Currently in the grieving process after YEARS of being a pickme. I am relieved to finally have arrived here. Sadness and loneliness is okay. It means I'm healing

shutup201 · 2021-07-10T00:10:26+00:00

It's sooooo hard dealing with the regret, disgust and humiliation but this is a good reminder that you're on the right track.

tonha_da_pamonha · 2021-07-10T03:19:57+00:00

Im still mourning over my 20s. So much time wasted on scrotes. My wish is that every woman can save themselves sooner than I did.

ConstantNurse · 2021-07-10T00:43:25+00:00

Let it all out, girl but be sure to be kind to yourself.

You've neglected your own self-kindness for so long, you deserve to by loved by you. Do the things you wanted to do, eat the foods you wanted to try, go have fun with friends, and give yourself room and time to grow emotionally. Personally, I took a hiatus from dating while I was recovering, with therapist in tow. It really helped build my self-confidence up and help myself realize that I can be happy without having a partner.

It's a strange journey but you will soon feel that renewed sense of freedom and with it anger at the shithole of a guy who took advantage of your kindness.

Hugs Queen. You got this!

Mighty_Wombat42 · 2021-07-10T02:03:16+00:00

This is so relatable for me. When someone is neglectful or treats us poorly, it’s important to realize that we can’t make them give us what we need and deserve, all we can do is cut contact with them and figure out how to meet our needs for ourselves. But it’s just as important to grieve all the time we were mistreated or went without having our needs met. That sadness means acknowledging how we were harmed by these relationships, and consciously being aware that we didn’t deserve that and we do deserve better. Awareness of what the problem was is the first step to learning how to fix it (by developing healthy self-care, self-esteem, and boundaries).

HumanAdhesiveness360 · 2021-07-10T01:33:05+00:00

FDS community is the most wholesome and amazing! Thank you for being here and being QUEENS!

Hypatia-etal · 2021-07-10T04:23:43+00:00

I needed this advice when I was a lot younger for certain. What was available in my teens, 20’s and 30’s was either bad advice or mixed and confusing. I’m new here and don’t comment except for now. But this advice is all realistic and spot on. Mourning is a good way of phrasing how I feel now. So much energy wasted. So much of my own power and peace of mind given away to people and problems that didn’t have to be mine.

candigum · 2021-07-10T03:15:25+00:00

Supports and hugs to all the girls in the healing process

Eris_the_Fair · 2021-07-10T01:20:41+00:00

This explains so much about the last two years of my life.

jupitarianrise · 2021-07-10T08:31:23+00:00

My therapist told me “the shame you feel is not yours to bear. You did what you had to do to survive. You did what society taught you was best for you.”

IAlreadyForgotMyUser · 2021-07-10T02:48:16+00:00

Sadness and loneliness do not last forever, but you have to fully understand their depths before you can begin to fully appreciate the greatness beyond. Sending you love on your journey

grayblue_grrl · 2021-07-10T02:00:52+00:00

And forgiveness.
We need to forgive ourselves for not knowing then, what we know now.

blackerthanapanther · 2021-07-10T01:40:27+00:00

This is exactly what I’m going through now. Somehow it feels more depressing to go back and mentally revisit all the times I should’ve walked away and the useless effort I put in and the things I put up with thinking I was “proving myself to him” and the empty promises that I should’ve known weren’t real because the actions didn’t match and the same things kept happening over and over. I feel more sad now than when I was actually going through it, but I know it’s part of the grieving process. I feel you!

galian84 · 2021-07-10T06:57:30+00:00

Thank you for posting this, I needed to hear this today. I was actually just thinking about how I ruined my reputation at one job and lost friendships because of my pickme and man-chasing tendencies. I was a pickme for 10 years, up until my early 30s. I’m mourning those years lost. And all that makes me so sad.

I’m 36 now and finally coming into my own, and happily single, but I wish I had this realization earlier.

ceramicunicorn · 2021-07-10T00:32:22+00:00

Sending you support!

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-07-10T08:25:46+00:00

I feel like I'm being myself for the first time in my life.

dancinqqq · 2021-07-10T06:49:44+00:00

You guys are awesome! Im 21 now and I’ve cringed over my pickme days but i am so grateful and thankful for all of you.. I enjoy sharing FDS to other young women in my life who may need help! Thank you so much ladies 🥰❤️

laffytaggy · 2021-07-10T17:13:58+00:00

Yea I get this. To the core. I’m angry too and feel like I lost my innocence. But with that comes this insane amount of confidence I never had and never believed was possible for me! It is seen and felt by others, too.

K0rla · 2021-07-10T07:56:28+00:00

This hit hard, not necessarily related to my love life, but other areas. Thanks for sharing!

Iittlepanda · 2021-07-10T02:26:37+00:00

I totally relate to this!! My feelings exactly!

adalovelace1793--- · 2021-07-11T04:37:00+00:00

Fuck them all. Don't go back to your past. There is nothing there for you. Cherish all the times your gut told you about NOT engaging with a ZVM and considered yourself lucky if you are not riddled with ZVM kids. Build yourself up. You are worthy and you deserve to be loved.

mamadgaf · 2021-07-10T14:53:24+00:00

I just had some total LVM message me on OLD and he has all the signs - camo gear, posing with dead animals, likes video games, etc. His brilliant opening: “hey” 😂

I clearly matched with him months ago because I would never match with someone like that now. It was such a reminder of how far I’ve come. In my defense, I just started dating last fall for the first time since the 1990’s, and first time doing OLD. I clearly matches with this guy early on.

I was like OH HELL NO.

GretaTheBeeotch · 2021-07-10T14:24:41+00:00

Yes it does

I focus on the future

And inviting women on Reddit to this sub : )

Princess_Vegeta_ · 2021-07-09T23:59:34+00:00

Going thru this right now too! Hang in there!

Big-Paleontologist13 · 2021-07-10T12:28:20+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Currently in the grieving process after YEARS of being a pickme. I am relieved to finally have arrived here. Sadness and loneliness is okay. It means I'm healing
Author	HumanAdhesiveness360
Upvotes	2453
Comments	67
Date	July 9, 2021 11:57 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/oh7qcb/currently_in_the_grieving_process_after_years_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/currently-in-the-grieving-process-after-years-of.790649 https://theredarchive.com/post/790649

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