12 dating a 17 year old. They broke up two years later when he went to the Army and accused her of cheating on him while he was in basic. She assured me they didn't have sex (strict parents, Christian upbringing) but I never could quite believe it.
Meanwhile he went to my school, bc she was in middle school, and he was a huge immature fucking loser.
[–]sunstar176FDS Newbie 17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes!!! And 14 year old girls should never HAVE to be mature for their age. They should be having fun in those precious years between childhood and adulthood. The pressure to be grown up is wild! I've noticed my neices (and nephews too actually) trying to shuck their tweendom before they barely hit double digits to emulate people they see on YouTube and TikTok. It's a bummer.
[–]GladRaccoonFDS Newbie 14 points15 points16 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Started dating an 18 year old at the end of grade 9. I was 14 at the time, he graduated and turned 19 that summer. I was with him for 4 years, took my virginity after I barely turned 15. It took a small group of friends I had just made when I started University to help me realize the relationship I was in was toxic af.
Left him, which was a horror show (did the classic threats to hurt himself if I left,he moved out of our shared lease apartment, failed to tell the landlord and left me on the hook for the massive rent payment and having to figure all that out)
Its been 4+ years since all that happened, but I still have awful dreams and some panic attacks related to the shit he put me through. At the time, everything seemed so nomal, and the age gap didn't seem that big to me. Now I look back and I'm disgusted he was ever remotely interested in me. My parents did their best to protect me, but they can only do so much when they don't have the full story.
Glad to be rid of that. Don't date older men as a young teen. You are not ready for that no matter how adult you feel. They should not be interested in you. It is wrong.
[–]RisoaFDS Apprentice 31 points32 points33 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Damn this is messed up. At 15 I thought I was so cool dating a 18 year old. Now I cringe thinking about it. He was fucked.
[–]CompetitionMedical70FDS Newbie 43 points44 points45 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
The fact that Highschool has 18 year old legal adults going to school with 14 year olds enables this. I honestly don’t think these age groups should be going to school together.
[–]midge_ratFDS Newbie 26 points27 points28 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yep. I lost my virginity at 14 to an 18 year old senior. Looking back he totally took advantage of the situation even if I did “consent”.
[–]CompetitionMedical70FDS Newbie 25 points26 points27 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Saw it happen to alot of my friends when i was a freshman. It wasn’t a coincidence they all lost it to junior and senior guys. They definitely prey on younger girls.
[–]Quirky_Confusion_235FDS Newbie 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I remember being 14 and a freshman in high school. A junior boy was interested in me. He had been held back I think because he was 17 soon turning 18. I remember being so flattered and all the girls in my class being a mixture of jealous/excited for me because I had an older boy’s attention very early into the start of the school year.
We texted, and he would meet me outside of my classes to escort me to the next one. Cute but in hindsight creepy as he was likely trying to control my free time so I wouldn’t talk to any other guys.
I thought things were great. But then he asked me to prom which was a whole year away basically. We weren’t even officially bf/gf. So I asked him about that. I don’t remember exactly bc it’s been so long, but he basically said we were already together despite having never been on a real date or having a conversation about it prior to that one.
I gently told him going to prom sounded wonderful, but we needed to get to know each other more first before committing.
He then told me he had lost his virginity at 13 at a church function. Wtf?! I freaked out because 13 is incredibly young for that. When my reaction was negative, he instantly told me it was one of his biggest regrets and tried to get sympathy from me. Soon after he was asking for inappropriate photos. Thankfully I had the sense to break things off with him and avoid him.
But the boy I dated afterwards wasn’t too much better. Dating in HS is a joke.
[–]McccyFDS Apprentice 47 points48 points49 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's like you're describing my English lesson classmate, she was only 15 and was "in a relationship" with a 20 year old in the army training who came to see her every 5-6 months. Ugliest man I've seen in my life and she wouldn't stop talking about sex and how much she 'loved' him🤢
The fact that they looked and acted like that most likely means they were being abused and/or neglected at home. Those men probably didn't even treat them well, but better than abuse is "well," if it's all you've known... Same parents would probably kick them out if they got pregnant, though they never loved or educated them enough to prevent it happening
[–][deleted] 42 points43 points44 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It happens to women that are grown too, being a prey has no age requirement. I have tons of gullible and naive friends who are married and always flaunting that they are married. I have a friend who’s married with no ring, and still calls him her boyfriend despite them being legally wedded to each other. She also works full time to pay the rent completely on her own, while he works part time ... and she thinks she’s winning.
[–]slayeroftruthFDS Apprentice 28 points29 points30 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
When people say girls are more mature its because society expects more out of us. That does not mean teenagers are mature enough to date adult male or older young man. That's why overprotective moms is good thing. I'm not saying go crazy with it and don't let teens have life. My mom was overprotective. To be honest I'm grateful for it. She taught me stuff that helped me long term.
[–]cupittycakesFDS Newbie 21 points22 points23 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I had to explain this to my cousin bc her actual parents didn't care (bc they had an even wider age gap and thought they shouldn't judge)
She was 15, he was 19- he took her virginity (this they didn't know and she told me in confidence but I encouraged her to share with her mother and opened up her mother to being open to communicate her children's sex lives so they weren't out here navigating it alone... So she and her mother did eventually talk and share)
I'd have love to taken legal avenues against him but I did what I could
I explained to her that she was incredibly special to many people who loved her, she lit up our lives, but that she was not special to him, not 'mature' to him, nothing was significant about her to him except that she was young and easily manipulated and his second choice because he was incapable of attracting a woman his own age, and that this made him a predator
Happy to report it worked and she hasn't went for older guys like that since
[–]Seamstress2FDS Newbie 28 points29 points30 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You can be mature for your age, great! You're the most mature you have ever been - that doesn't make him not a predator.
[–]Waste-WinFDS Newbie 34 points35 points36 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This is why I think the younger an 18 yo should date is a 16 yo, but +18s dating 12 and 13 yo, is so gross the only reason they go after those kids is because girls their age wants nothing to do with them.
[–]moonartemis1989FDS Newbie 58 points59 points60 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
i think even that is shady af , im 18 not attracted to 16 yr olds at all
[–]_fuyumiFDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm pretty sure that's the "Romeo and Juliet" law. But if you can't prove anything sexual is going on, the abusers can get away with it. Many states have laws that if a girl is stat raped, the man won't be prosecuted if her parents consent to a marriage. So you'll see a 12 year old girl, she gets pregnant, the father of the baby is 20, they get married, no jail time.
Edit: the age is 15. The case with the 12 year old I was thinking about, the husband still had to do jail time. I'll try to find it.
https://m.dailykos.com/stories/2018/4/8/1753864/-When-is-statutory-rape-not-statutory-rape-When-you-put-a-ring-on-it
[–]muse539FDS Newbie 6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ugh, seriously though. My "first kiss" was when I was 13, with a guy who was 18. I use the quotes because I barely count it as my first. He didn't tell me he was going to do it, instead he told me to close my eyes cause he had a surprise for me. I almost threw up on him.
That whole relationship was a huge mistake
[–]Joohoneybee_002FDS Newbie 5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wish I could’ve seen this when I was 14. He wasn’t 18 though, he was 21.
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This happened to me and when my moms family found out they got mad and grounded (isolated) me for months only because I was caught out past curfew with him. My uncle even made some snarky bitchy comment to me like “so you like dating older buys huh?” Augh. My dads side had anger for the boy and left me alone. I’m pretty sure I’m closed off to the world and somewhat traumatized because of my moms side reaction. Ten years later and I still don’t like how they blamed me for it. I was failed.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Honestly, i feel at the age of 15, the boyfriend should be maximally 2.5 years older. And I can also understand your point of view if you even think this is too much.
[–]saggy_lemons1FDS Newbie 6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm always amazed that teen girls (and then later on women) even date older. When I was in high school, I dated boys my age or a year younger.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It is funny, I've seen it with my friends and myself: We'd still go for slightly older boys(now men) since we started dating, because we deem those our age and younger to be too immature and childlike. And most boys/men will be fine with dating someone 2 years younger. I'm only speaking about teens and early twenties.
I really wonder if this "maturity" of the female gender is just purely socialized or if the fact that puberty on average kicks in later for boys plays a role in this.
[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I got hit on by a 17 year old when I was 13. And the worst part was that my female friend who was the same age as me set me up. She and I were at an RV show because her father sold them so we were hanging out at his company's booth. And one of the guys who was working there with him was attracted to me--like I just met this dude! He had expressed his interest in me to her at some point and she let me know and was kind of pressuring me to hang out with him. I wouldn't & felt completely uncomfortable around him, especially knowing that!
The three of us went and hung out in one of the RVs to check it out and I felt safe because my friend was with us. But next thing I knew she was turning around and leaving and I was all the way up at the front with this guy--she had been directly behind us by the door & she left me alone with him on purpose--so it wasn't easy for me to get up and leave myself. And I don't remember how the conversation started but at some point this dude said to me, 'So, how do 8th grade girls kiss?' Wtf?! Totally freaked me out! I don't remember what I said in response but it was something evasive to brush him off & get out of there as quick as possible!
I'm still in touch with this friend and if something like this were to happen today there's no way she'd do something like that. I don't know what it is when you're that age but there's something about those older guys liking you that makes you feel really special or something or seems cool. If it would have been a different guy that same age who knows what would have happened but this dude creeped me out. Not that it would have been okay if he were cuter or more appealing, just referencing the naivety of that particular age & why conversations like that meme are so important!
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]McccyFDS Apprentice 59 points60 points61 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
For me, definitely. He's almost 30 and will probably have nothing in common with me (I'm 20) like dude, I'm still in school, go find a woman your age ☠️
[–][deleted] 19 points20 points21 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah women his age don’t want him
[–]moonartemis1989FDS Newbie 38 points39 points40 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
nooo , too much of a age difference thats 8 yrs , red flag
[–]throwaway23004345FDS Newbie 35 points36 points37 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yea it’s a red flag bc he can’t relate to women his own age. I was totally different at 20 and I’m 28 now
[–]Theawakengamer 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What if the genders reversed. Lol
[–]GargoArgo -1 points0 points1 point 1 year ago (0 children) | Copy Link
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO but yeah let’s let 14 year olds change their gender
[–]MR_DERP_YT -1 points0 points1 point 1 year ago (0 children) | Copy Link
One question tbh, may be irrelevant to this post idk: how yall gonna reproduce w/o men 💀💀
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