Beware of the non-apology apology!!! Anyone ever had a LVM say "I'm sorry you got hurt" rather than "I'm sorry that I was a piece of shit asshole who did not respect/consider your feelings?" One is not even attempting to accept blame!! BEWARE!!

Impossible_Mud_7599 · 2021-06-05T13:44:55+00:00

One guy I was seeing recently, while we were out for the second time we went out with some of his friends, he got drunk and mean with me. I walked out of his apartment. The next day he texted me he’s “not good with the drink” and “I’m sorry if I was a jerk”

You’re sorry if you were a jerk. Number one, I was done before he said that — honestly just went home so disappointed and had turned off my phone, forgot to block; number two that’s not a damn apology. NEXT NEXT NEXT.

InspectorGadget07 · 2021-06-05T13:45:48+00:00

This is often used by HR in corporate settings/ bosses etc to avoid admission of guilt or responsibility.

baobab77 · 2021-06-05T14:09:33+00:00

Yes and like a year after the fact he bumped his head and must have thought that I was interested in mending things. But in true manipulative fashion, he tried to turn the break up on me. When I hit him with the "it's unfortunate that you feel that way", he was NOT happy. Imagine your line being used on you. I still giggle over his reaction.

throwaway88043468 · 2021-06-05T13:43:57+00:00

Fake apologies and dumb statements men use when you confront them about their objectively hurtful behavior:

"I'm sorry you took it that way"
"I'm sorry you felt like that"
"I didn't mean it like that"
"You just don't get what I'm saying"
"We should talk about this when you calm down"
"You're blowing this out of proportion"
"Okay whatever, you're right I'm wrong"

Feel free to add more

ButterfliesHurricane · 2021-06-05T13:20:32+00:00

That reminds me of my first job (customer service) training: never admit responsibility or the customer will ask for a refund, just say: ‘I’m sorry you feel this way’ promptly followed by ‘but we haven’t done anything wrong’. Then the extra step with the ex.... I’m sorry you feel this way >>> I haven’t done anything wrong >>> there must be something wrong with you (overreacting? Paranoid? Crazy?)!

sewingmachinesavior · 2021-06-05T13:03:09+00:00

I have taught my kids what a real apology is:

I’m sorry for the thing I [yelled at you]
Next time I will [calm down, then talk]
Make up: ask forgiveness, make reparations, hug, whatever the situation requires.

Because, I got these non-apology apologies allll the time, and no, want my kids to spot that garbage from a mile away.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-06-05T16:34:23+00:00

it's actually an invalidating statement about your feelings.

and a non-apology.

ThrowRA_lantern · 2021-06-05T14:28:01+00:00

This is so true. And I’m going to be totally honest, the only time I ever used this tactic myself was when my abusive LVM ex bumped into me at university, proceeded to BERATE and INSULT me and my new bf, have a tantrum about how his life sucks, how it’s WRONG that i’ve moved on from him and how I shouldn’t be at our university because it’s making him uncomfortable that I’m there. Claiming it’s my fault he’s unhappy and blames friends, family and my new bf too. He used to dump his woes onto me and expect me to be his therapist and fix it for him. But this time my response was “I’m sorry you feel like everyone’s out to ruin you. Hope you find happiness in life, but it’s not my job anymore to do that for you and it never was.” and I left it at that. I wasn’t going to give him that ego-boost and actually apologise for my growing, for leaving a traumatic/abusive relationship and for him to be so deep in his insecurities/jealousy and still having a lack of accountability for his awful character. Hell no I ain’t apologising for any of that!!

It works if you don’t want to be actually apologising and accountable for whatever wrongdoing you’ve been accused of. Hence why scrotes use it when they should actually be apologising.

nom-de-plume_12 · 2021-06-05T14:24:49+00:00

God this is timely, had an ex hit me up today apologizing on behalf of his best friend but cocky enough not even apologizing for what a LVM he is and was throughout the rs. Blocked that mofo again.

greenbagmaria · 2021-06-05T16:45:12+00:00

If they’re saying sorry but don’t know for what, that’s not an apology but a PR move.

light_workerx3 · 2021-06-05T18:54:22+00:00

Yup . I heard " I'm sorry your feel that way " almost anytime I had an issue to try and communicate about with him . What's even worse is that is ALL he would say . There would be NOTHING ELSE he would say to resolve whatever it was . Not even a hug or a kiss just NOTHING but looking straight at the TV and just stonewalling me to death . But I'm the "cRaZy" one for breaking up with him ....

Worldly-Efficiency-9 · 2021-06-05T14:57:54+00:00

Every single time.

light_workerx3 · 2021-06-05T19:00:18+00:00

This is my second comment : I was also told that he doesn't want to "pacify" me as if I was a god damn baby . I was so insulted by that . Also he always says " well this is self inducing stress , you have to learn to not let this bother you .. " ohhhhh I was FUMING after that . He has said that numerous times to me after it was something that HE DID or even if I just needed support from stressing about other things . I hate that I'm tied to this guy for the rest of my life because of our son . I hate it I hate it I hate it ! I truly am struggling ... I need to get over this regret . I am so heartbroken . Foreal .

ConstantNurse · 2021-06-05T21:48:26+00:00

My go to response is "Don't be sorry. Fix the issue or I'm out."

Platipus6 · 2021-06-06T01:50:55+00:00

I'm sorry that you're mad. I'm sorry now that I'm busted. I'm sorry there might be consequences for my shitty behaviour. I'm sorry I'm about to lose my bangmaid. I'm sorry you caught on.

AC7878 · 2021-06-05T19:33:30+00:00

The minute I heard that selfish non apology, I blocked him everywhere and officially. Don't have ppl around who can't apologize properly, it's common sense that apparently they don't have.

alphasquish · 2021-06-05T20:59:13+00:00

“I’m sorry you feel upset”. “I’m sorry if that hurt your feelings”

Apologizing to placate, not really acknowledging what was fucked up about it or taking responsibility for the action itself.

Ok_Neighborhood_6971 · 2021-06-06T01:41:18+00:00

Somebody sends this to my reckless breeding daddy!

chocolatelustpile · 2021-06-06T11:18:33+00:00

My ex got in touch 6 months after we broke up. When I asked what he wanted, he said he wanted to apologise. I was like, "... Go ahead then..." Nothing. 🤡

fireforestfairy · 2021-06-06T11:22:54+00:00

This apology implies they feel like the did nothing wrong and you're "too sensitive".

RhiannonEmilia · 2021-06-06T14:50:39+00:00

“I’m sorry” “Sorry for what?” “Idk that you’re upset” ....... too many real life conversations I’ve had with dudes

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