I dated a Softboi so you don’t have to!

_jellybeanqueen_ · 2021-03-28T18:48:08+00:00

Omg we should start a series called "I dated [insert LVM variant here] so you don't have to!" and cycle through each one ahahahaha. I bet the conclusion is they differ in the superficial details but at the core they're pretty much the same

3dkanojo · 2021-03-28T18:35:18+00:00

dont even mention you feel like because you dated below your league he's "safe" from other women (ugh my self esteem).. but in reality he thinks because he pulled you he can pull anyone and is entitled to every other woman..

Candid_Check_4843 · 2021-03-28T18:42:02+00:00

I dated one of these. He is also an alcoholic (tried to hide it in the beginning) who has multiple health problems due to drinking. He left a shit stain on my sheets from sitting there in skid marked boxers. He thought it was funny to not wash his hair. He would want gold stars for wearing anything other than basketball shorts. He lives with his parents because he’s been “going to school” (i.e. failing repeatedly) for the better part of a decade. He won’t take the time to even put shoes on properly so he would just destroy shoes by putting them on halfway and stomping down the back of the shoe. He would act exasperated when I asked him to brush his teeth. He gained 150 pounds in two years. He maintained an online harem which he catfished with photos from 10 years and 150 pounds ago when he was functional enough to have a modeling career. His car was a trash can. He was constantly broke and adult responsibilities were always emergencies because he would wait years to take care of the most basic things.

Oh I forgot (blocked out?) some other things: found out he liked Proud Boy memes. (I’m black?!?!) He insisted he was “part Viking” and proudly showed me his 23 & Me results that said, like, 7% Scandinavian. He sent me videos and pictures of him having sex with other women because, “You’re bi so I thought you’d like it.” He has nudes and videos of women dating back to at least 2009, some of whom were barely 18 at the time. He’s one of those dudes who hates all the outspoken women in politics and made fun of Greta Thunberg way too often.

Saitschik · 2021-03-28T20:25:00+00:00

"Made a lot of assumptions about me seeing a future with him"

Girl, how even the ugliest, brokest motherfucker believes you can't want to plan a future with him has me laughing everytime 😂

give_mefries · 2021-03-28T18:55:05+00:00

Dated one of these. He was short and fat. Smoked a lot. But he was quite handsome, funny and said all the right things. I was so attracted to him because he really did seem like he cared about women in general. Was okayish in bed. But yeah few weeks in and I started noticing some mansplaining, him taking 2-3 days to text me. Me always asking him if he is free after work. Oh man, it was definitely a low point for me. I should have never went out with him. I was 19 and he was 26. But at that time I was really into the mindset that I could only date older guys because they are so “mature”. It ended badly. Before this guy I always felt that I had to date someone who was not as attractive as I am because they won’t mistreat me. Oh man, couldn’t have been more wrong. This guy did a number on my self esteem. When I ended things with him, I sent him a huge ass message. AND THIS FUCKER GHOSTED ME. (He did text me after months probably looking for sex) i am never repeating this mistake again.

Betty_Bottle · 2021-03-28T22:32:10+00:00

I just had a horrible memory pop up from about 11 years ago. My boyfriend at the time suffered with psoriasis and one of the places he got it was between his bum cheeks.

I still lived at home at this point and he was staying over. Just before he got into bed he reached into his boxers, scratched and then pulled his hand out and inspected his nails before FLICKING whatever was there onto my bedroom carpet 🤮. No, we did not have sex that night. He was also incredibly hairy and once peed MY bed. What was I thinking??

Some other guys I've dated/slept with (apart from the usual pornsick/depraved/general dirt-ridden)

One barely washed his genitals. He was the one who put me off giving blow jobs.

One spat on my vulva and rubbed it in before going down on me resulting in a UTI. Then he said I got the UTI from walking around barefoot.

One would play around with his dog who drooled a lot and then would try to put his fingers inside me.

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-03-28T22:13:26+00:00

My ex was cute when we started dating, but five years later he turned into a doppelgänger of a murderer who is very well known in my country. The visual transition was like Leo DiCaprio in Titanic vs. DiCaprio now. Character wise, he was a pick up artist, lazy whiny pseudo spiritual soft boi with social phobia (the one that is triggered only when he had to do something for me).

inlovewithaloser · 2021-03-28T22:22:28+00:00

My most embarrassing guy is actually the one I fell for the most. 🤦🏻‍♀️ At least all the others had things going for them, relatively stable and normal compared to this one.

Despite the fact that I’d say he is conventionally attractive, this dude was still all the way off. For starters, he became manipulative early on. And as time went on, as with all LVM I suppose, it became harder and harder for him to mask himself as normal. Literally.

As far as I know (I have been NC for a while now) he is a porn addict, and has at least a few accounts on various websites sharing porn and one secret anonymous Twitter where he followed ONLY porn stars and my account (which, was relatively normal). This was after I’d cut contact with him, so I knew it was him, disgusting as always. I had no idea why he thought I wouldn’t know or maybe he just had no shame/didn’t care. Sent me harassing messages as well.

He’s the lowest value male I’ve ever met and has clear problems, promiscuous and sex addicted. It’s sad because I truly loved him and made many excuses for a long time, but eventually it was clear he was only holding me back and very backwards with his thinking. Such a waste of my time, tragic, and just an overall shitty experience that still gives me anxiety to even think about. I’m just glad I made it out alive and not pregnant with his demon spawn.

hopelesscanary · 2021-03-29T03:36:35+00:00

Gonna add to the softboi list

has majority female friends despite having no female dominated hobbies or jobs because he "just gets along better with girls"
every argument he will run and cry in the shoulder of said female friend(s)
thinks he's not like other guys because he doesn't use you for sex, but uses you for your money, time, emotional labour and support
listens to sad/angry music and gets intense about it like he's an edgy anime protagonist
manipulative as shit
thinks being depressed means he has emotional depth
untreated anxiety
cries when you catch him cheating

Fantastic-Living · 2021-03-28T20:30:55+00:00

Ugh I've known some guys like this. It's especially millennial guys stuck in eternal childhood. Definitely not relationship material

2021-03-29T01:16:49+00:00

[deleted]

cherrypepsilvr · 2021-03-29T01:06:41+00:00

Alright, buckle up, and TW: this one turns out to be a rapist.

- Fat, self-loathing. I decide I am going to love him for who he is and make him happy because I am so kind and deep and [Clown stuff].

- He has another girlfriend, who he has been with for seven years before he met me. It's ok though! They're in an open relationship! She goes to college in another town, so they opened the relationship so they could have their needs met in their respective locales. (She got way more offers than him - shocking, I know.)

- Long greasy ponytail. I once washed and brushed his hair for him by disguising it as a kink activity.

- Only wears black.

- So much kink. No normal sex, ever. All sex was bondage, slapping, choking, powerplay, humiliation.

- Slight alcoholism. The grey area where drinking is not part of partying, it's just drinking.

- Tells me about his other girlfriend while he's in bed with me. She's so mean to him, boohoo, maybe he'll get the courage to leave her one day, and then maybe he'll be open for me. (Lol).

- He needs me so much, to talk about how sad he is with his other gf.

- Believes feminism has gone too far.

- Erratic with answering my calls and texts.

- Rapes me, does a night in the cells, but it is dropped in court because there are no independent witnesses.

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-03-28T18:53:40+00:00

Lol wow. Feels like we dated the same person!

The_Pyramidion · 2021-03-28T19:10:19+00:00

I see you've met my horrible ex already lmao

Mind-Objective · 2021-03-28T19:56:13+00:00

I dated a Mr. Nice Guy. Nah, just a mean person.

MisandryFTW · 2021-03-28T20:48:21+00:00

I was underage and got kicked out of home for being a lesbian. This 30 year old pedo male knew I wasn't attracted to men but let me stay with him and pressured me into being his girlfriend. Lots of sexual assault, eventually got me to pay half rent while I was working minimum wage and putting myself through high school. I paid for all groceries and cooked a lot and cleaned. He was overweight, sweaty, and smelled like ass because he didn't wash it. All his pants had skidmarks, the mattress was very stained. He was computer illiterate and I let him use my computer so he proceeded to fill the harddrive with CP, which I deleted and locked him out of the computer.

Once I physically matured a little he was no longer interested in me sexually and tried to get me to seduce young women to join a poly family and have sex with him. I put myself in debt paying his debts off and putting him through college while earning minimum wage and putting myself through college. We had the same expenses but he was a manager at my job and earned a lot more money but spent it on alcohol and porn so he was always in debt. When it was his turn to buy dinner he opted for something really cheap and guilted me into ordering the cheapest thing on the menu. When it was my turn he wanted sushi and ordered a bunch to go for later.

It took me 15 years to escape him because I was afraid for my safety. I'm free now.

mysecretdiary2 · 2021-03-29T07:09:09+00:00

Dated an athletic dude so you don’t have to: - Massive alpha male Syndrom - Extremely self-righteous - Narcissist with victim complex - Everything is a competition, needs to win over you in ANYTHING, and beware doing the same sport as him - Thinks he can eat trash cause he is working out all the time - Smelly - Has lots of endurance in bed however it’s useless cause he’s not delicate enough to figure out how to make a woman cum - Shitty sense of style - No professional ambition, gets sense of pride because of his muscles 🤦🏻‍♀️ - Insecure outside of his sport

Did I forget anything? 🤔

waddamelone · 2021-03-28T19:03:04+00:00

“He was too ugly to fuck anyways” 💀💀💀💀💀

VikingDotter · 2021-03-29T07:04:37+00:00

Ex who treated me the worst: negged the shit out of me. Told me my teeth became yellow from drinking coffee, despite having yellow and crooked teeth himself. Anytime I had a pimple he blamed my eating choices, even though I stayed on hormonal birth control for his sake and even though he had the worst skin I’ve seen. Always joked about my height despite lying about his own. Harped about my eating and work out habits, despite me losing 22 lbs and him gaining 24 lbs during our relationship. Told me I was overreacting all the time, but yelled at his computer and punched a hole in a table once.

He also future faked a lot, love bombed, gas lit, you name it. Oh and today he attempted to contact me through a mutual friend, after trying to contact me through my email, my dad, my brother... Block block block ✌️

DumahDie · 2021-03-29T02:26:46+00:00

I didn’t date the guy, but I did try to be friends at first. Until he tried arguing about whether I’m actually asexual or not, and he said he was pansexual and into polyamorous relationships. I was like, nope! Not gonna touch that with a thirty-nine and a half foot pole.

Also he was morbidly obese, had gotten surgery to remove his stomach(?) and had started losing weight. However much I felt bad that he was legally blind and barely went anywhere, I have an anxiety disorder and he was too big to put on a seatbelt— the last fucking thing I wanted was to get in a rollover car accident and have him squish me.

I met him at a comic shop for sketch night, and he seemed annoyed I always (only) came with my best friend (a guy). Then he’d bother me for a ride home and I was just like ughhhh I don’t want to be in a car with you.

Then the pandemic happened and we don’t go to the comic shop anymore and I haven’t seen him in like a year and a half.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-03-28T20:40:18+00:00

[deleted]

warinmymind94 · 2021-03-28T21:54:42+00:00

Sounds like we had the same ex! Add the fact he was a gamer, had a fast food addiction (seriously it was almost all he ate, other than frozen pizza or pizza pockets or PBJ sandwiches). He also was super into anime, including hentai (porn but with anime women and usually with fetishes). He was a slob and pretty quickly he was burping/farting all the time. The emotional thing is so exhausting because they fake it just to keep manipulating you to stay around and mine was even saying he would kIlL himself and had no point to live if I left him - he needed therapy and to go back to his moms house. Never let a man's mental health or suicide threats allow you to stay in a bad relationship.

I'll tell you all about this guy that I met for one (and only!) Date.

-lied about his height, I didn't ask he brought it up and kept saying how tall he was. I am short and he was shorter than me

-wore this really ugly free black t shirt from some giveaway from a business to the first date with dirty, super skinny jeans and ugly vans sneakers. This was in 2019 and he looked like a wannabe emo kid from 2008.

-had bleach blonde awful hair that was so brassy and full of orange tones from not bleaching it right. Looks like he added blue dye at one point around the edges but it was all gross and faded. Receding hairline was pretty far back and he was in his mid 20s

-super slim, almost malnourished looking and pale, looked a lot like a druggie.

-his OLD pics were outdated.

-acted obnoxious and was embarrassing to be around, flaunted his money and kept loudly bragging. Said I was so pretty and had such a nice outfit then negged me saying I wasn't his usual type because I was "bigger" and "chubby". My body weight was in a healthy bmi. His "type" was underweight women that looked like they never hit puberty and were sick. It was an unrealistic standard and made me worried he liked kids.

-he started talking about blowjobs on this first date and sex and would keep coming back to these topics. He made me uncomfortable because he drank three glasses of water fast and then literally kept squirming around and grabbing himself at the dinner table, but he wouldn't excuse himself for the restroom. He ended up literally running out to his car in the parking lot and im pretty sure he peed his pants.

Softbois are awful and undateable

DrildoBagurren · 2021-03-29T16:55:01+00:00

I dated an ugly "nice guy" who turned out to be a textbook abuser. He had a persecution complex or something as well and would go on these long sob-story rants after he was done being angry and abusive.

Basically an all-round entitled white misogynist who claimed that he wasn't racist because he'd been with a black woman and had black friends (he literally shouted this when I accused him of being racist). Granted, he treated his black male friends the same as his white male friends, But the way he talked about black women made me... uncomfortable. There was something weird about it- like he fetishized them or something.

He was awful in every way and preyed on my vulnerability after I had literally had to run from a conventionally attractive drug-taking pedophile.

He was a porn addict who had used prostitutes and at least tried to use them (if not succeeded) while I was with him.

He trapped me threatened me and was all kinds of horrible, fluctuating between degrading me and not letting me leave. Shaking him off was the hardest thing I've ever done and involved police.

The only good thing to come of that relationship was my little ones and the fact that, through him and his NV friends and family, I learned everything which led me here. Everything I read here resonated with me and was easy to accept after having been through that. This guy, you guys, he was so pathetic and yet so dangerous, but when I met him, I was young and way out of his league. I thought he was nice. I thought I was giving him a chance because I believed that he really liked me. He totally dispels the myth about women being better off going for the nerdy, ugly guy over the hot asshole.

He was immature and had some kind of Peter Pan syndrome. He stayed friends with a man who groomed a 15 year old even when the whole story came out.

He stopped grooming and washing as soon as he "had" me. But tried to make me feel shallow for complaining. His lack of hygiene gave me UTIs and thrush for which he blamed me.

He'd abuse me in the street and scream that I'd given him an STD when people looked at him so as to prevent them from stepping in.

He accused me of cheating but he cheated. He'd slept with more women than I'd had years in my life and yet felt entitled to question my sexual past and call me misogynistic slurs implying that I had been promiscuous- my only experiences had been negative. He even told me that I'd enjoyed being raped at 11 years old.

He was awful and embarrassing in every way but his violence and threats kept me there for a long time.

Ugly men are the worst of all. They all feel entitled as any man, but they also carry a huge chip on their shoulder and are more bitter and hateful towards strong, beautiful and intelligent women. They get off on humiliating, using and abusing us and tearing us down piece by piece. They get an ego-boost from being with someone out of their league and continue to seek an upgrade..they even score points with the boiz for treating a good and attractive woman like she doesn't matter. They make you feel ugly for dating them. They still think they're the prize at the end and that you should be lucky to have them. They are insecure and they know that you can do better so they rely on abuse to prevent you from leaving. Ugly men are often ugly inside and out.

11ben478xyz22hrtx12- · 2021-03-29T00:43:11+00:00

I think we dated the same guy

spinsterchachkies · 2021-03-28T21:15:54+00:00

I semi-dated one LVM who would always try and film is during sex. We could never do doggystyle position as I couldn’t see if he had his phone out and recording me from behind. I literally always checked his hands during sex or his room for a camera.

The first time I caught him doing it I blew up, saying he didn’t ask my permission to film. He apologised and said he thought it would be a ‘hot kink’. I forgave me (I was young and stupid ok) and stayed with him.

Weeks later I checked his phone and saw multiple photos / videos of us having sex. Either from his iPhone or a hidden position in the room. I deleted them all and checked if he sent them to people he knew, I couldn’t find any sent though. I ripped into him saying we were done but he said he had more and would send them everyone but that was years ago and never heard any more from it.

So yeah, that was fun...

-pop-fizz-clink · 2021-03-29T23:47:14+00:00

I see we both dated Kyle.

He had ok work ethic, though, I'll give him that. But that's all I can give him.

I have another point to add : bad in bed and cunnilngus "wasn't his thing". He also lasted like five seconds.

He had the audacity to say "I only date pretty girls" and I'm like "oh I'm not a pretty girl. I'm a beautiful woman". That same day he pinched the skin on my tummy because I was bent over petting his lovely dog who I was so fond of. Clearly trying to take me down a peg by physically hurting me because I don't have any fat there in the same way he does. I looked at him in horror and said "oh my god, what the hell?" And he looked shocked bedside I guess he thought I'd giggle or something.

He looks like Jack black and a toad mated and had him. The worst part? He has a brother who is HOT. And apparently he's very sweet to people. Kyle has a rep for being quite the asshole to his staff (he's a pharmacist) and occasionally, parents. He's even admitted that his brother is "the nice one". Oh of course he blamed all the above on his ADHD. 👌🏻 "I need someone who understands how to handle my ADHD and is independent." - he asserted I'm not independent. Which is hilarious.

2021-03-28T20:14:01+00:00

Remind me 1

I dated a Softboi so you don’t have to!

WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR HORRIBLE EXs LIKE???

Comments

Title	I dated a Softboi so you don’t have to!
Author	spinsterchachkies
Upvotes	373
Comments	89
Date	March 28, 2021 6:32 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mf6she/i_dated_a_softboi_so_you_dont_have_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-dated-a-softboi-so-you-dont-have-to.766801 https://theredarchive.com/post/766801