How does somebody "lower their standards"?

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-02-22T19:51:45+00:00

I think it means to look past someone's appearance for something of value and not simply judge them on what you can see, in general.

If someone is lowering their standards, then that might look like "I'd take someone who only makes $40k a year instead of at least $70k" or "I wanted someone with a higher status job but I can't find anyone so I'll have to start looking at people who work blue-collar jobs."

It's literally like asking a straight person to be gay. Be attracted to something you are not....

This might be something that each individual person has to come to terms with. "How shallow am I/How important is objective physical attractiveness to me?"

If it is very important that someone is physically attractive because the person values it above everything else, they might not be able to "lower their standards"/look past that. I've personally become more attracted to people that I didn't find physically attractive at first after I got to know them, so some things might not be as important to people as they seem from a preferential perspective.

Edit: People should also realize that what we fantasize about are our ideals, not our standards, so passing on someone because they don't meet the ideal fantasy of what we want shouldn't deter us from considering them and getting to know them.

alwaysonalongtrip · 2021-02-22T19:47:41+00:00

Think about your needs. You should not compromise on your needs. But you can compromise on the specific ways you fulfill that need.

ex:

"I need to be attracted to my partner" is a non-negotiable.

"I need my partner to be over 6'" is a standard that you can compromise on.

colgateexpert · 2021-02-22T20:09:43+00:00

Attraction is not binary. It exists on a spectrum. On one end people that you're 100% attracted to, the ones who make your heart race when you look at them. On the other end there's people that, when you see them, you're immediately repulsed by them. But on the middle, there's people who are kinda meh, they don't really make your heart race but they don't disgust you either. Lowering your standards means dating that third group of people

Aldabruzzo · 2021-02-22T20:17:53+00:00

There's no way to 'lower your standards' under the definition you've given it. No one expects this, luckily.

When we say lower your standards, we mean stop being unreasonable in terms of what you expect from the opposite sex.

If you're a man and you're average, you are not going to get Stacy. You're just not. So you need to learn how to be happy with a nonStacy. Fortunately, most men can do this.

If you're a woman and you're average, you can have lots of sex with Chad, but he will never commit to you. So you need to accept that if it's Chad you want, you can get only sex from him. If you want more than that, you have to accept a nonChad. Or, live with and accept that all you will ever get is Chad sex, but no Chadcommitment.

Acceptance. And then learning to live with it.

King_D0ng · 2021-02-22T19:58:06+00:00

I don't think there's a way for anyone to consciously lower their standards as you correctly point out that attraction occurs at the subconscious level. I do think people can gain more realistic standards by changing their own behaviors and what they choose to experience. I think it's safe to say unrealistic porn consumption can cause men to have unrealistic standards on how women look and how they act during sex. Using the same logic, women can get unrealistic standards on what type of man they can get for a relationship from what type of man they are able to get casual sex with. People can "lower" their standards by not participating in those activities.

Please note this is not a condemnation against porn or casual sex. I'm confident most men and women aren't getting unrealistic standards from these activities. But some are and might be able to fix their standards by changing their behavior.

Ok_Swim_2691 · 2021-02-23T05:59:42+00:00

List all the things you want in a partner.
List all the things you are.
Circle the things that are there just to stroke your ego(For example, has to be at my beck and call all the time, has to have any combination of movie star looks).
Circle the things you're not yourself.
Think why would dreamy 1. hang out with someone like you. If you have flaws, why would they accept them? Love is not an answer.
Remove 3. and 4.
Do 5. again.
Your results should be: you're perfect and your demands are reasonable, or you're imperfect and you're hitting out of your league: continue living in delusion, accept 6. instead of 1. or quit the dating market altogether and never complain about being lonely again.

bowserfire73 · 2021-02-22T20:17:28+00:00

Stop looking at models, actors, porn stars, etc that give you unrealistic standards

geyejoe7 · 2021-02-22T20:13:44+00:00

Example for "lowering standards regarding looks"

I personally love women of all women that are in the healthy weight range.

-I don't at all mind, and am attracted to small breasts. But would I prefer perfectly shaped C cups? Yes.

I don't at all mind smaller butts. But would I prefer a well proportioned and shaped butt? Yes.
I don't at all mind a bit of fat on the belly. Would I prefer a small waist and no fat on the belly? Yes.

While I prefer some things, I wouldn't disregard a partner because they don't have these things. Because by LOWERING MY STANDARDS from what I consider PERFECT and what I find "just attractive", I widen my pool of potential partners by a significant amount.

for example Women saying "no men below 6 foot" removes majority of the men from the dating pool. Not even considering other attributes.

By removing that ridiculous STANDARD, they'd widen the range of potential partners. And let's be honest. If you're looking for a man to tower over you, you have issues, not standards.

5 inch difference is a large difference. And above that is literally unnecessary.

Also, majority of people that get told to lower their standards, get that comment after they complain about dating, when they clearly have too high of standards.

SowClips · 2021-02-22T20:26:44+00:00

I see it not as lowering standards as much as widening them to include more people thus hopefully increasing your chances of meeting someone. When it comes to standards relating to character (loyalty, kindness, openness etc) I would never tell someone to lower their standards. When comes to standards that relate things that people have no control over, I would advice someone to try to expand their preferences.

It’s ok to have specific and strict standards, it only becomes annoying if you are constantly complaining or whining about being alone because of those same standards. Don’t be surprised then, if people advice you to lower your standards.

Sage_Planter · 2021-02-22T20:33:37+00:00

I don't believe people should necessarily lower their standards, but everyone should take time to question whether their standards are realistic, whether they're actually that important, and whether they're truly satisfied being single if those standards can't be met.

Most people are told to "lower their standards" when they are looking for something unrealistic but continuing to complain about being single to their friends all the time. I knew an average man in his 40's who only chased 20-something models, and he'd complain so much about how he could never find love. He was told to lower his standards.

DrPete_Venkman · 2021-02-22T20:34:32+00:00

Take what you want, and cut it in half.if that still doesn't work, take the remaining half and cut that in half. Rinse and repeat. The only caveat is weight, which doubles instead of getting halved.

oobertas · 2021-02-22T20:52:20+00:00

which is totally instinctive, subconcious and biologically controlled

Is it this belief which limits your ability to understand what a person is doing when they say they change their standard?

infinitofluxo · 2021-02-22T23:14:38+00:00

I believe each person can lower specific standards they have, but not all. I can observe in my life that a few years ago I was unwilling to date girls that said they wanted no kids, because I thought I should keep this option open in my life. Now I changed my mind, since I've been hurt by women that wanted kids but had no quality in other fields. It made me believe that I should prioritize other fields over this, and also I noticed that having a good partner is more important to me than fulfilling a father role. Society is broken enough as it is, I can consider myself lucky if I find a long lasting partner that is worth my time.

I also changed my view about women of lower economic classes, I might overlook this depending on the woman.

In the looks department that is what I have trouble with. If I don't feel great attraction I feel I'm not being true to myself. The difficulty to find dates that I find beautiful and attractive has always haunted me. I'm worried that I may be unwilling to accept that they are probably my level and am not getting used to this reality. That is the worse part.

SafeWilling · 2021-02-23T05:57:46+00:00

If by standard we mean what a person is sexually attracted to, which is totally instinctive, subconcious and biologically controlled....

No, standard means the degree of sexual appeal someone has. For example, say you are attracted to a big ass. Obviously, there's a wide range of whats considered a big ass. Having a high standards would be like saying a girl needs t have an IG model ass to be considered attractive. Obviously, you can still be attracted to big asses but lower your standard to a more reasonable ass size.

neubs · 2021-02-22T19:24:30+00:00

I think sometimes guys won't date a bigger girl because they are afraid their friends will make fun of them. There is a point where the girl your with is sort of a status thing like all guys want the really hot girl but the not so hot one would still get his dick hard. It is like the difference between driving a Corvette and a Chrysler minivan.

John_Oakman · 2021-02-22T21:23:59+00:00

One interpretation of lowering standards: Stop marrying for romantic reasons and start marrying for pragmatic reasons (for women: financial/economic security, for males: fulfillment of social obligations/expectations).

SeemedGood · 2021-02-22T22:29:21+00:00

Most (if not all) of one’s subconscious functions can be brought under conscious control with sustained effort at the expansion of one’s consciousness.

That’s part of what makes humans special.

psypD · 2021-02-23T00:25:17+00:00

It's not lowering standards it's reassessing standards and needs.

My standard is smart, fairly tall, nice natural redheads with big boobs and freckles that can cook really well and like to fuck 3 times a day.I never had a problem reassessing that "standard" without feeling like I settled.

wellimout · 2021-02-23T00:35:36+00:00

If by standard we mean what a person is sexually attracted to, which is totally instinctive, subconcious and biologically controlled....

...so, according to you, the current nearly ubiquitous standard, "must be at least six feet tall" is totally instinctive and biologically controlled. Yet, previous generations did not express such a standard.

So your choices here are:

evolution is super quick, and the x-men is a documentary
very few women in previous generations were actually attracted to their men

I look forward to you picking one of those choices.

Or, if you prefer a male-centric standard, most men today will say that their standard is a woman who trims her public hair and performs blow jobs. Do you believe that standard is newly evolved? Or do you think men of previous generations were not truly attracted to their women?

CaptainFunkyMan · 2021-02-23T00:50:19+00:00

totally instinctive, subconcious and biologically controlled ?

Nope. I really disagree. People used to fall in love and marry without ever even knowing what was under the clothes. Outside of gross obesity or huge age differences, humans have a wide range of acceptable sex partners

2021-02-23T05:29:54+00:00

If you’re booty calling for validation you don’t have any standards to begin with.

The rest of us lower our standards when we end up with people like this.

pube_stubble · 2021-02-23T01:43:00+00:00

I’m an ugly hapa. Fit (173, 5’11, can bench my weight) but ugly and obviously Asian. I say this because I attract women, exclusively prediabetic single moms.

I’m biologically incentivized to spread my ricecel seed, even if I have to plow women far heavier and older than myself to do it. I can’t fuck them more than once, but if they’re gonna settle for my egg roll, I’ll give them a good pounding.

By not watching porn, OnlyFans, or IG thots, I stay thirsty enough to give big girls a fun night in. Just one though, because nobody can outrun post nut clarity.

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Goodthingstartssmall · 2021-02-23T14:22:43+00:00

With skills at reflection and a healthy dose of self-criticism everyone can look in the mirror naked without any appearance enhancements and roughly estimate his standard. I'm talking about appearance only in this case.

eisenkatze · 2021-02-23T14:32:17+00:00

It's not as set in stone and biological as you think. A LOT depends on other factors. As I've aged and gained experience with men, my standards have become a lot broader - when I was a teenager I thought only short, dark and very feminine men were attractive and despaired because those are really rare in my country. I only felt attracted to an ideal face because I was viewing them as a collection of attributes and not a person. When I started actually talking to men and vibing with them I found most of them were fun and interesting, and that connection made a lot of them attractive to me. Exposure counts for a lot. I'm still into oval faces and big noses but that's a preference, not a requirement.

moneygang4life · 2021-02-23T19:17:21+00:00

How? Look at why conventional beauty standards are. What is attractive is more universal than people want to admit

betwen3and20characte · 2021-02-26T06:54:16+00:00

I feel like this was posted by a woman

stats135 · 2021-02-22T20:34:54+00:00

Attraction is non-negotiable, but everything else is.

You can lower your standards on education, intelligence, career, money, class, values, n-count, etc. These standards might be more prominent in women than men, but they are still there. Some more common standards in men would be refusing to pay for it, or not sticking your dick in crazy.

CaptainFunkyMan · 2021-02-23T00:33:47+00:00

Whining to the rest of us about how you cannot lower your standards will not make the hotties you want change their opinion of you. Learn to accept and appreciate a suitable mate or be alone. The choice is yours.

EffectiveBlackCat · 2021-02-23T23:29:26+00:00

Fat women have ruined the USA, UK, Canada, Australia & nz. Men have such a low bar to be sexually stimulated and that is simple as "don't be fat". 68% of women can't even match that bloody, basic standard.

The ones that do look after themselves get chad or chadlite, leaving the rest of us to either remain alone or god forbid... Some how rewire 6 millions of evolution to find overweight women sexually appealing (not gonna happen! Not on my book uncle sam!)

Men like thin to slim-average women, it is by far the most important trait in male to female sexual attraction. It is a trait which we typically associate with a young college woman who is physically active and at the peak of her fecundity. Men should not feel ashamed of this. We are not designed for our first girlfriend to be 35, far less fertile and overweight after years of wage slaving and involuntary celibacy.

Women then think we men only like them for their weight/body, which is wrong. We dont. Men do want a compatible personality, intelligence, etiquette, agreeableness,shared common interests, softness, the ability to work as double team and get on together to raise family. Feminism has depleted these personality traits men look for too, women have become militant man haters. so overall it's a disaster for men looking for a woman of healthy body and mind in USA, UK etc.

hesipullupjimbo445 · 2021-02-23T02:42:05+00:00

Guys do it after rejection(s) women do it after a prolonged period of loneliness. Both of these scenarios lead a person to reflect and come to realizations about where they really stand. The difference is this happens to most guys at least once before they graduate high school and most women don’t experience it until they hit the wall.

Title	How does somebody "lower their standards"?
Author	Artistic_Guest4386
Upvotes	17
Comments	190
Date	February 22, 2021 7:18 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/lpx61w/how_does_somebody_lower_their_standards/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-does-somebody-lower-their-standards.744354 https://theredarchive.com/post/744354

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