Someone please tell her

Summerisle7 · 2021-02-20T21:10:41+00:00

Run far away from Coltee and Debbie

DallasOMalley · 2021-02-20T20:31:19+00:00

Honestly, I stopped reading after "He lives with his mom".

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-02-20T20:33:22+00:00

She wants to pay for his mom's apartment? Oh god, why is she doing this to herself? It's a financial trap that she will never be able to get out of.

glendoraza · 2021-02-20T20:14:30+00:00

This is a huge struggle in the south Asian community. My ex spouse put me through hell along with his parents whom I lived with. I did not last even a year. Holy shit

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-02-20T20:59:43+00:00

His poor mom would probably LOVE to live alone and stop having to clean up after a grown man. I grew up very poor and my mom transitioned from ‘us living with her’ to ‘her living with us’ around our 20s when my brother and I started making more money than any of her jobs ever did, and when she finally got her own place she was so happy. I understand wanting to care for your parents but this goes way beyond that.

2021-02-20T22:23:06+00:00

Unfortunately your always going to just be "the other woman" in his life. Get out while ur still young enough to live

PasDeTout · 2021-02-20T22:30:05+00:00

He is going to string her along until she can’t actually have kids. She needs to dump him and find someone who doesn’t live with Mommie Dearest.

virgoran · 2021-02-20T22:57:25+00:00

How do I help him see we have other options?

You don't. Different needs/wants. Just leave.

temproaryusername · 2021-02-21T00:38:47+00:00

Future-faked, begging, second-fiddle, financially disadvantaged, begging internet strangers for advice....

Yeah, why WOULDNT you want to continue forcing this amazing relationship.... 🙄

TheFinalGirl_21 · 2021-02-20T22:24:14+00:00

This is horrifying. I hope she finds her way out. I was looking on a mom sub earlier today and was absolutely disgusted. Is this really how it is out there? Yikes.

EmpoweredGoat · 2021-02-20T20:54:29+00:00

Unless they are long term caregivers, men who live with their parents over the age of 30 are automatically LVM and not worth dating. If they haven’t grown up by then, they never fucking will.

Case in point: I have a LVM uncle in his 50’s who has lived with my grandmother (his mom) for roughly 8 years.

He lives in her casita and she charges him $400/month in an area where she could easily charge double. He STILL cannot make rent and only pays her half of the time.

He had an opportunity in his 20’s to go to school and his great uncle offered to pay tuition in full. He refused the offer.

A few months ago his washer broke and he got a new one, which my grandma pulled the loan out for. He’s paying her back because his credit score is trash.

He owns an old car that is constantly breaking down. Because of this, my grandma is constantly buying various items for him at the store.

However, uncle magically manages to spend thousands of dollars on computer parts and systems because they’re “for work.” In reality he has serious gaming and (most likely) porn addictions. He is so addicted that he has severe back pain from being hunched over the computer for hours every day.

I’m close with my grandmother; she has assured me she is keeping track of every dime he owes her and will be taking it out of his inheritance.

Important_Page_6846 · 2021-02-20T23:40:09+00:00

First off how you gonna have kids with a 42 year old male when you’re 35?! Sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen for that child.

Villanelloh · 2021-02-21T01:15:22+00:00

Fortunately most of the comments are telling her to break up with him. Let's hope she does

CSardothien_1 · 2021-02-20T22:37:06+00:00

This is just gross...also the age difference raises a red flag to me. Even though she’s in her mid 30’s and he’s in his early 40’s it always makes the alert system in the back of my mind go ‘alert, alert!’ I know we talk about age differences with young women usually in their 20’s on this sub but idk something just seems off about it to me, or maybe I’m just looking for other red flags besides the obvious.

anotherdamnloser · 2021-02-21T03:13:06+00:00

She doesn’t wanna live with her “yet”? As in she will some day? Oh honey get outta there.

justanothergirl4278 · 2021-02-20T20:48:45+00:00

This ones hard.

It's clearly a dealbreaker for both of them so that's that, they should go their separate ways.

I don't look down on this guy because he feels he has a duty to his mother and he's not 'living in her basement' but taking care of her. Also the woman is extremely caring and willing to take care of his mom and pay for her, she just wants space.

This is just me and I come from a culture where generational households are okay so I don't see his requests as bad, but they both need to find people who align with them because whoever concedes here will hold resentment down the road.

It's the setup for a very unhappy marriage.

The only middle ground I can think of is if they get condos next to each other or something 😂

Altowhovian93 · 2021-02-21T02:16:51+00:00

Ruuuuuuuuun! First thing, no moving in with boyfriend without commitment!!! Second, OP not wanting to live with BF’s mom is valid. BF wanting to provide for his mom is valid. She offered (free of cost 🤡)to BF to put mom up else where, he refused to compromise, that’s a dealbreaker right there. She needs to drop this relationship and set her standards higher.

skyerippa · 2021-02-21T06:57:16+00:00

Are we sure he lives with his mom and not wife? Has she met the mother/ been at the house?

No_Kitchen4411 · 2021-02-21T03:13:08+00:00

[deleted]

XMochiixMochiiX · 2021-02-21T07:55:48+00:00

What even. What guy lives with their mom at 42. Why hasn't he tried to pay for a condo for his mom and why is the gf paying for it?

wonkyeyes8877 · 2021-02-21T04:07:32+00:00

Is his mom disabled or ill and he has her staying with him to help her?

No.

It's never that.

punyhumannumber2 · 2021-02-21T19:47:46+00:00

It would be an absolute nightmare to live with a man who has never lived on his own and who has had a SAHM take care of him his entire life. Would he even know basic skills like doing laundry, dishes, cooking, etc? Forget moving in together, she wants to have babies with him? He would be such a classic useless father/husband while she would be stuck doing everything because he 'wouldn't know how' and he would keep it that way.

My guess is this guy doesn't actually want a wife or kids or his own place. He stays with her because of sex and she indulges in his fantasy of that life, but realistically he is happy with the way his life is now and has no concrete plans to follow through. He is all talk. He doesn't actually want the same things as her. He is 42, if he actually wanted that life, he would have had it by now.

2021-02-21T13:00:17+00:00

If it's really a dealbreaker, then she knows what she needs to do. I hope she learns to respect herself.

eveloe · 2021-02-21T14:34:17+00:00

Why can't that someone to tell her be you?

fairywakes · 2021-02-22T08:07:15+00:00

Forty. Two.

shoesfromparis135 · 2021-02-22T20:14:13+00:00

Bye Felicia!

Title	Someone please tell her
Author	Previous-Focus-2013
Upvotes	298
Comments	70
Date	February 20, 2021 8:07 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lofgu1/someone_please_tell_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/someone-please-tell-her.744525 https://theredarchive.com/post/744525

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