Does dating through clubs, social activities, and Meetups actually work (as a man)?

beforesunset14 · 2021-06-27T21:27:20+00:00

My from my anecdotal experience as a frequent Meetup participator who has had to move to brand new cities: most Meetups are straight up terrible for finding dates. The gender ratio is usually super skewed in most groups, and the few women who do show up tend to already have partners.

If you do find a Meetup that is mostly women your age, it still takes a ton of patience (unless you are very good looking I suppose). Making moves early on will get you shunned from the group, I saw that plenty of times. For me, it took a year of religiously going to the same weekly event before I even felt like I was part of the in-group. Even once I got to that stage where I was hanging out with them outside of the group events, it still didn't lead to anything because all of the women already had significant others. The best I got was assurances that they would try to set me up with someone if they saw an opportunity. Unfortunately, my job forced me to relocate, so I had to start over.

With that said, I could totally imagine Meetup working for other guys in different circumstances. I just don't really see it firsthand, and I've been to a million different Meetups at this point. For the most part it consists of a few hours of people awkwardly mingling, then going home, and then you never see 3/4ths of them ever again.

I really, really wish there was a better avenue to meet potential dates, but I'm honestly out of ideas.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-06-27T21:08:47+00:00

Oof depends.

Most people go there to make friends and do a hobby. Not to date.

In saying that I've seen a couple of relationships happen from them, mostly when you stop meeting just in the "hobby" and people start inviting you to their wider social networks. But that's if you find people you vibe enough with to invite you to their social networks/friends/ family etc.

One of the couples I mentioned met because our group from the meetup got invited to one of the members new years gathering. One of the guys hit off with the host's university friend.

However I'd say hitting on every woman in the room would be a bad strategy as they decide to either leave the meet up, close themselves off to you and you definitely won't be invited to any future social events.

daddysgotanew · 2021-06-27T21:09:50+00:00

If you’re good looking (8+) yes, of course. So would tinder, just walking out of your house etc.

If you’re below that, no

Dan240z · 2021-06-27T21:32:20+00:00

Better than staying at home 🏡.

TheJim66 · 2021-06-27T20:33:56+00:00

I don't know how it is in the US but in Europe definitely. Don't stress it and hit on them even if they don't seem open to it. The goal isn't to minimize rejections but to maximize success

QuenchlessGato · 2021-06-27T20:50:16+00:00

With Meetups and social activities the problem is also the fact that the male:female ratios can vary wildly depending on the type of activity, e.g. I attend one regular meeting and the ratio is like 7:1 so finding a partner might be very difficult.

GridReXX · 2021-06-27T21:35:28+00:00

The “social activities” that facilitate amicable and mutually participatory potential dating opportunities are things like:

BBQs / cookouts
game nights
dinner parties
pregames/ prefunks
house parties / house functions / house gatherings / kickbacks
happy hours
festivals
brunch parties
day parties
etc

Joining the local meetup is a great way to meet new friends absolutely. That way you can show up to the things above with a crew and actually have fun… which attracts women as well as potential new fun-loving male friends.

For example, I’ve made friends and have seen “hookups” and “relationships” emerge out of a bootcamp gym I go to frequented by young professionals. Same thing when I joined an intramural kickball league.

But the highest probability for “dating” opportunities happen when that gym or that meetup or that intramural sports league hosts their own social gatherings à la bbqs or happy hours or parties.

Does that make sense?

Naus1987 · 2021-06-27T22:44:14+00:00

As a 5’7” guy — I’ve met all my long term partners (8 year/4year/3year) through hobby groups.

I’ve had enough success in dating, that I don’t even recognize my height as a handicap despite half the internet screaming it is.

My best advice is to find people who share hobbies, and can be legit friends with regardless of gender. Because you need more than just looks to make a long term relationship last. And mutual hobbies are an absolutely amazing way to get off on the right foot!

—-

Edit. Some hobbies are garbage tier for dating. If all you do is play male centric video games or explore male dominated hobbies — then you’re hurting your odds.

Find something women enjoy. That you also enjoy. For example photography or cake decorating.

Don’t double down on Call of Duty or such, and complain the odds are bad — instead, branch out yourself. But make sure you enjoy it too!!

Cimorene86 · 2021-06-27T20:38:10+00:00

It can, yeah. My uncle met his new wife in a Meetup for camping/hunting enthusiasts and I met my guy at a comic book shop while playing D&D together.

festethefoole1 · 2021-06-27T21:25:10+00:00

Hm, I think it can be done but would require you to be extremely cynical and tactical about it. Where I live in London there are a fair few unisex touch-Rugby and softball teams playing on Clapham Common on Sundays. Obviously this isn’t the height of sporting challenge we’re talking about so you have to assume the aim is to socialise and enjoy the drink afterwards.

Of course, you really don’t want to look like a weirdo who’s purely joined to hit on girls so you can’t suddenly hit on someone straight away - you’d need to slowly get yourself into the group and suchlike. It’ll then take several weeks of chatting before you even know who’s single, plus you may not even fancy anyone there.

On top of that you have to maintain a fairly ridiculous charade of pretending that you’re there to enjoy the sport (to at least some extent) when actually you have a massive ulterior motive which isn’t just “innocently making friends in a new city”. (That’s another thing - you’d need to be genuinely quite a new person in town with a credible backstory on that front).

Ultimately it’s all very contrived, but I think it can be done. You’d probably want to top it off by joining say, two or three other social sports groups (like a running club maybe) where it’s socially acceptable to be there for the sport but also to meet new people and be friendly and suchlike.

Ultimately I’ve never tried it despite being a keen sportsman myself. I play football (with guess what? other men) once or twice a week and I’d know full well I was only playing touch Rugby etc. as a totally cynical attempt to meet women. Deep down I’d be cringing at myself (unless, as I say, I literally had just moved to a new City and knew absolutely no one there and felt totally justified in overtly trying to make friends and had a straight story as to why I didn’t have friends yet)

MyDogLovesCorn · 2021-06-27T21:40:36+00:00

It works much better than dating apps unless you're very good looking.

AidsVictim · 2021-06-28T01:57:28+00:00

Is dating through clubs, social activities, and Meetups actually viable for young men?

Sure it's viable, any activity where you're out in public meeting new people is viable. Is it a good bet? No, not really, worse than a well put together OLD profile probably. Most clubs and meetups have one or more of the following problems

Women are less active in clubs/meetup in general, especially younger women, because they often have and prefer to socialize within a large(ish) pre existing social circle.
From that it follows that a lot of these types of meetups tend to bad gender ratios - usually more men than women and the women are often there with their boyfriend when they aren't over 40. A few activities tend to have the opposite skew when can be bad in its own way (you're now the weirdo pussy hound guy showing up to the knitting meet or whatever)
Average men showing up to these type of things are not going to stand out anymore than they do on OLD. Highly social/charismatic and/or good looking guys stand out, just like in OLD.

It seems like there aren't a lot of young women that join social clubs, and when they do, they usually aren't open to meeting people (with their friends and not inclusive)

Yes that's correct. When women (or very attractive social men) give advice about just showing up they have no context for what it's like for average looking men doing these things. Most younger women are not interested in meeting men at their hobbies even if they're single. Theoretically they would like to which is why they give this advice, but they are imagining XYZ standout qualities guy, not Joe Average.

Has this worked for you or do you think it has a decent success rate?

No. I've been involved in different kinds of clubs off and on for a while in my area and all the above problems have been true for all of them. It's great to get out and try different things just don't expect much out it dating wise.

mudeating · 2021-06-27T20:48:21+00:00

That depends on how good looking you are.

The risk will significantly increase as you go lower from 7/10 and i can say the least profitable score is probably 6/10 in these scenarios.

I wouldn't suggest anyone below 6 to do any of these, better save the money you'd spend on bars for a mid-tier hooker, a guaranteed value is always better than gambling.

801735 · 2021-06-27T21:09:26+00:00

For some it does, for others it doesn't.

SaBahRub · 2021-06-27T21:34:58+00:00

1 is more than zero

Hoopy223 · 2021-06-27T22:12:11+00:00

Of course if its a healthy, positive group. If its people not your age, shitty ratios (sausage fest) or if the group is toxic then not so much.

goblin_champ · 2021-06-27T22:37:41+00:00

Its better than dating apps/ sites for sure.

neetykeeno · 2021-06-27T23:38:26+00:00

Having a wide social circle definitely works to improve success rates every man I know with a wide social circle has done better than equivalent men with small social circles. This is true right down to the fat ugly loser level...fat ugly losers see a bit more action if they have large social circles.

Whether you personally cultivating a wider social circle by doing more group activities will do well enough to make you happy with the ratio of effort to result isn't really a question anyone but you can answer. For starters, how much doing that "costs" you will depend on multiple factors including how socially adept you are and how much you just enjoy other people. And how much the improved social circle benefits you will involve more than just the improvement in dating success.

Nobody can do these calculations for you but you. it isn't like some stupid game online where we can tell you yes you 100 percent need the magic healing mushrooms to recover from swamp fever but after consuming them you will be 100 percent well. It isn't like that. That's not how real life social stuff works.

DicamVeritatem · 2021-06-27T23:46:04+00:00

Yes. 100X better than OLD, which is a total waste for 90% of men.

bunol · 2021-06-28T00:39:44+00:00

It works for attractive men, not for average or below average men. Maybe some exceptions if you have lots of money or fame you can use.

You can try, but without something exceptional like being hot or wealthy women won't get to know you. And of course, if you can't show your personality, why would she choose you over all the better looking options?

illegallad · 2021-06-28T04:02:14+00:00

You're asking a few different questions rolled into one:

Does having an active nightlife at clubs and bars help you hook up: In my experience, no. Generally the girls I'm bringing home after going to a club are the ones I went in with. It's cramped, the music is loud, and there's a lot of guys pawing at women who are there. I've had much better luck meeting women outside the club or at the adjacent/affiliated restaurant (if there is one) as you can actually talk and most people are taking it easy.

For social clubs, absolutely, I'm big into music and have had several hook ups at musical scene events. My friend is a playwright and has dated several women who are big in the theater scene of our city. I play volleyball semi-competitively and have consistently dated girls who do as well. That said, it's transparent if hooking up is the only reason you're there. You need to have a genuine passion for it.

Illustrious_Wish_383 · 2021-06-28T04:23:17+00:00

Did the meetup thing for awhile but usually in a group with several hundred members 30 might RSVP to an event but like 10 would show up.and it would be the same 10 people. Or it would be a well attended event but relatively cliquey and as a newcomer still felt like an outsider.

jono12132 · 2021-06-28T10:11:28+00:00

Does it work? Yes. I attended a meetup weekly pre lockdowns and saw it happen to others. But you're right that women generally don't attend clubs and meetups. I think they prefer women only spaces. I also think most women have fulfilling social circles already so don't need to join clubs. They also have tinder etc so don't feel the need to join one to find someone.

I also agree that even when they do attend clubs they can be closed off and stand offish. I think this is because they're conscious that a lot of guys are attending for one reason and don't want to give them the wrong idea. I find that women rarely become regular attendees. They'll go to one, maybe two meetups but then you'll never see them again. Maybe because they're not a fan of there being 3 guys to each girl.

Joining clubs to find someone does work. But I think it is the wrong mentality to have when joining one. The ratios won't be in your favour and you're more likely to end up frustrated if that's your only reason for joining one.

Freevoulous · 2021-06-28T11:05:27+00:00

Clubs/bars remain the best source of action, far better than OLD.

Sure, you get rejected a lot, but not as often as with OLD, and you can play to your strengths, whereas in OLD only your looks matter.

Social activities are hit and miss, unless you find an activity with a lot of single women.

Meetups are probably better for the 30+ crowd.

silkPJson · 2021-06-27T20:52:20+00:00

It’s probably your best bet tbh, and if you don’t find anyone to date at least you had fun/made new friends :)

Severe-Pirate · 2021-06-27T20:37:02+00:00

Based on my very limited experience, I’d say no. Most people who join certain clubs or activities do so for the enjoyment of said activities. Not dating. My experience will probably differ from someone older though.

psypD · 2021-06-27T20:58:23+00:00

No. Especially if you actually give a crap about the club since any failed approach has a high chance of you getting shunned from the group.

TheDevilPutD · 2021-06-27T21:42:26+00:00

No man has ever gotten laid like ever unless he is a Chad. Just accept it. You were conceived in a tube along with 7 billion other people. Regular and average people obviously don't fuck.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-06-27T20:47:14+00:00

For low quality pussy, yes. If you want a quality woman (virgin), no. Then again, why are you going to venues loaded with loose, worn out, std riddled pussy for a stable relationship?

gimpgirl555 · 2021-06-27T20:46:41+00:00

Yes ofc. The women are there to meet a bf. Don't think anything else.

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Orangcide · 2021-06-28T02:14:40+00:00

You'll see tons of posts of women complaining about OLD and how they'd prefer to organically meet. But then there's also posts about how irritating it is that every man they meet wants to shoot their shot.

Also if you're gonna try the in person pick up then remember 5/95 and 20/80.

CraptainToad · 2021-06-28T03:58:11+00:00

It helps expand your social circle.

goneaway2thewind · 2021-06-28T04:01:34+00:00

Yes I have hooked a lot of people up through my clubs. And women usually poke around groups that her ideal guy would be in

SherbertBacon · 2021-06-28T05:57:32+00:00

Meetups always struck me as kind of awkward... I never attended so maybe it's different, but regular clubs and activities—especially intramural sports—are gold mines for dating. If you have even a little bit of presentation and "game" it's pretty easy to date within those spheres. A lot of people in my volleyball community met either directly through classes together, or between friends within the volleyball groups.

Some of these people started all doing Bachata once a week and, as a dude, you pretty much have your pick from there as long as you know how to flirt and have fun even a little.

4D-Alien · 2021-06-28T06:20:00+00:00

Honestly the best way would be to make legit male friends and attend events thru/with them.

That way it gives you social clout cuz ur not just some rando at a “meetup” event. You are actually a part of the party/event.

That and online/app dating

midwesternMD · 2021-06-28T06:47:01+00:00

I’m navigating this myself.

What I’ve taken to doing is to have dating profiles on all the platforms to keep my social schedule fairly busy. Sometimes it’ll be a few weeks between first dates. Other times I’ll have five simultaneous conversations and juggling the possibility of a new date every night of the week. But the point is: keep putting yourself out there so that you can meet women.

The downside to this strategy is that eventually you realize that you have an empty friends network. So after I get a few conversations going, I turn bumble to BFF mode to find guys looking for friendships.

And I still participate in my hobbies when I don’t have dates/women cancel/ghost. My hobbies bring me into contact with a small circle of men who I gradually befriend. And some months later, I’ve got a network of friends, and well, a series of shitty first-second dates with a few flings thrown in for good measure.

Meetup was useless for me. Everywhere I’ve been, it seemed to be the 50+ crowd with maaaybe one or two 30-somethings.

ErrorMacrotheII · 2021-06-28T09:05:37+00:00

Since my last breakup I struggled with dating. But back when I was studying and meeting people every day I basically dated someone all the time and lets say im a solid 5 on a good day so the answer is definetly yes.

W-Pirate · 2021-06-28T10:01:54+00:00

Depends. In my 8 years experience of PUA, most of the time women head there to chill out with their friends not to find partners.

cel-shaded · 2021-06-28T12:47:21+00:00

Of course it can... provided you are good looking. In my anecdotal experience, going to hundreds of social events/meetups thought the past few years (also while pandemic rules were relaxed), only the better looking/taller men received such attention from the already very few single women joining. Other men are just meant to enjoy the meetup.

It's no different than online dating, looks are #1.

banjobillyjoebob · 2021-06-28T21:43:17+00:00

no you were supposed to meet women via social circles in uni. (higher barrier to entry so most people in uni are pretty mentally healthy, and ambitious). plus you have the most time to vet your partner and explore eachother.

post uni if you don't have a social circle you are FUCKED with a capital F.

DON"T BE ME wasted my WHOLE uni years watching RP/Mgtow shit.

if in uni be a dating MONSTER! if not you will literally be an incel like me.

(how can you meet a woman working 40 hours a week? most male trades/stem is a sausage fest so it is uni or NEVER!)

banjobillyjoebob · 2021-06-28T21:45:19+00:00

you are fucked. not gonna sugar coat it for ya. i'm sorry. no one goes to bars/clubs anymore its pretty much meet in uni or through mutual friends. if you have none you are FUCKED!

IDK maybe if you are black/hispanic/ashkenazi jew you could in THEORY find your people through support groups but if you are white you are FUCKED with a capitol F.

TheSunshineMan · 2021-06-27T20:54:05+00:00

Daygame cold approach girls on the street you like.

TheChocolateBarsGuy · 2021-06-27T22:17:21+00:00

No meetups !

Yes social activities and clubs are very good. First place to make friends or meet women is the gym. After that just try new things every weekend if you like to. Get to know the city and the places. A good conversation starter is always that you are new in town. It works and people usually like to talk about it especially if they grew up in the city.

Good luck

just_a_place · 2021-06-27T22:51:39+00:00

Dating through clubs NEVER worked for me.

Dating through social events however is a good way to meet girls who are down to earth, serious, and not on some bullshit. By social events I mean a house party, concert, game event, beach party, etc. The trick is that you need to be in an environment that facilitates communication. You can't do that at clubs where loud ass music and liquor fucks up all chances of getting to know any new girl that you meet unless you're just looking for a one night stand.

The best way to meet girls with the intention to take out latter on a date is to just be sociable and make friends. Friends of friends is the best way to meet girls in my experience.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-06-27T23:49:30+00:00

It certainly helps yeah, if you build up a camaraderie especially when you're talking about something that you have in common and a passion that you share, that's certainly much easier than just breaking the ice in person or on the Internet, and while it's not a perfect example the longest relationship I ever had we did share Athletics in common as a starting point

Title	Does dating through clubs, social activities, and Meetups actually work (as a man)?
Author	AcceptableEgg4930
Upvotes	15
Comments	79
Date	June 27, 2021 7:55 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/o94bob/does_dating_through_clubs_social_activities_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-dating-through-clubs-social-activities-and.787509 https://theredarchive.com/post/787509

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