(46). Hey all. Aside from cheating, when did you know you were done in the marriage?

regertsrus · 2024-10-07T20:07:39+00:00

When my wife and best friend of 20 some years and 3 kids tried to convince me that I am delusional and I need a psychiatrist. She did not know that her own sister and mother told me everything I was missing about her cheating and manipulating me. The panic attacks took a year to subside. The anger is still there. Mostly because these courts allow her to stay working part time, for her to get the kids half the time, and for me to work overtime and pay child support.
The comedy show started when she finally met some scavenger who pretends to be a real estate guru, moved him into what is still my house on record a month after meeting him. 6 months later he told me "get of our porch". My kids hate him and are asking me why they have to go back to moms every other Sunday. I finally found solace after this and the realization that I trust the woman I found, I trust her kids and my kids like to come stay in our substandard conditions more than the nice house I left them in. Time has healed all it seems and I am ready for whatever curball hits me.

black65Cutlass · 2024-10-07T13:52:25+00:00

When my ex-wife wouldn't come to the emergency room when I had a possible life-threatening illness. She only worked about 2 miles from the hospital. She wouldn't leave work to come there, and she wouldn't come after work. Claimed she had an eyelash appt that she didn't want to cancel. That was the point when I realized that she would never, ever be as supportive of me as I had been to her during our 4-year marriage. It was a tough realization.

THX1138-22 · 2024-10-06T10:16:28+00:00

When I realized how incredibly happy I was to sleep in a bed by myself, away from her. I felt so secure, safe and content. No need to worry/be stressed by her refusal of any touch, no scolding/scorn. Sometimes I felt like I should pinch myself because I couldn’t believe how good I felt when I was away from her.

Ladiesman94952 · 2024-10-06T07:51:05+00:00

Too many years of NO CHANGE in my so called significant other.... time takes its toll... and I'm almost happy.... just to pay to keep her away

Appropriate-Shift564 · 2024-10-06T00:24:39+00:00

Got chewed out by her family for something petty. I was holding my kid and they thought I threw her up and caught her way too close to a moving ceiling fan.

After embarrassing me in front of my kids, my stbxw comes in the room and begins crying and talking about how bad of a husband I have been. This was all during a Christmas break while I was on leave from the military.

That’s when my soul knew it was over, this was nearly 3 years ago. It took me almost another 2 years to get it done and I finally filed this summer. She got served September 25th.

Gattsama · 2024-10-05T22:44:20+00:00

TLDR: we were unhealthy, and she was unworkable. I couldn't help her, and she wasn't going to change. I decided to stop harming myself and stop making choices against my own best self interests.

In my case, together 17 years, married 12 years, no kids, I was a virgin when we meant. It was my first serious relationship, and I had almost zero dating experience. I jumped in way too early, too soon and too much.

Little red flags popped up, but I would just hamster wheel them away. She complained about me a lot, but she had experience and I didn't. I trusted her and worked harder to fix my faults. We were never really healthy, but we had love, so we should be able to make it work.

As the years went by, I fixed EVERYTHING that was on her problem list; but surprise, new problems keep coming up. Everything in the relationship was 100% my fault (her words exactly she literally did nothing wrong). She kept saying she couldn't love me the way I needed until after I did it first. She could talk about her negative feelings in the relationship, but I was not allowed to. No shit, my trying to talk about my feelings made her feel unsafe.

This went on for years, with a lot of other drama. I slowly started to wake up to how unhealthy we were and how much BS / drama she was pushing. We fought a lot about BS, and I started to withdraw and not engage. This decreased the fights but increased her complaints (because she stopped getting a reaction out of me).

We have another BS stupid fight about nothing, and she says she can't have swx with me anymore. And I just did not care... Deadbed for 2 years.

I was still committed to the relationship but continued to withdraw slowly. We have another nothing burger fight: she takes off her ring, tells me to leave, and do not return until my vows mean something. I said I could move into the guest room, she said no, get out. So I left.

Once out of the house, I had never been more peaceful and stress free. That was really the end. We sort of tried to work on things for another 3 months. She did the love bombing, I caved in, and we talked about stuff. But I was not moving back until we worked out our shit. She couldn't keep up the caring about me facade (long story, my last paternal uncle died and she tried to manipulate me).

No cheating that I'm aware of. But we just were never healthy, and more importantly, we were unworkable! I lost the ability to give her grace. Instead of excusing her actions, I saw them as manipulative, unloving, and cruel. I ended up filing, and while that was emotional, it was 100% the correct choice in my case.

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2024-10-05T20:26:14+00:00

That’s the problem today. Back in the days- we entered something whether it’s a job, hobby , relationship etc. we do not start something with “OPTIONS” in the back of our heads. Today, we jumped from one to another when things don’t “go our way “. My daughter is 10- she went from karate to judo to kungfu….each time things got “hard”(test time). She called it quit and ex supported her- “let her find something else”. So said, we are embracing the mindset that we can call it quit anytime we want.
Bro, I think you owe yourself to look back why u fall in love with her in the first place. Why u married her. Feelings are emotions that comes and go. You can’t rely on just feelings, your commitment is key to anything and everything.

Chicago_Saluki · 2024-10-05T20:16:39+00:00

When I realized she was giving counseling the flyby

Objective-Apple-7830 · 2024-10-05T17:14:29+00:00

I could count many instances , but one that sticks out was when she took the wedding pictures from the living room wall and placed it in the storage room.

falcon0221 · 2024-10-05T15:53:57+00:00

When I expressed basic needs and I was met with contempt. And doubly when she said that me asking for any intimacy felt pressuring and rapey. We were together 13 years and I got to the point I only asked a handful of times a year. It was that bad. Not even hugs or handholding. She had already told me years previously that I wasn’t allowed to initiate. Compared to most people I was a fucking saint.

Movieman_Steve · 2024-10-05T15:51:20+00:00

When she left I thought "ok, maybe she needs to get away to reclaim her thoughts" then when I was actually served, that's when I knew the marriage was done. When I looked at of all the family, friends, and coworkers texts that she had sent, I found 721 texts (not including the pics sent) in a 3 week period before I was served divorce papers to a single number that I didn't recognize, I lost all love and respect for her. I didn't even want to be in the same city let alone the same state as her. I'm hoping I don't have to go to court or be in the same room cause I'll go off and start calling her names that'll make a Navy Master Chief blush.

dukeofthefoothills1 · 2024-10-05T14:57:39+00:00

Lack of regard for my thoughts/feelings. Actions indicating I was only there to provide resources. Lack of basic empathy, compassion, and human respect.

But it was not truly over until her contempt for me morphed into emotional detachment. Fighting subsided. Avoidance ensued.

Canadian_builder1081 · 2024-10-05T14:50:11+00:00

Sounds like she just sees you as a friend/coparent now and doesnt want to put the effort in to turn it around. Divorce/seperation is the worst. Take the time to work aggressively on yourself. Gym/read/hobbies/friends and see if the change has any impact on her desire to show up.

Pro-IDGAF · 2024-10-05T14:34:29+00:00

good for you, for seeing it for what it is

i was married 24 years and felt the problems at year 2-3 when my then wife had some sort of mental and/or physical affair with a guy in her office. it came to the surface our at happy hour i was at with all her office people.

everyone was drunk and lots of sex talk, the one ladies new boobs etc…my wife blerted out “he looks better naked and he looks better in cloths”….referring to me and her boy toy. can’t recall the exact context of who was who. that was almost 30 years ago.

needless to say it was a huge conversation stopper.

i pushed it off as “no way that just happened”

in retrospect that was my exit door but i stupidly stayed.

if you have the itch, it means something. act on it. life is too precious and short.

Embarrassed_Ship1519 · 2024-10-05T14:24:15+00:00

When she’s not available to spend time with you, and somehow this feels good

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2024-10-05T14:23:00+00:00

She stopped watering the plants outside.

BahamaDon · 2024-10-05T14:18:28+00:00

When I had to protect my daughter from her violent mother. Yes, I got child custody.

hazalo9 · 2024-10-05T13:57:20+00:00

For me it was when in the morning before work we would be good and planning our next life goals. Then mid day she would text she was not feeling happy. I knew it was the beginning of a downward spiral and I started planning for my divorce. We were together for 25 years and I would have done anything to save the marriage but she didn't feel it.

soontobesolo · 2024-10-05T13:33:59+00:00

When my expressions of sadness and frustration were met with anger and contempt.

Smooth-Helicopter837 · 2024-10-05T13:27:50+00:00

Went from fear and anger to apathy

Puzzleheaded-Yam1718 · 2024-10-05T13:24:51+00:00

When my wife said she’s serving me divorce paperwork and wants me to sign. I would’ve stayed in and done anything to save the marriage, even though the relationship was shit. I got a lawyer. Wife said “you can save money by going with my lawyer.” She thinks I’m that dumb and maybe I am bc I stayed with someone so mean for so long.

Glittering-Spell-446 · 2024-10-05T11:26:35+00:00

You self worth is down and you’re not the same joyful person you were before you meet her🥲

soontobesolo · 2024-10-05T13:14:46+00:00

When my expressions of sadness and frustration were met with anger and contempt.

soontobesolo · 2024-10-05T13:14:46+00:00

When my expressions of sadness and frustration were met with anger and contempt.

soontobesolo · 2024-10-05T13:14:56+00:00

When my expressions of sadness and frustration were met with anger and contempt.

soontobesolo · 2024-10-05T13:15:06+00:00

When my expressions of sadness and frustration were met with anger and contempt.

soontobesolo · 2024-10-05T13:15:06+00:00

When my expressions of sadness and frustration were met with anger and contempt.

alabama_donkeylips · 2024-10-05T23:12:46+00:00

When she stopped taking care of herself and weightl3d 30lbs more than me.

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